Came out to new girlfriend

[vivianann]

I came out to my new girlfriend, about my crossdressing two nights ago, needless to say she was quite shocked, kept saying I dont know what to think, after awhile she started asking questions about why I like to wear womens clothing, it was a struggle for her to understand crossdressing, she told me that she needed some time to understand cding. I thought I was going to lose her, to my surprise she called me the next day and was very sweet to me, and we had a wonderful conversation that lasted for many hours. I hope all goes well between her and I into the future. I feel really good about telling her, and if I shall lose her I will be broken hearted, but at least I told her the truth and I hope over time she will accept my cding, only time will tell.

[Mirani]

Congratulations - you have taken a risk, but it is the right kind of risk. I hope you are both able to have a future based on an honest beginning.
Best wishes.

[BRANDYJ]

Vivianann, I am happy to hear about your coming out to your girlfriend. I wish you all the luck and love in the world. I'm glad she is trying to understand and accept you for the person you are. If you don't mind my saying, just be sure you don't smother her with it. Go slow. Even after she tells you that she is fine with it, be sure not to let her acceptance consume you to the point of making it a daily conversation or worse yet, a daily dressing or desire to dress in front of her. Let her more or less lead n her road to understanding.
I think the biggest mistake a CD makes is when he is so thrilled to have a GG accept his being a CD, that he goes under the pink fog and makes it like he can't get enough of her acceptance and his dressing. Please go slow and don't risk running her off lost in that pink fog. Again, I am very happy for you.

[fluffy]

Well done Viv,
I know it's hard but it is the best way to go about it and for me the only way.
Telling a new girlfriend is still easier than coming out to a wife of 20 years or so.

Women are far more accepting than most of us think. We just have to give them a fair chance and telling them openly early on is the only way to do that.

Please encourage everyone to do that.

[Crysten]

Better the truth up front than sneeking around and hiding. At the very least, she now knows you are an honest person who is willing to share yourself with her. I could never understand how anyone would hide something as...momentuous..as this from someone they love. And then they wonder why...10 years later...after the wife finds the "stash" -- that their about to be single again. I told my wife on our third date fourteen years ago and haven't regretted it for a minute.

Best wishes and good luck!!

[Tomara]

Hi Vivianann
That's great news , I feel it's always best to tell the truth and be up front with people and if they have a problem with you being yourself than that's their problem.
I wish you the best of luck in your new relationship !
Tomara

[alice clair]

Crysten I totally agree with you, you cannot go wrong with the truth

[Katheryn]

I came out to my new girlfriend, about my crossdressing two nights ago, needless to say she was quite shocked, kept saying I dont know what to think, after awhile she started asking questions about why I like to wear womens clothing, it was a struggle for her to understand crossdressing, she told me that she needed some time to understand cding. I thought I was going to lose her, to my surprise she called me the next day and was very sweet to me, and we had a wonderful conversation that lasted for many hours. I hope all goes well between her and I into the future. I feel really good about telling her, and if I shall lose her I will be broken hearted, but at least I told her the truth and I hope over time she will accept my cding, only time will tell.

When I came out to my wife I pointed out that all the reasons she liked me over other men she'd dated all stemmed from the same parts of me that had me wearing skirts and heels. She was afraid I wasn't CD but would want the op and to find a man and leave her. Told her that wasn't the case, just liked to take an occaisional swim in the estrogen ocean as Bill Engvall calls it. Twenty years later, she believes me.


kate

[Jenny Doolittle]

I am happy for you Vivian, like others have said "Best to be honest from the start"

I think she may have taken the time to learn a little bit about CDing and discovered that we are not monsters. You must have given her some good sites like this one to learn more about what cross dressing is all about.

Anyway, I wish you the best in your new relationship.

[kaitlin]

I agree 100% !!! An open and honest relationship is the best! My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, we started with a firm set of rules, the biggest being we would be honest and keep no secrets from each other no matter what! To this day we have never had a cross word or anything!

[anonymousinmaryland]

I agree. Well done. Best wishes to the both of you.

[AKAMichelle]

I think many women can accept us if we just had the courage to tell from the beginning. I don't think we understand the brownie points we get for being honest from the beginning. Many guys will cover up and lie about events in their life forever and they don't crossdress. When a woman is confronted with a guy who tells her something that big and secretive near the beginning of their relationship, she sees a side of you which she wasn't prepared for. She gets to see a guy who is honest and trusts her.

The real problem with relationships and cd'ing is when we hide it from them. The trust and honesty part of the relationship is nearly destroyed in one event. It takes a long time to rebuild it and if other things are wrong in the relationship, then cd'ing becomes an out for the woman and many of them take it.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

[PretzelGirl]

That's wonderful Vivian! I believe the instances where it takes a day is actually a good sign. If we tell someone, sometimes the brain goes into overdrive and it is hard to think straight. Give it one night and the person gets the chance to think that this is the same person they knew before. They just need the time for the thoughts to slow down to where they can be worked on.

[Christina Horton]

One of the best ways to explain why We CD is to ask the this (you) "Are you right or left handed" (them) "right" (you) Ok now tell me why? ( them "why what" (you) 'Why are you right handed" (them)" Ahhhhh I don't know It just is natural for me to use the right hand for most stuff , Plus I was born with it that way." (you) exactly!!!! That's the same as CDing is for me. I can't quite put into words why just that if feels right when I'm dressed as a women." And so on!!! Now of course if there left handed you use the left handed speech but you can figger that out LOL.

I think that is a best as I can explain why I do this and if it will help you then you (and the rest of the girls here can use it to.

Congrats on telling the GF , your world will never be the same , all will be great just as you know go at her pace and don't make every chat and time with her be around CDing. Hugs and take care of her.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Vivianann,

I don't know how long you have been dating, but after a while, when things start to look like they might become more serious, I think we all have to share that secret side of ourselves if we want to have a relationship based on honesty and trust.

