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has anyone else experienced this normally stereotypically female "getting all emotional for no apparent reason"?
I ask because since I've been cross-dressing this happens quite regularly, wondered if we experience the fuller range of human emotions and their consequences by embracing our femme side.
Yes, and I would not doubt your theory being correct. Men are usually taught to be macho, especially if their male role model was old school(like my dad,RIP) I had five brothers and was always "sensitive" -go figure
No, not yet but I hope to unlearn how to be so even tempered someday. The world needs me to be more vocal and irrational.
No, I am sure the reason possibly being that I treat my crossdressing quite different than you.
Strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig cannot change who you are or change your emotions. You are the same person and have the same emotions. You may be fooling yourself into thinking you now have female emotions but you don't.
When I finally cut loose all of my feelings which I had suppressed most of my life they came pouring out like trying to drink from a fire hydrant.Now I manage them pretty well after accepting them.:)
thanks Krisi, i didn't say that, i said "fuller range", as i rarely wig/boob-up that's not relevant to me. Sounds like our realities are quite different.
Embracing my femininity certainly changes my emotional state.
I don't think that it changes how I process emotions in my brain at a hormonal level but it helps express and release a "fuller range" of emotions that I always had in me but did not express or embrace otherwise.
Pamela, what emotions are we talking about expressing? More weepy?, More short-tempered? More touchy?
I’m with Krisi here. We cannot change what we are naturally. What I would say is that I’m able to discuss myself more openly with people due to simple maturity, growing-up and acquiring knowledge through life’s experiences.
Men are notoriously bad at opening up about themselves, especially to those closest to them. If, by embracing our feminine side, we are more open about ourselves and become people that are easier to be with, then that can’t be a bad thing.
Oh, I should add that I have become more tearful as I've got older (the Royal Wedding was a good example) but this happened when I wasn't actively dressing so I don't necessarily link the two.
Pamela, I can totally relate although it's probably less about cross dressing and more about who I am. I find as I grow older I cry more especially those heart tuggers that some body links to. You know, you hit the link, start watching and then try as hard as you can not to tear up especially when around others.
i'l clarify, clearly its needed. I started to CD in January this year. Back in 2001 I had an awakening experience that opened me up to a huge emotional range and sensitivity, from being a dissociated engineer. Before then, yes i'd get teary in those films but suppress it. Since then I've been calm, stable, aware of emotions, largely unaffected though. I had the experience of putting words to sensations as a 40-year old - quite something.
Since the CD i'm still mostly calm and stable, and sometimes i get a feeling that i call "tired and emotional", no its not irritable, its not angry, it's sad perhaps, weepy perhaps if those labels help, more like less coping, less functional. I also get the wonderful pluses of the dressing feelings, just asking here though about if CD'ing has opened anyone else to another range of emotions, sounds so far like not really.
Pamela, what CD does for me is help me focus on being more attentive and relaxed. This has entered my life as a GM or CD. I suppose I could try and analyze why, but why waste the time. If I am a better person, that's what counts.
Pamela, you do seem to be in a bit of a niche among us, as does the nature of your CD development... nothing wrong with that - I often try to make the point that there's no one way to do this and we're all completely unique in the way that our individual motivations, emotions and circumstances drive us. I didn't think you meant that just by dressing it changes our emotional response - but dressing is an act of expressing something feminine, so perhaps it makes it easier for you to also express emotions and feelings that you'd consider inappropriate (or non-stereotypical) for a man..? I haven't experienced females "getting all emotional for no apparent reason" - and while there can be times when everyone's reaction can be unpredictable, it does seem more so when fluctuating hormones are involved.
Your second post seems a bit more revealing - but I wonder if what it reveals is more about who you were before starting "the CD" and issues that are unrelated to gender...? :)
:2c:
Katey x
I have been wondering this myself. Its not just when I am dressing but all the time. I find myself more emotional than a "male" should be.
I often get teary eyed at those sappy TV shows and have to hide it from my SO who seems to be having no problem at all.
I have often wondered is this is an example of me being further over on the gender scale?
Some people are more sensitive than others, and that is not bad or good, right or wrong. Clothes will not make a difference in the long run. Perhaps, clothes can sometimes temporarily change you, or slightly alter you, in that if you are living your authentic self, you will tend to let the real You come out. I do think that hormones, if you have or are taking those, can change your moods, but I don't have any direct experience with them. I am an INFJ, so yes, I am a bit more sensitive. I have had times where because of depression and such, and I could be more sensitive than others, but thankfully, I am doing well right now.
When I was taking hormones years ago, yes.
