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I'm always amazed at the number of members vs. non-members viewing the Forum. Sometimes, I feel like we are in a fish bowel! Are there that many students doing advanced degree research?:heehee:
The Forum is a lot of fun, so please become a member and contribute!
I'd also like to encourage the lurkers to become members. Its nice to share experiences!!!
I'm a member of several other special interest group boards and very active in some of them. Of course, participating does take time away from other things in life, we understand that.
There are a lot of people in hiding that are ashamed of themselves out there I think. Self hate is a powerful prison of the mind to escape.
Joyce you would not believe the number of students doing papers that come in here.
Its easy to sniff them out because they go about it all wrong.
They lie and try to sneak around the point but its soo obvious what they are doing.
I can't tell you how many I have exposed.
If they would just be honest I would be more than willing to talk with them.
Jenna makes a good point too there are a lot of those types lurking.
I think it's just that some people are less overtly expressive and/or just shy. E.g. I was a non-member for a long time, and then took the plunge and become one, and still never posted... my first. But no doubt, this forum has changed and supported my life.
Nigella mentioned...surmised...that some are actually members who are simply not logging in, but visiting for a quick read of the open sections.
This is a very good and true observation. Since I become a member, only couple months, still feel a bit cumbersome to type login/passwd.. especially on mobile devices.
Research and learning yes....
Some may be shy, testing the waters before committing.
Some may be curious about "Those people", and some may be expecting to find confirmation of their assumptions ("Look at them there godless perverts! I knew it!)
And some are most probably looking for entertainment. Ya know, the kind of entertainment that requires hand lotion and tissues.........
Yeah, I visit here a lot. I've been a member for several years. I don't post much, but I come here every day just to see what's going on.
Please understand, I love this place and I love all of you. I have much respect for the level of feminism so many of you have achieved. I am 72 yrs old, been CD all my life. In 1974 I was at a level that many of you are today, i.e., going out into the world completely enfemme.
Now I am happy just to live a quiet, retired life. I live as girly as I can when at home, and totally underdress when I go out. I'm happy with that. I have other things in my life that I'm passionate about (restoring my old sports car), and have achieved a nice balance in my life.
This forum, and all of you, have helped me achieve that balance.
Thank you!
Anna
I am sure a lot of us had the lets look and see what this forum is about before we sign up.
I am sure we all understand the secrecy concerns of a closeted CD. Its only when we join we realize that our concerns we unfounded.
So it can take time before people make the last step and decide to join.
I lurked for years. Then, I decided to join in 2016. Its been a blessing for me! I would never have done what I've done since joining. Its been a fantastic experience!
To the VIEWERS: If you are CD or trans, join into our community! Share your experiences and learn from ours. You'll never regret it!
In a fish bowl...yes, sometimes. Fish bowel?.....EEEWWWWWW! Maybe that's why they're afraid to join?!!:)
I've never felt like Jonah before :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyce P.
I always notice the ratio of members to non members. When I checked after reading your post it was nine members and 148 non members. I know some members may choose not to sign in all the time because perhaps the other categories; clothing and pictures can be viewed less frequently to get caught up. I suspect there is a lot of fear of joining this forum because of the potential of trying to explain the difference to a spouse of joining and just interested in seeing what cross dressers chat about. Maybe some of those lurkers are wives trying to "get the goods" on their husbands. If a prying wife sees her husband constantly forgets to clear his browsing history and this site pops up all the time, she may be trying to figure out if he posts. Or the lurkers can be giggly girls.
I'm not too worried about the ratio. Many men can gain a lot of information without revealing themselves. And, a lot of women can also benefit from this site.
Shelly ,
I always was one for jumping in with both feet, never thought how cold or deep the water was. Despite that I have no regrets it's done far more good than harm.
I found, from experience, that many, if not the vast majority of "admirers" refuse to say anything about themselves, or show themselves.
I'm not sure if you can view posts without becoming a member, I think you can.
I look at the mtf virtually everyday (which fritters away a lot of time), and although i have been a member for a long time, i only log in very very occasionally,be it for one of my oh so rare replies, or to have a quick look at other forums, or to check personal messages from Teresa, who posts prolifically, and who i have had the pleasure of getting to know at our social meetings.
I need to do better.
Those of us who do are inspiration for those who want to.
We just want to be .. BE.
I don't care about your baggage, or your life burdens. I care about what you care about. In the same way that I don't give a shit about what parts you have. If I like you, I like YOU. I don't give a fig what bits you posses. They are YOUR parts, and so they deserve my worship.
We have a lot of folks who are afraid, dear. A lot of folks who can't come out to themselves, much less the world at large.
The first step is the hardest.
