Outed to the whole neighborhood, catchy response suggestions please

[suchacutie]

Ok, so if I read this right, your SO is supportive, but expected that your two gendered selves would remain separate in the eyes of the rest of the world. Well, it seems that there is a leak in the dyke.

The process now seems to me to be the same as the process the two of you had as you progressed in the evolution of your feminine self: Do It Together!

You are still the same loving couple that you were, so keep the united front. No catchy come-backs, no snide remarks, no escalation of the pissing! If someone is belligerent, they are simply told it is a personal issue within the marriage. If someone tries to make fun of either of you, you simply love each other and always have. If someone is truly curious, then a private conversation could be had, but with both of you present.

Take the high road and all this issue will quickly go away, but do it together.

[JenniferR771]

Sympathetic hugs, Billie! My wife is really freaked out about anyone else knowing I am a CD.
However, its not really likely to come up in conversation between neighbors. "Gosh this cool weather is great for tulips--by the way did you see Bill in a dress the other night?"
How many people or neighbors have come up to you and said something about the life style or sexual habits of another neighbor?
True, I was outed by a nosy neighbor when she and her daughter were sitting on an enclosed front porch sharing a drink.
Next day she said, "I don't mean to be impolite or rude, but was that YOU the other night?" ("Coming out your front door and getting into your car?") She was cool with it.

[joanna4]

Sorry to hear that. You seem to be taking it well, it actually reminds me the infamous scene from Mrs. Doubtfire. You have a good view on things, yes, many of them might actually have kiddie porn, cheat, etc. While what you are doing is harmless. CDing is a taboo subject and since they have nothing better to do, it can be a hot topic. LOL at the fact that you look better than 7 of the 10 women, that's the spirit. Be proud of what you do

[Andy66]

Wow seriously? I am shocked at the level of nastiness you pose to others.

I agree. Are you always nasty to your neighbors, or is it just because youre feeling defensive right now? If youre always that way, I wouldnt be surprised if they cant wait to gossip about you. But you shouldnt assume that everyone who mentions CDing is trying to say something negative about it. You might alienate some potential allies by acting defensive and snarky.

[BillieAnneJean]

Sometimes I wonder if people even read the original post or any of the authors comments thereafter. I stated that I was looking for humor.

Then Nadine and Andy66 decide that I am nasty to my neighbors. Geeze!

BTW the whole neighborhood knows that the couple spy on everyone because everyone has been a victim of their gossip. But I am sure that someone who replies to this post next might deduce from thin air that I am a curmudgeon or something. The most amazing part is how certain and profound they are with their baseless pronouncements.

But most got it and some of the humorous posts were great and I got a laugh out of them.

If you read my threads and posts you will find humor and self depreciation. I can laugh at myself. And that was what I was after.

Even the title of this post asks for "catchy response suggestions" which does not mean nasty or vengeful responses.

Geeze!

[lingerieLiz]

As I've moved around the country people have known that I CD. The interesting part is I've never had a hard time about it except a landlady who asked me to move back in the 60s. Today it is a long way from back then. People know what cross dressing is and aren't as intrigued as back years ago.

As for the nosey neighbors don't worry about them. If another neighbor mentions that they are telling people about you you can always say, you would be surprised what they say about you. I actually used that line, never told the person what they had said or didn't. No matter the people went to the person and quit talking to him.

[JocelynRenee]

Every time a neighbor thread pops up I'm left scratching my head over why strangers who live in close proximity to us are granted such power over our lives. Why do we assume the reaction will be negative? And, if it is negative, why does it matter?

Neighbors are human and humans behave in all sorts of odd ways. Do any of us really assume some of our neighbors don't already gossip about us because of the car we drive, the curtains we have, our lawn, or some other triviality? Why are we looking for snappy/rude comebacks or assuming nasty things about them over these issues? Why not simply continue to live your life and be a kind and loving neighbor? If someone asks you a question; smile and give them an honest answer. Or, tell them it is a private matter and you prefer not to discuss it. Problem solved.

As for wives in this situation I get that it may not be your dream scenario, but your husband deserves your support, whether or not you support his crossdressing. There is nothing my wife could do to embarrass me because she comes before all others, even neighbors with binoculars.

[Seana Summer]

Hi Billie

I know your looking for humor, but I think many who responded are worried about you, including me. I know GR is a diverse place and you will be fine, but I also know about some of the "conservative" and closed minded folks on that side of Michigan. Please be careful and be safe! Sorry I don't have any humorous one liners for you or your wife that have not already been suggested.

Seana

[Amanda M]

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar!

