how to out yourself to a theripist?

I like many in this forum I am very depressed,,maybe not because of cd'ing but neverless very depressed,, well yesterday I went to a theripist for the first time,, did a history session about my upbringing, feeling alone, not liking people, sheltered ect stuff,,, well she didnt mention sex stuff at all so I didnt offer the cd;ing thing to her,, not sure if I can have the courage, thinking she might think I am a freak and push me out the door.
What I was wondering is, for any of you that has seen one,how did you tell her and did that change anything of the session topic,, dont want to dwell on this one topic but think I should tell her in some way,,

You just tell them really. Keeping things from the therapist pretty much insures that you'll hinder any progess. Anyway, therapists have heard and seen pretty much everything and are supposed to be non-judgemental. The chances of your therapist reacting negatively are so miniscule that I would'nt worry about it unless your therapist is some sort of conservative nut. Anyway, if your therapist reacted in anyway that you saw negative, then he or she was not a good therapist and you should find a new one.

Amy
Just tell her. You could start with some background about how you enjoy dressing in womens clothes and let the counselor come to the conclusion that you are CD. These people are professionals and have seen many different things. The only time that I had any push back from a counselor was when the counselor was pushing me to go to church to cure me of being a CD. I didn't go back to that one.

Irene

i told my doctor first so he in turn told the therapist she knew from day one. and she was OK no problems.
you should tell her IMHO

If you're going to see a therapist you should be completely open and honest with him or her as the case may be. If you are not you defeat the purpose of going to one in the first place.

Vieja

And just to reassure you, Therapists are required to keep what you tell them completely confidential, like Priests or Doctors. The only exception is if they think you are about to harm yourself or others, (at least in my state.) Talk to her about this. If she is any good, you need have no fear of sharing with her, and it may be an immense relief to talk to someone.

My therapists have been completely non judgemental, and did not see any need of "curing" me, but to help me adapt and accept myself. My wife and I were in couple's therapy, and this was a great help to us and our relationship.

It might be too soon to go in dressed though. But our theapists did want to see pictures. If I still had them, I would post them.

Last year, I actually went to see a therapist about some family issues (mom and sister) that I had been having since I was a child. I was 35 and thought it was a good idea to see a professional so that I could better understand or control my issues before bringing them into my marriage (I got married a few months after seeing the therapist). Although for a VERY long time, I used crossdressing as an outlet for my stress, I didn't think it was necessarily important to cover. The therapist did ask that since I don't drink, don't do drugs, and don't smoke (my was she shocked that I didn't do any of those things), what outlet have I had for my stress. I told her that I'm pretty aggressive when I play sports and that also I would crossdress and that I had been doing that since about 6th grade. I explained how I feel like a totally different person when I'm dressed, than I do on a daily basis. She explained that there was nothing wrong with it...and with the other issues that I've had that there is nothing wrong with me. The issues really were with my mom and sis. She completely understood about the crossdressing and found it to be pretty normal. Her only concern about it was relieved, when I told her that my wife knows about it and has been fine with it.

Tell her outright. You need to share for her to help you. Ask her directly if she has experience with CDing and gender issues. I spent much too many $$$$$ teaching theralists about cding. I found a place that has trained therapists and wow what a difference that makes. Good luck and please be open about what your houghts are. Confidenciality is assured by law.

Like Sara, I have to second the opinion that you need someone who is well versed in gender variations. The therapists I saw, well, lets just say that those who don't specialize in sex, gender and such, I was virtually teaching them instead of them helping me. Online you can find lists of therapists who specialize in folks like us. Get some recommendations for your area. If I remember correctly, Tri-ess had a list at one time.

You are PAYING for this. TELL ALL!!!!! otherwise you will not get an accurate response and the "therapy" will be worthless.

Tara

It's your money your paying them, they are working for you. If you keep anything back, you will not be doing yourself any good. I would have to say there is a 0.000% chance that the therapist will think your a "freak". They are there to listen to you and to help. Let them help you. That's what they are there to do.

You didn't mention how you found your therapist. As someone who has seen many therapists over her life for several different issues, I have learned the importance of "shopping" for the right one. Before I started seeing my current therapist (who I adore) about my gender journey, I spoke to eight on the phone, and then made appointments with three. Once I met my current therapist (the last of the three I saw), I had no doubt that she was the right one for me.

You should tell them exactly what you need help with (depression, CDing, etc.), and ask them what their experience has been with those issues. Ask them what approach they take toward each issue. If you don't like what you hear, or if they are evasive, or even worse, resistant to answering, then keep looking elsewhere.

Incidentally... If there is any chance at all that your current therapist "...might think I am a freak and push me out the door.", you want to know that before you waste another dollar and another minute.

Therapy is expensive and time consumming. You want it to be productive.

