Crossdressing and sex

So let em explain i am really trying to understand who i ama nd why i do the things i do. I think i've gotten through the guilt phase of this mostly. But there are still many things about me and the girl i strive to be i don't understand. I love dressing up the way i feel with my favorite bra and panties and my best short skirt. I feel very sexy by it and it really turns on my wife. But if i have sex at all once I'm dressed up i have like this urge to get rid of the clothes I'm wearing. Well not get rid but to stop dressing up and to dress as a man. Maybe that is some kind of sub conscious guilt i still haven't dealt with. Any of you girls ever feel like this or am i alone with these feelings. Its sometimes to the point that i try really hard to not have sex while dressed up to savor the experience of it all.

I would say as a beginner you are still into the sexual part of dressing. Dressing turns you on and after sex the thrill is gone and you feel bad, WHY? Nothing wrong with having sex when your dressed, but be a proper lady put your cloths back on comb your hair and redo your makeup. :hugs:

Have to agree with Carol. I felt the same way, now I just put on PJs or sleep shirt , cuddle and drift off to sleep. Dear Wife accepts me for who I am and that helps me accept me as me. Hope it works the same for you.

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Originally Posted by Carol A

I would say as a beginner you are still into the sexual part of dressing. Dressing turns you on and after sex the thrill is gone and you feel bad, WHY? Nothing wrong with having sex when your dressed, but be a proper lady put your cloths back on comb your hair and redo your makeup. :hugs:

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Carol's right honey---when most of us first started it was about the sex but as time wears on it gets to be much more than that---so try this--next time after sex, leave your clothing, make up and hair on---fix your self up and wait half an hour---you will be glad you did.

I think the sexual urge helps the feminity through the walls we build to lock it away.

Afterwards the heavy gate can slam itself shut easilly until the urge starts to build again.

If it weren't an issue I'd expect you could take-or-leave changing for a little bit, that it wouldn't be urgent just that the need to dress was satiated.

Instead, yeah I think that it's possible it's a further unconcious acceptance issue.

But if you persevere I'm sure you'll find the need to get out of the clothes eases off.

It could be you need to express both a male and a female side too in which case it's just a matter of finding a working balance that suits you.

I have felt the same in the past.I have even purged,but always come back.I enjoy my female attire it is actually my favorite hobby and I'll never stop whether I've had sex or feel guilt.It is the one thing I love to do and I feel amazing all dressed up.

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Originally Posted by Carol A

I would say as a beginner you are still into the sexual part of dressing. Dressing turns you on and after sex the thrill is gone and you feel bad, WHY? Nothing wrong with having sex when your dressed, but be a proper lady put your cloths back on comb your hair and redo your makeup. :hugs:

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Ha ha. Good advice. I'll have to try that myself!

Maybe crossdressing is, with some people, supported by high levels of testosterone... and after sex (or more correctly, after ejaculatory orgasm), these levels change.
Try having sex without ejaculating. See if the urge to purge is the same. I'll bet it's not tied to having sex, but rather to the hormonal/psychic changes that ejaculation precipitates.

Yes Nicole! I have always felt the same way. I dress, and emulate all the mannerisms I can. But at some point, the eroticism is too great, and I proceed to masturbation -- often with fantasies. When that is over, I have always wanted to get out of the clothes and stop it all. In the past, I felt guilt over all this right afterwards. And my energy switches over to the masculine -- and I feel a completer connection with my masculine right afterwards.
I wish I can maintain the feminine for longer periods... and I hope to do this.
Greater and deeper acceptance is needed. My wife is supportive that i find that greater acceptance -- go deep into it, and see what comes out.
She's a good practising psychotherapist...

It sounds like cross-dressing is still a bit of a fetish for you, with heavy sexual overtones. Nothing wrong with that! You may find that as your femme personna gradually appears the sex bit will get turned down a couple of notches over the years.

Or you may find that it doesn't, and you continue to enjoy cross-dressing as a purely sexual activity. No-one here will judge you on that - you enjoy whatever feels right!

Sarah

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Originally Posted by Sophia de la luz

Maybe crossdressing is, with some people, supported by high levels of testosterone... and after sex (or more correctly, after ejaculatory orgasm), these levels change.
Try having sex without ejaculating. See if the urge to purge is the same. I'll bet it's not tied to having sex, but rather to the hormonal/psychic changes that ejaculation precipitates.

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How does a male have sex without ejaculating? Unless "having sex" now means hugging and kissing? We used to refer to that as "foreplay", when with GGs. :brolleyes:

Nicole, I usually want to take my girlie things off rite after sex. But, in MY case that has to do with comfort. I usually wear corsets, girdles, and VERY tite outfits! After a couple hours, it often feels like they're cutting me in half! It doesn't sound like that's your issue tho? Maybe it IS more about guilt. After about 10 years, I'm STILL dealing with that! Still usually having sex when dressed, too.

