I am a MtF crossdresser, and I choose to be in the closet. But why am I in the closet? Do I lack “guts” and a “sack?” In a thread started by Pythos (“Who here hates hiding?”), a member stated that those that hide, i.e., those in the closet such as I, lack “guts” and a “sack.”
In response to Pythos’ legitimate, well-thought out and well-intentioned question, I responded, in essence, that although I love my closet, and am happy within it, that there are certain things I would enjoy doing in public, such as keeping my body hairless and smooth during the summer, and displaying my painted toes in public that I do not do. In response, the following was posted:
In response to this member, I explained that “guts” was not the issue, rather the real issue for me is my “reality,” – i.e., I have a job and a family to think about above and beyond my own selfish desires. And such “selfish desires,” in the context I have written, presumes I have desire to dress in public. Incidentally, but of no consequence to this post, I do not. I am quite happy within my closet.
Regardless, my abbreviated explanation was met with further insult. Specifically, the response to my post stated:
In yet another response, the very same member went on to state “We would suffer less ridicule [if we all came out] . . . . But that's not going to happen until some people grow some sack.”
So is this where the closeted crossdressing community is? Are we really comprised of gutless, sackless girls? I know some here would argue what’s the point of having a “sack” in the first place, but I digress . . . .
Seriously, though, since I have joined this forum in March, I have seen and participated in this argument before. Heck, I even unwittingly started such an argument, having no idea whatsoever that there were crossdressers out there that despised me because I am in the closet.
But why am I really in the closet? Fortunately, I know the answer to my own question. I am in the closet because I love my closet, I have an accepting wife, I live in a community that would discriminate against me, both my career and my wife’s career would by in jeopardy, I have a six year old child that I would prefer not to be bullied in the school yard because of me, I have bills to pay, I have friends that I would prefer to keep, I would prefer to maintain my years of work and effort in networking among various people and businesses, and I have no desire to share this part of myself with others, with the exception of this otherwise wonderful forum.
Despite the unfortunate belief of some here, not every crossdresser has a desire to express herself in public. I am one such crossdresser. Oddly enough, I also just happen to love myself, accept myself, and thrive within the life I have created for myself. What more can I ask for?
Noticeably absent from my list of reasons why I choose not to leave the closet, however, if you take the time to review my list, you will note that I have not listed that I suffer from a lack of “guts” or a “sack.”
So in this, how am I, or any of my other closeted sisters, the target of such hateful, vicious stones thrown by other crossdressers? Such militant crossdressers may claim that they “love” all, and want the “best” for all, but who are they to determine what is best for each individual crossdresser? Last time I checked, I do not recall voting for a Supreme Crossdresser. Do they want what is best for all, or do they selfishly want what is best for themselves? Unless I am completely missing something, and I do not believe I am, it makes absolutely no sense to me.
I, for one, support all members of the transgendered community, whether in the closet or out in the open. We have it hard enough as it is without engaging in such internal fighting and squabbles, do we not?
And as for what I am doing for the likes of those crossdressers that chastise me for not coming out of my closet, what do I owe such a group in the first place? I owe them nothing! This is my life, and I shall live my life according to how I deem fit. I am a crossdresser, and I am quite proud to be one. But this does not mean that I also have to be a martyr, or sign up for a life of transgender activism.
For those of you that are out and about in public, doing what you believe will help the community as a whole, I thank you, and appreciate your efforts. Truly, I do. But please do not cross the line by attempting to recruit me, or any of my other closet dwelling sisters, into your cause through fear and shame tactics. Crossdressers are composed of a beautiful, caring, loving folk. Let’s please be appreciative of each other, supportive of each other, and not lower ourselves to the standards of those who discriminate against us. After all, we cannot possibly expect discrimination to cease against us, if we discriminate against each other within our own ranks.
So the question to my fellow crossdressing closet dwellers is this – do we lack “guts” and a “sack,” or are there other reasons why we remain in the closet? And to those of you out there that cast stones at me and my sisters, know that I respect and hope for the best for you. I support all crossdressers. I simply ask for the same consideration, respect, and support that I give to you. I hope that is not to much to ask for . . . .