Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 26 to 38 of 38

Thread: Seeing a therapist for the first time

  1. #26
    Part time girl VirtuaGrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    75
    You sound exactly like the disaster therapist we last saw, Cheryl. That's exactly the attitude she took and it was absolutely no help, despite how true some of it may be.

    As to whether or not I am a crossdresset or not, I don't believe it's that simple. From a purely technical perspective, yes, I am a crossdresser. But I also believe there may be more to it.

    Dissociative disorders include more than just multiple personalities, Samantha, but, yes, dissociative identity disorder used to be referred to as multiple personalities and the Szondi Test pointed me in that direction. I certainly intend to discuss it in depth with the therapist.

    I am hoping to use the individual therapy sessions to better understand my condition. Once I have a better handle on things, I hope to be able to progress to joint sessions with my wife. I expect that we will be able to find a balance in our relationship that satisfies all of our needs. I suspect that my wife will not be as oppositional as yours was. First of all, my wife has a degree in psychology and knows that my crossdressing isn't "wrong" and that I can't be "cured". Additionally, she initially attempted to be understanding, accepting, and supportive, but she didn't feel as if her needs were being met and that I was being selfish (charges not wholly without merit). It is my hope that with a therapist acting as a mediator that we will be able to find a happy medium.

  2. #27
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    582
    I don't think we as crossdressers need any counseling. What we need, is to educate wives and girlfriends
    that "cross-dressing is within the normal range of behavior for males"
    . Just like shopping is within the normal range of behavior for females!

  3. #28
    Member SamanthaSometimes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    North Central TX
    Posts
    186
    Quote Originally Posted by VirtuaGrl View Post
    I suspect that my wife will not be as oppositional as yours was. First of all, my wife has a degree in psychology and knows that my crossdressing isn't "wrong" and that I can't be "cured". Additionally, she initially attempted to be understanding, accepting, and supportive, but she didn't feel as if her needs were being met and that I was being selfish (charges not wholly without merit).
    Thanks for the additional insight VirtuaGrl. You are indeed fortunate to have a wife who understands that CDing isn't wrong and can't be 'fixed'. You guys should be able to work through the issues just as any couple does when there is a disagreement about attention and priorities regarding any 'normal' activity, e.g. too much hunting, golf widows, etc. without having to deal with all the baggage that CDing is just wrong. I hope all goes well for you during and after the counseling sessions and keep us informed how you guys are doing.
    Who do I feel like today?

  4. #29
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    7,323
    Quote Originally Posted by VirtuaGrl View Post
    Dissociative disorders include more than just multiple personalities, Samantha, but, yes, dissociative identity disorder used to be referred to as multiple personalities and the Szondi Test pointed me in that direction.
    Wikipedia says of the Szondi Test,
    Szondi test is not widely used in the modern clinical psychology, because its psychometric properties are weak
    In other words, not to be relied upon at all.

    "Multiple personalities" is a bit of an overstatement for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), but at least “having different ways of being themselves, which we all do to some extent, but people with DID cannot always recall what they do or say while in their different states.”. Losing track of what one has done, or partial amnesia, is a required characteristic for DID.

    Historically, there was a period during which DID was known but transsexuality was not understood; during that time it was thought that those transsexuals who were not outright lying were suffering from DID (or Multiple Personality Disorder as it was known then.) Even now you will find people, including people with fair political power, say that transsexuality is just delusion or "multiple personalities", something to be psychiatrically "cured". There is hence a bit of a "raw nerve" amongst transsexuals to suggestions that unusual gender identity is due to DID. Yes, it has happened historically that some people were found to be DID rather than transsexuals, but if I recall my readings correctly, the DID rate among transsexuals is lower than in the general population.

    There is a portion of transgender people who suffer from DID, so Sure, get it checked. But if you haven't had the "personality state" dependent memory difficulties, then keep in mind the lengths people go to when they are in Denial.

  5. #30
    Luv doing girl stuff CherylFlint's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    625
    Here's the point: you and your SO already have the solution, all you have to do is sit down and have an HONEST heart-to-heart talk.
    If it makes you feel good paying a therapist, or maybe you'd feel even better paying a therapist A LOT OF MONEY so you get to feel even better, it's up to you.
    It's not complicated but, I must say, you're doing your very best to make it so.
    Good luck.

  6. #31
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    36,957

    Two Kinds

    Hi VG, There two kind of therapist ,

    The ones that tell you what YOU want to here

    and the ones that tell your WIFE what she wants to hear.

