...it's been a long time since I've posted here (I never really posted too much anyway) but something has been on my mind lately and I need to talk it out with some people who understand.
Emily has been pretty well buried for many months now, after I found out that she caused me issues with my last girlfriend. Apparently, according to her, I got so wrapped up in being Emily (wanting to have Emily be in the bedroom, wanting to dress as Emily more, etc.) that she began to resent her –*and my male self in the process. Apparently it's a major reason why she wanted to split up. This is after she spent years accepting – and even encouraging – Emily to come out.
Once I found this out, I purged. I spent some time alone, gradually buying some panties and maybe undressing to work a little bit, but that's it. I felt like Emily was dead and that's what I wanted, since she had caused so much hurt. Months later, I met a wonderful girl who I love much more than my ex –*more than I ever knew I could love someone.
I told her about my desire to wear panties, and she didn't understand at first, but gradually came to accept it. We've expanded into bras, nighties, the occasional stockings, and a couple of times she's done my makeup.
But now I'm starting to feel like maybe Emily wants to come back. I don't have a wig anymore, or forms, or any clothes aside from lingerie. But sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be her again. Trouble is, I'm so afraid that I'll chase off another woman, someone who I love more than I ever thought possible. Should I make myself content with lingerie and occasional CDing, or should I put myself out there?