Wendi

Hi
I went to a therapist to work on relationship problems and once if felt comfortable with her that is when I discussed my cross dressing with her , she was and is very supportive , I didn`t know when I started to go to her that she worked with many others with gender issues , but it has been a huge help to me !
Good Luck
Tomara

I went through more than 10 years of therapy without ever talking to my therapist about it. He once started to pick up some cd related topics I seemed interested in and drilled into me about them a little about that, but I diverted as best I could, figuring he knew something, if not the whole picture. It was never forced out of me and it was never brought up again. That was years ago and in my self-denial period (which lasted up until the last couple of years).

If ever went to therapy again, I'd talk about it once the first get to know me topics were out there. I'd talk about it without too much hesitation because the relationship between therapist and client is a very private one. They don't out you to others and you're not conversation material at their dinner table (at least not with any identifiers attached if so).

I'm sure a lot of cders seek therapy just because of being a cd, so I doubt a therapist would bat an eyelash at it.

We've all wondered how many crossdressers there are around us because we keep it to ourselves and they do too, so no way to know. I'd say a good therapist might be able to offer some insightful statistics about that.

They're there to help you sort your thoughts out, not to out you to people you are not out too. :)

My only question is are any therapists still treating crossdressing like a mental illness? If you get that feeling, then it might be a good idea to seek another therapist and send that one back to the 50's. ;)

Amy, take the advise of some of the other girls on here about seeing a therapist. From personal experience, yes most therapists have seen and heard it all, and are trained to not be judgemental, however since your dealing with CD, Transgender issues, just be aware that not all therapists have training in dealing with these issues. It's sort of a specialty, and the ones that don't may take you in a direction you don't thinks fits for your situation. As one girl mentioned her therapist told her she needed to go to church to be cured, not that there's anything wrong with church. I had one tell me that my CDing was a sexual addiction, Ouch!. I had to go join a sex addicts support group at our Church, met a lot of nice guys, buy since I didn't know what really was going on with me, and my wife was madder than a hornet, I went, the only thing that group did was make my wife feel a little better, and it made me realize what I really was. So I found a Therapist that specializes in TG issues, and things have been so much better. The good news is if you don't feel your making progress, fire them and find somebody else, I did! this is ALL about you.:hugs:

Christy

I was a little rushed in my previous response. I completely forgot to wish you the best with your therapist.

Bring up your cding as soon as you're comfortable with it. I honestly wish I brought it up with my therapist. He was a very open-minded man and spoke candidly with me about other topics other therapists might be judgmental or corrective about. Maybe if I had the courage to admit that I was a crossdresser and spoke to him about it, I would have learned that's it ok a lot sooner in my life and could have gotten that part of me straightened out a long time ago. It gets to me - the time I wasted in denial.

If by chance you get negative vibes from your therapist, consider a different therapist. No good therapist should ever give you a negative vibe or make you feel bad about who/what you are (unless you harm people in some way).

You'll do fine, Amy. You're not the only one who suffers from depression and being something so crazy as a crossdresser. ;)

Remember - you're never really alone. We're all just a quick trip to your keyboard away. :)

Twenty years ago my wife insisted that I go see a therapist in order to get 'cured'. She went with me initially and when the therapist asked what we were really there for, my wife told him. I saw him for over a year and we never did talk about my transsexualism or CDing. What a waste because I knew all along there was no cure for what I was going through.

if your not going to tell her stop going. its a waste of her time and your money.
i have had to tell them about stuff i wouldnt tell a best friend and it helps.
the balls in your court :)

I went to a therapist to work on some issues my wife and I were having, non CD related. While I was looking for a a therapist, her having experience with gender related issues was important to me. So basically from the first day she knew about me. I visited her once a week for a couple of months and occasionally would show up dressed; she was surprised the first time, but was fine with it. She mentioned how relaxed I seemed to be as a girl.

Definatly find the courage to tell your therapist. It took me a while to tell mine even though I knew he already knew. It was that hard to say. After sharing that and going through all the ramfications most of my time spent in individual and later group therapy was on self discovery and relationship issues. I went through horrendous depression but came out the other side when I discovered no one was making me feel bad about myself, I was the one making me feel bad about myself. When that dawned on me, the deep depression left and never returned. That was ten years ago.

Personally I have found that a great therapist will help you to find your own answers...there are no magic ones. When I went to see a therapist, I was very open about crossdressing and eventually would go to sessions dressed. She never judged me or made me feel uncomfortable. She had her ground rules about dressing but they were easy to respect. Be honest and thorough and you'll find the answers you're looking for. Good luck!

I told my therapist during the first session. The only way a therapist can truly help you is if he or she knows and understands the complete and entire picture. You are limiting the potential benefits of your therapy if you hold things back -- disclose it all.

A good therapist is going to be completely non-judgmental and professional. Crossdressing is probably one of the more "mild" things a therapist deals with.