<3
- MM
In most cases, before you can join this forum and participate, you have to say to yourself, "YES, I'm a crossdresser!" It's a big step, and not everybody's ready for that yet.
I "Lurked" for a few months before I joined! I just leaped in full force when I joined! There are about 25,000 members and only 2000 to 3000 that are active so maybe we have lurking members also! This is the best place to gather info and experiences of what we do and are about! If you are lurking and thinking about joining it is worth it and there is no money involved! Just do it! I did and am so glad I did! Hugs Lana Mae
Because I live in an area where it is not very accepting, I can see how some who would be CDers might come on here and lurk. So scared they'd ever get caught so they never become a member. It's not just the pressure of other guys I see, but there's quite a number of women around here that hold transgender to be a curse of humanity and think any who are to be abominations. Imagine some poor lost soul, who has a wife who is outspoken about transgender being so disgusting and making horrible comments about seeing someone dressed. I think there are still many out there living in a situation like this. They steal a few minutes here and there and view a forum just so they feel they are not completely alone or some horrible virus of humanity.
It took me a good while lurking before I gain the courage to join. I had the usual fears that the moment I joined I would be outed to the entire world, and his dog! When it came to choosing a picture for my avatar the camera was so far away i didn't recognise me. It was a good while before I had the nerve to post in the picture section.
So I understand the concerns and fears of those that view from afar. Many are probably like me, dressed for years thinking they are alone in their desires. I can only advise that this is a safe place to be a part of and has helped me and countless others to find the persons we truly are. Take the plunge, join the debate. It'll be one of the best, most rewarding things you'll ever do in your CD'ing journey.
OK, quick reminder
Rights of content "Ridiculing members/non-members, or the manner in which they express themselves. This includes any complaint about the way females, males, transgendered, or any other cross-section of the membership dress, the way they express themselves (such as spelling and language skills,"
So as Esa says Let It GO
Gender mutt of all people you used the excuse In my area people are not accepting.
I'll bet there are lots of crossdressers within a 50 mile radius of where you life that are out everyday.
You would have to define lots lol. I know there are some. Mostly younger ones. It is not that it doesn't exist where I am living. But, I am willing to bet that a place, any place that does not have a lot of acceptance is where you would find the most who would like to , wish to, dream of but don't. God knows I was one of them and only a handful of times secretly dressed in the span of about 30 years.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
The MTF crossdressers forum is open to the public. Some others are for members only which means one would have to become a member and log on to see those posts. Those that aren't public have (members only) on the main forum page.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelly DeWinter
Could part of the high number of non-members browsing be that some members just browse topics without logging in and then only log in if they see something they'd like to reply to?
It would be nice if our avatars didn't show to non-members. Show them just to "signed-in members". This might make more members comfortable about displaying selfies.
Maybe show simple cartoon generic icons for the non-logged in visitors.
I am guilty of doing a lot of viewing as a guest, just because I may view the forum on any one of three devices and I may be away from home and using LTE when I view. So I do not always sign in. There may be a lot of members who do this.
This has been answered before. If you don't save your logon info and set your browser to get logged on automatically, when you just come here to read, you don't get counted as a member. I appear as a guest unless I log on. Besides, the forum logs you off if you don't post anything within a short time. Then you become a guest until you log back in. At least, that's what happens to me.
My request/statement is based on doing things that give the members a bit more privacy.
That's as may be but those who's avatars show themselves are those who are content with how they look and do not mind who sees their picture. In a way if a member wants such security then they do not need to put up a picture of themselves.
Also I think a majority of non members are visiting the site to find out more about what makes us tick and to help to understand themselves as to where they fit in to our community, maybe others are researching this site for study purposes or something like that.
Just my thoughts on this one.
[QUOTE=gendermutt;4114911]You would have to define lots lol. I know there are some. Mostly younger ones. It is not that it doesn't exist where I am living./QUOTE]
I think that the smaller the city, the more conformity is expected. I don't know this to be true, it just feels true.
Your post about lurking students sniffing around the Forum for information gave me pause to think, Traci.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracii G
Do you (or any Members) think that the Wives & SO's "sniff around" this forum to find out about their CD men? Has anyone ever been discovered or "outed" by a disapproving partner finding out about them on the board?
I've told my wife about this website, and tried to explain it to her as a safe place to learn and share; it's not a hook-up site. She accepts that, but I know she'd be concerned about it simply because this is the Internet. She doesn't enjoy secrets and I didn't mind letting her know I was a member of this site. I don't believe she has come onto this website, otherwise she would comment about it.
But there are also threads on this forum that are quite personal and deep that taken out of context by another reader could easily be misunderstood, especially by someone who doesn't quite "get it" about CD. The girls on this forum share some very personal things that they may not want to address with a spouse UNTIL there's a chance to hash it out with other girls like yourself.
