What if a CD friend fully transitioned?

There is another thread questioning how accepting you would be if someone you knew came out as trans.

I've been out to a large number of TGs who I thought were "Just a Crossdresser". I was kind of thrown for a loop when they decided to transition to become full-time, post-op transwomen. Not that I had a problem with it. How can a CD have and objection to someone deciding to live as the girl inside. I was just kind of surprised.

I've also had private conversations with friends about how far they would go if life/circumstances were different.

i know how I would react, because, like you, I have friends who once classified themselves as CD who ultimately transitioned. I always am supportive of those who make that realization and find the way forward.

I also must admit to feeling a bit of envy and a little fear that I may soon have to confront a similar tipping point.

Many years ago I had two friends who transitioned, I was more than enthusiastic and slightly jealous of their "luck".

If I knew a CD that was about to transition, I would be accepting, but I would also ask them to fully think it through before doing anything too drastic.

I've seen far too many post-op regrets and de-transitions in my time.

When I met my SO her roommate had a BF that was a CD. They got married but after a few years he/she came out as trans. Then they got divorced. The wife started dating women All I can say is that he/she looked way better presenting as female. BTW nobody knew I was CD/TG as well. I always wish everyone well if they choose this new path of life

Having known more than one person that has transitioned, I would have to say that I was surprised as in all but one case they were completely in the closet, then bam! they were transioning.

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Originally Posted by Queen Bridget

If I knew a CD that was about to transition, I would be accepting, but I would also ask them to fully think it through before doing anything too drastic.

I've seen far too many post-op regrets and de-transitions in my time.

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Really ??

Exactly how many post op regrets and de[transitions have you seen in your time??


FWIW

I know personally of none...and I know close to 200 people that transitioned or plan to....

I know its cd forum but keep it real...

I'm not sure.... I guess I'd be happy for them. If I knew he was a CD I don't think it would come as a surprise really. I'm sure the frequent dressing prior to the decision would have made me wonder anyway.

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Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele

Really ??

Exactly how many post op regrets and de[transitions have you seen in your time??

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I don't keep an exact number count. Sorry. I kind of hesitated to even bring it up. I know of some who were treated badly by communities for even suggesting their regret. It's quite a taboo subject in some circles.

I have a friend that is transitioned. No problems with that. She is a good friend.

I know several people that have become fully transitioned to female. They are family friends that are totally accepted by the family and who attend family events in which they are accepted and treated as they are. No big deal.

Now this is just my opinion, The longer i've been around people in the community, the more i'm convinced that there are very few CDers within the community. I believe we are more like amphibians.
Starting out as a tadpole and if conditions are right becoming a Frog.

I would like to think I would open about it but I know I would have a hard time swapping pronouns full time. I’m a bit slow on the uptake at times!

My friend has recently decided after much soul searching that she needs to Transition,Not totally out of the blue but she has my full and unwavering support.She will need the support of her friends as she still has to explain to her two children about her plan,and she will need us to rally round

Also she has been there for me when I've been going through hard times with my son,always letting me bend her ear.If we don't support and look out for each other then we would be very poor friends indeed

Steffi, it has happened to 3 girls I know so far... one went from never dressing to transitioning within 3 years and the first year she was very much a guy crossdressing, then walked away for 6 months and came back trans...it was quite a shock too as for a long time she was definitely saying I am a man and like being one, I just like to dress occasionally...now she is on hormones..

That wouldn't chnage my friendship at all, I would try to help them wherever possible.

It is her life - she would have my support and continued friendship

A work associate has changed his name to a female one, and aggressively has argued with other associates who would not use the female name when interacting with them. Customers still call him sir, though he has begun hormone treatments. Jeans and a shirt with a collar on it are the work requirements. Other associates male and female treat the matter with scorn, but avoid conflict when inter acting with this person directly. Choose not to reveal my desire to CD, as no one but my wife knows. Our store has a number of lesbians who are proud about their choices, but not in your face about it. No male admits to being gay. Long history of Hetero relationships leading to marriage, Large corporate entity has accommodated the trans person by HR guidelines. The general populace of associates mock his desire to transition,females more than males.

