I'm fat

[JessiRed]

I don't post here often but I do read and thoroughly enjoy the threads.

I need to get this off my chest and I hope it's ok with everyone.

I am fat. I never used to be, and never wanted to be, but I am. For the first 28 years of my life I was skinny. I was 6'2" and 166lbs just a short 3 years ago. At my heaviest I was 6'2" and 265lbs, that's right, I gained 100lbs. I know why this happened, and I have taken steps to get back to being the real me, but I need to admit it to myself, and apparently this part of the internet world.

I'm currently 249lbs and losing, through proper diet and exercise of course.

The reason this happened is because I was ashamed of being transgender. I spent years in therapy to accept who I am, and I did, but ultimately I reverted to self-hate. Here's why...

My therapist asked me to prioritize my life goals. The two main goals were to have children (family means the world to me and my biggest issue to overcome in therapy was I felt like I'd never have a family because of who I am), and to transition. She pointed out that it was possible to do both (something I didn't believe), but that transitioning would have to wait a few years.

She made me realize that it was ok to raise kids as a transgender person, and based on that I decided to start a family. When my son was born almost 2 years ago something strange happened, I started to self-hate again for being TG. Best I can tell I got fat to 'shield' me from myself. After all, if I'm a big fat beer belly type guy like so many other men, I couldn't screw up my son by being TG. Truth be told it worked, I got fat and couldn't wear any of my clothes, thus negating the true me.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and have gotten back to being myself, but now I have 100lbs to lose (well, 80 I guess, silver lining?)

So, really long story short, I got fat to "get rid" of my TG self and it's blown up in my face. Now I'm fat and miserable, the only things that make me happy anymore are my son and wife.

I'm looking forward to getting back to being me, but along the way I may stop in here for some encouragement. Everyone here is so great. Thanks for being here for me

[Karren H]

So was I.... 7 years ago.... But I realized that if I wanted to live long enough to see my kids grow up I needed to do something. Lost 50 pounds in 9 months and got back into ice hockey. My health improved and I feel fantastic.. Fitting into a size 10 dress was a bonus... So you can become un-fat if you want it bad enough!! You can do this if I can!!

[Kaz]

It's about priorities... just do it!

[Danni Kay]

I'm 6' 3"... I had 'let myself go' up to 260 lbs last December when I decided to reign myself in. So, since then, I've been eating out way less (restaurant food is really calorie-heavy in most cases), cooking at home (I love cooking, and I get to wear an cute apron!), limiting the portions of what I eat, and excercising at least 30-40 minutes every day. I'm now down to 220, and I'm hoping to be at 190 range (which was my high school weight... I was never super-skinny) by September or October.

The trick is to stick with it, don't be shy about letting people that you know know that you're on a diet. That way they'll be less inclined to try get you to eat when you don't want to, or eat types of food you don't want to. I'm don't think my getting fat has to do with my being TG; I just like food, too much food, and come from a line of tall, big-boned folks on both sides.

[Maiko Newhalf]

Jessi, I'm 5'9 and was 200 lbs a year and half ago. I lost 50 lbs though exercise (mainly P90X) and proper diet. I'm using a website (myfitnesspal.com) to track what I eat and it's extremely helpful. The website is free and have nutrition info for many different kind of foods, which are all contributed by members. It takes a while to get started but when you get use to it it barely take any time to record your daily food and exercise diary.

Hope this helps. And keep up the good work. We are here for you.

[Cynthia Anne]

Hay Girl! It's great that you're losing the lb's that you desire to lose! Just keep hanging in there and before you know it You will reach your goal! Hugs!

[Tanya C]

I've struggled with my weight most of my adult life. It goes up and down like a yoyo, topping out at 212 lbs.
In recent years I've become a lot more scientific about diet and nutrition, and I was able to slim down to 150 lbs. And that's where it's stayed for the last 3 years with a couple of minor transgressions.
So, hang in there, you're going to make it.

[Shananigans]

It will be really easy to lose the first 20 to 30 pounds. I've lost 20 pounds and 2 dress sizes since the last week of March. Weight loss is really simple but it is a long process. But, once you get really close to your goal weight, it will become a lot harder.

My goal is 130 pounds which would put me at about a size 4-6 since I am 5'10". I eat around 1300 to 1500 calories a day (though I do allow myself to cheat sometimes) and I walk about 2 miles a day and do yoga. I'm starting kickboxing and circuit training so that I won't be "skinny fat" and thus I will also be able to eat more calories since I will be working out more. There's a lot of info on the internet about losing weight and how many calories you should eat. You should aim to lose about 2-3 pounds per week. If you lose more than that, you are probably losing muscle mass and not fat.

