She just wouldn't understand

I went to visit a friend of mine that works at a consignment shop yesterday. Now she talked to me earlier online and said it was really dead there and wanted me to come visit to pass the time.

I arrived and we chatted for a good 15 minutes and no one came in to shop. I asked her if she had any crossdressers that came in. She said yes and they were all old and creepy to her. That conversation ended after that.

A couple minutes later she jokingly asked me if I wanted to try on a wedding dress and she knew I'd say 'no'. Well she's a good friend of mine and since she thought crossdressers were disgusting I sheepishly said 'no' but truely wanted to try a couple on... I couldn't say 'yes' and risk losing a friend or her telling everyone else that I like wearing dresses.

Another reason I hate our society...

:<3: Ashley :<3:

Sad,but true,we do get put down by a lot of narrow-minded people,who truly do not understand us.:sad:

well first of all you could have told her that all cross dressers are not "creepy" and i would have said yes to trying on the wedding dress to prove that not all cross dressers are creepy looking...

and come on now do you relay want to have a friend like that!!!!. if i am creepy then i am in good company ...

Paople are generally afraid of what they don't know well, and bolster their own insecure self images by bashing those who they feel they can safely considered inferior. It's been my experience, though, that most people can soften up their prejudices if slowly exposed to new things and they come to realize there is more to the world than their own narrow experiences.

Your friend might change her attitude if you started by talking about how those "old and creepy" customers are just tryng to get through life in their own way, like everyone else, and are likely far less offensive personally than the public at large.

Ashley, it sounds to me (from a distance) like she might know something is up and wouldn't mind finding out a little more *smile* Maybe it's just the romantic in me.....

xxx

should have said YES to the dress.......

after all SHEs the one who asked.....

When my mom found out about my crossdressing, she told me that I was "sick, perverted, and need help" and that any of my friends who knew and thought it was okay need lots of help too.

That's just the way society is. You should've taken her up on it when she asked or when she said that crossdressers are creepy, should've remarked "am I creepy?".

Just go for it Ashley! A good friend who works in a consignment shop (how perfect)! No shoppers! She offers to let you try on a wedding dress! She is probably catching on--this is a great opportunity. Don't miss out! Show her we are not creepy--not much, anyway. At least tell us where the shop is located so others can take advantage of your find.

I had a clerk I met at a thrift shop--told her I was a cd--got to know her fairly well. And I just asked one day if I could try on three wedding dresses. Got a shopping cart and headed for the fitting room. Popped my wig on my head and came out to show her and she grabbed the zipper and said "suck in" and zipped me up. Loved it--wish she still worked there.
Click on my name and take a look at the wedding dress on my personal page.

I'd have said "Sure if you insist" hahaha

Imagine if she accepted your crossdressing, you might have had your own personal shopper looking out for great deals for you!

If it had been me (and there was nobody else in the store) I would've jumped at the chance.............to try on wedding gowns ????..........you bet :daydreaming:

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Originally Posted by XdresserAshley

I asked her if she had any crossdressers that came in. She said yes and they were all old and creepy to her.

A couple minutes later she jokingly asked me if I wanted to try on a wedding dress and she knew I'd say 'no'.

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I think you may be looking at this from the wrong view point.
Maybe all she was saying was old people were creepy, lol
[No offense to our "more experienced" members here, lol]

If she "knew" you were going to say "no" then why did she ask?

It has been my experience that:
When a guy friend says "hey wanna jump off a bridge" he usually does not really want you to do it.

When a girl friend asks you if you want to try on a wedding dresses [of all things], she most likely WANTS you to say yes.

More so, she didn't ask if you would [or would like to] try on a skirt or even a dress......... No she went right for gold.

I think the next time you two are "passing the time there" you should at least approach the subject again.

Maybe you can ask her in a passing way,
Soooo which one of them did you want me to try on?

Or I could just be completely wrong, LOL

I bet you are sorry you said no. Hope you get the offer again. Maybe you can go back when its slow and say you been thinking about it?

I would have asked her if i was "creepy" when she answered honestly then i would have let it go until she offered the wedding dresses and gone for it. make the point nice and subtle.

Now here was a situation where (a) she is a friend, (b) she doesn't know you CD, (c) she asks you if you want to try on a wedding dress. I don't think that a, b and c all fit together. Are you leaving something out?
Sounds like a super opportunity to me (though I would have wanted to dash home and get some suitable lingerie and a nice pair of shoes).

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Originally Posted by Ruth

Now here was a situation where (a) she is a friend, (b) she doesn't know you CD, (c) she asks you if you want to try on a wedding dress. I don't think that a, b and c all fit together. Are you leaving something out?
Sounds like a super opportunity to me (though I would have wanted to dash home and get some suitable lingerie and a nice pair of shoes).