Kudos to you for being honest and brave enough to take this step. By doing this, it shows you care and that you are serous about her and your relationship.

[Sarah Doepner]

Yay! Good for you Vivianann. And double good for your friend! It's hard on both sides of the relationship and wonderful when it works out. I wish you both the best.

[vivianann]

Hi Rachel, and the others who posted, thanks for the words of advise, I dont have the pink fog moments anymore, thank God. For me dressing up is no different than doing something that I enjoy, such as playing with my hot rods, or anything else.
I let her bring up the subject of crossdressing now, and so far she has a couple of times, she is still struggleing with it, and rightfully so. I dont believe I am out of the woods with her about crossdressing, I am not quite sure which way this will go, so far we seem to be enjoying each other and it has been over a week now, we talk alot. I will keep you all posted.

[Heisthebride]

That's fantastic Viv, honesty is really the beat way to go. I hope everything works out for the two of you. Let her take things at her pace as she gets used to the idea. For me it worked out great, we were married in April. We also have plans on a 2nd wedding where I will be the bride.

[Victoria Anne]

That is wonderful Vivian , honesty is the best way to go , I wish you both all the very best and many long years together.

[JennaR]

wow, good for you I guess even if your wearing a dress you have balls the size of Jupiter. I'm married so I'll hope never to deal with that situation but I have to say I would have wimped out and more then likley ended up leaving hints around until she figured it out. Then let her bring it up. I respect you for that

[ReineD]

That's wonderful, Vivian ... congratulations! But, I'm not surprised. lol. There are a great many more GGs who are accepting than people imagine, especially if they are on the dating scene in their 40's or 50's. It's an entirely different matter than a GG who finds out about the CDing after having been married to her husband for years.

A word of caution, and this is based on my own experience. It's important to be honest, as you have been, but be careful to not minimize the extent of your desires and spring things on her bit by bit. This might lead her to believe that you are headed for far more than you actually are.

If you enjoy going out several times per week and this is important to you, don't lead her to believe that you only dress rarely. Or only privately. If you have femme profiles on social sites, disclose them to her early. And if you do identify as more than "just a regular guy who occasionally enjoys getting in touch with a female side", tell her this as well. If there is anything about your appearance that you are currently considering changing, tell her about this now as well.

It is when things start to change after the relationship becomes established that spooks many GGs, and this may even turn them off. But if they are clear from the onset about your desires and how the CDing fits into your life, there will be no surprises down the road and the gf won't eventually question her own role in your relationship.

I wish you both the best, and I do hope your relationship reaches its full potential.

[Paisley GG]

So much great, caring advice...

Really in the end, we each want is the best match as a companion, lover, friend..Someone who we get and who gets us. To find this best match, at some point one has to be brave and show their warts, peccadillos and tender parts. Not only is this not fair to one's self but it not fair to the other as they need to find their best match. It is never easy to expose one's vulnerabilities, and then possibility be rejected...but I think out of that dignity can flourish.


Forgot the most important part....I do hope this turns out the be a wonderful match for you.

[~Michelle~]

My advice to you; continue to make love the main focus, make sure you both don't get too much dragged into this crossdressing issue so that it becomes the main focus. Her intense love for you will most likely make it easier for her to deal with the crossdressing and make this relationship a success. Never underestimate the strength of love!

I told my wife only a few months after I met her, but we took it slowly and we focused more on having a great time together. It has paid off in the long term, we're now almost 11 years together and at this point the crossdressing has become a part of our relationship in a healthy way.

[vivianann]

Update, last night my girlfriend said she wanted to ask me some questions about my crossdressing, and believe me that is the last thing I want to talk about at this time, but she insisted, she asked me how often I dressed, what is the longest time spent crossdressed, I told her the truth, well she got upset about it, then she asked if I could, would I dress as a woman everyday, I said yes I would, but it is not feasable to do so, because of family, church, and work. Well my answer that I would dress daily if I could really upset her, this whole thing about crossdressing is really troubleing to her I told her I am being up front and honest with her from he beginning, that I am sorry that I have caused her heartache over this, but I cant change it, it is a part of who I am, and I even used the right hand or left hand analogy, that was suggested earlier, I also told her that she needs alot of time to really grasp the concept of crossdressing, and I also told her you may or may not come to terms with it. I told her that I went through alot of termoil because I thought it was wrong, and had alot of gilt trips over this. I explained to her that it took along time to finally come to terms with crossdressing, and that most all crossdressers go through the same thing.
I told her a few times that she could run away from me if she wants to, but she did say that she will not abandon our relationship over this. she wanted more time to research on the subject of crossdressing, and that she had been doing online research on crossdressing. It is going to take a long time for her to really get her head around this, I did not raise my voice, and neither did she, she had tears welling up in her eyes during our discussion, she did ask me if this was breaking my heart also, I said yes, because at that moment it was. At least our conversation was amicable. I love this woman with all my heart, and have for the last 30 yrs. We are at a crossroads right now, I asked her to bear with me and see where this goes. eventually the conversation went onto better things, and we had a wonderful time afterwards, but we have a long way to go. And another thing, her name is Vivian also. I might have to change my femme name, I love the name Vivian, and I dont want to change it, but if I have to I will.

[ReineD]

Wow, you've known her for 30 years!

I dunno, but I think it will be OK.

So if she's online doing some research already, you might invite her to join this forum and become a member of FAB? Or do you feel a bit queasy having her read your past posts? Not that there's anything wrong with them, but you truly would be baring your soul if you did that.

If your gf can get over this hurdle, you will have a wonderful relationship together. I'm pulling for your both!!!!