"Are you shopping for you or your wife?"

I was shopping at a local Marshall's yesterday with my wife. She had picked several obviously women's tops for herself and I picked out one for myself. I also bought a nice men's long sleeved henley shirt and a pair of joggers. My wife has mobility issues so I generally go through the checkout line alone and meet her at the door. I got to the register and a nice, attractive twenty something cashier started some very friendly, pleasant chatter as she went through the items.

Halfway through with all these women's items on the counter she asked me "Are you shopping for you or your wife?". I just said "My wife is around here somewhere." Her question caught me totally off guard but it was so non-assuming and natural that I would have been ecstatic to tell her they were for me if there weren't so many people within earshot. I'm surprised that I wished I could have truthfully said "Yes, they're for me". It was nice that it wasn't assumed that I was buying for the wife. I guess I don't look like "not-a-crossdresser".

It made my day.

That was a good exchange with the cashier, it would have made my day also!

It's nice employee's like that make you want to return and shop there. Nice post thank you.

I have been asked that a few times by pushy folks waiting in line with me to make purchases.:straightface:

But, I would find that comment inappropriate if it came from an employee who I'd never met before.:thumbsdn:

You're obviously much more accepting and self assured than I am, Bea!:thumbsup:

Doc,
I guess I could take offence but the situation was not the least bit uncomfortable. If anything, it just made it feel like it would be totally normal and acceptable if the whole basket full of women's clothes were for me. No assumptions or judgments came through in the conversation.

It is normal for me to go through the register alone with women's clothes, either for me, or for me and my wife. I can only imagine what goes on in the minds of countless cashiers over the years. I didn't have to guess with this young lady and she made that experience a good one.

Or, option 3: for both

Donna,

If I'd been quick and brave enough I could have just told her "Whoever it fits the best". I'm not there yet.

And if you had said yes there for me ?, what do you think would have happened, police come and cuff you ?, people with pitch forks and torches start chasing you ?, In the past when I shopped in male mode, I always said if it was for me, guess what nothing happened ?, I now only shopped when dressed, so it never comes up anymore.

Debs,
I appreciate the encouragement but I'm less worried about what people could or would do to me than with being comfortable in the situation. It was a comfortable and pleasant encounter. Only one of about ten items in the basket was a femme item for me. there were a couple of men's clothing items and a couple of non-clothing items. The situation didn't warrant a long complicated explanation. I just enjoyed the encounter for what it was and take away a little encouragement for future encounters.

I find the question a bit inopportune unless it has a purpose, for example because one of the clothes may not be a good fit for you and she has alternatives to suggest.
Would it have made your day too had the cashier been much older and less attractive?

Ive purchased so much stuff over the years that I don't really pay much attention anymore. The conversation is generally something like, "will this be cash or charge?" and "would you like the receipt in the bag?". I did have a pleasant surprise at a Dillards store one time. The SA must have been paying attention from my previous visits. When I walked into the lingerie area she looked at me and said, "We have have moved all of our Wacoal products to another location, as she pointed across the store to the new displays of Wacoal". She followed me over to the display and suggested a couple of styles of panties. I wasn't sure that I would like them. She saw my hesitation and asked me, "would you like to try them on first?". The whole exchange seemed normal as can be. It made my day.

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Originally Posted by DianeT

Would it have made your day too had the cashier been much older and less attractive?

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Talking to an attractive young lady is always a special treat. But, the answer to your question is yes. I always enjoy pleasant interactions and I'm fairly generous in assigning attractiveness to women in general. This particular young lady seemed sincerely interested. I've got a long ponytail and she asked me how long my hair was. She followed up by saying her father had worn his hair long at different times. I'm not making assumptions but maybe I reminded her of her father in some way. There was no sense of her being nosy, just interested. If she had been older, I don't think it would have been less pleasant

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Originally Posted by Victoria1

The whole exchange seemed normal as can be. It made my day.

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That's exactly it. The fact that it felt so normal is what made it such a memorable encounter

I was buying some women's sandals at TJ Max once while in drab. The young sales person was wearing some very cute and comfy looking baggy pants. I commented on them and we started talking about them. I don't believe I gave any indication that I was a CD, other than buying size 11 sandals. At one point she said, "You really should get a pair of them." Without missing a beat, I said "I think I will." And went looking where she said she thought they were. Sadly, they had sold out of all the pants.

