I'm trying

[Marie GG]

Sometimes I want to go out and buy him something nice to wear, to be that cool with it. I did buy panty hose once, but I got the wrong size, he wore them anyway.

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

Then I think what's the big deal? They really are just clothes.
Like I said. I'm trying.

It has been 2 or 3 years now that I have know. 3 years since the panty hose, 2 since it became everything else, as far as I know.
I am unsettled. Is there more? When will the other high heel drop?

He says this is it. Only a private hobby, it makes him feel sexy and I never have to see it if I don't want to. I allow the panty hose in bed when we make love, because quite frankly for some reason they make the sex fantastic. He is more aggressive, which I love. And the shaved legs are less noticeable which is good, because they kind of freak me out still.

I hope this is the right section. As you can tell I am a girl and my husband is a part-time cross dresser. He reads this forum, but is not yet an active member. He has suggested I join the spouses group so I have some one else to talk to. I wanted to introduce myself to all of you, because I may want more than just the wives opinion sometimes.

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

[STACY B]

Im a little older than you ,,But get about nine more post under your belt an I can PM you an we can have a girl talk ,lol,,,lol,, An Ill tell ya all I know about this train ride !

[Donna St. Marten]

Your comments are so well written and your feelings are so understanable. Your husband didn't tell about his crossdressing for two reasons: 1) He was probably ashamed, and 2) He didn't want to lose you. Some husbands take this secret to the grave with them or until they are caught. As a crossdresser I feel that society views us as just one rung up from pedophiles, so we tend to hide who we are. I can't tell you where or if your husband's crossdressing will lead, so my best advice to your is to communicate with him about it your concerns. It's important that the two of you talk about his crosdressing. The worst thing you can do is make it a taboo subject, as it then becomes a wedge between the two of you. Good luck and thanks for your comments.

Donna

[NathalieX66]

Thanks for being so loving, and accepting. I admire your stregnth and courage, as well as your Imagination.

Yeah, womens's clothes & lingerie, they make humanity interesting.....lots of mystery. Nice stuff.

Humans are not so easily definable, there is no black and white.

I can only reccomnend you that you should figure out what works best for your needs, and what you're willing to accept. In this relationship, you matter too.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Hi Marie, nice to have you here. This is a really great forum with a broad spectrum of members. When you've made your 10 posts, do come and join us in the FAB forum, we're not a bad bunch really!

Sometimes I want to go out and buy him something nice to wear, to be that cool with it. I did buy panty hose once, but I got the wrong size, he wore them anyway.

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

Then I think what's the big deal? They really are just clothes.
Like I said. I'm trying.

Yep, all the emotions I've been through - I reckon its pretty normal -

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Marie, Welcome to our family. You will find a great bunch of other GG's here to offer you all the support and understanding you so justly deserve. I alway like to see new GG's joining and look forward to their posts. Not only the GG members here, but some of us CD's will be more then happy to answer your questions and offer opinions. My heart goes out to all GG's that have to put up with us CD's. Even I sometimes wonder how and why they do it. No, not true. Most do it because they really love and care for their husband and hope to find a balance and happiness in the marriage. I hope your husband appreciated you as well as loves you.
To join FAB (females at birth), you need to make 10 posts in any thread that suits you. Well worth your effort to be among a private section just for wives and SO's of us CD/TG members. I look forward to reading more from you.

[Kimberly Long]

Marie, I understand the problem you have. I have been married for 30 years. I went full time as a woman going on 4 years ago. My wife is very understanding, we have lot of fun as sisters. Years ago I would wear her cloths but now days she wears mine. We are retired and have lots of fun dressed together, girls night out once a week, shopping and what so ever.
I wish you the best.
Love, Kimberly

[Ramie]

Just the fact that you're trying speaks volumes! It takes time. You may not want to do everything, but talking about it is important. I'm learning this right now myself, and you've gone through every emotion my wife did.

[Mimi]

Hi Marie, and welcome to the forum. Your feelings are very normal! Check out the thread in Loved Ones called "Now I like it, now I don't. It's up at the top under Stickies. It made me feel a lot better after reading it.