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At age 76 I guess I am one of those "creepy old" CD's! But I agree with Ruth and Traci. I think she does know something, and as Karren said you should have taken her up on her offer! Of course after putting on the proper lingerie and shoes!!:) Why don't you ask her what she would have done if you said yes to her offer! Then you will really know where you stand with her!

Hmmmm... all in all an opportunity lost I'm thinking.. while she doesn't like older cross dressers, you might could have still tried on a wedding dress or two then tried on a regular dress and gradually gotten her on your side.. if she thinks you are a great person and finds out you are a cross dresser maybe she would change her mind about cross dressers in general.. just a thought.. I know you run the risk of ruining a friendship but then again she really doesn't know you anyway...

The problem is that when we get put down we don't stand up admit that we are a crossdresser! Instead we stick our head in the sand in shame. If we continue this behavior, then we will never make any progress. The OP that went into the consignement store should have said "I am also a crossdresser, but I am not old and creepy!" "We are just normal people like everyone else. You could have then tried on the wedding dresses. We must learn to be proud of who and what we are in order to make progress and feel comfortable with ourselves. We also need to not worry about what other folks think because that is not something that we can control.

:2c: Jamie

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Originally Posted by Darlene Rochelle

Sad,but true,we do get put down by a lot of narrow-minded people,who truly do not understand us.:sad:

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Now that I rethink this situation..... I'd go back next time your in the neighborhood and take her up on it..... Say if the offer still stands... you'd like to experience just what those crossdressers are feeling.... For scientific sociological information gathering... Yeah!!

Dear, I would have jumped at the chance to try the wedding dress on. :battingeyelashes:
And not all older crossdressers are creepy. Many are very classy and feminine.

[QUOTE=Ruth;1533968]Now here was a situation where (a) she is a friend, (b) she doesn't know you CD, (c) she asks you if you want to try on a wedding dress. I don't think that a, b and c all fit together. Are you leaving something out?

Ruth, I agree. Something is flawed in the logic of the friend. She probably already knows as we tend to know a lot more about women's clothes than most men and other things.

As for me, my wife really hates CDers

You could also look at it from her side, of which there are two major viewpoints. I've become good friends with a lady who works at the makeup counter in Macy's. She sees quite a few crossdressers. She isn't anti-crossdresser. We get along really well. She did tell me of a few crossdressers who look, to use your friend's term, creepy.

She has told me about crossdressers who come in and look awful. She usually tries to make helpful suggestions. Some take her advice and look much better next time. Some keep doing that they do. She told me a few of these stories. In short, It's weird, creepy, unsettling, call it what you want, to see a wolf in sheep's clothing.

When a someone wears clothes that are not appropriate to her body, or has a ratty looking, too long hairstyle, or hair the wrong color for her complexion, or makeup more conducive to a hooker than a woman at the mall, or a 50 year old dressed like a 20 year old, these images are jarring to people. because it doesn't look normal. It's a lot more unsettling when it's a guy dressed as a gal and acting like a guy. The crossdresser stands out and looks creepy. He's the square peg not at all trying to fit the round hole.

Perhaps your friend has only seen the crossdressers who do not try to look and act appropriate. Of course, it could be that she finds the idea of any guy in woman's clothing, no matter how well or badly presented creepy. Better the former than the latter. The latter idea is going to be a lot harder to change.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

I understand where you are with this. But I think I'd still have found some way to say "yes" to her.

Thats how I discovered I liked dressing up as a girl is in high school there were these two sisters who talked me into letting them dress me up in as a girl, and then it became a regular thing. I would go visit them, they would dress me up as a girl then we would hang out all weekend and have alot of fun together.

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Originally Posted by obsessedwithpantyhose

should have said YES to the dress.......

after all SHEs the one who asked.....

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It wad a gamble,
and there're some things I like to gamble with, some times, may a few dollas whene I go to Vegas, but a the risk of being outed it's too
much, I say better not.

Alma.

Hi Everyone; If U know this lady somewhat then do this.

Go by and see her again. Waht day and time was it when it was so slow?

Just before Chrismas it may be different dynamics of shopping patterns tho.

When it is a slow time hopefully either early or at noon call and ask her if U can bring her something, maybe a breakfast burrito or a coke or a ice cream bar or a burger or sub.

When U R there ask her what she would have done if U had agreed to try on a wedding gown?

If she says she would have let U, then say "great I want to try one on, but let me go home and get my camera"!

If she says "I knew U wouldn't" then say well now I do want to try one on, but let me go home and get my camera".

Then go get a camera and have on some lingerie already and tell her U wanted to "feel the whole experience".

If she asks where U got the lingerie, say I borrowed it from a friend, that is why I have to get a picture.

I know how unfortunate it is to miss an opportunity dear.

Yrs ago I was just going to pop in to the Safeway to pickup an
Rx and was wearing a great new Wacoal underwire lacecup minimizer (42C 85122) that had come in the mail that day.

I didn't want to take it off it felt so great, so I just pulled a polo shirt on over it and walked out the door.