Stephanie,
Love that kind of interaction.

I have noticed that the younger folks are so much accepting of gender variance than the older people. A sign that things are changing and changing pretty quickly. Perhaps the dream of a gender free society is a possibility. In that world people could be themselves. There would still be gender recognition but nobody would care how anybody's gender is configured or how that is expressed. Sadly, a purely gender free society is unlikely to develop but reaching a point where people would not be bothered by women in men's clothes or men in women's clothes. Acceptance of who you are even if they don't fully agree I think is a real possibility. It would be the person that matters rather than conformance to a ideology. The question of "Is this for you or your (wife; husband)?" would not even be posed. No judgement.

I've only been asked once who I was buying for.
Shortly after my divorce from my 1st wife, I went to Victoria's Secret and picked up a nice bra/panty set. When the sales lady asked me who I was shopping for, and I chickened out and said for my girlfriend.
Other than that, I don't think most salespeople care who you are buying for, just as long as they are making a sale.

That's where you could say "we share everything". I do love your response, what a neat experience.

I have found the cashiers at Marshall's to be chatty, so I'm not surprised she asked. I don't find the question to be inappropriate.

alwaysshave,
Most of my femme wardrobe comes from Marshall's so I've been through the checkout line there hundreds of times over the years. Friendliness isn't uncommon, but I've never had a cashier anywhere seem so genuinely interested, and not just in who the clothes were for. I didn't take it to be personal interest. I'm old enough to be her grandfather. She was just an unusually open, caring person.

It was a unique experience.

When I and my wife were a lot younger she and I could not wear the same size female clothing. Once upon a time she was five foot two and 115 pounds and I was six foot one and 175 pounds. Of course my mindset was geared to buying for her and the sale associates were very chatty and definitely trying to help a guy buy for a woman/wife. On the other hand if I was buying for myself many of the older women made snide comments or jabs. The 1970's and 1980's were not so kind when it came to men wearing women's clothing, especially older women. The only exception to blanket approval and assistance was at Halloween. It seemed masquerading as a woman was totally alright, especially among the young associates.

I usually tell them that I lost a bet! Totally believable! Lol.

Ah yes, the old double standard raises its head once again.
If a man buys something feminine, it raises eyebrows and the clerks feel entitled to ask if it's for him.
If a woman buys something masculine, nobody assumes (or cares if) she's buying it for herself.

I've been asked "the question" multiple times, even when it usually IS for her.
Annoying.
and intrusive. What business it of theirs who it's for?


Sorry - sort of a pet peeve of mine.

Since husbands rarely make purchases for their wives, the odds are in favor of the female stuff purchases being for their own use. That doesn't excuse the nosiness of the cashier, but it doesn't really qualify as a double standard either, the gender makes a big difference. For example I can imagine a husband buying a pair of pantyhose for his wife, or lingerie (usually more to his taste than his wife's btw), but pants, a skirt, or in Bea's case some tops? What are the odds? On the other side, I have known adult males who NEVER bought any clothes themselves. Their wives were in charge and scouted the department stores alone. And I don't know in USA, but in France on the first day of sales periods, in the men's department you will typically find more women than men on the hunt for clothes, are they all FtM crossdressers? Probably not.

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Originally Posted by DianeT

That doesn't excuse the nosiness of the cashier,

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Several here have commented about the cashier's nosiness. I can imagine countless scenarios where her question could have been bothersome. This was not one of those episodes. I enjoyed the exchange.

I bought a package of round cotton pads and the young female cashier asked "Are these for you???!!!" An unbelievably low bar for shock.

"Are you shopping for you or your wife?"

"Yes."

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Originally Posted by DianeT

For example I can imagine a husband buying a pair of pantyhose for his wife, or lingerie (usually more to his taste than his wife's btw),

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Oddly, my wife worked in an office environment for decades and wore pantyhose daily. It was not unusual for her to go through a couple of pairs per week. I have always done the bulk of grocery shopping and there'd be 2 or 3 of the old L'eggs eggs in the basket when I checked out. I didn't dress back then (even though i did try on the pantyhose a couple of times and didn't get much out of it). It never bothered me in the least to pick them up for her.

