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I have a question for the married men who crossdress. Does your wife have a problem with it? Does it get in the way of your sex life? I was wondering. I read an article about a married man who struggled with crossdressing. Here it is:
www.leaderu.com/stonewall/pages/randall_w.html
If you believe the above comment about crossdressing being a sin to be true, then it is you yourself that you should be concerned with, and less so with what a SO may think. How do you even contemplate having sexual relations when you feel this way?Quote:
Originally Posted by Randall Wayne
Once you come to peace with yourself, everything else falls into place. I hope you find it.
Yes she does have a problem with it .... and what sex life???
Karren
I have been married for thirty two years and my wife has known for about 10 years. When I told her ,she said she had her suspisions and did not have any problems with it. We immediately went out and bought me some things that I desired. We have always had a great sex life and are still turned on to each other. If you are truly good friends besides being married then you probably stand a good chance of total acceptence. I really love womens clothes and it is a really big turn on to me to be totally dressed but I always make sure that my wife gets off at least twice and sometimes three times. I use oral as well as hand stimulation to help her get off several times before I get off and she loves it. To many men are just concerned about their sexual needs and not their wives or girlfriends. You get back out of a relationship what you are willing to put into it. Make sure you find what turns her on and focus on really pleasing her in those area,s. Being accepted for who you are and your turn ons will then be your partners goals. If not then seek someone who really cares about your happiness.Quote:
Originally Posted by HanesHerWay
Yes my wife has a problem with my X-dressing... She has known about it very quickly after our wedding. She tried to ignore it for many years, She thought it was a form of sexual fetishism, but when she realized it was full x-dressing she hated it...Quote:
Originally Posted by HanesHerWay
Yes it gets in the way of my sex life... Early on, we managed to have a pretty ordinary sex life, nothing exceptional but quite satisfactory. We even went through the "happy seventies" and the sexual revolution, open mariage etc... But as years passed the drive became ever lower and since my x-dressing was becoming more and more an obsession for me, she got completely turned off...
On the side of X-dressing, there have been some progress lately. My wife is integrating that side of my life a lot more and, without accepting completely, she is now far more open about it (it used to be a completely tabou subject).
On the sexual relation side, I think neither of us is interested in the other one anymore, so it is both way, not just her rejecting me...
We do have a lot of mutual love, but it isn't expressed physically...
But perhaps, after more than 38 years wedding and having known eac other five years before we actually got married, it is not surprising that the sex side has faded away...
:hugs:
Eugenie
The church sees crossdresing as not necessaraly a sin but an abberation, they cannot even make up their minds about women in the church let alone men who dress as women.
For me its simple if you dont like what they say get out its a society with rules and you are not gonna change em.
As for my wife she does not mind my dressing as long as I dont do it too much. As for sex I am married what chance do I get :p
I read the article when you posted the same link in another thread. It has nothing to do about how the wife wife feels and everything to do with how the husband sees it. If you see it as sin, then it is not right for you. For me, I'd be more concerned to what God is saying to me than what some other guy thinks.
Holly,
Moderator
Religion Discussion Section
Yes my GF of 5 years knows, is not bothered either way, i.e. she still sees me as me and the sex is good(i hope she'd agree:heehee:) when im charlotte or not:happy::happy:
'Lotti -x-
Interesting article. What works for him doesn't necessarily work for everyone though. And my wife knows, she's not best pleased with my CDing, but appreciates it's a part of me and loves me still for the whole of me.
My wife is OK with it. She even helps with some of my acquisitions but I have not dressed in front of her in about 5 years. It would be nice on occasion but for me it is more of a personal thing and enjoy doing it alone.
Ditto to Karren's answer.:straightface:
My wife knows of my dressing and is only tolerable. I can only dress when she is away from the house. All other aspects of our life are considered normal.
Wife supports my dressing. I took it slow, at her pace, but life is good now. We have a nice balance. As to the sex, well its been 8 hrs 13 minutes, but who's counting.....giggle.
Hugs.
SandyR
my so has known about it for about 15 years and well she calls me weirdo when i dress and that's about it.when she shops i shop for clothes and i let her know i will cd.
Told my wife before I proposed to her. She supports it and has no problems with it. Jocelyn
wife supports, buys, loves sex with carrol..blah blah....
My wife first learned about my dressing when we started dating about 16 years ago. I mainly dress alone, but when I do dress around her, it doesn't bother her.
A fascinating question! My wife is not keen on my cross-dressing at all - would rather not know what I'm up to - often seems to live in a state of denial. I have to assert myself a little like today 'I'm going out with the girls' not well received. Seems to think I do it because she's inadequate as a woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by will
However our level of communication has gone up loads and our sexlife is way way better. I am far more attentive to her needs now rather than my own needs. I will spend hours sometimes just rubbing her feet and stimulating her manually. So she seems to be getting the benefits of my CDing without even asking for them! Funny creatures women, aren't we!!
