Role reversal in marriage

[pinto]

I am wondering if there are any amongst us who are living in a role reversal in marriage. Whether were both are crossdressers or at least living just with reversed roles without crossdressing???

[Elsa Larson]

I have heard of such marriages but do not have details on any.

YouTube has some TrannyStar Galactica videos by role-reversed unmarried couple LES & LEITH.

[Cynthia Anne]

Row reversal???????! Sounds neat! I wonder if they are trying to have a baby!!!!!!!

[Stephanie Miller]

Role reverse? No way. Since S.O. tells me I can be the boss - why change?

[suchacutie]

In fact, role reversal is exactly what is NOT a part of what we do. We absolutely agreed that the "him" and "her" in me were to be kept separate so our roles would not change. What that means is that we added a girlfriend for my wife. Extrapolated out that meant we added a new set of roles and Tina is not a husband, and, frankly, has no capacity to be one!

This all means that our respective roles are completely changed, when Tina is involved, but not reversed!

Complex!

[Kate Simmons]

Not sure if that really matters or not. In a successful team the members complement one another's abilities and the resultls are additive. This is true both in a relationship and life in general.

[ReineD]

I am wondering if there are any amongst us who are living in a role reversal in marriage. Whether were both are crossdressers or at least living just with reversed roles without crossdressing???

Hmm.

Well, now that so many women are in the workforce and the number of women who get college degrees are equal to or have surpassed the men getting degrees, in this economy it's not unheard of for the woman to be the only person in the relationship who is working. I don't know that I would call this gender role reversal though, since a woman working does not contradict her still being a woman, nor does a dad who is home with the kids while he is looking for a job contradict his still being a man.

Maybe a CDer in this situation would look at it differently though.

[celeste26]

Even though my wife and I are in fact in such a relationship she refuses to see it. She only wears levis, has her hair short, fails to pick up anything around the house and generally acts like a guy (it seems has all those 'guy' bad habits anyway). She doesn't own any cosmetics much less use them. I on the other hand: wash dishes, cook, clean the laundry, vacuum, shop for the groceries, and all of the necessary household duties.

While she weakly suggests that she doesn't like my hair long, she doesn't complain about my dressing but is terribly nonsupporting of it, her depressing attitude sometimes is overwhelming. I have more femme clothes than she does, I have more bras, and panties, more high heels, hose etc. She is quite 'butch' in many ways.

[Jorja]

When I first joined this site there was a couple living a role reversal marriage and were very happy with it. I have not seen them for quite awhile now.

[donnalee]

Hi Stephanie
And you believed her? I needn't remind you of the husband's mantra?

[Maria in heels]

I have the marriage that you are talking about. My marriage is a good one, for a long time, but I am the wife when it comes to many things. I do the food shopping, laundry ( even for the kids up till last year ) clean the house, vacuum, clean the kitchen and fridge, take care of the children, and with my twins, dropped them off for daycare, ran to work, rushed home to pick them up at the end of the day, and then bathed and put to bed each day. I do have an extensive collection of shoes that she is aware of, and has known about Maria since we were married - she found out by mistake. Before we had any children, I used to drive in and wait for her outside of work to take her home at night, even though I had worked all day too.

Later on, when we had our little one, she stayed at home with the help of a nanny, and then decided to try " mom and housewife " all at the same time. Needless to say, after all of 8 months, I got the " I have to go back to work because I'm not domesticated " and she started to shop the job market. She is back in the work force, and I am back to the housewife role...

She admits that she is not and never will be domesticated, and that I make a good wife

We have another little child now, and she wanted to stay home and try to

[noeleena]

Hi,

As im the woman of this house, well it belongs to us both, nothing happens unless i do it , as im the only one here in it ,

Yet there is no change of roles before or after as iv done many of these so called women only jobs for years so no difference here & even when Jos was with me here we both did things, im not saying i did every thing over that time of 37 years , just we both had a share .

I dont see a male or female role its about working to gether, just some things are easyer for me to do & other things for Jos to do, tho i can do pretty much all of those except give birth & breast feed , i missed out on that ,

So Jos did that, & Jos was / is very capiable of doing many things , any way its about working to gether,

...noeleena...

[linda allen]

In fact, role reversal is exactly what is NOT a part of what we do. We absolutely agreed that the "him" and "her" in me were to be kept separate so our roles would not change. What that means is that we added a girlfriend for my wife. ....................... Complex!

I'll say. Your wife is now cheating on you with you!

[Claire Cook]

She's now bringing home the bacon, and I'm doing the housework. Geez, the place has gone donwwhill!

[suchacutie]

Now now, Linda! Tina and my wife are very proper girlfriends

[ReineD]

To most respondents to this thread, here's what I don't understand: why is it that if you help out with the housework, cooking, and kids, or even if you do all of it, you consider it to be women's work?

What about single men, whether or not they have custody of their kids ... are they doing "women's work" when they do their own laundry, clean their bathrooms and cook their own meals? Was I getting my sons to do "women's work" when I required them to make their beds and clean their rooms when they were little, or help with the dishes, or when I taught them how to do their own laundry when they were teenagers? When I teach my adult son now how to make homemade biscuits or chicken and dumplings (because he is single, loves to eat well, and he wants to learn), am I teaching him how to do "women's work"?

These chores may have been women's work during the 50s when there weren't a lot of women in the work force, but now everyone pitches in with the housework, even the kids!

Sometimes I get the impression that a CDer's view of the world is severely outdated. Why is this?

She is back in the work force, and I am back to the housewife role...

If you could afford a nanny during your wife's maternity leave, then why can't you get some household help now that you are both working? Why not get a cleaning service a few hours per week, or for a full day every two weeks? I had such a person for a few years when the kids were little and it made running the household a lot easier.

