Thanks Maria & everyone else. It surely helps to hear people in similar situations... SO thanks again
Thanks Maria & everyone else. It surely helps to hear people in similar situations... SO thanks again
I have been in this group a few months now and have learned alot . everyone is really great at helping each other out either with advice or telling their stories of experiences they been through I have come to feel like we are family. Thanks to everyone I am a much better person with a good balance in my life. Take it slow and enjoy the moment dressed.
Love ya.
Green means go. Yellow means either "slow down", or "go real fast"...Going real fast can be devastating.
So, how do you slow down? One way, is to read ALL of the "stickies" here, especially the ones where the GG's answer questions and help us see the world through their eyes. You'll find that their initial reactions are much like ours, in the way that what we/they first say is not always consistent with how the feelings are subject to change.
No one is necessarily being dishonest, but it is much like a roller coaster, subject to a change in momentum and directions.Totally unexplored territory. Read every single GG comment!!!
I believe that the key to long-lasting success in this is "balance", and making darned sure that the woman you adore and have children with, and are planning to be with for a long long time is being paid proper attention to.
Welcome to the rest of your life, and congrats on having a loving and supportive wife-to-be...Now treat her justly:-)
Several times, in your post, you say "idk"...So pull in the reins on doing anything until the "k" becomes clearer...And as others mentioned, buy your own frickin' clothes... Maybe even go shopping together...Your SO's pace is the pace that matters.
Jaye
Last edited by JayeLefaye; 11-07-2014 at 05:43 PM.
I've recently come out to my wife as well and although she's 'verbally' very accepting I've yet to full on dress in front of her; that said I'm kinda like the kid in a candy store as well, I'm totally stocking up my alter ego wardrobe. I THINK at least the 'go slow" approach is best, letting her digest this slowly, I'm ceasing conversation on the topic for a while to let it settle and the I'll wait until her baseline mood is elevated and start conversation again. She's a huge fan of Ellen Degeneres by the way...so am I
Nicole,Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit
I can only echo what others have said here, and I really like what Nadine has said -- do heed all of the above. We've often said in posts like this that one needs "balance", and that is just as often so hard to achieve. It doesn't happen overnight. Maybe you need to step back a bit and look at your whole life with your fiancee and kids, and try to find perspective. The candy store is so inviting those first few times ... but we don't think about the consequences (cavities, belly aches ... obesity and possible diabetes...).
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
Nichole do you currently wear a bra with forms and how does your wife feel about you wearing a bra outside in regular day to day life you need to do this before you think about implants to be sure you want permanent breast ,i have large natural breast from gynecomastia and meds so i understand your desire for breast i love mine
Nichole, I notice that in one of your replies you reject therapy. I urge you to think again. The objective of a good therapist should be to help you both understand yourselves and work out what it is you really want to do and how to approach it.
Before I was married I told my SO that I was a transvestite. She said she was OK with that but after marriage it turned out that she did not really understand what transvestism was all about and I did not have sufficient knowledge or the ability to give her neutral advice. A good and experienced- and I repeat good and experienced, therapist would have made a world of difference at that time. I get the feeling that you are being overwhelmed by many desires and you don't know what feelings to trust. You need to find your equilibrium and so SLOW DOWN and don't make any critical life changing decisions until you truly understand what you want and what it will entail to get there.
I the meantime be calm. It will all settle down in time. Allow time and wisdom to play a role for you.
Take a long hard look at what you have posted here you said that you are soon to be marrid if you carry on rolling down that hill you will just role straight past the church it's alright having a fanticy but you can not let it take over your life you must face reality and come to some arrangement about when where and how with you're fantastic wife to be
You really should buy your own clothes. She might have said it was "ok" to wear her things, but remember she might have said that because she wants to make you happy, not because she is really ok with it, if you know what I mean. More likely than not, she isn't happy about it, so at least get your own clothes.
Remember, transsexualism is no fantasy. Breast implants can come with complications, not everyone is happy with the results of their SRS... many are, but not all (and I have seen the results of bad SRS jobs!) And, of course, some lose their jobs, kids, wives, respect in the community etc. when they transition. I wouldn't wish TSism on my worst enemy.
Thanks everyone for the helpful advice, I am feeling a little more in control lately
I agree with Nadine. Before anyone goes and start hormone therapy, you have to really consider what it does to your body. I have fantasies and I think we all have fantasies. Some of mine are far to dark to mention anywhere, and some of these things might not play out so well in real life. There is no actual physical harm to your body when you wear female clothing. It seems like you have a wonderful partner. I would take the slow it down approach as well and just enjoy what you have. If you really get to a point where you want to start to change your body through hormones, then you need to talk to some professionals first and get all the facts.
You should care, your wife is telling you in not so many words you are pushing it. You sound like you have gone totally opposite of your 'old self' and it will bite you in the butt in time. Good luck to you if you don't rein it in, you might end up single before the pink fog rises a bit.
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
Agreeing with what several of the responses have said, that you need to go through and read posts on this forum, there are many different levels of what we do and some will only dress for sexual satisfaction, some feel more balanced when en femme and it's not about sex at all, others want to go out as a woman from time to time, and others transition and become real women. It is going to take you a while to figure out where you fit in that spectrum.
So as everyone has said, slow down and take it step by step. If your feelings of wanting SRS and hormones and implants continues past a few months, I seriously suggest finding an experienced gender therapist. This will help you discover how deep your personal rabbit hole will go. Thankfully there are safeguards in place so that you can't do most of those things until you have had counseling and have lived as a woman.
