Should you tell your wife/girlfriend about your CDing, before devoting yourself?

[mikeyp]

I don't have a girlfriend currently, but most of my fantasies involve crossdressing/gender play in some way. This kind of turns me off to the idea of ever becoming close to someone, although I do plan on having children of my own someday. I've just heard so many nightmareish stories where the wife found his pantie stash, etc. I kinda just want it to be out in the open that I crossdress for fetishistic reasons from time to time. I feel like if I had an SO who didn't judge me on my desire to dress, and I had someone to share this with, I'd be a bit happier with life in general.

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

[caitlyn aguilera]

Totally . you should be open about it.... I did.and it has work great... It alzó has to do that i have a strong relationship with my wife.....

[Ceera]

In my opinion, you're a lot better off being honest and open about your personal and sexual needs before the relationship gets too serious. Far better to find out up front that it won't work, or that it will! It seems that for most of us, CDing is not something that will 'go away', and for a mate to find out much later, after you've been married for a while and maybe even have kids, can be a horrible mess. Hiding your nature from a potential mate may make things work in the short term, but seems bound to eventually cause nasty issues when they do find out. Being honest about it will make it harder to find a mate, but when you do find a girl that can accept all of you, you won't need to hide with her. You'll both be happier.

[raeleen]

Absolutely be honest and open about your dressing. I was, and although it's still rocky at times overall I think it's way better than if she found out later by accident, or felt like I had been hiding something from her our entire time together. When they find out later, I think there's a lot more wondering about 'what else might he be hiding?' and that's just a downward spiral.

you'd be surprised how many women might be accepting as long as you're honest about it!

[Sarah Beth]

I honestly wish that I had told my wife a long time before she "discovered" my crossdressing. When we were dating I wasn't doing the dressing thing I was in denial about the whole idea and being the macho bad boy. I never thought I would do it again, kept telling myself I wouldn't but then as we all know eventually the desire overcame me again and I started dressing. I don't know that her reaction would have been much different than it was to the concept of my being a crossdresser but I do know that her feelings of hurt and feeling betrayed would have been a lot less if I had explained things to her rather than having her find out.

In my opinion, for what its worth, I would be up front about it with whoever.

[Tracii G]

Be open and honest with all things about you.
I have done that with people I have dated and some had a problem with it but most were open to the idea.
By being honest you just might find a girl that is totally into it and find it sexually appealing.
She gets her man and her fantasy girlfriend.

[Teresa]

Mikeyp,
Please don't give up on finding a partner, I had two GFs who accepted my CDing before I met my wife so it can happen and there are GGs who actually enjoy it .

[Tabitha_Lynn]

Definitely be up front before engagement / marriage.

Also, assuming it is a big part of who you are, make sure that you keep it open with her. I say this from experience. I was up front with her before then, but as our marriage went o. And family grew, my femme side was put aside. Now, I am back dressing, but am fearful of reintroducing it to her and possible rejection.

[Saikotsu]

There are women out there who don't mind having a partner who crossdresses. My girlfriend figured out I was transgender before I did and was an instrumental part of my growth in that area. She's super supportive, and she's even remarked that she gets the best of both worlds. I can be her boyfriend and her girlfriend.

However, the key to all this was being upfront and open about it from the start.

[Adriana Moretti]

I am single ( on purpose) but I would think that is the right move.....if I EVER date a girl again...it will be cause she met ME in public FIRST.....so right off the bat I knew she was down

[CONSUELO]

I strongly advise you to be honest with any girlfriend about your cross dressing. However, do be careful with whom you share this information as some people will try to use it against you. That said, if the relationship becomes steady and marriage is contemplated, make sure that your GF knows that you are a cross dresser but also make sure she understands exactly what that means for her and for your relationship.
I told my wife before we were married but we did not explore all of the aspects of cross dressing and so it has been very difficult. I have read about women who find a particular aspect of their future mate to be a problem but decide that they can either live with it or change the behavior. That will not happen with cross dressing. At some point it would be worthwhile to spend time with a counsellor to make sure that everything is thoroughly discussed.

Also, many people on this forum, myself included have found that what they thought was a fetish that just needed occasional attention became, with time and maturity, a nearly full-time compulsion. Make sure you understand yourself as well as you can.

[jenni_xx]

It's an easy question to answer in hindsight. How does one go about doing so when they've been a relationship for years? For whatever reason,, that it was easier (and it's ALWAYS easier) NOT to say anything? How about the very common occurrence that when a new relationship is embarked upon, the desire of a CD to dress goes away, so much so that it's something that not even the CD'er themselves, however temporary it may ultimately last, wishes to partake in?

