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Thread: Not making the rules...

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Talking Not making the rules...

    My wife knows about my wearing feminine attire and doesn't hassle me about it. She doesn't necessarily encourage it but she gives me the space to wear pretty much what I want. Although I haven't pushed it any farther than some kinds of clothes I'd say they were drab, you know jean shorts and femme t shirts and toe nail polish no skirts and such although I'd really like to be able to wear a skirt at will. Recently I've been wanting to wear a night gown to sleep in but didn't know how that would go over . So one day we were talking on the phone and I just said I'd like to be able to wear a night gown to sleep in. She wasn't excited about it but said she was not going to make up rules to govern my life with and what I wanted to wear was up to me. So I did! I bought a beautiful Oscar de' Larente peignoir set from serene comfort. Red satin with black lace! Man does it feel nice to sleep in!

  2. #2
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Would you still have worn the nighty if your wife said. I am NOT comfortable with your wearing a nighty to bed, but I am not going to make up rules for your dressing and what you want to wear is up to you?
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    You do have to be careful how fast you push some things.
    At least you are making progress.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    GG/SO of a CD
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    Lemme explain something to you about a lot of GG's. We like to complain that men are not good at sharing feelings. But a lot of us. Sometimes myself included have been used to saying the "right" thing for years. Have you ever heard the joke that when you ask a girl "Whats wrong" if the answer "fine" this actually means "all hell is about to break loose"

    The phrase "I cannot make up rules to govern your life" most likely means "I don't like this, but don't want to be the major b!ch that controls your life." "Or I want o be accepting and although this makes me uncomfortable if I say the right thing maybe my husband will read my mind"

    Is this logical? HECK NO. Women are interesting creatures. Hopefully she meant it sincerely. But if she didn't (and trust me... You CANNOT read our mind... no matter how hard you try) you might get an acceptance pendulum from her. In order to avoid this... Just talk to her. Ask her to be honest and make sure that she knows that she can share with you. IN order to make this work for the both of you, I would open up the honest communication if its not already there.

    But.... glad you like the jammies. Sounds like progress none the less.

  5. #5
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Stepanie,

    I agree with Greenie. It sounds like your wife is not happy about the peignoir. You disregard her feelings at your peril.

    Greenie (or other GG willing to respond): Is the "fine" response really "I don't want to talk about it here and now, but you're treading on thin ice!"
    Cheers
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  6. #6
    Aah!My life!! Sonia_cd's Avatar
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    First, do we get to see pics of the peignoir and happy you enjoyed it

    Second, I don't claim to fully understand women but the one thing I've learnt is that whenever statements like that are made it is code for NO. I have to agree with Greenie on this I'm afraid. The other thing I've learnt is that there's a secret mental notepad into which this goes and boy is that one long term notepad! I would suggest you talk it through with her again but I don't know either of you to appreciate the dynamic you have and offer informed suggestions.

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  7. #7
    GG/SO of a CD
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    Quote Originally Posted by giuseppina View Post
    Is the "fine" response really "I don't want to talk about it here and now, but you're treading on thin ice!"
    For a lot of women yes... Its the phrase we use when we don't want to talk about it anymore. I have become really aware of myself and my reactions. I want to become a better communicator. In the past, I have been a user of FINE. Obviously some women are less petty. But most I have EVER met when using fine with any tone other than PURE indifference... Fine means bad things. Lol

    F.I.N.E = Frustrated. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional. (lol) but of course. There are times in which when we say fine... We really mean fine. So continue trying to read our minds. :eyeroll:

    Us women are messed up creatures.

    6 THINGS WOMEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

    Don’t worry, I’m fine.
    Translation: I’m not fine and I would like you to ask me what’s wrong, insist wholeheartedly that we discuss it while you hold my hand, look me in the eye and give me your undivided attention.

    Do whatever you want.
    Translation: Why can’t you just realize that I don’t approve of what you are going to do? I’d rather tell you to do whatever you want, but be ready to deal with my wrath later.

    Do you love me?
    Translation: I feel unloved, vulnerable and insecure. I need you to express your love for me right now.

    Don’t worry; I’ll take care of it.
    Translation: I really wish you would take care of it without me having to ask.

    I’m just not in the mood (for sex).
    Translation: Something else is bugging me, and I want you to ask me to talk about it. Or, I’m angry at you for something you did earlier. Or, I just want to cuddle.