[BillieAnneJean]

I get a kick out of the closed minded "that side of Michigan" comment. There is a tendency for the people in the Detroit area and the east side of the state of Michigan to say or think that the west side of the state is a religious and conservative backwater. My work is 100% travel. I have experienced this comment first hand in person numerous times while in the east side of the state. This comment might have some merit, mostly in the small towns but it applies to the east side of the state as well. But the LGBT community has nothing to fear of the west side of the state of Michigan. Especially Grand Rapids. I haven't been to Kalamazoo in a few years so I am not excluding that city, I just do not have recent firsthand experience there. St Joseph, South Haven, Saugatuck, Douglas, Grand Haven, Spring Lake, Pentwater, Ludington, Manistee, Traverse City, and Mackinaw should all be LGBT friendly and they are small to medium sized cities. It is interesting that this last summer the Pride events in the east side of the state had violence against gays but not so at the Pride events in the west side of the state. Maybe it is time to erase those us vs them comments. And the cities on the west side of the state are thriving. Grand Rapids has rebirthed itself from the core going out. There are many revitalized pockets of commercial areas with clubs, restaurants, shops, and residences throughout the core of Grand Rapids. I have been OUT enfemme and have also many LGBT friends in Grand Rapids who love the city and feel comfortable there. (HUMOR ALEART!) I think that the east side of the state is just jealous because we have the best beaches and the sunsets over Lake Michigan. (HUMOR ALERT FINISHED!)

[ReineD]

I can say, even without conceit, that I look better than seven of the ten women in our neighborhood. I weigh less than six of them too. THAT will be what really ticks them off.

what you say above I am sure is true and will doubtless rankle hugely... If there's one thing worse than a woman scorned it's a woman bettered in the dressing stakes...

No. What's worse is someone who says it out loud. If I were to hear a GG say this I'd believe she was conceited. Something else to keep in mind: the way that BillieAnneJean sees herself may also not be the way that others see her.

And I definitely do look better than seven of the ten neighbors. Not that it means anything to me. But it might to them if a guy looks better in women's clothes than they do in their sweats.

No. A lot of people don't prioritize how they look, they focus on what they like to do and on their relationships. So why should they care how you look? My biggest concern is, they might not be able to get past the idea that they have a male neighbor who wears women's clothes. If they know as little about it as most folks, they might think things about you that aren't true and this might affect their willingness to engage in a relationship with you or your wife.

If you do not plan to be friends with any of these people and if you don't have young children who play with their kids, then it's up to you whether to care or not. But, your wife may have a different opinion and I hope you will respect where she is coming from. Don't forget that you get a psychological benefit out of the crossdressing that outweighs some of the potentially negative outcomes, but your wife doesn't.

You may be looking for humor, but I'm looking at it from your wife's point of view. If she doesn't care either, then I apologize and please ignore my post.

[Judith96a]

BillieAnneJean,
I'm not sure that a smart / funny remark is what you need. It might work for you but I doubt that it will work for your SO.
From what you've said about her reaction to confrontation I suspect that IF confronted all the pithy remarks will fly out of her head! So, maybe the best / only thing that you can do to help her is to be there with 'tea & sympathy'

[BillieAnneJean]

I guess RenieD did not read the "self depreciation" part. Or maybe I need to say what that means. If you read many of my posts and threads I frequently state that I can achieve a look that at least "does not frighten small dogs and children".

[Renee Elise]

Well? What of it?

[DonnaT]

You know the old saying, a wife shouldn't try to change her husband?

See what happens when that advice is ignored!

[Kristyn Hill]

"I'm more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get."

my favorite reply is this if that matters. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I always had planned on replying with "why would you ask me this, are you a crossdresser?"

I would let your wife know the neighbors were spying and prepare her for the confrontation if it ensues. You are not hiding anything now so you should be upfront about this so she will be prepared. I bet you do look better than most of your neighbors. Great job!

[JenniferR771]

Be sensitive to your wife. She has to cope with the humiliation--even if its psychological. She needs to think of a few lines, too. Practice a few good comeback lines.

As for you, say, "Its not my fault; I was having a bad hair day. Does that dress make my butt look fat?"

And be sure to mention the oversize military binoculars you just bought (or was it a telescope for your window)? Be sure to mention how cool is night vision.

Unfortunately, many people still think that most crossdressers are gay. They may be a bit uncomfortable if they have young children. Don't plan on a lot of babysitting gigs.
The highly religious may think you are a sinner.

I think it is very unlikely that anyone would say anything to your wife--my opinion. Many wives have the same feelings. Validate that and try to understand.

Myself--I am still giggling at the above suggestions.

[Contessa]

When I walked out the door for the first time I was outed. I think you have to just own it. I don't think I could return without someone always waiting to see. The only thing you have to do is be beautiful. Stay that way every time and they can't say anything bad. No woman is going to want to say she/he looks better than me and no man will tell that they like the guy who dresses down the street. Don't worry.