She hasn't worn pantyhose in years and now I feel a bit self conscious buying them.

Also, for many Christmases in the past I have gone shopping for clothes for my wife. I finally gave up when my batting average for something she would actually wear fell below .010. I wonder if I shopped for her as a proxy for those things that fit my future taste. My femme taste didn't kick in until my mid fifties.

A female cashier was trying to figure out where the previous person's purchases stopped and mine started. In a perfectly normal tone of voice she pointed at my Sheer Energy and asked "Are those yours?".

I said "Yes" without much thought because I knew what she was asking. About five seconds later I said "Well, they're not mine" and got a good laugh from the ladies.

Lisa, I had almost that same experience about thirty years ago except that the cashier was joking with a "Are those for you?" Without missing a beat, I sarcastically said. "Yeah". I have no idea whether she caught the sarcasm but I wasn't bothered at all with the exchange.

Now that I buy those type things for myself, I can't be sarcastic like that. Now I either have to lie, tell the truth or maybe just say "I'll never tell". It just gets complicateder and complicateder.

Steph_CD_62,

You were correct, it was for your "GF"...you

Davina

"complicateder" Love it!!

About 10 years ago we were on vacation and went to buy her a coverup for the beach, we also found a dress that we both thought I'd look good in. At the check out the gal said something like "oh that's pretty" about the dress. So I said "Yes it is. Do you think it'll look good on me?" (with a smile so she'd think I was kidding). She laughed, thinking I was joking, and said "absolutely!"

Stepping out of the shadows.

I recently found a pair of embellished jeans for sale at a jewelry show I go to often

I picked out a pair of embellished jeans in Size L that I thought would fit me. I asked the SA if she thought these would fit. At first she was stunned by the question, thinking it was a joke. Then she looked at me and said, "I think you need the XL", and she went off to get them. Coming back she asked me quite pointedly, "Are these really for you?" I don't remember exactly what my response was, but it was probably something like, "Of course. I think that their very cute."

I had my measuring tape with me, like I always do, and measured both the L and the XL again. It looked like the XL were the correct Waist size, but the fabric had a lot of stretch and after stretching the L out, I determined that the L were the correct size.

I tried them on at home as soon as I got some alone time and the L fit perfectly with a nice little hug in the waist. What I didn't realize was how tight the ankle was on these skinny jeans, but it worked out just fine an it turned out to be a very sexy look.

I carry a tape measure when shopping, too. It's particularly helpful at the poundage stores, where there are no fitting rooms. Although today there was a YL trying on pants and skirts over her leggings -- I doubt that I could get away with that. The only thing I try on is shoes.

Today at the checkout the cashier remembered me and asked how my wife had liked the bras I'd bought the last time (our previous conversation was along the lines of "she tells me that she doesn't need any more, but I can't resist, they're so pretty!"). I told her that she hadn't seen them yet, because I like to wash everything first. Which is true.

A few weeks ago, I was waiting to check out with a pair of jeans and a couple under garments. It was a woman's store, so the jeans were definitely for women. An older man was up at the counter with his wife as she checked out. He looks back at me and says "Those won't fit you". I just responded "I think they will. I already tried them on". I don't think he was trying to be mean or anything. Just a talkative man trying to make conversation.

Many years ago at a large sports store, while checking out an one piece swimsuit, a young female cashier said nothing but had a big smile so I think she had this question in mind.

When a salesperson says, "Who are you shopping for?" I think they are really probing to see if you are shopping for yourself without asking a question that might be offensive to a non-crossdresser.

My favorite experience was in a consignment store. I was holding a dress. The owner walked past me and whispered, "You can try that on if you want to." I whispered back, "I already did." That was the beginning of a nice friendship.

I love that you CHOSE to see the encounter as a positive one instead of taking offense. Life is so much easier when we do that.

Truth is, most people don't care, and despite the news, more are supporting than you might think.

I got caught by a sales lady one evening while browsing panties. "Those are very popular. The other men that I've sold them to really like the matching bra. Would you like to look at that, too?"
Now that was a positive encounter. :)