Tired of my wife not being more accepting of my crossdressing

[Gina's dress-up]

Hi Linda

I also have about the same problem you have, I married my high school sweetheart in 82 we dated for three years. i join the service she went with me i never told her about my cding. one day she ask me if she could paint my face and dress me, i reply yes, then i ask how she figure that i crossdress she had a fit, she said all she wanted to do was have fun, well that what started everything about me. I confess to her that i was a crossdresser and she told why did i lied to her she also told me that if she had known we would have not gotten married.We have gone to counseling about my cding, my wife tells the therapist, that she will tired to understand me, once we leave its good for a few weeks then she starts again telling why this why that etc....

Sometimes i think she wants me out of the house, but do not know how to tell me, since we been married for 28years, i think that why she holds on. I do love her every much, and she knows. Therfore i dont push her anymore about me, i tired so much i give up. i only dress when i am alone at the house.
I hope this well help you a little, that you are not alone. Love Gina

[María José]

Your wife married the man. You didn´t tell her anything about "the woman".

You can not oblige her to accept your crossdressing.

It is up to you to decide what to do.

My wife knows I crossdress. But she has been very clear: she wants the man. She accepts I dress when I travel; she acepts I have friends like you, "girls" like me; she has seen me dressed at home; she enjoys my pictures dressed. But crossdressing is not part of our lives as a couple.

If I go further our marriage will be finished.

You have to decide what to do. I have come to a balance that permits me to crossdress and to enjoy live with the girl I love. It is not easy, but is works ...

We have been married for 25 years. I crossdress since I vas 12, I´m 52 now. She knows I crossdress since five year ago.

[CharleneT]

I would seriously consider trying couples therapy again. I know it didn't seem to work back a few years. Maybe now is different, especially if with a new therapist.

[giuseppina]

Hello LindaMarie,

Maybe another try or three with a professional therapist with experience in dealing with gender issues will be able to help you and your wife sort through your troubles. Chances are good there are other issues that should be dealt with besides your crossdressing. If you both don't connect with the first therapist, try again until you find someone you can work with.

Best of luck,
Giuseppina

[Satrana]

But, it's been over 20 years now.

And that is the real problem for you. There is a battle of wills going on, you trying to encourage more acceptance, she not willing to give in. It is no longer about the CDing any more, it is about intransigence. In fact since she has stayed with you, I suspect that CDing is not a major deal for her at all.

No matter how shocking the revelation was to your wife 20 years ago, that cannot nor should not ever be used to not move forward in the relationship and reach a satisfactory, mature compromise. 20 years is more than enough time for her to have chipped away at the prejudices and accommodated who you are. The last 20 years should have seen a gradual relaxation in her attitude. The fact that this has not happened means she believes she has won this battle of wills.

Having got away with it for so long what makes you think she would ever be interested in changing the status quo? Those advising to see a councilor is fine if both parties want to resolve the issue. It sounds to me that she does not want to resolve this situation as this would result in her having to give ground and begin steps towards acceptance. She will ignore such advice.

At this stage anything short of a major announcement like the threat of divorce is not going to change her mind. I presume that is not on the cards so you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The only alternative may be to force the issue by dressing against her rules. If you are going to change the dynamics then you are going to have to take risks.

[LindaMarie]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my original post. You've given me a lot to think about.

Like a lot of us in mid-life (a euphemism for being in my mid 50s), I think the realization that time is getting shorter has begun to make me think more about what it is I really want and how to accomplish it. I think it's important that I continue to meet my responsibilities and obligations, but in the context of those responsibilities, I wonder if I can do more of the things I've always wanted to do while balancing my needs with those of the important people in my life.

Thanks again for your support and thought provoking messages.

[AmiFL]

Linda, I just read your post (re: Tired). OMG, we are walking in the same shoes, hopefully nice pumps. I guess it's like any relationship. Some wives accept "golfing or Sunday football" as a husbands release and share in the fun. Others, but not ours, enjoy playing dress-up with their spouse.

I always live by the philosophy it could be worse.

[Tamara Croft]

Maybe if you gave her the choice in the first place before you were married, maybe things would be different. But you're just another selfish person who thinks all women should accept CD'ing, even though YOU lied to her for years in the first place... and now you're tired of her... how do you think she feels? She married a man, not a woman... she doesn't have to accept anything and the more you push it, the more she'll back away from you and then what? she leaves?

[Karren H]

How can your wife be in so many places at one time!! And as far as lying... I'm the queen.. Just ask my wife who referes to me almost daily as "the liar". Sigh...

I always subscribed to the "not telling" isn't lying because I never said I didn't if asked a direct question and I actually told the truth the first time she asked!! So in my little logical engineer mind I'm not a liar, right Tamara??

You don't need to answer because that doesn't fly with my wife either!!

[Tamara Croft]

Karren... all you need is this

[JenniferR771]

Me too, Linda Marie. Dittto times two. Couples counseling did not work. Sometimes we were not speaking when we left his office. However it is not entirely the crossdressing. My wife is not a social person. When children and then grandchildren came along her focus and love shifted off center to them. And homophobic to cd.