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I was just wondering I have trouble trusting people.and I think its because ive been hiding my crossdressing for so many years from so many people that I just dont let people in. I know its not good but. I was wondering if outhers out there have any problems like this.
Yes they do. I have meet several like that and a lot of it steams from things they heard when growing up and stories they heard about or read after they became adults. Most always it's been very negative and due to a lack of knowledge about TG issues it's the biggest problem. First, we are not the peverts. The people making those assumtions about us are the perverts. They are the ones with the problem, not us.
Trust becomes a really big deal for us because of the unknown reactions people may have about us. I heard when I started venturing out that it's all in the attitude we project to other people. We ned to have the attitude that we are suppose to be here and for all you with a problem with it get over it. When you can master this you can began to feel great about who you are, a woman.
I do take into consideration of who I tell and what the fall out might be and determine if the acquaintance is worth losing. Nowadays I'm not to wooried about the freindship since I have becaome active in the LGBT community. I'm not out at work yet, I'm waiting until the end of the year after I'm vested. LOL Hope this helps.
HUGS and my BEST Sandra
I've not been able to trust others pretty much all my life and my hidden CDing has a great deal to do with it. I have no close friends, just acquaintances. I've had girlfriends in the past whom I could have loved and married, but I just could not let them get too close for fear of them finding me out. The emotional consequences would have devastating. If you won't let women near they tend to move on...
I have told somewhere around 5-10 of my friends. I don't keep an accurate count. However, the friends I have told I knew for years before I told them, and I knew I could trust them with anything. Most of my friends know and don't care, a couple don't want to see it or hear about it, one friend is very helpful and took the picture that is my avatar. You just have to know who you are telling.
I don`t think that you can trust anyone these days, loyalty is a thing of the past .
joanne
I trust nobody...It saves the grief of falling out with people!!!
Ahh, but believing the best about other people is one of the keys to true happiness. (But be sensible about it.) Try it, and you'll see what I mean.Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
BTW, I agree with your signature. One of my mottoes is "Everything to excess."
I,ve tried it, for me it doesn,t work!!Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaTX
Now i don,t let anybody get too close...It saves me a lot of hassle and heartbreak later :sad:
Much as i,d love to trust people, experiance has taught me it only leads to disaster!!
It's hard to trust people when they constantly burn you.
Joanne, your right. It used to be that trust was a precious gift that was to be treasured and held sacred. Now it's ammunition to be held against you, or over your head. In this thread http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=88225 I gave my opinion of what I think happened. The last post so far is telling me I have a negative attitude. The one who wrote that is right in a way. But by my life experiences, I call it being realistic.Quote:
Originally Posted by joanne f
Trust is alway a difficult subject
It is about who to trust and when
Some people I would never trust
The real problem arises when you have when you have to trust someone due to circumstances
There may be times when you have no choice and all you can do is hope they keep it to themselves
Depends on who you trust with what.
Like maybe you can trust your wife with your feelings but you wouldn't trust her with the credit card. :heehee:
With the CD thing, yeah those with open minds perhaps.
I'm sorry Deborah Jane, I was being a little too glib when I was actually trying to be helpful. I've been where you're at, and it's not an easy place to get out of. When you're a kind and gentle person it's easy to get stomped on by people who think they can take advantage of you. But the way out is to continue to trust, and continue to be the kind and gentle person you really are. When you get hurt, go have a good cry, but then remind yourself that you were the one who did the right thing. Then the person that hurt you has taken nothing from you, and has injured themself in the process.Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
Love and kisses,
seems to me that this hobby ov our's mostly keeps us secrative for major parts of our lives, so the trust thing also going to be a big aspect of that knowing what could happen if we tell the wrong person, the likelyhood is that a lot of us probably would err on the don't tell. bfn.
What Tommi said is my story as well...Quote:
Originally Posted by TommiTN
Except that I do have a few close friends, but not any that I've told about deja. The nature of our friendships does not need that information. If it did, I would make the leap and tell them...and take the consequences either way.
Trust?
Who can you trust will thay out you to every one you know will thay lol. You just have to live with it. It hurts not to say any thing but hear you can. Jump up and down and tell every one that you were a dress. It is Great. YOU GOT TO LIVE IT.
Pam
The hardest part of trust for me is treating people as if I can,t trust them with anything.I always have to remind myself(usually after getting burned)to treat people individually.I think that can be difficult when you've extended your trust and been let down in the past.
There are few people I reallt trust. And my wife is the only one I trust with this dressing thing. :hugs:
Angie
I know that I do and always have. While I am not sure exactly where it comes from I am sure that to some extent it probably does come from having to hide for so many yrs. Of course for the first 34 yrs I didn't know exactly what I was hiding or why but now that I do I look back and realize that my sub-conscious was defending me without my help or knowledge.
That said I would have to agree with you that at least for me it has to be true at least to some extent.
Anna
wow I thought I just had isues and didnt trust people . I had recently told my mom and that was a intresting conversation let me tell you . but I think she is ok with it now. I didn't tell my exwife because I thought she would keep my son from me he is the olny reason im alive. and ive never told my father he is to straight laced I guess you could say . I recently told my exgirlfrind of 5 years and she is realy good with it but she wants to get married and I just cant do that agin. so I told her that we should just be friends . now I think I was wrong to tell her that. some times I think I was just ment to be alone its easer that way .
sorry just babbuling thanks for your input and thoughts.
