Will someone please explain

[SweetPea_GG]

Will someone please explain to me how some (and I stress "some" and not all..and this question also does not relate to my life or relationship). But how some CDs can say they are straight but then talk about how when they are dressed they want to be with men or they just have fantasies about being with men. How can one still call themselves straight? It would be like me saying "oh I'm straight BUT I would like to be with another female OR I have fantasies about being with women and it turns me on" etc (and no sorry that was just a example lol)

It's just really mind boggling to me! Either your straight with no interest in the same sex or bi or gay. There really isn't a on or off switch to it.

[Miranda-E]

its a defense mechanism against their own homophobia. As long as they repeat "I'm straight" long enough and loud enough, they believe it.
as long as they picture themselves as women while having sex with men, they are straight in their minds

[SweetPea_GG]

its a defense mechanism against there own homophobia. As long as they repeat "I'm straight" long enough and loud enough, they believe it.

Kinda like Dorothy and her ruby slippers that took her home lol

[Anna Lorree]

As a person who has actually wrestled with this, yes I think I can help you. As a person who identifies at some level as feminine and who wants to be able to blend into the female population, I think part of it is a yearning to be "treated like a woman", even in the sexual role. Many CD's who say that only have such fantasies when dressed, or about times when they are dressed and not in "guy mode". I think it is a way of telling (in fantasy at least) if they "pass" with the ultimate test. This led me to accept that I am probably really bi-curious.

[whowhatwhen]

Maybe there are more bi guys than you think, some people (like me) may be a bit confused still and will eventually sort everything through.

[Schatten Lupus]

Psychologically speaking, it is very normal for a heterosexual person to have homosexual thoughts and fantasies. It doesn't mean the aren't straight, it just makes them normal. Sexuality is also much more fluid than most people realize. And as Anna Lorree pointed out, there is an aspect to the fantasy of dressing up as and being treated as a woman.
There is also the social approach that sexuality in men is a very sacred subject. It is one thing to act and look feminine, but to have sex with another man is perceived by many to be a completely demasculinizing thing. This partly stems from men typically being insecure and having fragile egos. But for some I would suspect the strongest factor is it is a threshold and an unwillingness to completely let go of their masculinity.
Personally I think everyone (cis or trans) should just let go, explore and experiment, try new things, and then make a decision. Afterall it's just silly to try to cling onto one private mainstream behavior when your lifestyle and presentation is anything but mainstream.

[Karren H]

They lie!! What Crossdressers do best! Just ask my wife!

[Jenny Green]

My take on it is that you're not truly straight if you get turned on by someone of your own gender (genetic gender). But I also have no wish to become female, so maybe that's why it seems clear-cut to me.

[SweetPea_GG]

They lie!! What Crossdressers do best! Just ask my wife!

Lol that cracked me up! I needed a smile today Ty!

[Rachel Morley]

I've heard about the "bi when dressed thing" but it doesn't apply to me. I've heard that being with a guy is like that the guy is the "ultimate feminine accessory" (and CDers are looking to be as authentic as they can) and I guess I can understand that, but for me, no not really.

[DaniellaNYC]

"Besides having sex with men, I'd would say the 'Finer Things Club' is the gayest thing about me. " (-Oscar from The Office)

[DanaR]

I'm confused, while I'm fantasizing about being a girl and being with a girl, does that make make me a lesbian?

[JulieK1980]

its a defense mechanism against their own homophobia. As long as they repeat "I'm straight" long enough and loud enough, they believe it.
as long as they picture themselves as women while having sex with men, they are straight in their minds

I think this sums it up best. It's denial.

Of course experimentation, and curiosity are a natural part of human nature, and a single experiment with a person of the same sex doesn't necessarily make someone gay. However, I don't buy the "I'm only interested in men when dressed" argument either. I think it's just a side effect of the fine line between gender and sexuality. It simply reduces the guilt for someone to only be interested in men when they are dressed as women. (I know this, as I was once like that.) It wasn't till I managed the guilt, that I realized that I'm simply bi. All the fantasies aside, if you are a man, and you sleep with men, and/or are attracted to men, you are NOT straight.

[Danni Bear]

jody I'm not as sure as you seem to be as I do sleep with a man now exclusively and used to sleep exclusively with a woman before and we are both straight as an arrow. it's just the same person only both transitioned and still in love with each other after 43 plus years

Danni

[ReineD]

It's just really mind boggling to me! Either your straight with no interest in the same sex or bi or gay. There really isn't a on or off switch to it.

It's a mystery to me as well. Two men having sex together are having homosexual sex, no matter how they're dressed. If it's just a fantasy, then it is a homoerotic fantasy.