Oh Honey

just tell her. you need help>

I can tell you from first hand experience, first of all do you feel totally comfortable w/your therapist??? If you do then then you have nothing to fear. If on the other hand you do then change therapists!!! Now this is how I told my female therapist---- At the end of one of my weekly sessions I said to her that the next time I see you(next week) I'm going to drop a bomb on you. She just looked at me and said OK, next week then. After leaving the office I mulled over the fact that I opened my mouth to soon and"put foot in mouth AGAIN" Next week came quickly and I said to her----the bomb that I mentioned last week is that I'm a crossdresser!!! No reaction from her!!!! She looked at me & said tell me about it and I did from the very beginning to the present and to what extent. I also told her of my inner most feelings of femininity
and how I would transition if I could. Sorry for the long dialog.

Mollyanne

I told my therapist about my crossdressing in the first session.

I told my theripist and she said the derpression stems from constintly and daily surpressing a part of me that society wont tolorate,,hiding daily a part of you that you was born with can take its toll,,, that is one of the reasons that I am depressed she said,,,, she said we need to find you a way to deal with this,,,I will keep you informed when we figure a way,,,maybe it will help you all also...

Professional people are supposed to keep things private - BUT it does not always happen - the therapist, counselor, doctor dictates notes - those notes have to be transcribed - those notes are looked at by secretaries and receptionists and nurses - they are not suppose to tell, BUT the truth is THEY DO - the juicier the notes, the greater the tale
I know it is not supposed to be this way, BUT it happens - a Court can get the records - the Government can get the records - your SPOUSE's lawyer can get the records - I KNOW !!!!!

JoAnne Wheeler

Amy,
Tell your theripert. I told mine during the first session and after the third
was cancelled due to snow, desided he wasn't right for me. I did ask if he had experience with gender issues (second session) and was told "this is not one of my areas of expertize". He wanted to talk about sex, communications and privacy; these are areas the SO and I are already working to keep open between us but not one word was said about my CDing/genter issues. I will be finding another theripert (hopefully a female this time) maybe this one will work out.
Alice

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crossdrezzer1

I told my theripist and she said the derpression stems from constintly and daily surpressing a part of me that society wont tolorate,,hiding daily a part of you that you was born with can take its toll,,, that is one of the reasons that I am depressed she said,,,, she said we need to find you a way to deal with this,,,I will keep you informed when we figure a way,,,maybe it will help you all also...

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I'm glad you were able to get it out to your therapist. I think she really hit the (press-on) nail on the head.

I hope that every confused and/or depressed crossdresser who keeps mentally beating themselves up about being a cd reads this very post that I'm replying to.

Society's gender rules really screws with our minds from the time we're very young. It is natural to want to be who we are, but we're taught that we have to conform to all this or all that. And so the long, confusing journey begins.

I'm not confused or depressed about being a cd anymore. I love who I am, even if society considers me to be some kind of sick-o. I'm a good man (and a good woman) and a devoted husband with a loving wife and a productive member of society and a bunch of other very positive things.

Keep moving forward in your therapy. It sounds like you're off to a very good start. I really think you'll beat this depression thing and have a new clarity about your own life in the process. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crossdrezzer1

I like many in this forum I am very depressed,,maybe not because of cd'ing but neverless very depressed,, well yesterday I went to a theripist for the first time,, did a history session about my upbringing, feeling alone, not liking people, sheltered ect stuff,,, well she didnt mention sex stuff at all so I didnt offer the cd;ing thing to her,, not sure if I can have the courage, thinking she might think I am a freak and push me out the door.
What I was wondering is, for any of you that has seen one,how did you tell her and did that change anything of the session topic,, dont want to dwell on this one topic but think I should tell her in some way,,

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It all depends ....

1. How long have you been seeing this Theripist?

If you have been seeing this Therapist for some time , she/he should recommend and work with a sexual identity Therapist ..Between the two and your history givin to the original could lead to a better recovery in your behalf...

2. If this is a new Therapist stop... If Crossdressing is the issue seek a sexual Identity Therapist..Not all(most) Therapist are aware and able to understand or properly treat you...

3. If you do see a Sexual Identity Therapist ...Very Important to be upfront and honest in every detail..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mollyanne

"put foot in mouth AGAIN"

Mollyanne

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In this family, we call that " Athletes Mouth "

I have, in the past considered seeing a therapist, but not done it.

After reading this thread, I think I may finaly follow through with it, 1. I am sure my insurance will cover it & 2. I have been suffering from depression and sever Fustration based outburst. :Angry3:

I did not know there were therapists that specialize in gender issues.

maybe i missed a beat. We all need help! :)

a word of caution.....

depends upon who is paying the bills. if it is your company do not be assured that they will never know.

of course that too depends upon your position and legal status with the firm.

but if you want to keep information like CD'ing from any source other than those treating you it's best to pay out of your own pocket.

for all the legal types i'm clearly not talking about the laws regarding privacy of medical records, like most folks i thought those protected me from prying eyes and i suppose i could have had legal representation to keep my medical records at arms length. however, that would have been a career limiting move in the position and firm in which i was employed.

just a word of caution. if you pay out of your own pocket those records will be largely out of reach of prying eyes.

of course, that's only if you care, which you seem to do.