Mitch
I'm with Karren and Alice. I wish for better, but it's hard to be intimate when your wife rejects a part of your being, your inner self. It might help if we could discuss this, but she isn't interested.
My wife knows about the crossdressing and tolerates it, but would prefer I didn't. I sit around the house in the evening dressed and we talk and spend time together, but I don't go out dressed. We go shopping together and I will buy things. She is great and I appreciate her tolerance.
I cd with my wife or alone. My wife is very ok with it and is an active participant when we are together. Our sex life has changed due to age (it's exhausting) not for want. We are together because we love each other, not because we dress different or alike. Other people may have different views and that's ok. We try not to flaunt it, but are not ashamed of it.
My SO, has no problem with me in fem, she actualy enjoys the love making more now then ever.
I did not have te time to read the article or all the replies so I scimmed through,that said. I told my wife of 10 years about my dressing prior to our first date and we have a very good marriage and a healthy sex life for as much as her health allows anyway but it is not a problem,it is as she says "who I am" and I fell God made me this way so I see no wrong here.
My wife doesn't know, although she may suspect. She told me that she didn't want to know what went on in February when she spent 2 weeks in Portugal -- I spent two weeks in a skirt :) while the kids were at school.
As for the sex life, I'd say it's normal although she's the one with the bigger drive. But the CD'ing hasn't had any affect on it.
Kassandra
My wife and I are married 35yrs. I told my wife after 10yrs of marriage. To this day she has not seen me dressed, except for a couple halloween parties before I told her. She wants no part of my femme side. She is and has always been a very religious (Catholic) person. I am also Catholic but not really a practicing one. After I told her, at her urging I went and spoke to our pastor. He said that my crossdressing was not a sin and it was something that was between my wife and I. He also said that if Jesus met me he would say that he loved me. This helped my wife. At the time we had 3 children, we had two more after(they dont know). I struggled with my femme side on and off over the years. About 10 or 12 yrs ago I found inner peace. I get out about 1x a month and go shopping , parties and other events. Have a lot of CD friends.
Our sex life is good. The quality out weighs the quantity. I sometimes think about trying to bring Terri into the bedroom, but realize it might hurt what we have. My key word in my life at this pont is balance. I know that my femme side will always be there and just work to balance the different parts of me in my life.
Yours Terri
My wife new before we were married. She doesn't care as long as I don't do it in front of the kids. And yes, it's been in the bedroom too.
[SIZE="3"]My wife is tolerant about my crossdressing. She doesn't mind panties, nail polish or the camis. She doesn't like me with a skirt on. She knows I hang with CDs but doesn't know that I have been out in public many times. I won't push this on her. I'm happy that she's partially accepting. She even borrows some of my clothes :D.
I never felt shame or guilt about crossdressing. It's not a problem with me.
Gennee [/SIZE]
:happy:
My GF is ok with my CDing. Her only request is that I not wear a bra to bed. Since she knows I like to dress after work our comprise is she undress me for bed - Betti
[SIZE="3"]:I agree with Holly, (Hey Holly!). I've read this one before and it bugs me just as much now as it did the first time I read it. This guy wrote an article about how he used to be a CD'er and was convicted of it, so he stopped doing it. Therefore, in his eyes, across the board, crossdressing is a sin against God and needs to be dealt with and all those participating in it need to turn or they cannot count themselves as Christians - at least that's certainly the impression given off. I think that's a bit absurd and presumptious.
I firmly believe sin is different for most of us and that's what the article is about. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong or anything against God by doing this little hobby, or whatever, and thus I don't see it as something that God is going to scowl at me about. If I was convicted of it and felt it was wrong, then yes, I would stop doing it. The same is true of gambling, drinking excessively, dog fighting, and stealing cable. Whatever you feel ashamed about when dealing with God, that's probably what you need to change.
As for my wife, she's been much better with this, although we're in a bit of a slump again lately, but things will snap back I'm sure. It's summer, it's hot, there's too much going on.
And Karen, I like the line you had about "what sex?" Sometimes it don't matter what you wear, do it? :tongueout
I heard a comedian say once that there was no reason for any woman to have an unfulfilled sexual fantasy, because pretty much anything she wanted to do, a man would do it - and that's so true! He had the audience rolling laughing, and said, "you want me to dress up like a fireman? I'm there! A cop? No problem? A burglar? I can do that! A gorilla in a fireman outfit who's wearing a mask looking to rob your house? You got it! Let's just have some sex!" Everytime I think of that, it keeps ringing true - now if it were only the same if the tables were turned...[/SIZE] :happy:
it is hard to dismiss such a huge part of the person you love. If I feel like I don't want to be around it ALL the time i let Carin know. We have a good relationship and communication. Bottom line is I love her in my heart and soul regardless of what she decides to wear. Our love comes from the inner soul of who we are. And if you believe in a Higher Power then I think that Higher Power will be very glad to see such love between two people.