I believe there's an element of denial involved as some have suggested here, but I also think it's deeper than that. I may be way off, but this is my best guess:

Most guys who have feminine desires or tendencies (even if they don't recognize them as such) need to bury them pretty deep if they will survive childhood and their teen years. Guys growing up are not supposed to like pretty things, they're not supposed to be passive or submissive. They're busy positioning themselves along the male pecking order. So, CDers need to compartmentalize their inner landscapes to the point of not allowing themselves to do some things in guy mode, that might give a clue as to what is going on internally, that non-CDs have no issues doing when they reach maturity. Some of these things might be dancing, or art appreciation, or enjoying cooking or sewing, or having an opinion about what color goes on the wall. The compartmentalized preferences are different for everyone. Until they've reached self-acceptance, CDers don't want anyone (including themselves) to come close to guessing who they really are. I think that (many?) CDers have built such a thick wall around their feminine desires that they grow up to actually believe they are different people when they're dressed. How many members here refer to their femme personas in the third person? How many say they have different interests when they're dressed, such as loving to do housework, or enjoying different music, or knitting, or being more outgoing? These CDers are not integrated because they've never given themselves permission in guy mode to follow interests that might have gotten them creamed when they were younger, had their peers had any inkling about the CDing desires. So is it a surprise that they also compartmentalize sexual fantasy?

Either that, or it is pure fetichism of the autogynephilia variety, and the guy is the ultimate femme accessory ... and when face to face with a real guy the illusion shatters pretty quickly (if the CDer is hetero). If the fantasy doesn't shatter, then he certainly is not hetero.

At least a CDer has a reason for the compartmentalization. But can you imagine the level of denial among the admirers?

[Launa]

I don't get it either that you can say your straight but fantasise about being with a man. The only thing I can think of is once you dress 100% all the way as a woman you might take on that complete personality. Kind of like some dudes that are 100% straight then wind up going to prison for some reason and do homosexual things while they are there but are straight again once they leave the joint.

[JulieK1980]

jody I'm not as sure as you seem to be as I do sleep with a man now exclusively and used to sleep exclusively with a woman before and we are both straight as an arrow. it's just the same person only both transitioned and still in love with each other after 43 plus years

Danni

Transitioning does sort of throw a wrench in the ability to explain, and in that case it does sort of depend on a persons definition of gender. My explanation was overly simplified, so of course it leaves some definite holes....

Congratulations on 43 years! That is amazing!

[lynnshe]

As a SO of a CDer and a GG that has always been involved in the world of the Arts, I think I have been able to understand the fluidity of sexuality a little better because it has always been around me. I think this is why when my husband admitted at first his "curiosities" it has never shocked me and has opened up myself to explore some of my own. As a GG that has always been "allowed" by society to dress up and play different roles, I always think it is a shame that men are not given the same freedom and in my opinion leads to alot of the confusion. Straight, gay, or bi....mean different things to different people depending on the programming we have been giving and the older I get titlles mean less and less and the person themselves mean more and more.

[paulaprimo]

i joined this forum for answers myself. i have tons of questions, and we can all speculate. my philosophy is live and let live. i don't know why i act or don't act a certain way. i'm sure a lot of it was the way i was raised. i make no claim of being straight now, cause i'm not. and when i was straight for 45 years, in my mind i still wasn't. its a cruel mean ugly world out there and i always had an attraction for nice, decent, caring "PEOPLE" with big hearts, regardless of there gender. it wasn't until i dressed that i acted on those feelings. i don't know why and i can't explain it. it just made me happy. when i'm in drab i have no desire to be with a man, just women. and if my "SO" accepted me when dressed, i'm not sure if i could be sexual with her. this is all above my pay grade... and its going to take someone a lot smarter than me to explain it!

[Badtranny]

This is all very simple, yet extremely difficult to do.

Men who have other than hetero desires may not be gay, but they sure as hell ain't straight either. The closet cases argue with me as if I'm the enemy, when the enemy is the closet. I spent most of my life being closeted and trying desperately to be just a regular straight dude. I had times when I felt "gayer" than other times. Sometimes I felt like I wanted to be a man very much, and other times I felt like I wanted to just be myself, whatever that was. For years i was "totally straight" to anybody that asked, yet I was having secret gay sex at least a couple of times a year. Eventually I finally decided that I must be bisexual. I could admit I was bi, that seemed like it was better than the truth. How could I NOT like women after all? They are so beautiful and yadda yadda. It was just a year before I started doing real work on my issues that I finally came out to myself as gay. Totally gay. Men and only men.