Im aligned with that observation by gabby about my own capacity to cry at tearjerkers more so maybe than my so.i can readily do so with music theunisses 'meditation' or even 'ave maria'! ... we're a motley crew here but for me my sensitivity is somehow naturally part of my cd self
Physical emotional responses can just be a way for your body to process internal issues, like a relief valve. I'm guessing that you are now allowing yourself to do this rather than repressing it. As long as it is manageable then it is healthy and most likely is something that will diminish with time. I was always more emotional than most, drove my eldest brother crazy.
Not sure about the cry for no reason thing.
If I cry there is a reason.
I have always been emotional. Crying for no apparent reason in the make since of the world. Even my wife laughs at me. There are somethings i am not emotional over. But i can hear a song or see a part in a movie and get all emotional over it. Been this way all my life. Maybe i am a girl inside, lol.
Is this a support group or a hate group because your just being mean. Don't be so narrow minded if someone says they are a girl I will respect that.
I find myself becoming sad when watching certain things when I would normally be steely eyed, why, I don't know but perhaps because I'm not worried about appearing "feminine" anymore, just worried about my eyeliner running
I'm pretty emotional regardless of whether I'm en femme or not, that's just part of who I am. That said, I don't get all weepy or cry easily. But I'm not afraid to express how I'm feeling either.
If anything, that comes from my masculine side. Why should I repress my feelings? I'm a human being, these emotions come part and parcel with that. I'm not going to compromise who I am just because it's not "manly".
I would say that I am a very "emotionally" based person, but I do not have a lot of emotions, especially crying that I show much. In fact my wife has often said I tend to be a cold hearted *******. But not really so. I am extremely in tune to emotion. I rarely show a lot of negative emotion though, or sadness, crying etc etc. It could probably be from my youth, and the whole boys don't cry kinda thing, IDK, but crying is something I have done a very rare amount of my entire life. Cding has not changed this aspect of me at all, not that I have really tried to change it. I am who I am.
I've always been extremely emotional. But I learned to suppress it so I could appear more masculine. Once I accepted my femininity, I stopped trying to suppress it so much. I remember the first time I just let myself cry at a sad movie. I sat there with tears running down my face, feeling incredibly proud to just let myself be me.
I agree that in a way that what you had you probably still have, i.e. emotional or not emotional before will probably mean that one will be similar after really getting into and accepting one's transgender state of being. However, since finally being able to realize what we are really doing and what we are or may be can be an eye opening experience which needs some courage, a better understanding about oneself, maybe some more practical and common sense thinking and analyzing, and a newborn sense of freedom for oneself, I believe that we can open the door for other feelings, mannerisms and viewpoints that we may never had thought that we ever had. That does not mean we went from macho to femme, but rather we opened the door to let what might have always been within us to finally take a few or many steps out the newly opened door.
So, taking that to what Pamela has described, one may start to let their emotions show more publicly when in the past they had been subconsciously been held in check. I also think that we may start looking at other things differently too. We may have never really paid much attention to our presentation, how we dressed and coordinated our birth gender wardrobe and now we care about one or both. We never had thoughts about sexual experimentation with the same sex, including those camouflaged like we sometimes are. Freedom of the mind and then ourselves in front of others can be a truly powerful medicine that let's us be more open and maybe even exploratory about things we never considered before.
I am not saying this is for all or most or only a minority because I have no way of quantifying this. But, I truly believe that people can change and let out feelings, thoughts and curiosities that have always been inside of us but have never manifested themselves until we were finally true to ourselves. As a dear friend of mine here in the TS section always stresses, self truth can be truly liberating in many ways.
I used to believe that being emotionally sensitive made more "female" in some ways, but with life experience I have found that isn't really true. Men are as capable of feeling the full gamut of human emotion as women are, it is what men choose to do with it that is different.
Pamela,
I hear you a couple of Sundays ago I woke up early, as normal. It was a rainy morning and I had given up hope as to working out in the yard, so my wife and I decided to be lazy, just sit around and wake up slowly. I sat sipping my coffee and watching music videos on You Tube, mostly Post Modern Jukebox, if you haven’t seen any you should check them out.
Anyways to the point of my story, for some reason unknown to me, I felt sad on this morning. Pretty much sad for no reason and as I sat there I would just start to tear up and get congested even when I was watching something happy. It got so bad that I ended up having to sit a box of tissues next to me and I went through quite a few. It took me till mid afternoon to get out of this funk and I end up going up to the store to get a couple pints of ice cream for me and the misses. We kidded about it just being that time of the month for me and she did try to console me by telling me she has those times too.
Okay so I have had times in the past that I have started to tear up for no reason, but before I really came to terms with myself, I would bite my lip give myself the macho talk and move on and in the past they were never as overwhelming as this. I have to say though it did feel good to just let myself go. Now I wasn’t in what I would call girly mood, just my typical lounge pants and tee shirt. I’m not on any medication, nor am I transitioning. My T level is probably low due to my older age, but hey as long as I don’t start retaining water and getting cramps I’m going with it. I think it is healthy to let your emotions out.