I was halfway to the back of the store when a woman starring at me stopped me and in a stage whisper said "U look great in that bra".

I was so shocked and taken aback that I just mumbled "thanks" and walked past her.

Later I realized I missed a wonderful opportunity to meet a woman what liked a man in a bra!

And when I got home and looked in the mirror I realized I had perfectly round breasts! I recommend Wacoal bras by the way.

O.K. You have to go back and tell her you've thought it over and you're wondering why she brought it up.Test the waters with a few questions to see how she feels about it.If you get positive answers and if she would be willing to help ,then tell her you want to try.Put the ball back in her court,make it seem like its her idea.Tell her, "I'm doing this because I like you,you asked me and I trust you'll keep it between us only" .I would have her lock the shop up first.You should be able to tell how serious she is.

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Originally Posted by Raven92366

in high school there were these two sisters who talked me into letting them dress me up in as a girl, and then it became a regular thing.

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Lucky you!

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Originally Posted by Celeste

O.K. You have to go back and tell her you've thought it over and you're wondering why she brought it up.Test the waters with a few questions to see how she feels about it.

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She may not had thought of it at all, but Ashley did say She was the one to open up the topic of crossdressers, not her friend working there. So maybe Ashley's friend was fishing for a response.
Either way, I doubt Ashley's friend would have been trying to set her up just to respond to her in a bad way.
I don't think her response would have been, ewwwwwww your a creepy crossdresser toooooo if Ashley would have said Yes.

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Originally Posted by tammie

When U R there ask her what she would have done if U had agreed to try on a wedding gown?
If she says she would have let U, then say "great I want to try one on, but let me go home and get my camera"!
If she says "I knew U wouldn't" then say well now I do want to try one on, but let me go home and get my camera".
Then go get a camera and have on some lingerie already and tell her U wanted to "feel the whole experience".

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I agree except for two things.
1) Already have the camera in your car, but don't mention it.
I am sure the "kodak moment" thought will come to her all by herself.
That is when you mention, Oh I keep my camera in my glovebox. Do you own a digital camera?

2) I would not run home to get or be dressed in any female undergarmets for when/if you visit her again.
There can always be time for that later on, ;)

If your going to do that, then you might as well go there already dressed in them & tell her flat out you CD & regret not just telling her that the first time around, and if she isn't offended by you, then ask to try on everything!

So, in short Ashley, pick the best way you feel comfy with & get back in there.

Next time she wants you to visit, joking to her, ask her where the wedding dresses are and then put one on just to see her reaction! If it doesn't go over well, tell her it was her idea and you were just having some fun at her expense because you knew it would creep her out. If it goes well, maybe she will take the lead and suggest doing more (makeup ...) ...you can then just say you always wanted to try it just for fun.

There is no way I would have said no to her request to try on the dress. I think that she suspects that you are a cd and she expected you to say yes. If you get the chance again go for it.

You missed a great opportunity. This may have been a set up for you benefit from the beginning. When she mentioned the old and creepy CDers, I would have asked "am I old and creepy?" to get her response. You could still have played it either way depending if she was for or against the idea.

Gen

Thank you all of you on your input, and if you have more I'd love to hear it. But, I will go back there soon and try to shove it into the open a bit more while keeping things cool and I'll let everyone know how it goes!

:<3: Ashley :<3:

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well first of all you could have told her that all cross dressers are not "creepy" and i would have said yes to trying on the wedding dress to prove that not all cross dressers are creepy looking... and come on now do you relay want to have a friend like that!!!!

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I think that it could become a problem if you don't have a lot of friends to begin with. Unless you want to be out to the world, there's really no way to know who is CD friendly and who isn't, unless we carefully ask to find out without actually outing ourselves. And just because someone is CD friendly, doesn't mean that you want to be friends with them anyway. Crossdressing is not the be all and end all of who we are; But it is the thing that society decides will define us more than anything else. You could be a war hero, save a village, but if you CD then you are 'the crossdresser'. It becomes the major descriptor of you for a whole lot of people, most of whom don't like crossdressers. Simple example: Dennis Rodman was an all star how many times? How many championship rings does he have? Can anyone easily answer? And yet, he's one of us! But EVERYONE knows he's a crossdresser.

Not all of us want to be 'out'. We don't all crave the title 'crossdresser'. We don't all have an overwhelming desire to walk down the public streets trying to pass as a woman, and so are not all 'working up our courage' to be 'out'. Some of us just want to be accepted as the part time Cd'er that we are, and just really want a woman (or man, if you're gay) that will love and accept us as we are, whether we are in a dress or a suit. Like so many of us here, I would looooooove a wedding gown; but I don't think I'd jeopardize a long friendship by forcing someone to accept or reject me based on one thing I do that they may find very upsetting. But that's just me.
(answers to above: Twice, and five, two with the pistons, three with the bulls, to the best of my recollection).