Just saying, you don't have to do it all. If there isn't enough leeway in the household budget for a cleaning service, why can't you and your wife split the household chores? If she has an extra 2 hour commute over you for example, then it makes sense you should to more, but if your weekly work and travel hours are the same, why do you not set boundaries for yourself?

Also, see my comment above your quote. If a guy does more of the household chores than his wife for whatever reason (and there are many plausible reasons nowadays why this happens), why do you think of it as a "housewife" role rather than a "househusband" role, or better yet, "the person who does more household chores"?

[Sophie86]

To most respondents to this thread, here's what I don't understand: why is it that if you help out with the housework, cooking, and kids, or even if you do all of it, you consider it to be women's work?

lol. Now, Reine, if toenail polish and dresses are "women's attire," then I'm gonna have to insist that washing the dishes and doing the laundry is "women's work." We can't be half-liberated and half-not--and with us guys getting the worst half!

Seriously, I've always done more of the household work and more of the yardwork, and once upon a time I made more of the money. That hasn't been true in a long time, though. For the past 12 years, I've enjoyed being the stay-at-home dad, homeschooling the children and doing the housework, whether it's women's work or not. I'm no June Cleaver, but I try to hold up my end of things, and my relationship with my children is definitely that of The Dad. As for my wife and I, we each have our area where we take the lead. Her big one is the finances. Mine is lifting heavy stuff.

[ReineD]

That makes sense, Sophie! You're in a modern marriage!

So why is it that old gender roles are still being assigned to modern responsibilities? The world has changed in the last 60 years. lol. It started in WWII, it further exploded during the 60s cultural revolution, was reinforced during the 70s & 80s second and third wave feminism, and the gap between traditional gender roles at home, in academia, and in the workforce continues to narrow.

So again ... why do so many people here continue to insist in calling housework, "women's work"?

I don't get it. Really I don't.

Men who do not CD and who are in dual income families don't think of it as "women's work" anymore. It's now become just the stuff that needs to get done, no matter who gets to it.

[celeste26]

I my case my wife must be asked to do any of those chores instead of automatically seeing the need (like I do) and just doing them. My father and his generation would help out but only when the need arose and he was asked, he sort of assumed that my mother would take charge of them and she did. In my marriage those assumptions about who would do them is on me not my wife. Frankly it would be the same whether I CD or not.

[Lorileah]

So why is it that old gender roles are still being assigned to modern responsibilities? The world has changed in the last 60 years. lol. It started in WWII, it further exploded during the 60s cultural revolution, was reinforced during the 70s & 80s second and third wave feminism, and the gap between traditional gender roles at home, in academia, and in the workforce continues to narrow.

So again ... why do so many people here continue to insist in calling housework, "women's work"?

I don't get it. Really I don't.

Preaching to the choir here Reine. I don't get how the same people who want to have the equality still want to divide things. Works both ways though and until both sides decide that clothes, work, pay, and fun are all equal, there will be discussions like this.

But that reminds me I haven't vacuumed, washed dishes, cleaned counters, mowed the lawn done all the laundry, taken the car in for service, gone grocery shopping, fed the milkman, trimmed, replaced the sidewalk,painted the house or left a note for the cat to double the cream order. Many of us don't have roles to reverse we do it all

[Sophie86]

So why is it that old gender roles are still being assigned to modern responsibilities?

First, go back and look at your age stats for members of the forum.

Second, consider that even though housework is shared in a modern family, the stay-at-home role is still primarily held by women. Trust me. I would love it if there were more stay-at-home dads doing the homeschool thing, because I feel a bit uncomfortable hanging out with married women. I'm definitely the rare exception around here though. So when we talk about role-reversal, we're not talking about doing "women's work," we're talking about taking on the role that is still primarily filled--when it's filled at all--by women. Women are free to go out and work and earn money for the family, but for the man to stay home and take care of the kids while his wife works is still a bit of a thing.

[Sophie86]

fed the milkman,[...] or left a note for the cat to double the cream order.

Dear, you need a vacation.

[ReineD]

OK. That makes sense, both what you and Lorileah said.

I'm with Lorileah on this, since I live alone and all tasks fall to me.

Also, I understand why some people would think it isn't fair, if gender gaps are narrowing in terms of jobs and household responsibilities, then why can't they also narrow in terms of what is acceptable for a MtF CDer to wear, especially when women have now appropriated what was once considered traditional male wear (pants).

I think the answer is that gender identity is independent from changing gender roles in the workforce or the household. Men who enter the nursing profession now (this is on the rise too), or men who care for their kids or cook do not feel more feminine, just as women who do lawn work like myself, or who become workplace professionals do not feel more masculine. Gender identity I think is much deeper than that.

[donnalee]

That makes sense, Sophie! You're in a modern marriage!

So why is it that old gender roles are still being assigned to modern responsibilities? The world has changed in the last 60 years. lol. It started in WWII, it further exploded during the 60s cultural revolution, was reinforced during the 70s & 80s second and third wave feminism, and the gap between traditional gender roles at home, in academia, and in the workforce continues to narrow.

So again ... why do so many people here continue to insist in calling housework, "women's work"?

I don't get it. Really I don't.

Because first we emulate our parents; then we become them. With any luck we choose the best parts of them, if not, we should hope for a good compromise.

[Sophie86]

I think the answer is that gender identity is independent from changing gender roles in the workforce or the household. Men who enter the nursing profession now (this is on the rise too), or men who care for their kids or cook do not feel more feminine, just as women who do lawn work like myself, or who become workplace professionals do not feel more masculine. Gender identity I think is much deeper than that.

So does gender identity have nothing to do with those roles? I would like to hear your explanation of gender identity. Is there something about it that is innate to the sexes, or is it all just socially constructed?