My advice is just write everything down. EVERYTHING. Measure your portions and write down every calorie you consume. Don't do any fad diets like no carbs or no meat or no sugar or whatever. It's way too hard to cut out something when you are cutting calories. What I did was just decreased my calories and ate what I wanted. After time, I began to realize that I can eat MORE if I just eat healthier. And, I began filling up on fruits and vegetables instead of junk food. I felt more satisfied. But, it was shock enough for my body just to learn to eat less...I didn't want to shock it into a completely new diet that I would probably fail on over time. I still eat what I want, but I eat better so I am not hungry. I cut out most sugar, but that doesn't mean I won't have a Coke or a cookie now and then.

The main thing is that you HAVE to realize that you are NOT DIETING. You are changing you lifestyle.

Once the first 10 pounds are off from just eating less, your confidence will boost. This was when I started eating healthier. Now that I have lost 20 and am working on refining my muscles, I am exercising more. Slow process.

It also helps to break it down into chunks. Have small goals for yourself and DO NOT rewards yourself with food. You have to understand that food is not a reward for your good behavior, food is strictly energy. See it as such. Instead of eating like a cow and gaining for a reward, go buy yourself something. It's hard to go buy clothes because you know you will not fit into them in a month. So, instead buy shoes...makeup...handbags....jewelry...

And, when you are at the end of the day and you are sitting in front of the TV and you want a snack, remember that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. However, if you are really starving at the end of the day (and you WILL go to bed hungry for the first week), eat something either high in fiber or some veggies.

Your best friend will be wheat bran. Mix it in yogurt in the morning or eat it straight with a glass of water. Do this with breakfast. Trust me...wheat bran is you new BFF.

Also, DO NOT take diet pills. Those things are a f*cking lie. Green tea extract does work, but save your money and just buy a bottle of concentrated green tea at the health food store for 7$. I just put a drop on my tongue throughout the day with a small snack of something like carrots or an apple.

Another thing that helped me was a weight loss journal. I made a column that was a column of dates. Each date was 2 weeks apart from the next. The next column was my "Goal Weight for that Week" (each week would be 2 pounds lighter) and the last column was called "Actual Weight for the Week" and this is where I wrote what I actually weighed. I weigh myself once a week at the same time. My time is Thursday AM...I pee and take all my clothes off and step on the scale.

Lastly, I know you feel bad now and your confidence is down. You have gender issues AND you feel like you will never be thin. Trust me, weight loss is SO do-able. It's very simple. It just takes a long, long time. I believe in you and you can do it. Take a picture of yourself now and look at yourself in 3 months and you will feel so much better.

I was so self conscious and never dressed up or wore makeup. Now, I wear dresses and do my hair and look great all of the time. I look and feel great. And, once I get toned like I want, I'm just going to dress even better. Believe me, the tears, the months of waiting, all of the times that you choose a turkey burger over a fried chicken sandwich....they are ALL worth it when you get in a cute dress and heels and make every one around you check you out.

Once you get to your target weight, come up with a weight that is your limit. So, my target is 130....my limit weight is 145. Basically, this means if I ever weigh 145 pounds, I will start decreasing calories and increasing exercise to get back down to 130 again. This will keep you from slowly creeping back up to 200+ pounds.

PM me if you need a weight loss buddy.

[docrobbysherry]

Jessi, I think u KNOW u can lose if u want to. You sound like an intelligent person who KNOWS u have issues! But, I don't think u can't work thru this by yourself. And u don't either! Because it's NOT just a matter of, "U can do it if U want to"!

Find a GOOD, QUALIFIED therapist! Get the help u need to establish sensible priorities and develop a plan that u can live with! I don't believe you will be happy until you work this out!

[Jeannie]

OMG! We had to go there didn't we. I am so fat that none on my skirts fit me anymore and I look like a stuffed sausage. Talk about muffin top. Since I have retired the weight has just piled on and now that I can't hardly do any exercise because my back has really been bothering me, it all seems hopeless. I am searching for alternatives but I must admit I have become incredibly lazy also. Is there anyone out there I can mail some fat to? Oh and Sherry I have your diet but I can't seem to get started it's too hard.