    Good Luck.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  7. #32
    Part time girl VirtuaGrl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    75
    I am not wholly convinced that I'm dealing with full blown DID, Sandra, but potentially some less severe dissociative disorder. I'm also not relying on the abbreviated version of the Szondi Test that I took on Facebook as a positive DID diagnosis. It simply brought sometuing else to my attention that i may not have otherwise considered (and for the record, I don't consider Wikipedia as a reliable source either).

    I can say with 100% certainty that I am not in denial about being transsexual. I do not now, nor have I ever had any desire to fully transition. I have never felt I was born in the wrong body or that was supposed to be a girl.

    I am glad you think it is so simple, Cheryl. Are you married? Have you been in a successful long-term relationship? Have you had an "honest heart to heart" and all with your SO where it was really that simple?

    I need insight on my condition and to find some of my own boundaries. I have considered therapy of my own for many years. I also think this is such a delicate subject that it needs to be handled as such and having a "disinterested" third party involved may make the honest heart to heart you speak of so cavalierly a little easier.

  8. #33
    Luv doing girl stuff CherylFlint's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    625
    Look, the whole idea of this blog is to lend a helping hand to one another by offering advice from people who have “been there, done that”.
    I’d have to say that 100% of the problems with SO’s has been because the CD wasn’t up-front and honest about the “CD thing” from the start.
    Sure, we’ve all made mistakes and this is my short story.
    I put an ad in “LOVE AOL” and said, among other things, that I was a CD and that I liked dressing because it was how I “relaxed”.
    I have never desired to “transition”. Being a CD is plenty enough for me.
    I dated a number of girls for two years until I found a possible match. We met for food on a weekday and she said that she didn’t know if she could handle the “CD thing” but she invited me over to her apartment that Saturday for me to dress for her.
    I dressed in the bathroom and when I came out I think her first words were, "You’ve put too much rouge on, let me fix that for you”.
    We’ve been married almost twenty years.
    When she wants me to dress, she’ll just say, “Get dressed”, and I’ll go into the second bedroom where she’ll have laid-out whatever it is she wants me to wear. She says that she’d rather be looking at a nice looking lady than “a man in a dress”, so she’s in charge of my makeup, hair, shoes and, sometimes, she’ll even pick-out the bra she wants me to wear.
    She does such a good job on me that I “pass” and we go out as two girls who are best of friends.
    You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill. It really isn’t complicated at all.
    Forget the therapist: save your money.
    The name of the game is to
    HAVE FUN BEING A CD!
    Do it, we do.
    ps; good advice from BLUE ORCHID, by the way.
    Last edited by CherylFlint; 10-25-2014 at 11:01 PM.

  9. #34
    Member Contessa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    472
    i probably would not be the best comment from reading you post. But here it goes. I had to continue my dressing. My depression would have gotten worse I think because it was about me. And I knew what I would have to do as not to continue wouldn't work for me. I definitely picked a woman. I went separately for a while as I had to out how to handle telling my wife. She and I are now separated. She blames this on the therapist supporting me. And the fact she is not a lesbian and I am. I went to therapy alone after that and yes dressed every session. I am a transwoman now and will never dress or live as a male again.

    Sure you can fight it and try not to dress but it will naw at you. Others may say I am wrong but try to leave your serenity alone. I say yes to trying to save your marriage it may just become harder to do. Some here have had this happen and would be happy to report every thing is A ok.

    Tess
    [COLOR="blue"]Contessa Marie D

    I'm TG. A fem-male so I look male sometimes.

    Dressing is necessary, the type of clothes you wear not so much.

    This above all to thy own self be true!

  10. #35
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    7,323
    With regards to active use of the Szondi Test, in a posting here, John William Reich of the Arizona State University · Department of Psychology, an author of 74 publications, wrote

    In American psychology, it has been a joke. For decades, it has not been taught in any approved Clinical Psychology program.
    And that is in reference to the full Szondi test of 48 high-quality photos; the abbreviated 8 photo "pick one" test of low quality pictures is even less meaningful.

    About 5 1/2 years ago, I started going to a non-gender therapist. My question was "How do I take the good things I found in cross-dressing and incorporate them into the rest of my life?" It was not a question about stopping cross-dressing; it was a recognition that while I was cross-dressing I was, in part, more... enabled... to parts of my personality that I did not typically use, and the reactions of other people towards me while I was cross-dressing were ones that I valued. For example, I was more open to socialization, more outgoing, had an easier time talking to people. How would I integrate myself, instead of using cross-dressing as a tool to access those parts? With the idea that afterwards, I might still enjoy cross-dressing and might continue it but I wouldn't have to rely on it (not unlike the way some people rely upon drugs to release themselves to be a person they prefer.)