[Raquel June]

Don't look at him keeping this from you as dishonesty. That will tear your relationship apart. He kept it from you because he was trying to repress it. Nobody wants to be a freak. A lot of gay guys get married because they're trying to repress it. At least he likes women

But don't let him abuse you with it, either. A lot of crossdressers come out to their wives and then think it's a license to prance around the house in a dress five nights a week. If he feels the need to constantly push your limits then there's probably a deeper issue -- whether it's him being transgendered or him being depressed or manic-y and self-destructive and just spinning out of control trying to sabotage the relationship.

So don't say, "This isn't the man I married!" just because he was trying to repress this. But if this is a serious issue then you need to seriously evaluate what you both want out of life and if those things are compatible.

And everybody could use some therapy. It's great to be able to unload your drama on someone who can honestly tell you if you're blowing things out of proportion, or if you're lying to yourself, or whatever.

[eddiesavage]

Welcome Marie.
Your in a fantastic,loving community now.And you and your partner have so many friends to lean on.
You are not alone anymore.
Good on you for joining our family.
Eddie XO

[Rachel Morley]

Hello Marie, welcome to the forum.

"... offended anyone with my first post" ... of course not I think you are correct on many counts but yes, it can be just clothes (and for plenty of us it is) but it has changed things. Not least of all that you feel like he couldn't trust you.

Below is a copy and paste from a sticky thread in the "Loved Ones" section called "Now I Like It, Now I Don’t: Understanding the Acceptance Pendulum" Here's a LINK

This thread (written by a GG) is all about how many crossdressers have discovered, a wife’s or girlfriend’s road to acceptance is rarely smooth.

Quote: "For all but a tiny minority of women, finding out about their partner's crossdressing is a traumatic experience. The degree of perceived trauma varies considerably from one woman to the next and depends on many factors, including her upbringing, her values, the strength of your relationship, and the circumstances surrounding her initial discovery. Some women seem to take the news in stride, while others are completely devastated, but for nearly all of them there is some emotional work that needs to be done before true acceptance can take place. This work is commonly known as coping. Any time there is change in our lives, there is potentially a sense a loss, and coping is the process of dealing with that loss and adjusting to the new situation." Unquote:

My point is, don't feel bad or beat yourself up that you feel you are not as accepting as you perhaps think you should, or could be. Take it from me, where you are now is way more than most. Obviously there is still a lot of feelings that need to be resolved. Even if wives are ok with CDing intellectually, it might take some time for them to come to terms with it emotionally, and that's ok .... especially when it's happening in your back yard. That said, I urge you to keep talking with your husband and see if you can work through these changes. You never know, you might find other fringe benefits other than the panty hose when making love

Hugs
Rachel

[RebeccaLynne]

Marie, welcome. You've demonstrated a sincere desire to understand your husbands "quirk'", and to come to grips with it. I think you've come to the right place.

He says this is it. Only a private hobby, it makes him feel sexy and I never have to see it if I don't want to. I allow the panty hose in bed when we make love, because quite frankly for some reason they make the sex fantastic. He is more aggressive, which I love. And the shaved legs are less noticeable which is good, because they kind of freak me out still.

I've underlined that portion of your quote that I believe has a great deal of significance. In order to be sexual, one needs to feel sexy.

Possibly, you're husband doesn't feel sexy as a man. I know I don't. I'm much more inclined to initiate intimacy when dressed en femme, as I feel more attractive and desireable when I'm doing so. "Whatever floats your boat", as the saying goes.

If you're enjoying the lovemaking, then that's a good thing.

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

You're welcome. It's worthwhile and gratifying to be given the opportunity to assist in one's understanding of what makes crossdressers who they are...

And you've certainly not offended me... I think most CD'ers being asked their thoughts by GG's are pleased to respond honestly and thoughtfully.

[Barbara Ella]

Marie, you are a loving wife. Your emotions will continue to run high and low. Intellectually you can accept the dressing. Emotionally it will tear at you varying amounts from time to time. Do not hate yourself for having these normal reactions. The others here have said it far better than i can, but I live the same roller coaster from my wife. It does not make me think any less of her for reacting normally. If anything, I/we generally feel terrible knowing the hurt this knowledge brings.