Tess

[Jackie7]

Appreciating the funny answers, but also taking the underlying issue seriously for a momento.

We moved to this neighborhood in August and so far I've been careful, on the strategy that I would like the neighbors to become acquainted with me as a regular guy before they stumble upon me dressed pretty. At the same time I'm not careful out on the back deck nor in walking from house to car, and also at the same time, we do have frequent houseguests coming and going. So there is ambiguity about who is who, if anyone gives a damn, I guess about as much as I care about their comings and goings: NOT. As on the street, most people are too busy with their own stuff to put much attention on you -- just as you are, all aflutter about being dressed pretty and not hardly noticing other people around you except as they react to you.

If a neighbor was to say anything to me, which I am highly not expecting, I'd try to do what I have done in other circumstances: own it with a simple yes that was me, I do like to dress up, then do my best to deflect any weird vibes with a smile and a question expressing interest in them, or a compliment back to them about something they're wearing, being open to a conversation if the other seems up for it. My wife probably would take a similar tack, acknowledging it was me they saw and saying she has fun with it or it is no problem to her, then suggesting they could talk to me if they wanted to know more.

After I decided to become socially out back 2001, I learned that in most informal gatherings where I meet new people, whether I am dressed or en drab but open in conversation about dressing, somebody (usually a man but sometimes an SO) will take me aside for a private conversation in which their CD experiences are revealed. It won't surprise me if the same thing happens amongst the neighbors, once I get myself to being OK being locally out.

I guess responding to this old thread is part of my process thinking about the frontier of coming out in the neighborhood. Still not sure I'm gonna do it, knowing it is likely to happen anyway. Thanks, BillieAnneJean, for the provocative post.

[CONSUELO]

I still think the best strategy is not to develop funny or cutting remarks to use if someone asks a question about one's cross dressing. Just be a good neighbour, play it straight and do everything you can to be social and pleasant.

Several years ago a single man moved into a house opposite ours. A few months later his male friend came to live there too. They and several of our neighbours, including me, became great friends who would meet and chat out on the street if they bumped into one another. We became part of a social group with parties and dinners at each other's houses. One male neighbour was bothered a little bit and this showed initially with some lame jokes but he soon quietened down as he saw that everyone was getting along very well.
They moved a year ago but we still meet socially whenever we can. A neighbour from several houses down once referred to the house that the two men lived in as the "gay men's house". A neighbour who overheard that remark remonstrated and said we had no clue about their sexual orientation and it was none of our business and it didn't matter anyway.
Most people today don't care about whether their neighbours are gay or CD or whatever. They don't want to be moral judges, they just want good neighbours with whom they can interact normally about the usual daily issues.

[Kacey Black.]

Although I'm new, I can't offer a ton here... but it kind of happened to me once. Even though it was Halloween, I went outside to smoke and one of my neighbor's... um.... offspring? Noticed me as I was out there. It was getting dark but you could clearly see who was who and I've seen this guy before. I was totally nervous but with my costume and everything I had on brought be some comfort... and all I heard from his direction was "whoa..."

I said nothing but turned around & strutted away back in the house. I haven't heard much out of them lately but he gives me a strange look every now & then. I just grin & go about my day. I did however think about it more and should the situation arise, I just do what I did my 2nd time out... I just give a small smile and confidently go about my way.

If they can't handle it, that's their problem. It's just clothes.

[BillieAnneJean]

Ya gotta wonder what "Well? What of it? contributes to anything?

[suzanne]

I think Jennifer and Rachel said it best. The right attitude is "No Big Deal. Next subject, please. " Only if you try to hide it will people think you are doing something wrong.

Billie, your complicating factor is the attitude of your SO. In my case, as in yours, my SO doesn't want anyone to know about my CDing, so I'm kind of restricted to home and far away from home. Because I do go out of the house, I suppose it's inevitable that I will eventually meet someone I know. My plan is to act like it's just No Big Deal. Not to say that it will actually happen that way. Just hoping.

[Phoebe Reece]

Some years back, several CD friends and I were going to take a rapid transit train to midtown Atlanta. While walking to the train platform after getting our tickets, a somewhat drunk (or high) young African-American came up from behind and asked me with a smile, “Are you a man or a woman?” I looked at him smiling and said, “Why, yes I am.” He thought about that for a second or two and laughed and moved on to pester someone else.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Given what you say, clearly it's your wife you should be asking this question, not a bunch of strangers!

Ya gotta wonder what "Well? What of it? contributes to anything?

Not sassy enough? Is this about protecting your wife, or about Billie sticking it to the man?