As for sex....no problem there (no matter what she is wearing, lol)
Louise.
My wife of 23 years is very accepting of my crosdressing, despite the fact that I hid it for the first 14 years. So far as our sex life, it was pretty much nonexistent due to medical problems before I came out.
I have always regarded sin as hurting others, being wanton or wasteful. An action that does not fall into one of the three aboves catagories I do not consider sinful. If someone else finds something sinful, it is up to them to refrain from that action, not to tell me that I will suffer eternal damnation for not accepting their definition of sin.
I must confess that when I first replied I had not read the article. It makes uncomfortable reading and is exactly where my wife is. She feels that it can be cured by prayer and counselling. Interestingly, he does not hide behind Deut 22:5, he acknowledges that at least 2% of church populations are CDers and highlights his own struggle and deliverance.
If sin is falling short of the mark then I guess I am a sinner. I have absolutely no doubt that God loves me and is not really that bothered that I CD. I guess the ultimate issue is whether it enhances my relationship with my beautiful wife or damages it. The jury is still out on that one and I guess I will be called to reckoning on my last day by the big fellah
love Mitch
Great! I have been waiting for a oppurtunity to express a few ideas! First I was a christian for many years...now I am a child of God. I have had many years of theology and have debated almost everything to some point beyond ridiculus. Modern Christianity doesn't work for me anymore. I have a wonderfull relationship with a God of my understanding, and she has blessed me with the wisdom and courage to express myself as I trully am. And she has put wonderfull caring souls in front of me to guide and comfort me. One of them is my wife. When I met my wife she bargained for a man that had a closet full of gowns and lingerie. She accepted the man and was happy to borrow a dress now and then. 22 yrs later man is now wanting to express himself to others and wife stands behind man. The WOMAN that lives in the house when the man isn't there doesnt pay rent and leaves all kinds of makeup and other clutter all over the house. But the man is somehow worth the woman. My wife is a saint.... We have learned how to manage with all kinds of new parameters and issues. We work it out becuase we love each other! And as Bill and Ted would say we are excellent to each other.
Melissa
[SIZE=3]My wife does not like wig or makeup on me....which is not a problem for me, because I got longer hair anyways and my face is more like the one from Arnold Schwarzenegger.....THAT would look really strange...wouldn't you think so ??
In and out of the house I usually wear jeans skirts..T-shirts and..of course...my fine lingerie :)
[/SIZE]
my uncle is a Dominican priest. A wonderful thoughful man. His idea of sin is that which harms others from ones own will. I cannot see being TG as a harm to oneself or others. It is , for most, a part of who that person is and if that person lives their life in kindness and with generosity how can that person be sinful?
Louise.
LOL how funny. Actually women are more adventurous than you might think when it comes to dressing up in the bedroom. I think the problem that some women might have when it comes to making love to their partner dressed as a lady, is that he/she might be more worried about how he/she looks and not the actual act of making love to their spouse. We women like to be the centre of attention when our partners are giving us some sexual attention. As for my partner dressing as a gorilla in a firemans outfit, I expect that would be just fine as long as he gave me time to get over my fit of laughter and wasn't hurt or turned off by it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Randi
Bev
Yes true, but in actual fact, in Gods eyes we all fall way short of the perfect mark so its more a case of taking the log out of your own eye before condemning others for what they do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Carin's Wife GG
Bev
This site really is great, I've been married for 26 years and my wife knows about my CDing, but she sure can't come to terms with why I do. and for that matter I really never could either, but all the situations and responses i have read in here has helped me quite a lot thanks everyone.
Darla
My dear departed wife knew about my CD activities when we got engaged. As I have reported in other threads, we wore matching white silk lingerie on our wedding day. The only restriction that was put on me was that I would not CD around our 2 children. To the best of my knowledge they still don't know! Of course they are grown up now. My wife and I had 49 1/2 years of a very loving marriage. I think part of the reason for that was because I told her about my CD activities before we were married. Honest communication is always the best way to handle things!:2c:
Sissy
More Girl than man
none of us is perfect and we can only do our best in generosity and openness of spirit. When I see my husbands/wifes spirit I an enchriched to my soul. It is his/her soul that I join with not the clothes she happens to be wearing.
Louise.
Louise.
My exwife did have a problem with it and did want me to stop. But she knew about it before we married so, she accepted it as how I am. But she only tolerated it. She didn't like it.