I assume that that this section (M to F CD) is open to causal non-member viewers, and anything posted is fair game. Other forum sections are marked "Members Only", and I believe there is a bit more confidentiality on those threads.
I don't want to get "too careful" or guarded in how I communicate with Members here. But I also don't wish for my SO to read and misunderstand something entirely out of context, and have it lead to a spat.
[QUOTE=LaurenS;4115017]Not always. For example, there's a small resort town in my area that's had a gay community for a long time. Crossdressers aren't uncommon there and are accepted. The exception might be tourists coming through that don't have a clue.Quote:
Originally Posted by gendermutt
I jumped in with both feet didn't quite know what to expect but I am glad I did and I do have to say thank you to everyone
Leann
IMPO We do not need to be so open to visitors / spectators.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobbi46
For those who want to know what makes us tick, they don't need to see our Icons.
Some people within our membership may forget that presently all the world can see their Avatar in any open forum.
That is why I am suggesting a generic avatar, or no avatar be used for open sites.
I, personally, would rather that even the MTF forums/sites be closed.
Make a Special "'Visitor" forum/site where they can read our rules. general information, explanation of commonly used terms and abbreviations, post their questions and get a link to the application page. Then those of us who want to, can answer their questions.
I By reading the FAQs you can see what is view-able to the non-members. Many of the items that are open to the public really should be available only to logged in members.
I have been told by GG's that if your SO suspects ANYTHING unusual, they will happily go through all your stuff to find out what it is. That means belongings, web browsing history, phone contacts/calls, etc.. Curiosity. Some people are simply too insecure, and will look for any signs that something might be, let's say, not quite 'right'. Remember, one of the advantages of marriage for a woman is the high likelyhood of lifetime financial support. Of course, and in 'the manner to which she has become accustomed'. So any threat to that WILL be investigated. As I'm on the verge of retiring, I just found out that my ex could appear out of nowhere, and claim half my pension and social security. So I may not ever be able to retire.Quote:
Originally Posted by IleneD
Leslie,
I agree with Bobbi, I'm not ashamed to show my avatar because the picture is usually based on my last outing so many people have seen me anyway.
Not all want to get to that situation I know but it is what my dressing is all about, being seen and accepted as a woman after all these years it does feel good.
Helena,
Many thanks for your comments , I guess nothing is going to stop me now .
The Ascot Ladies Day was good fun but we needed more people shame you couldn't make it, hope to see you in July .
So we need to lock ourselves away and hide everything about us from the world at large. Lets not let anyone see that we are just regular people that have lives, and worries like everyone else, let them keep thinking that we are weird and perverted because we are so insecure of our selves.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leslie Mary S
Yep that sure sounds like a great way to gain acceptance from the general public to me ......... NOT!
Hi Joyce :hugs:, I was a lurker for a couple years before I joined this wonderful forum...:daydreaming:...
Joyce, it's Scarlett...How can we see that non-members are viewing?
Thanks girl friend and I look forward to your answer...Sincerely Scarlett from NW Florida :hugs:
Scarlett, At the bottom of the page you can see the list of members viewing along with the number of guests, in this section.
Count me as a long time member who usually doesn't take the time to log in. Mostly I just read posts and if I feel that I should respond, like now, I will go ahead and log in. Nothing devious just easier.and, remember not all of us can have our login information saved on the home computer.
Well I finally decided to join instead of lurking for a long time due to this thread, with the added bonus that I can now access the links in members signatures, a lot of those I've been dying to read for ages I wasn't disapointed.
Nice catch, Jamie!
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...and you have been a wonderful contributor, Blue!
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Hi Scarlett, just tried to PM you, but your mailbox is out of space!
Lurkers are common on just about all forums. I’d say that is one reason that most of us are using an alias rather than real names. I know it motivated me to use one.
Longtime lurker, first time I've posted. I'm very disappointed on some of the remarks I've read on here. The only way the world is going to become accepting is if we all become more open and inviting into the positive side of crossdressing. We have grown up to be ashamed and hide. Most lurkers are curious, and yet you insult them. Be more inviting, positive, and show some compassion to those who are curious into our lifestyle. While I understand privacy, we need to promote that we are normal people that enjoy wearing feminine attire. Open forums are the best way to do this until courage is built up to do this in the open. I'm sure we all be desire over day to be accepted as normal with a sense fashion.
Sorry for my rant, but most of us lurkers are just curious and wanting to build up the courage to join and fit in.
I am married for over 20 years with 2 kids. I only shared my secret life with my wife 1 year ago. My kids learned about my other side 6 months ago. I could not have done this successfully without lurking in open forums. I have never been happier and hope more people are able to enjoy their life as a crossdresser.