Is being gay worst than be a crossdresser?

[Barbara Dugan]

Don't get me wrong I always try to avoid post on personal and family issues
but this is something I've seen on many posts. one of the first things that most crossdressers do when being outed is to defend their sexuality I understand is because of the view of society toward us. But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay .

[Sarah Michelle]

[in my opinion] being a c.d. is different than being gay. I have a gay step-son in his 20s. he wouldn't dress in fem but he is definitely effiminate in both dress and mannerisms. most of his boyfriends have been far less effiminate than he is.
the continuum isn't vertical, it's horizontal. some of the spots are more heavily populated than others, some of the spots are more popular than others.

[Ann Thomas]

My Cousin is gay and we had a discussion about this subject. According to him. it turns out most people think gay guys are effeminate, hence when they see a guy in female clothing they assume they are gay. He said, "We like men, that's why we're gay. Why would we *want* to dress as a woman? Doesn't make sense. When my partner and I go out, we dress up, in guys sport clothes usually. A gay guy dressing as a woman is for entertainment. Before [my long time current partner] came along, I had two boyfriends that were drag queens. I ought to know." (I'm condensing and paraphrasing a bit.)

I think that's why crossdressers feel they need to explain their sexuality, since it's assumed they are gay by people that don't know the difference.

Anyway, I had to explain all of this to my wife as well, as that was one of her questions for me some time ago.

Hugs,
Ann

[Lorileah]

I'll take answer "c" being narrow minded is worse. The other choices are not "evil". You say "either" I say "Oh isn't that skirt cute"

[Teri Jean]

IMO being gay has advantages in that it doesn't have to be visible as CD or transitioning trans-sexual. I have a nephew who is gay and for reasons to him alone he thinks it takes more b...............ack bone to be a CD/TS. You thought I was going to say balls, LOL. When you think about it he is right, when we come out of the closet everyone knows the change but unless a gay person tells you it is not evident. Then the first question is about your sexual preference so then you have the option of answering or walking away. Not everyone is or has to be gay to CD or TG, it's a life choice separate from CDing.

IMO Teri

[Barbara Dugan]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser

[Frédérique]

But are we trying to imply at the same time that being a cd is not the same as being gay or that being a cd is better than being gay.

[SIZE="2"]It’s not that being gay is “worse” than being a crossdresser (or vice versa), it’s just that most people don’t bother to look closely enough to make distinctions. This is about education, I suppose, but I really don’t care if people learn how many different types of “us” there are. I don’t mind being thought of as gay, though – I like to confuse people and play with their conception of reality. We artists are thought of as “sensualists,” and that may be an extremely accurate term – our senses all work well together, so we are open to delights others may miss. Wearing women’s clothing is one such delight, wouldn’t you say? I’m not gay (pity), but I’m very merry…[/SIZE]

I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser

[SIZE="2"]Good for you! I’ve seen the word “crossdresser” associated with homosexuality in some arcane definitions, but, the longer I read the posts on this site the more I realize definitions are anything but definite…[/SIZE]

[AndroRemi]

The only problem that comes with exposure of your habit is that many of us dress for very different reasons, and the only real awareness that the mainstream media knows of or cares to publicizes is the fetish aspect which is usually based on gender role reversal and interpreted as homosexual. While this may not be the case for you, it is probably more beneficial to be homosexual and coming out about cross dressing due to the spreading knowledge and acceptance of homosexuality. Neither is better than the other, one is just more exposed and understood than the other.

[Kate Simmons]

Hopefully not. That would be like the "pot" saying the "kettle" is black.

[Stephanie Stephens]

Barbara; I consider myself as a bisexual and a cross-dresser. I cannot separate the two. I feel that my sexuality and my gender expression are intertwined. So, I cannot say which one is worse.

[Annie D]

The longer that I frequent this site, the more I see others change their attitudes about themselves and others in regard to their sexuality and preferences. I know that I have. I no longer try to defend who I am or how I represent myself. In the past month alone I have been viewed as gay, bi-sexual and straight. If someone perceives me as any one of these "handles", then I no longer try to change their perception. In reality, we are who people think we are; why try to convince them otherwise......unless you are as homophobic as they are. Your sexual preference is none of their business.

If you dress like a duck, act like a duck; then most people will perceive you as a duck; stop quacking about it and waddle on.

[Jeanna]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser

Of course it is safe to say, at least with us. But consider that if you are a "woman trapped in a man's body" you are not gay at all.

[Chiana]

The longer that I frequent this site, the more I see others change their attitudes about themselves and others in regard to their sexuality and preferences. I know that I have. I no longer try to defend who I am or how I represent myself. In the past month alone I have been viewed as gay, bi-sexual and straight. If someone perceives me as any one of these "handles", then I no longer try to change their perception. In reality, we are who people think we are; why try to convince them otherwise......unless you are as homophobic as they are. Your sexual preference is none of their business.

If you dress like a duck, act like a duck; then most people will perceive you as a duck; stop quacking about it and waddle on.

Perfect.