Remember that you are about to get married, it would be a good idea to have a least a decent idea if you are going to take things to higher levels BEFORE you get married. Your wife might not like the concept of being labeled a lesbian if you decide you have to be a woman full time. It can cost you a lot of heartache, money and relationships if it goes beyond the closet. Read some of the stories on this site, some are downright frightening, the repercussions of coming out to friends and family, the destruction of careers and marriages. Please do your research.
Bottom line is like everyone else here, we want the best for you in your journey, and that comes down to do your homework before you make any drastic life altering decisions.
Charlotte.
I do not have the same freedoms as you but have the same urges. Since telling my SO I have bought much to wear, underdress all the time, and think about trying to transition my body all the time. I have done as others have said and tried slowing way down. I plan to see a gender therapist to address the same urges and thoughts you post.
I know this feeling pretty well. I kind of went through this after I told my fiancé. Going with the balloon under water analogy: Once the balloon is released there's lots of momentum to go as far as you can in the beginning but soon you'll slowly start to come back down. Like others have said, try to take it slow, set some boundaries with your fiancé and buy and wear your own clothes. While she may not mind at first, things will likely change and she might not be as OK as she used to be. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open and talk frequently about if she's OK with it. Good luck! Sounds like she's a great person.
Nichole,
I’ve heard here that HRT destroys male functionality, and SRS certainly would. Sounds like you want to present as a female, while retaining male sexual capability. I’ve also heard that gynecomastia causes boobs to grow in males; can it be induced?
Wow this is me down to the point. After I came out to my wife she was very understanding and said it didn't matter to her. I could wear her clothes and she also had fantasy like your soon to be wife. But after I actually got all dolled up the first time it took her for surprise and kind of overloaded her. So I would say slow it down just a tad because even though she said she was ok she didn't know what she was in for. She will come around time will help.
Slow down. You may derail a good thing. Don't overload your fiancee. If she has a sexual fantasy of making it with a woman, she may entertain they thought of having a girlfriend on occasion. You may find once her fantasy is fulfilled, it may become boring.
How much time? I want to dress as her Star Trek female twin (alien?) at the 50th Anniversary con in Las Vegas (2016), and stay dressed for dinners and elsewhere on the "strip" in the evenings. Any suggestions as to what characters, from TOS, TNG, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise, or the movies, to emulate?
Last edited by sfwarbonnet; 12-22-2014 at 03:42 PM.
Nichole, please do not look at therapy as a negative. All these questions and doubts you are having, can be answered by a psych professional. They can help you understand more about who you are, reign in your desires some, and find balance in your life. If after talking to them for a while, you still have longer term desires,they can also help you explore that. But a professional is a sound and safe way to go from here on out. And I am willing to bet, would put your mind at ease.
oh no, not therapy....lol.....maybe one day.....I will be ok.....I hope so atleast.... I am only worried about my wife in this aspect, & so yes I agree that she needs time to "catch up"....and that is ok. She is the only one thus far who has partially accepted me, she is the mother of my kids, & soon to be wife, & so she means everything to me. I am trying to show her that positive things could come out of exploring my Feminine side.
I don't know if I can "slow down" ........but, Yeah, you're right....thanks Nadine
"These aren't 'women's clothes'. These are my clothes. I bought them with my own money."
Eddie Izzard
I'm flipping genders, what's your super power?!?!
Please visit my wordpress blog: http://southerncrossdresser.wordpress.com
Nicole, if you do NOT slow down, you are headed towrds the rocks. Yes, it IS easy to enjoy the quick orgasm that you seek - but remember, there are two people in this relationship. In fact, more than two. these people at the moment are dependent on you. The kids cannot know what you are going through. Your partner can. Put yourself in her shoes "Sorry, honey, I'm going to get dressed up and masturbate for a while - but I'll be back after the news!"
How do she like that? Does it feel good to her that you put on some female clothing and get yourself off?
SLOW DOWN. Talk. Meet her needs too - and if you cannot do that, get out of her life.
Hard to this, but grow up! You do need therapy. Get it
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
Sounds like you are getting lots of good advice. Thats good I can only add go slow. Your wife may be into it for awhile but my guess and, it already sounds like it a bit, that she will burn out. The fantasy will not bt what it was imagined to be. Enjoy your CDing but keep it in perspective. It is only a part of you not the whole you. All of us hear have been through these feelings. you will find lots of support here but therapy can't hurt except maybe you purse. Meanwhile feel lucky you have an accepting spouse and don't burn her out
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
same thing be carefoul :/ really
Last edited by Lorileah; 02-16-2015 at 01:51 PM. Reason: no need to quote post above yours
wow wipe out
lots of experiance with wives and cross dressing, if i got married a third time, i think i would keep my fem side totally seperate
only showing her if she wanted to see marilyn, they have said to me how would you feel if i dressed as a man,
its quite a laugh for them to start with, but if things become imbalanced then she gets pushed out, please be carefull and communication is criticall x
Nichole, you have the opportunity to really embrace and enjoy both worlds like I do, I love being a husband, father, dad, comic, cook etc to my wonderful family and you can too. I love being Emma and my female side is very in me when I dress like a woman. I enjoy fantasising about life as a woman and I do think about men sexually. I also love a mans role in my relationship with my wife so its important to keep the balance. Balance is the key word here, keep both worlds alive instead of destroying one or the other, I can do it then so can you.
XxxxxEmmaxxxxxx