    The question never did get answered before the therapist moved away two years ago. I used the therapy more to cope with life as a whole, which had a lot of stresses for me. At the last session with her, I reviewed and decided that the reason that the question had become "unimportant" to me was that my cross-dressing life and "the rest of my life" had become more synonymous. For example I was 24/7 female clothes including at work, just not "too obvious to be able to willingly ignore" (e.g., skirts or dresses.) I was even on HRT by then.

    I do not now, nor have I ever had any desire to fully transition. I have never felt I was born in the wrong body or that was supposed to be a girl.
    That is the standard trope for transsexuals, that they had "always known" that their body didn't match their gender. The truth is more complicated. I never felt that I was born in the wrong body or that I was supposed to be a girl. But I am transitioning anyhow, with the question being "how far" and "how soon".

    One of the very most important questions for transsexuals is "How do you need to live?" It wasn't that I particularly want to be trans or particularly want to transition, but I was unable to continue to try to be male. If being male doesn't work for you, then don't try be male, even if the alternative is not something you "always wanted".

    Quote Originally Posted by CherylFlint View Post
    I’d have to say that 100% of the problems with SO’s has been because the CD wasn’t up-front and honest about the “CD thing” from the start.
    I am certain that is not the case. A "fair portion" or "the majority" of the problems, perhaps, but definitely not "100%".

    Remember, people change. Circumstances change. Society changes. Religions change.

    And even if you have selected a wonderful SO, you cannot select how other members of your SO's family will react. Nor can you select against the possibility that one of your kid's school-mate's parents will freak out leading to a situation where your SO needs to act not based upon personal feelings but for "the best interests of the children".

    "100%" due to not being up-front and honest is definitely not a correct assessment.
    Last edited by sandra-leigh; 10-26-2014 at 01:10 AM. Reason: reply to additional person

  11. #36
    Junior Member Melanie B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    71
    Quote Originally Posted by CherylFlint View Post
    I’d have to say that 100% of the problems with SO’s has been because the CD wasn’t up-front and honest about the “CD thing” from the start.
    I've only been here a few weeks, and I'm really grateful to the members of this forum for their help and support.
    but I have to say that this thing about not being "...being honest and open right from the start..." grates on me a bit.
    When I met my SO, I honestly believed that I would have no need of it (and or be able to completely suppress it) once she moved in with me. Not telling her wasn't dishonest, because I genuinely believed that my CDing was irrelevant... history.
    There are an awful lot of us in a similar position: we may have been ill-informed, or over-optimistic, but weren't dishonest.

  12. #37
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,805
    Quote Originally Posted by VirtuaGrl View Post
    I am not wholly convinced that I'm dealing with full blown DID, Sandra, but potentially some less severe dissociative disorder. I'm also not relying on the abbreviated version of the Szondi Test that I took on Facebook as a positive DID diagnosis. It simply brought sometuing else to my attention that i may not have otherwise considered (and for the record, I don't consider Wikipedia as a reliable source either).
    Having read you posts, I see a confrontational style toward the therapists. It seems like no matter what they say, you will disagree because you already "know" whats wrong and you just want them to parrot that back. The idea of therapy is to lead you to discovering what is in your mind, not reconfirm. You have taken tests online and you have read articles online and even discussed it here but that isn't what you need. You need someone who can guide you which means you need to start with a fresh slate on both sides. Don't discount where the therapist is going, they have some background on all this, background you don't know.



    Quote Originally Posted by Melanie B View Post
    ...
    but I have to say that this thing about not being "...being honest and open right from the start..." grates on me a bit.
    When I met my SO, I honestly believed that I would have no need of it (and or be able to completely suppress it) once she moved in with me. Not telling her wasn't dishonest, because I genuinely believed that my CDing was irrelevant... history.
    OK, at that point it wasn't dishonest. You don't need to detail every little thing you did PRIOR to the marriage. Where it becomes and issue is when you start sneaking around and doing it behind her back. Now, if that the day you decided you wanted to dress again you went to you SO and told her...you are cool. It gives you both time to work out a mutual way of handling it. But I would place money you didn't. You did it on the sly. I don't really compare it to having affair but your SO will probably do that. What does she see when you come out or get caught months or years later? YOU LIED. You were doing something you didn't think she needed to know about. Not something you do to a life partner...am I correct? What if she was spending all your money on something you didn't know about? What if she was taking time away from you family to do some sneaky thing? You wouldn't be upset when you found out? No it wasn't dishonest when you weren't doing it...it became dishonest when you decided to do it without her knowing.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 10-26-2014 at 01:35 PM.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  13. #38
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    118
    All I can add is if you feel the therapist is crap don't be afraid to try someone else.There are definitely good ones and bad ones.I went to one and he was absolutely hopeless.You could see he was struggling to find stuff to say !
    Counselling definitely has its place,it helps to talk about things.Good luck

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State