    Do I look fat?
    Translation: I’m feeling fat and unattractive, so tell me I look great, that I’m beautiful and you have eyes for no other woman.
    Last edited by Greenie; 05-31-2013 at 06:36 AM.

  8. #8
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Have you ever heard the saying: " Give him just enough rope to hang himself?"
    Translation: She could have meant she was not going to make up rules to govern my life with and what you wanted to wear was up to you. Push this thing to far and her comfort or toleration level might go south and with no warning tell you goodbye.
    I suggest you talk and be honest with her and ask her to explain with honesty, exactly what she thinks and feels about it. I'd proceed with caution and show her how much you love her and appreciate her. Also be sure to let her see all your manly traits that attracted her to you to start with. To fem, to fast and showing to much of your fem side can be lengthening the rope to hang your self.

  9. #9
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    I'm assuming the two of you sleep together so by you wearing a nightgown to bed you're involving her in something she may not want to be involved in. It think you would have done better to buy and wear a skirt around the house or something like that that doesn't involve her. Also, if you bought yourself a more expensive nightgown than what she has, she may resent that.

    Two pieces of advice from me:
    1) Slow down. Take it easy in small steps.

    2) Tell her and show her how much you love her, especially when you move forward in your dressing. Buy her a very nice nightgown if she is into these things.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  10. #10
    Junior Member cdrachael's Avatar
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    I split with my wife about 18 months ago. In saying that we get on great as friends and she knows and accepts me dressing. One night I stayed over her house and we had a few drinks I put a nice pink and white nightie on for bed and all was good. When the kids came in in the morning they asked why I was wearing mummys clothes. My wife said straight away daddy stayed over and needed something to sleep in. So all good, kids accepted it and nothing more has been said.

  11. #11
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    [QUOTE She wasn't excited about it but said she was not going to make up rules to govern my life with and what I wanted to wear was up to me.QUOTE]
    Well for me I also say....it is up to my partner to wear whatever they want.And I mean that.
    BUT
    The key thing I read ....She wasn't excited about it but......
    I really hope you both open up the lines of communication between you both. Because if I am reading it correctly she acted like that did not sound appealing to her but wanted to say what she thought she should.
    Because in the long run...you do not want
    You thinking OMG I am going to wear my beautiful Oscar de' Larente peignoir set
    and your wife thinking OMG shes going to wear that %&#@&$@ Oscar de Larente peignoir set

    Just saying...talk find out. Maybe tell her how you felt and ASK her to tell you how she feels about it.
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  12. #12
    Senior Member Allison Chaynes's Avatar
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    I told my wife years ago, we are not going to play the speaking in code game. Say what you really mean and be honest, as I will always do with you. This has worked well for both of us, once the trust level was established early on.

  13. #13
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stepanie View Post
    So one day we were talking on the phone and I just said I'd like to be able to wear a night gown to sleep in. She wasn't excited about it but said she was not going to make up rules to govern my life with and what I wanted to wear was up to me. So I did! I bought a beautiful Oscar de' Larente peignoir set from serene comfort. Red satin with black lace! Man does it feel nice to sleep in!
    So you told her you would like to be able to wear a nightie and she wasn't excited about it...so why did you go buy something so fancy? Really some times people have the opportunity to be able to do a little more and then they have to go to far and wonder why things don't always work out.
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  14. #14
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    So the other morning I'm sitting in the front room wearing my new outfit reading the news
    and she comes in and says, Why don't you come join me on the back porch its a beautiful morning.
    I believe as I did before posting about my experience, that my wife wouldn't be the ..... that some
    of you have portended. Of coarse you never really know what someone will do or say so I was a
    little anxious about it and was relieved by her attitude.
    I find it interesting at what was focused on in this post. I realize that many of us
    have had very negative experiences and I'm no exception, however, no one focused on the statement
    she "doesn't hassle me about what I wear. She doesn't necessarily encourage it but she gives me
    the space to pretty much wear what I want." Thanks for the input some of it was certainly good advice.
    I would encourage ones to certainly go slow if you're just introducing this side of yourself to your s.o. and
    I'd absolutely encourage you to know who she is before you "spring" this on her. If you're playing the "Guess
    what I'm thinking now" game... STOP IT! You are destroying your relationships by trying to control the other
    person by not being honest about your feelings. Learn how to be open without being confrontational your
    relationships will be way better. I had to learn this the hard way myself.

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