Sounds pretty normal to me. It doesn't matter if I'm dressed or not, there is always that post sex let down so I don't connect it to dressing. These days it is more natural for me to stay dressed after sex but that wasn't the case in my younger days.

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Originally Posted by Debutante

But at some point, the eroticism is too great, and I proceed to masturbation -- often with fantasies. When that is over, I have always wanted to get out of the clothes and stop it all.

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I will agree with that Debutante ,

However I find the masturbation aspect has not decreased over the decades , if anything , the urge is more intense .
I tend to stay dressed afterwards but find myself having "second helpings" around an hour later.

When I was younger and got dressed up now and then I would need a release and after that felt the need to revert to male mode. If it's a sexual thing once that is achieved you have no need to dress. Thank God it's noy a sexual thing for me now. :hugs:
Angie

I had that problem in the beginning as well. I always figured that sence socity says what we do is "not normal" the mind needs time and experence to tear down thoses walls that make us feel guilty and dirty because we're different. you know...like, desencitizing[sp?] ourselfs.

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

How does a male have sex without ejaculating? Unless "having sex" now means hugging and kissing? We used to refer to that as "foreplay", when with GGs. :brolleyes:

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Well firstly there is simply doing everything you normally do but stopping each time as ejaculation nears. This is used as a technique to prolong the act but also to discover non-ejaculatory orgasms. There are several techniques for this some being considered quite sacred such as in the Tantric techniques of India and also there are the Taoist tenchniques of China.

Then there is the capacity to orgasm through anal penetration which because of the prostate (sometimes referred to as the Male G-Spot) is generally much easier for men than for women. such an orgasm does not neccessarily involve an ejaculation.

There are more too. There are many ways to stimulate the brain to a variety of kinds of and degrees of orgasm. People paralysed and numb from the waist down can learn to orgasm from touch to other parts of the body entirely!

I've even known people who have been able to orgasm just from kissing!

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Originally Posted by Merinda

[SIZE=2]However I find the masturbation aspect has not decreased over the decades , if anything , the urge is more intense .
I tend to stay dressed afterwards but find myself having "second helpings" around an hour later.[/SIZE]

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[SIZE=2]"Second helpings around an hour later?" You lucky b*tch! That may have been possible when I was a teenager, but it's a long time since I was capable of that![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I too find that the urge to masturbate has not diminished over the last 50 years and mostly revert to male mode immediately after, but that's usually because, without upsetting my non-approving wife, I need to be out of my "finery" before her earliest likely return time. I do delay the final "release" as late as possible, thus extending the "dressed" time to the maximum. On the rare occasions she has been staying away overnight, I have remained dressed until the morning (sleeping in the lingerie, corset, stockings and heels!), and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. It's great to leave it all on, and an exciting experience to wake up in the morning, still dressed. My batteries seem to recharge sufficiently overnight to rekindle the "urge" again in the morning, 8 hours or so later. But one hour later.....forget it!!![/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Tony[/SIZE]

Don't look at me..... I can't even remember what sex is.... 33 years of marriage will do that I guess... sigh.......

I have been dressing on and off for a long time. After the initial sexual thrill, the comfort of being who I am is very calming. I went out this Halloween and it was the most fun I have had in a very long time. Being accepted by everyone for a night was well worth it.

I always ended dressing sessions, with release, until this year. I have almost no sex drive, or libido, now, for some reason-prostate illness, medications. Now, when dolled up, I get thrills, looking in the mirror, fantasizing, but, there plant is almost closed down, on skeleton crew down there.

Me too.
When I was younger, much of the dressing was about fantasy and release. Then I had to get out of the female clothing. Eventually I came out to my wife and she lets me dress around the house. This is very relaxing and now satisfying in its own way. She asked for one condition that I am willing to accept, namely that I return to male before I come to bed with her.

i get really turned on at the thought of having sex while dressed as a woman, my girlfriend on the other hand is not so accepting. i also find the thought of having sex witha man or another cd while dressed a real turn on. Does any body else feel the same. its also kind of a fantasy for me to, to be treated like a lady

cdjoanne, I too have the urges to have sex with a cd or man when dressed, When in my male mode I don't have these feelings but I do have a better understanding of gays and others who have different sexual desires then the so called normal society.

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Originally Posted by MsJanessa

Carol's right honey---when most of us first started it was about the sex but as time wears on it gets to be much more than that---so try this--next time after sex, leave your clothing, make up and hair on---fix your self up and wait half an hour---you will be glad you did.

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I agree the 30 minutes after sex is the hardest to control. But once that time goes by I feel like dressing.

Yep, pretty normal!

It will pass....Trust me:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Katie B

This let-down after sex is nothing to do with cross-dressing -- don't get the two mixed up. As has been said above, it's pretty common, to do with hormone levels, blood pressure, muscle tension, all sorts.

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May be something to what Katie says! I seem to enjoy the tite clothes, corset, girdle, etc. until I orgasm. After that, is when I suddenly feel I'm being cut in half, and can't get everything off fast enough!:doh:

Anyone else have that happen?