I have people that I trust but they are few and far between. When it comes to my CD activities though, if they ask I tell the truth. I am not ashamed to be the guy that wears womans clothes, I am the guy that dresses to be comfortable. If they have a problem with that then it is their problem, not mine.
Okay girls, I am seeing way too much "not trust" and way too little "trust". We can't let this be like a "life or death" decision. One size does not fit all. IMHO we give others opinions way too much credibility. What difference does it make what someone else thinks? We are defining ourselves, not them.
When I first came out and people really understood that it was not all just a Halloween prank, I had a good buddy ask me why I wasn't embarrassed or didn't care what others thought about it. I said, "Mike, do you or any of the others pay my rent?" He said "No." I said, "Well if anyone wants to support me then I'll do what they ask.....but if I pay my own way then I think I should do what I like. After all, is it really that important?" He said, "No." I've had his (and others) support since that day.
I honestly haven't had any problems. I'm accepted by both my close and casual friends. Its just me. That's what they tell others that come into the circles I frequent. I suspect that I actually empower my friends because they can think that they can accept a lot more than others that they come in contact with. They know me but don't judge me. People may joke about it but they really don't attack it.
I think trust is important. I know you can't trust everyone. I know you can't trust hardly anyone totally. I know that even if you do trust someone totally that the trust can still be betrayed. We're dealing with humans. Everyone will make mistakes but we can't harbor resentment against everyone for the rest of our lives. Don't trust everyone with your life, but when it comes to trusting people to normally do the right thing, I say let 'em. When they don't, I say forget (I mean "forgive") 'em. How you live defines you......not them. And let's face it girls, we are more sensitive and forgiving than most men. Right? That's why our friends wives and girlfriends have always been more comfortable talking to us than their SO's. Right? How many of you have been told, "I wish I could tell _______ this. I'm so grateful that you understand."?
Now........you can take everything I said with a grain of salt. I've been divorced for (actually, I can't remember exactly when I got divorced but I do remember when I got married and how many years I was married. Let's see, married in 1968. Married 23 years. That's 1991. Okay, it's 2008 so I've been divorced for , uh..........17 years!. Never found anyone that I trust enough to say "Will you?........to. No, I don't have any trust issues.
But.............I just bought my first mineral make-up. Now if you want to talk about that, I'll be in the Beauty Club telling that story. Shortly......
I've trusted a few people over the years, and have never had any bad experiences. Other than the divorce, I suppose.
Maybe it comes down to being able to sense which people will be worthy of your trust. My current "circle" of trusted friends includes two gays (one male and one female), both of whom are intelligent, compassionate, and more out-of-the-closet than I am.
But, you know, I live in California. Maybe in Manchester and Milwaukee it's different.
***Jenna Lynne***
hi Girls oh what a thread? TRUST!! why dodnt we trust? i think trust is some thing you earn and it cant be bought, same as respect, i alway say who would you trust? the growling Rottweiler or the cute little Poodle? i trust the Rottweiler cous it shows me up front im gonna bite you where as the cute little doggie comes from behind and bites you in the butt, girls unfortunately i learned some expensive lessons in my life i can start trusting my Mom as she has been dead for 5 years now so she i can can trust, my kids? (3 of them) yes they i can trust cous they are still under my thumb but thats where it ends i know that the girls in this family is trust worthy and im so glad to have them all as my friends but in our country well girls here you learn not to trust any one, here men cant drink a whole Viagra as anything standing for longer than 5 min gets stolen l ol love you all and be safe girls hope our Heavenly Father would gide us all and help us all to gain trust in a society that shuts us out but accepts rapists,:hugs:
Nahhh... I trust a lot of people.... Especially when it comes to work and ice hockey... I'm a team player and ya got to trust those around you... no matter how they dress or what they are hiding!!! hahaha
Sure there are people that I trust from a positive sense. On the other hand, there are some that I only trust to do bad. I follow my intuition more often than not and this has afforded some degree of protection. Then again, being overly cautious may have cost me valuable relationships.
Babette
I trusted a person one time with my 'little secret'. This person then made it known to all of my friends and relatives. These people that now know I am a cd have never said anything to me about it so this has not affected me negatively. Even though this is so, I only trust my friends that are cd's as well with this information about me. By the way that one person that betrayed my trust was my wife of 23 years. How sad!!!!!
I have three female friends, my wife and a few hundred on this site that know I dress. I trust and love em all. I have a family that does not know, but I suspect that one or two may think I do. I trust them also and am sure that if I had the guts and told them all it would not be a problem. Maybe one day down the road.
As someone who has lost it all (live-in girlfriend, child, job & friends) because someone betrayed a confidence, I have an intimate understanding of of the fears being expressed here. However, I didn't lose those things over trust; I lost those things due to a superficial, selfish gf and people around me reacting inappropriately to news that should have had no bearing on my job or ability to be their friend. Honestly it is a blessing that they are out of my life.
I do not mean to be flippant, but jobs, friends, relatives, and even mean-spirited wives are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. They can be replaced while we are alive and they will all burn in the end. The things that matter; the things that have lasting value are our own integrity and the truth of what we were created to be.
I once lost it all, yet regained 100-fold what I once had. When you are stripped of everything you realize that all that's left is you and the truth of your existence. Learning to embrace that truth was the greatest blessing I ever received. It enables me to grant everyone a very high-level of trust because I do not fear them. They can not destroy me; they can only prove themselves unworthy to be included in my life.