I can get VERY EMOTIONAL, some times for no reason at all...
Hi Pamela, ummm...ABSOLUTELY!! I've only been back in class for a year but at about 6 mo I would cry at the drop of a hat! It's tapered off a bit lately but I love it, 'we' are wonderful people...the unicorns in the enchanted forest!
I think your whole post has a lot of validity. I am very interested in seeing how this yellow brick road changes my mood and my emotions. I have obviously had this all bottled up inside for so long that coming to terms with it can't help but effect me emotionally. I have already seen my myself becoming more understanding to my SO. I DO think that dressing for me could let the emotional stuff flow even more. The feeling of breaking down the barriers that have built up for so long could easily crossover into other things besides your gender presentation.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
I've noticed this among some CDers. I don't know why they seem to stifle their emotions more than men who do not crossdress. I've often wondered if CDers grow up determined to not let anyone guess they have an affinity to feminine things, and so they begin to construct rather rigid rules about what is considered masculine vs feminine, and they try hard to not let an ounce of what they think is feminine shine through?Quote:
Originally Posted by pamela7
I know it is natural for teenage boys to not want their school mates to see them being emotional, but after that "sorting-out-the-pecking-order" stage, they do move on to the next stage in life and they become more secure in themselves. They get married eventually and they don't mind shedding a tear over a movie that has emotional content because they know that their wives understand. But CDers seem to want to keep up the bravado much longer than the men I know.
I'm glad you are allowing yourself to feel all your emotions. :)
I just want to say that even GGs do not like to show their emotions in public, if what you mean by that is crying. I mean, young girls may cry but after a certain age, we are taught self-restraint, just like boys. It's OK to shed a tear or two at a sad movie, or with sympathy to someone who is telling you a heart-breaking story, but to just start sobbing would be unseemly if out in public.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
OK, I know you said the world needs "you" to be more vocal and irrational, but are you suggesting this is what women are like? What do you mean by "irrational" exactly, and I always thought being vocal was a good thing for both men and women. Men certainly seem to not have any difficulty wanting to dominate in group discussions. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Chriscrossed
Rene, just to clarify, I said "show more publicly" and that to me includes outwardly to others, not necessarily the general public. I agree that I hardly ever see anyone crying in public. However, around family and friends, yes, depending on the circumstances. Though crying is a common type of emotion that could be seen, there is also extreme happiness, concern, sadness and other emotions. My point is that most men I know and see tend to keep most emotions in check, highs and lows, and I am not talking about how their favorite sports team is doing. Once they are true to themselves, I think for some it is also easier to be more open in many things, emotions, conversations, differing opinions and so forth.
Pamela - I wonder if a carer change has made you more empathetic and more open with your emotions?
Hi Amanda, actually the shift in emotional sensitivity led to the career change. Before that shift in 2000 i'd intuitively "know" but not feel it (very suppressed) but still get teary in those old tear-jerker films. After that change, I felt it too, even very subtle ones. Then as I discovered how projection actually works with emotions it became the most awesome tool to know who is radiating what at any time, and I learned to trace the layers back to origins.
The "no apparent reason" is because if things are deep in my or other people's unconscious, then the leakage has no obvious origin, until it is traced. This is like finding out where water is ingressing in an old roof perhaps, or how a piece of circuitboard wire is picking up a stray signal unintentionally. When one is on open-receive, one feels it all. Without a clear definition of self/other it can be tricky to know if one is receiving a local area or wider group emotional field or an emergence from one's past or even ancestral lineage. I do use questions to source these, and eventually it makes sense, but at the time it's "all emotional for no apparent reason", or it can be. I did wonder if some of my feelings on these last 9 months of CD life experience have come from being in this group field, so I stopped visiting the forum so often for a short while, and the feelings tailed off then, allowing me to discern mine and others' more readily when I returned.
To quote a movie I like "it's complicated", and why the hell not, life would be boring otherwise.
Reine, it seems to me you would be right, it would be natural for the more sensitive souls to overcompensate and suppress the feelings in macho environments. I do find though that on my reasonably extensive travels, the anglo-saxon world is highly suppressed relative to mainland Europe - I was surprised how soft and empathic the Germans are compared to the Brits, for example, and the latin peoples are far more emotionally expressive. I'm not sure it's about "allowing" though, as we don't know what we can't sense - rather like the people who have a 4th type of cone in their eyes, so they see more colour than imaginable to us "3-coners". Until we feel/sense it ourselves we don't even know it exists. After all, why do some silly scientists try to develop telepathy machines when a few questions to undo some structures will emerge telepathy naturally!
xxx and thanking all of you
Pamela,
Yes, happens to me quite regularly too. I am a very emotional girl though. And even when I am in male mode too. But even in mal mode I find myself watching chick flics and women's shows. I especially like the one about them trying to find the right dress for them. And when I am watching a movie or a sad story on the news about something, I am grabbing for a tissue. I just think that after all the years of crossdressing, some of us have processed it different then others. I enjoy being softer inside. I am especially so much softer when I am all dolled up and I like that.