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Originally Posted by Debutante

Yes Nicole! I have always felt the same way. I dress, and emulate all the mannerisms I can. But at some point, the eroticism is too great, and I proceed to masturbation -- often with fantasies. When that is over, I have always wanted to get out of the clothes and stop it all. In the past, I felt guilt over all this right afterwards. And my energy switches over to the masculine -- and I feel a completer connection with my masculine right afterwards.
I wish I can maintain the feminine for longer periods... and I hope to do this.
Greater and deeper acceptance is needed. My wife is supportive that i find that greater acceptance -- go deep into it, and see what comes out.
She's a good practising psychotherapist...

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I am the same way. After ejaculating, I want to change back into my normal clothes. I don't have any guilt, or feel bad for what I have just done. I just feel sexual relief. Just like when you have sex, you feel fulfilled, and satisfied and no longer need to be erotic. What does it mean? Probably nothing. It's just what I do. If you really want to know what you are, its more so your thoughts when you are not sexually stimulated.

Laura

I am so glad that you asked that question; the responses are great and helpful.

I, too, had always associated dressing with sex. Being in the closet, sex meant masturbation, of course. But when I had climaxed, the clothes came off and went about my male life and was left wondering what it was all about.

Now I am 63 and the sexual side is as strong as ever although I have a wonderful wife who understands and helps me. But no longer have an urge to go back to drab after any form of sexual experience. And I still do not understand it.

Great post and great responses! I second, third, etc... the idea that the desire to remove your fem things after sex will pass. I just wish my SO would let me dress in front of her--let alone dress for sex! You are very lucky!!!

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Originally Posted by Katie B

This let-down after sex is nothing to do with cross-dressing -- don't get the two mixed up. As has been said above, it's pretty common, to do with hormone levels, blood pressure, muscle tension, all sorts.

It's not a new discovery; Aristotle said: "Post coitum animal triste" which means more or less "After sex the guy feels low".

Others suggest getting right back into the clothes. I don't see the point, and would think it would spoil the atmosphere. It might also get you into the habit of thinking crossdressing= let-down, and that would never do!

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Newbie,

I'm with Katie on this one too.

To that, I can add several things...

That after living with women for decades, I've come to understand that women don't get turned on all that much by their clothes. To them, to look "good enough" is a passing grade so they can just get on with the rest of their day, "Sex be damned, I gotta feed my kids!"

The greater challenge then, is not to have quick-sticky-sex but to proceed with the plan of dressing and dressing well and being true to the other role - all the rest of it. If it's just sex you want, any catalog or video will do... But, if it's living like the other side lives, well, be ready for a longer, more respectful, ride with more complications and commitments than it might be "sexy" to think about.

The reality of "their" lives is everything they complain it is... Tight and clumsy shoes, breasts that get in the way most of your life, embarrassing flows - and stomach pains you can't even talk about. Yuck. We get to live the ideal, as it were, and "they" have a legitimate grip about that. Imagine how you'd feel if someone took a picture of you in a guy tuxedo, went home, and masturbated to it - then tossed your picture in the trash? Would you just feel used AND misunderstood? How about if they took your tuxedo out of your closet, did the same thing, and stuck it back on the hanger?

I appreciate that you enjoy dressing up and getting a thrill, in several ways, from doing so. But, as Katie says, don't confuse the sex with something else. Sex is sex and crossing gender lines is something else. In my view, however, once you cross that line you should be playing by their rules.

And, do they fantasize in slips and bras about being with men? Only in movies like "Animal House" - which is all about male fantasies... Mostly they wear "sexy" clothes to attract a mate, and can't wait to stop having to go through all that silliness just to be close to someone and have a healthy, helpful life and relationship.

Keep sorting out what you, and all the rest of this, are all about.

Good luck and good living.

From what I understand during ejaculation there is a spike in testosterone, it has been mentioned that this is the connection in wanting to 'get out of the clothes'. lol Interesting none-the-less. For me this has been the same for quite some time in the past and still is occasionally. Although, I do enjoy staying dressed after sex most of the time now...

hey just wanted to say that i feel the same and usually want to go back to male mode after i have a release. i would like crossdressing to be something more though. i think ill try some of yalls advise. thanks for the advise too.

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Originally Posted by billie earls

cdjoanne, I too have the urges to have sex with a cd or man when dressed, When in my male mode I don't have these feelings but I do have a better understanding of gays and others who have different sexual desires then the so called normal society.

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i feel the same way billie.....and if there is someone experienced in matters like that with a man i have some questions i would like to ask in a more discrete way....please email me if anyone would like to share with me.....
missy nicole

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Originally Posted by missynicole

i feel the same way billie.....and if there is someone experienced in matters like that with a man i have some questions i would like to ask in a more discrete way....please email me if anyone would like to share with me.....
missy nicole

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Suggest, you ask them in a discreet way:)