The point is, this compartmentalization that CD's do in regard to their sexuality is a direct result of their inability to accept themselves for who they are. Gay, Bi, whatever, but sex with a man in a wig is still sex with a man and whatever that is, it is NOT hetero or straight. Accept it, own it, be proud of it. You will never be truly happy until you can stop being ashamed of yourself. Coming out to the world is optional as a CD, but coming out to yourself is not.

I was a closet queen for many many years. I am intimately familiar with the excuses and the denial. This "while I'm dressed" BS may work on your SO, but I see right through it because I lived it. Being with a man is wonderful and I'm ashamed that I denied it for so long, as if there was something wrong with me. This is just how I am, and I'm finally okay with it. How about you?

It's a mystery to me as well. Two men having sex together are having homosexual sex, no matter how they're dressed. If it's just a fantasy, then it is a homoerotic fantasy.

Reine, that post was just brilliant. You amaze the hell out of me the way you read men. I'm honestly humbled sometimes because I like to say that nobody knows men like a TS woman, but you consistently prove that wrong. Brava lady.

[Nicole Erin]

Men get what they want and leave. Men who chase TG want us to do manly things to them.

If you have fantasies of being with a man, try it and then you will never again fantasize about it.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Not all women marry or wont to jump in to bed with a guy, or with another woman , & there are some men the same.

For my self tho i should be interested in both men & women because of the way i am & i was put in the postion of being asked , & some one wonted me to jump in to bed with him & he was a dresser,

For the ? i said very nicely ....no.... i was not interested at all & never will be .even tho im a woman.

& to this guy I told him , touch me inapropritly .....i'll deck you....... so dont even think of it, so, to test me , he sat close as next to me just did not touch me & there was another woman ( natal ) there so i had back up.

As i'v said before you corner me i come out ....fighting,....

I have no delusions about who i am & what i can & wont do.

The funny thing is when i was asked the person who asked said they wonted to do just that tho they have not had surgery, & more likely never will .i belive this person is trans tho im not , yet why was i asked maybe because i have had surgery's. & in thier thinking they thought i was trans hmmm not this kid.

Tho the ? does come up a lot concerning the sexual detale's , I do understand just not for me.

...noeleena...

[Shari]

This is the whole Jimmy Carter thing all over again. In a Penthouse interview he was asked what the photos of the naked women did to (for) him.
He said he "lusted in his heart" and therefore was committing a sin.

So, if you think about being gay, then you are? What sort of logic is that?
I'd like to be the president, but you won't be seeing me in the oval office anytime soon.

if you have been with a man, yes, you're gay. If you only fantasize, no, you're not. It's the act itself, not the thought of the act.

[Joann Smith]

They lie!! What Crossdressers do best! Just ask my wife!

True ...Crossdressers do lie ....then put different clothes on it and make it look like the truth..LOL

[Lucy_Bella]

Either that, or it is pure fetichism of the autogynephilia variety, and the guy is the ultimate femme accessory ... and when face to face with a real guy the illusion shatters pretty quickly (if the CDer is hetero). If the fantasy doesn't shatter, then he certainly is not hetero.

At least a CDer has a reason for the compartmentalization. But can you imagine the level of denial among the admirers?

I believe this would be true... I have found myself in this position a few times ( now I could have acted on it and no one would ever known right?).. I don't consider " myself " as passable but in Lucy mode I have had a few admirers un-be-nounced to me.. I must say, to fall into a fantasized role was nothing I ever asked for( because even in Lucy mode I am the same person as in " guy mode").. But then again maybe not, maybe I am a feminine guy shielded behind a masculine front?

Lets define Masculinity= Wikipedia "Masculinity is possessing qualities or characteristics considered typical of or appropriate to a man"

Okay in the definition it is clearly a role set a side by a Society , is it not? Or could it be something we as men or women are born with? But in this definition it does not state or attribute to any sexual attraction.. Why? I think it's safe to say there is a sexual attraction to Masculinity. I was attracted to a female who had Masculinity traits about her.. But she was more Feminine than Masculine by far. But when she acted Masculine I had no sexual attraction to her/him what so ever.. She scared me in fact, she was my opposite but posed a threat to my Masculinity even if I was in Lucy mode.. Masculinity/ Femininity is a unspoken language we as people define through motion ,thought and behavior .. It's what attracts or turns us off sexually as well..

So in being myself even as Lucy I may look Feminine but I do not act it in anyway..I am only attracted to Feminine "women" which brings me back to my situation I mentioned above when I found myself a few times in a fantasized role with another male.. It could have happen , no one was there to stop it but me and I did stop it.. What can I say? I am Straight..