[Shananigans]

OMG! We had to go there didn't we. I am so fat that none on my skirts fit me anymore and I look like a stuffed sausage. Talk about muffin top. Since I have retired the weight has just piled on and now that I can't hardly do any exercise because my back has really been bothering me, it all seems hopeless. I am searching for alternatives but I must admit I have become incredibly lazy also. Is there anyone out there I can mail some fat to?

You can mail it to my tits or a$$. But, I've heard silicone works too and since my gf is spending 1k on some breast forms, I am going to have to just one-up the biyatch and get some implants.

Unfortunately, weight loss tends to mean that you lose weight all over...so, even your curves aren't safe. And, then you buy new ones

[shesadvl]

Sweatin' at the gym, doesn't make you slim... ... most of what you lose, comes from what you chews!

I find if you eat low GI & a protein every meal and have say 6 lil meals and exercise walking at least 20 mins a day is the best, & plenty of fluids, prefably water,... I am sure if you will loose a lot in no time at all.... its thinking about what we put in our gobs that we have to change.....

good luck....

[Julie Denier]

I've been wrestling with my weight about as long as I've wrestled with these femme feelings. I'm 6-2 and over 300 at the moment; had been down to 195 at one time. I know what to do to shape up -- it's the actual doing it that takes discipline and determination. Working on it, but meanwhile, thank goodness there are plenty of cute outfits for full-figured gals.

[michelle64]

i was 5'9ish and 290 pounds...ive lost over 70lbs in the last 9 months..it was not all fat..i power weight lifted for years and never was fat..but 70lbs later i feel better..went from a size 22 to a 14...really i do not want to go below 215..i wont look healthy at all...you can lose the weight the height is not going to go away though..

[Shananigans]

i was 5'9ish and 290 pounds...ive lost over 70lbs in the last 9 months..it was not all fat..i power weight lifted for years and never was fat..but 70lbs later i feel better..went from a size 22 to a 14...really i do not want to go below 215..i wont look healthy at all...you can lose the weight the height is not going to go away though..

Being tall is beautiful...don't forget that. Pick up a magazine and then Google the average height of models. Long legs look a lot better than short legs in heels. I spent the early years of my life being taller than every boy in the room, and then they caught up with me. My boyfriend is 6'1"....he wears heels too. We both have legs for days that would make a shorter individual pea-green with envy. So, don't feel bad about your height.

[Debra Russell]

I think a good number of have been there. Before my body building days I was 50 lbs over weight, waist was 38 I reconized changes needed to be made - that is the biggest achivement of the obese, the next is taking action then follow through. I am 5'8" and now weigh 155 from 205 -- body building show ready - 187 at 3% body fat, 9 yrs ago. Loosing weight and keeping it off is the most single self fullfilling thing I have done. It's literally life changing--keep it up, set a goal and constantly refer to it --all the best........Debra

P.S. There is no such thing as a diet--only proper portions of nutritious food = change of habits for life!

[Eryn]

I have the example of my father who, in his 50s, went from an active job to a sedentary job. He quickly gained a lot of weight and although he lived into his 90s his quality of life suffered because his joints gave out.

Having witnessed that, I try to be really careful. Age 50 came and went and although my job keeps me on my feet I found my weight went from 175 to 195 in what seemed to be an eyeblink. I cut portion size and soda and pushed it back down to 165, 10 pounds above my college weight. I can now get into size 6 jeans. My wife says that this is as much as she wants me to lose so I'm working on maintenance. It's a lot easier to cut eating to a minimum to lose weight than it is to find that happy balance that maintains weight.

On the "every cloud has a silver lining" department, I have noted that folks that have a few extra pounds also tend to have wonderfully femme faces. Pity we can't make the weight go to the parts that need enhancement. I've a feeling that GGs think the same way!

[Kate Lynn]

No you are not fat,the proper term is,fluffy.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I have a friend who has lost 165+ pounds over three years without any surgical intervention. She has just had minor surgery to remove the excess skin due to the wight loss (a nice donation to the burn center skin bank). Motivation was health. Does anybody want to die prematurely? Before seeing kids graduate college? Before grandchildren are born? Nope,

It's a tough road, but, it can be done. It must be done with consultation with a physician to monitor the changes in the body. Once it is off, it takes a lot of maintenance to keep it off. The biggest obstacle to maintaining a proper weight is the type of food and the amount of food.

Every time I eat at MacDonald's (once every two weeks for a sausage McMuffin and a black coffee) I turn the tray liner over and read the caloric intake and salt intake for all the yummies I use to eat. It is enough to make you puke, when you read those figures.