Get to your ten posts and join FAB. Get your crossdresser to join here.

Barbara

[MandyGG]

Oh Marie!! You sound just like I did!!!

Welcome to the family! I am so happy that he is wanting you to join us and find some peace in this! He sounds like he is really trying hard to get your understanding and acceptance! That is so good to hear! You will go through so many emotions, and they will come and go..... it is completely normal! Get your posts in!

Big hugs!!!

[Marie GG]

Thanks to every one for being so welcoming and friendly! I had hoped it would be this way after lurking for a few days reading posts.

I am working on my 10 so I can join the other wives

[MandyGG]

If you can stomach it, I know it's hard at first.... You could get your 10 by posting on the photo threads, and the Loved Ones section is a great place to get a quick, honest 10. Your intro thread won't count, so you have to go elsewhere for them! Good luck! And welcome again!!!

[Jenniferathome]

Marie, first of all, everything you are feeling is normal. Secondly, your hubby is quite likely straight and there is nothing more. All you can do is talk about it. Ask any question you want and he has to answer. Nothing should be off limits. Talk. A lot.

Also, there are many wives here who are/have gone through what you are. Reach out to them.

[Babeba]

Marie, welcome! I see right now you have 13 posts, so I will see you soon in FAB!

[Joanne f]

It is quite understandable in how you feel ,as for the Cder it is part of them but you like so many other wife;s/so find that they have just been thrown into this and it can be quite hard to get your head around it some times.
I am sure that you have thought about and asked most of the questions that go through your mined when you fined something like this out and as you have said one of the big ones is " Is there more" well to be honest that cannot always be answered yet as a lot of the time there is not but occasionally there is only time will tell on that one and the best way to find that out is to keep asking questions and you will soon get a feeling of what is going on with the cding but sometimes a Cder will go or have thoughts of going beyond their normal level of Cding simply because they do not understand all of it and then fall back to their normal level way of thinking/acting , OK you might say but none of it is normal but the thing is for us it is or most of it is .

[Beverley Sims]

The header says it all.
I wish you every success and there is plenty of support and good advice here.
If a lot more tried there would be a lot less heartache in these forums.
Try, work at it, have patience and you will succeed.

[WyrmQueen]

I have a question. What does GG mean? I'm a gay crossdresser so I'm not familiar with terms straight crossdressers use.

[CINDYO]

Hi Marie
welcome, I totally understand where you are coming from, don't know how long you have been married. I found out not quite one year ago and we were married just over 27 years at that time. Just had our 28th anniversary this month.

You have known for 3 years, and have no doubt done lots of reading and mental processing. You are still together, looks like the inital shock did not tear your marriage apart. I look at our marriage alittle differently now, I too felt totally betrayed by him not teling me this prior to the marriage, I do realize that things were diffenent 27 years ago, however honesty was still honesty. I do view the marriage with alittle skepticism now, I wish i did not, true is I do, but how could one not after all those years and that revelation.
I love him, he loves me. If you are each others best friend, if you have always been each others #1 fan, if life would be so sad without him in it, you will open you mind, your heart even farther (sounds like you are) and together you will venture forward allowing each other to be the person they are, if you truly love someone, and they truly love you, you will never let each other go...
I am glad you are here.

[Rianna Humble]

As you can tell I am a girl and my husband is a part-time cross dresser. He reads this forum, but is not yet an active member. He has suggested I join the spouses group so I have some one else to talk to. I wanted to introduce myself to all of you, because I may want more than just the wives opinion sometimes.

Thank you for your time, hopefully I have not offended anyone with my first post.

Hi Marie, to crossdressers.com I really can't see how anyone could be even remotely offended by your first post.

The fact that you have joined here and are trying to understand more marks you out as a very special sort of person and the fact that you want to join in with the discussions is a real bonus to the rest of us.

I'm glad you've gone past the magic 10 and will now be able to join the FAB forum, there are lots of extraordinary women there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a question. What does GG mean?

GG is the term we use on the forums for someone who was born a girl in a girl's body it's short for Genetic Girl

I am a trans woman so I was not born in a girl's body - hence the distinction.

[WyrmQueen]

Thanks for the response Rianna.