I would treat them the way I would hope to be treated if I were the one transitioning. I would have no problem with it.

Steffi,
That's the great thing about attending a social group , we have a mixture of some who have transitioned , some who are on hormones and some are mostly crossdressers for a few hours . So there is support for everyone , hearing the view of someone who is starting on the TS road and the obstacles they face is always food for thought but we aren't there to discourage them , if that's their need then we accept it .

Kelly,
Now a frog is something I've never wanted to be but I get your analogy !

I have to ask how well you knew and how often you interacted with these "Just Crossdressers"? I ask that because when we only see someone periodically, maybe at social gatherings, we really do not have a lot of time getting to really know the person, nor to participate in whatever public conversations they have about themselves and where they are in life and where they may be going. To me these are very casual relationships, that most of us have in some way with co-workers, friends of friends or even members of special social or special interest groups. I have to believe that if one is close enough to that other person, they would see some part of the transition taking place and not be totally surprised.

I personally know several people that have gone from zero to full on transiting over a very short time period, several of those are or were active members here. They had dealt with their gender dysphoria all their lives, sometimes not even knowing what it was, confusing it with being gay sometimes, then all of a sudden with better information, including being members of this site, they realize what they are. Some like that start out crossdressing, thinking that is what they are to only realize later that they are actually in the wrong body and transition is necessary to balance their lives, remove the dysphoria and start enjoying their lives. I took one of those out into the real world for her first time crossdressing as a woman. She is now way past post transition and living a full life as the woman that she is.

I've met quite a few TS and others that are currently transitioning. Can't say it's happened to anyone that was more than an acquaintance. But it has been surprising that quite a few that come to our support group aren't crossdressers. They nervously come to one of the meetings dressing in front of others for the first time. But they have a high degree of dysphoria and don't wanna be male anymore. Still, others are on the fence about transitioning due to family, career etc.

Given that transition is such a huge, difficult, often painful (emotionally and otherwise) ordeal, I can only have admiration for those that I know who have done it. Mere acceptance would never be a question.

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Originally Posted by Elizabeth G

I would treat them the way I would hope to be treated if I were the one transitioning. I would have no problem with it.

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That's exactly it. I would want to be there to support them.

I guess I don't get the sense of the question. "What if a CD friend fully transitioned?" somehow draws a distinction between CD friends and all others. Why? If I knew someone as a CD and they decided to transition I'd assume they discovered a new truth about themselves and were acting on it. If I knew someone as CIS and they decided to transition I'd assume they discovered a new truth about themselves and were acting on it. In either case, the key word in the question is "friend" not "CD" and not "transitioned." If they were my friends, I'd support them.

Yeah Pat, but if there's no reference to crossdressing there's the risk that one of the mods will move it or give a warning etc. :)

I have one online friend from a forum I have been on for 15- 20 years that I knew as a male then since then has transitioned and still on that forum and we are still friends.She knows about me as well because I came out in support of her all those years ago.
As far as her CDing I have no idea but I am sure she did that many years prior to her SRS.
A few CDer friends here locally have transitioned fully and some are in the process of doing it.

I also know a friend in transition and fully support him an wish the best for the transition.

Rayleen

Steffi,

Love this thread. Good post theme for me right now as I've just started down "a path". I began to attend a TG Support Group offered by our local GLBT Center.
I find it interesting because I'm one of those girls, sitting on the fence; taking small steps toward an undetermined destination.

From the woman that inhabits my inner being, I believe I could live full time as a woman; the complete gender identity change. After all, I'm only changing into myself. I know I have it in me. I want that. I've always wanted that, I believe.
At this late stage of life, and at a time when I am just coming out, accepting that I've always been somewhere on the (TG) Spectrum, I wish to proceed with my re-invention with deliberation and care.

Staff, you note that your friends spoke of ,"If life/circumstances were different." I know this well. We don't always own our own lives. Relationships. Family/friends. Career. I've gathered all along the life path I've lived so far. And while a girl has to be true to one's self, the fact is that we often aren't free to implement radical life or physical (medical) changes. We owe parts of our lives to others we love and who love us too. We all have a past to honor. Some have a legacy.