Eat a sensible diet and exercise. It does not mean you cannot indulge once in a while. Many things are simple. Just as little side bar here- My wife went out and bought salad dishes to eat our dinner meal off of. The plates are smaller so the amount of food intake is less, IF you only fill the plate once. Read the back of the soda and beer cans. A nice refreshing beer or soda times two is 350 calories and a lot of sugar. I switched to unsweetened ice tea. No calories (and a lot cheaper, so I can buy more slips and panties). Also remember, muscle mass weighs more than fat mass. You may find yourself stuck at the normal body weight for your own body.

Maybe squeezing into a size ten dress is just not what the goddesses meant for you. Maybe it's a size twelve. When I was a teenage I weighed 138 on a 6'2" frame. I looked sickly. I tried gaining weight. I couldn't. I ended up feeding sickening protein pills to the pigeons. Then I started swimming daily and still eating the same. My body weight rose to a nice firm 175 and stayed there for along time. It's a long haul, but, the results are worth it. Your back and knees will also appreciate carrying less around.

[Danni Renee]

Jessi - I can absolutely relate. I let myself go after my kids were born too (though mine were both girls). I was using my weight to cover up my feminine side. I was 6'0' and 265 last August. I started working on my weight and lost about 20 pounds by Christmas. But since I finally accepted myself (and been accepted by my SO) I have lost 35 pounds since January (size 18 to a size 12-14). For me, once I accepted who I was then losing weight became easier - I did not need to hide the real me.

I did a couple of things that really helped. For one, I shaved all my body hair. I never liked the body hair anyway but it was also camouflaging the reality. I played football and weightlifted regularly so I justified my weight by saying it was mostly muscle and a little fit. Once I shaved all my hair off though it was a dose of reality - I was the chubby kid in the movies! It was great motivation to work hard.

As far as exercise, I exercise an hour a day five days a week. I alternate between strength training, biking, vigorous walking, running, etc. It is not really relevant the activity so much as you do it for the whole hour (stretching and warm up do not count in the hour).

I generally eat about 2000 calories a day - I do not starve myself. I try to eat what I would normally eat with less portions so that I am changing my eating style, not the things I love. I do not eat fast food often (except the occassional falling off the wagon) and I am just not starting to reintroduce soda (1 every 2 days) back in my diet. I drink lots and lots of water, but since I love cold water it makes it easy.

Good luck with your effort and keep us posted! I would love to hear you lost 65 pounds by this time next year!

[Jorja]

Funny, its not like gravity.... what goes up must come down. With weight what goes in doesn't necessarily always come out. It sticks around the midsection. Cutting back at the dinner table and some mild exercise like simple walking will help. Your back probably hurts because of the excess weight you are carrying unless you have damaged it somehow.

Good Luck, I know you can loose it!!!

[Mona]

Hi Jessi,
You are on the right track with diet and exercise. The trick with exercise is to find something you enjoy doing so you will go do it even when things like time and weather aren't ideal. Good luck and keep us informed on how you are doing!

[Shoe Fettish Boy]

Tough one. Truthfully I've never been one to watch my weight. However I was a skinny and girly looking 12 year old boy when I started wearing dresses. I managed to hover around 150 to 170 pounds and 6 feet tall through most of my teens and twenties. But today I'm 210 pounds and 5' 11" tall? I shrank!? anyway there's always heels.
An unexpected benefit is curves. I have some ass and hips, even just a little boob to work with. I look kinda like the thick girls I'm attracted to now. Even better, I don't look heavy in my male clothes. But I never considered transitioning. Can't imagine how I'd make that change. Physically, I think I could handle it. But socially? I'd have to change my career and I'd have to deal with the ex. She just might try to take my daughter away if I went there.

As for losing that weight, how much of it is fat you can lose and how much is is muscle and stuff you may want to keep? You are very tall and you're gonna weigh something. I say go with your looks rather than your weight. Shoot for what pleases you when you look in the mirror. Glad your marriage stays together. That's an accomplishment for a girly boy. I couldn't pull it off. Props girlfriend.

[Loni]

well i am 5 10 and tip the scales at 205 pounds, my Dr wants me to drop 40 pounds. but my body likes it here.
i need help to get my body to loose the weight with out getting tired all the time.
any time i try to "watch" the input i do not have the energy to do a days work.

Loni

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[Kate Simmons]

Maybe Hon but what you need to realize the most is that you have friends here regardless.