[DianneRoberts]

As long as a person is good to children and animals, who cares.

Put Mike Vick back in prison and throw away the key.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

In my experiences in the last 10 months, since going out dressed is that, even crossdressers are treated unfairly by some gay guys, but not so much lesbians. I've heard some gay guys say "Why would a man want to wear a dress all the time". They even think all crossdressers are straight. I'm bi, but never think about my sexual orientation.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

For me, its not that either is better or worse, I think both have advantages and disadvantages as far as how we deal with the mainstream, but both groups obviously still have some struggles to get past.

For me, I don't really care if people think I'm gay, except in the case of potential partners, I don't think not wanting women I'm trying to date to think I'm gay means I think being gay is a bad thing.

So I think some of the people who come out as a CD and say "but I'm not gay," are doing it because they're usually trying to reassure their SO or potential SO because they are worried she might think they are.

[JulieK1980]

I'm happy being Bi and a crossdresser.. I don't think either is better or worse, in fact I wouldn't give up either part of myself... People fixate too much on labels... gay, straight, crossdresser... it doesn't matter, we are all people.

[Misty is Kindafem]

Thanks for your opinion gals then I think is safe to say that I am a gay crossdresser

Welcome to the party girlfriend. (wouldn't a real party be great?)

Was that lovely announcement for you or us? ;-)

-Misty

[DawnRodgers]

It can get to confusing. If you present ass a woman does "gay" mean you want to be with a woman or a man. If "straight" the same question. Bi doesn't necessarily solve it either because some of us are very definitive about what we want. Also some will prefer specific partners in different personnas. Somebody needs to come up with something more definitive, I've never known, for sure, how to desvribe sezuality in this situation but always try tp ,ake it as clear as possible by writing it outclearly. There is no quick easy answer.
Dawn

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Somebody needs to come up with something more definitive

Or perhaps the exact opposite, we need to not worry about definitions and just be happy to be ourselves and be attracted to who we are attracted to.

Like I said before, as long as girls I'm interested in know that I like girls, that's all I need to worry about.

[Christina Horton]

I think (in today's world) it is almost a trendy or much better to come out as gay. Drag Queens are even better to be cuz people like to go to a drag show and have fun. But when your a straight CDer your thought of as a lower class person cuz your strange. I personally don't care if people think I am gay...but if they ask me if I am , or if I am telling someone I cd them I will tell them . Most people have no clue that most of the CDers out here are straight and that shocks them. There like WOW I did not know that. So when it come right down to it I think it's easier (but nit by much) to come out and stay out as a gay man or woman. My sis is gay and my mom has just as almost as hard time dealing with that then with my CDing. Although mom is now much better with my CDing and has going shopping with Christina and to dinner etc. So being gay might be better in today's world, But it still is a hard thing to deal with unless you yourself love yourself and excepts it fully. If your feeling guilty co ashamed you will always have problems with every thing about it. You need to love your self and then others will love you. Unless you like being miserable all your life!!!

Congrats to all that has come out to friends and family and to those whom have not, Love thy self them after you have then come out when your/They are ready. Good luck all.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Both work for me....not a problem...however on the pecking order (no pun intended) being gay is the new "cool thing" in society...Cding hasn't even come to close to that so far...maybe in 20 years it might be...

[Nicole Erin]

Gay and CD seem to be about the same level...
Nothing wrong with either, as long as, on the web, you are not considered "GHEY"

Even worser would be if you were -
OMG PWN3D LOLLERCOASTERZZZ GHEY!

Now THAT would be bad, but gay or CD, heh no biggie.

I mean come on, what if when a man wore men's clothes we automatically assumed he was straight, or a woman in a dress, does that automatically make her a lesbian?

Or what about our friend here with the badger avatar? Does that automatically make her a badger?

Or what if we just assumed Debbie was dumb cause she is a blonde?

What if we assumed Christina was a truck driver just cause it was in her signatire, or that I look like a cartoon, or that Gypsy was a giraffe?

All this assuming, man I tell ya I can't take it!

[Christina Horton]

What if we assumed Christina was a truck driver just cause it was in her signature!

Well I am silly, sometimes the truth is right in your face you silly goose. Oh I called her a goose does that mean she is a goose. Well I guess so if society says so , it must be true. Sometimes a duck is a duck and sometimes when you see a duck it is not a duck it is a elephant. Now that's a feat of Crossdressing to the max. Just image the corset that Elephant must have to wear to give it a duck's curve. WOW. It would not be able to breath well. LOL . Just thinking about it make me laugh.

[Elsa Larson]

> I have a friend who is gay and a crossdresser. He can be a handsome guy or a cute girl. His boyfriend is not in to femme guys but tolerates the behavior. It's very similar to how a wife or SO might feel about her husband's crossdressing.

> For many of us, crossdressing is an isolating activity - something we do alone. You can't be gay by yourself.

> It must be very difficult for gay crossdressers to find accepting partners.

> I've heard anecdotes about men with deep-seated homophobia who explore transgender and transseuality rather than deal with their own repressed homosexuality.