Hugs,
Bree:)
For me at least, i think you hit the nail on the head. I honestly think this may have led to a lot of other issues that I have (anger, shyness, etc). I am hoping my exploring this side of me may put me more in balance.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
Good for you! I think the ultimate goal for happiness should be integration. I've seen this in my own SO. Years ago, my SO kept her feminine preferences separate, but no longer. Now my SO enjoys doing everything in guy mode that she enjoys doing in girl mode and considers that all of these things are a part of his/her core self. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabby6790
Quite possible Reine. I think in a lot of ways as an adult I may have also felt this way or been more rigid. It also comes from the generation I grew up in. Now 1st let me just say that my parents were not the hardcore haters of anything racial, gender, etc etc. I was never taught those kinds of things. At most, they may have chuckled at the very few people at the time who were outed or openly gay, but they never went on or hated or taught me to hate.Quote:
Originally Posted by ReineD
I've noticed this among some CDers. I don't know why they seem to stifle their emotions more than men who do not crossdress. I've often wondered if CDers grow up determined to not let anyone guess they have an affinity to feminine things, and so they begin to construct rather rigid rules about what is considered masculine vs feminine, and they try hard to not let an ounce of what they think is feminine shine through?
I remember something that probably was programmed into me from an early age. I was at the dentist, and I think maybe 8 or so years old. It was already becoming apparent that I was going to need some serious orthodontic work. The dentist at the time decided to give my mouth a little more room or whatever, and without warning just pulled out dental pliers and removed the rest of my baby teeth. It didn't hurt much that I remember (some maybe) but it just scared me. I remember trying really hard NOT to cry, but did end up shedding some tears. Both my parents said they were proud of me for TRYING to be brave. So at an early impressionable age, it was programmed into me that crying was not something that boys or men did, unless it was crazy bad like a death or something. Not crying was taught to me to be a good thing. I don't blame them, it was just the way it was back in the early 70's. I don't personally feel men crying, or me crying is a bad thing, but it is just not something that I hardly ever do, and have rarely done as an adult. My wife actually feels it would be better if I did more often.
Interesting question Pammie.
Do I experience the fuller range of human emotions and their consequences by embracing my femme side?
I've cried easily during movies my entire adult life, but I believe I've been more in touch with my femme side than many, regardless of crossdressing (though I've dabbled in that since my teens). I'm bi; I've always had female friends as well as male, I was raised by a single mum, and I'm far from being a macho type.
So I suspect that my readily expressed emotions are a product of non-trad maleness; femme qualities if you like.
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Good grief, you haven't?Quote:
Originally Posted by Katey888
You're like so sheltered dude.
xxNikki
I was praised for trying to be brave too. My brother and I were taught that people in general handle the witnessing of extreme emotion poorly (anger or tears) and so it is best to express these emotions in private. I do cry sometimes (although less so as I age) ... but in private. I don't even like to cry in front of my SO. By crying, I mean with sobs. Tears have come to my eyes on occasion when I was among others and witnessed sad things, but not enough for anyone to notice.Quote:
Originally Posted by gendermutt
Goodness, I feel I need to defend womanhood here. Are you saying that you see women getting all emotional often? Can you give us some context? Is this in public like at the mall, grocery store, restaurants? Are they adult women or are they children? Or is it in private (a sister, mother, or wife) and if so, is it when there is a particularly difficult argument? Or do you think they lose it for no reason? How often do you witness these behaviors?Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikkilovesdresses
The notion exists that "women are all emotional" but this is a stereotype that people think exists and joke about, but seldom witness. Like the dumb blonde thing.
Hey Reine, its very easy for a tough, intellectual bar-steward to reduce a sensitive soul to tears. :-)
There's probably abusers anonymous for people who speak above whispers in certain family constellations.
I think Nikki normally posts somewhat tongue-in-cheek so take it with a pinch of salt, and don't throw any toys out of prams just yet, that the preserve of males, stereotypically.
xxx Pamela
My post comes off much harsher than I intended, sorry. I should have added Smilies. :) :) :)
I've seen women lose it, but under stressful situations. I've also seen men lose it (my ex husband used to lose it a lot and when he did, it was scary). I suppose it's all a matter of context or degree. In public, I seldom see anyone lose it, male or female.
I must say that as I gotten older. Never cried when I was younger. But now wow, Ive teared up on some of these threads. Some of the TS threads are so sad. It's not due to our feminine selves although we now express more feminine emotions. Naw I think after a lot of stress and we find that we are mortal, we look at life different now.