As always, there are words of wisdom to be found here.This subject is what my wife and I have been dealing with lately,and it's been a little hard for her, trying to figure me out.She's gotten to where she doesn't want to talk about it at all.But, from your posts, I see things can work out. Thanx!
The author of that article STARTED with the idea that CDing was a sin and then tried to justify that from the Bible.
The problem with this that I have, is that to be a Christian, one must read and study and learn the words and teachings of Jesus Christ. That's what Christianity is all about. Jesus Christ said NOTHING about CDing. Jesus Christ said nothing about homosexuality. Jesus Christ DID say a whole lot about love and acceptance of other people, no matter how low or poor or mistaken they might be. Love and acceptance, folks.
If you want to bad enough you can twist the words in the Bible to condemn and hate almost any group different from your self. Read and study the words of Jesus. Leave the hatemongering to sexually bankrupt preachers and demigods.
OK, I'm done now.
Stephie
I dont really know where to start here-Iam very happily married and a cd (very much in closet). I feel very confused about myself and sometimes my head just spins in confusion. I like wearing womens clothes as I feel comfortable and relaxed. My wife found some lingerie in a cupboard a while back and challenged me as to whose they were- I told her straight they were mine (very sheepish) she was quite obviously shocked but there was no anger. she could see i was embarrassed at what she had found, she asked if i wanted them thrown away, i didnt say anything but she folded them and placed them in my drawer. Nothing has been said on the subject since.
A couple of weeks ago we went to the theatre in birmingham and half time went for some nibbles-there in the bar area was a full TV with two other women. I mentioned this to the wife over a drink in the pub afterwards and she replied that she has nothing against cd's as long as they did nothing to hurt her. This has made me more confused-could that be an invitation for me to open up? Sally
Sally,Quote:
Originally Posted by sally Dickson
I would percieve this as an opportunity, not an invitation, for you to open up to her. Communication is very important in the success of any relationship, and when we add our CDing into the mix, it becomes paramount. My lovely wife, GlitterGG, has known about my CDing for the last 12 years (since a couple days after we met), and I honestly think that it has been a huge factor in our ability to communicate about any topic, not to mention that we are able to be open and honest with our children when they come to us with questions. Take it slowly with her, and do not try to force her to accept it, it sounds as if she already understands since she folded your lingerie up and put it in your drawer.
Good Luck darlin'
Kandis:love:
My wife has never had a problem with it. And if anything or sex life has increased.
Tiffany
At first my wife was okay with it. She used to go shopping for clothes and makeup buying me pains and dresses. She found a website on the Internet where I can go to have my makeup done. One day she set up appointment for me to get my makeup done she dropped off a duffel bag with my close and a note inside the hotel key tell me to meet her there after I had my makeup done that was the first time I was out in public had to drive 35 miles to the hotel she was inside the room waiting for me . best night of my life. She will find things on the Internet is shown me she likes those items .that's been going on for 18 years now since we had a child together things are go downhill. Some day she likes it other day she hates it she still allows me to wear my panties she still packed my bags with my girly things when I go out town . She still shaves my back. looks in the Avon book for makeup for me.
Those days when I'm out of town she asked what I'm wearing. When I come back from work she has things laid out for me. the next day she's all pissed off. She sends me mixed feelings on the subject.
I told my GF in 1954, married her in 1955. She passed away in February of 2005, five months before our 50th Anniversary. She never had a problem with it our entire married life. We made a joint decision that our kids would not know and they still don't. The only effect it had on our sex life was to make it much more interesting. Sometimes she was the man and I was the woman. But most of the time I was a man wearing feminine things. As an example, at our wedding we wore matching white silk lingerie which stayed on until our wedding night! It got in the way! So, yes, she certainly did support me!Quote:
Originally Posted by JocelynQuivers
Sissy
More Girl than man sometimes
Karren -- High blood pressure and several medications has taken its toll on my libido. CDing in the bedroom was never a problem with my wife -- in fact this is where we started (with her seeing me dressed). As for the low-to-no libido, can you say WE NOW GET TO USE THE CHEERLEADER images (This worked for me -- maybe it will work for others).Quote:
Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Squad Captain: :cheer: READY?
Squad: :cheer: SET!
Capt & Squad: :cheer: TWO BITS,
:cheer: FOUR BITS,
:cheer: SIX BITS,
:cheer: A DOLLAR . . .
:cheer: ALL FOR CIALIS, STAND UP AND HOLLER!
(Crowd goes wild!!!) :Party2:
Jean has known before we got married. She probably understands it better than I do.
What was the second part? Oh yeh, SEX????????????????????
I'm not religious, but was brought up very catholic and had my 'teachings'.
I never saw Jesus described or depicted in a three piece suit. ;)
Didn't the Jewish men and women wear pretty much the same, long robes? It was only the Roman males coming over with their mini-skirts that caused any problems. :D