[Melanie 0339]

Hi MikeyP like all the other girls have said tell any future girlfriends upfront before things get serious. I really wish I came out to my wife even though I wasn't dressing much when we met, now I feel like I'm in too deep but I'm trying to gear up the courage to tell her like many dressers here have done, but on the flip side I'm prepared to make the sacrifice of not being able to dress or shave as much as I'd like to as I don't want to potentially lose my family. xxx

[char GG]

My opinion would be to tell her before you/she get attached to each other. Women just don't like surprises like this, especially after marriage! Give her the chance to get on board with your CDing or jump ship.

[mikeyp]

I strongly advise you to be honest with any girlfriend about your cross dressing. However, do be careful with whom you share this information as some people will try to use it against you. That said, if the relationship becomes steady and marriage is contemplated, make sure that your GF knows that you are a cross dresser but also make sure she understands exactly what that means for her and for your relationship.
I told my wife before we were married but we did not explore all of the aspects of cross dressing and so it has been very difficult. I have read about women who find a particular aspect of their future mate to be a problem but decide that they can either live with it or change the behavior. That will not happen with cross dressing. At some point it would be worthwhile to spend time with a counsellor to make sure that everything is thoroughly discussed.

Also, many people on this forum, myself included have found that what they thought was a fetish that just needed occasional attention became, with time and maturity, a nearly full-time compulsion. Make sure you understand yourself as well as you can.

Not trying to be funny, but isn't that akin to a behavioral addiction, lol? Being that the dressing stimulates feel good chemicals and all

[ReineD]

I kinda just want it to be out in the open that I crossdress for fetishistic reasons from time to time. I feel like if I had an SO who didn't judge me on my desire to dress, and I had someone to share this with, I'd be a bit happier with life in general.

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

Well, at least you're up front about this to us and you are to be commended.

As a fully supportive GG, I can tell you that I'm OK with the cross-gender expression, in fact my SO do a lot of things together while she is dressed. But it wouldn't be OK if my SO had any type of fetish ... whether this was the CDing or any one of a number of other fetishes (porn for example, or a foot or sweater fetish, or sado-masochism). This is because as a GG who is into having sex with my SO, I would feel as if something was lacking in our relationship if my SO felt the need to source sexual gratification from the outside, even if "the outside" was my SO and the internet. Or my SO and his fantasies. Kink is fun in any relationship once in a while, but if it was something that turned my SO on a lot whether or not I was there, then I would feel as if I wasn't needed. Honestly, it would be the same to me as if my SO was having sex with another person.

I dare say that most married CDers sense this about their wives and because of this, they don't advertise it when they masturbate while dressed. And if the CDing leads to masturbation each time, then I understand why some CDers wouldn't even WANT to tell their wives. But I would not want to be in a relationship like that. Not at all, even though I support the CDing fully. If this makes sense.

I don't have a girlfriend currently, but most of my fantasies involve crossdressing/gender play in some way. This kind of turns me off to the idea of ever becoming close to someone, although I do plan on having children of my own someday.

Would you marry a woman because you love her and are into her sexually, or would it be just to have kids. If it's just to have kids, she will feel it and eventually your relationship will fall apart. But, don't discount falling in love one day and actually wanting to have sex with your wife more than alone when you are CDing. This could happen? Or, if you cannot see yourself gaining deep sexual gratification from being with a woman you love, then maybe you should stay single or get into the type of relationship that is arm's length, like a distance relationship or maybe just having sex once in a while with a GG who doesn't want to be in an intimate and connected relationship either.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and yes, I do think you should be honest with a potential SO.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Not only should you tell, but you have an obligation to. Your future GG partner has the right to know everything about the whole you (and you have the right to know about her) and make a full, informed decision before forming a commitment with you.

[mikeyp]

Well, at least you're up front about this to us and you are to be commended.

As a fully supportive GG, I can tell you that I'm OK with the cross-gender expression, in fact my SO do a lot of things together while she is dressed. But it wouldn't be OK if my SO had any type of fetish ... whether this was the CDing or any one of a number of other fetishes (porn for example, or a foot or sweater fetish, or sado-masochism). This is because as a GG who is into having sex with my SO, I would feel as if something was lacking in our relationship if my SO felt the need to source sexual gratification from the outside, even if "the outside" was my SO and the internet. Or my SO and his fantasies. Kink is fun in any relationship once in a while, but if it was something that turned my SO on a lot whether or not I was there, then I would feel as if I wasn't needed. Honestly, it would be the same to me as if my SO was having sex with another person.

I dare say that most married CDers sense this about their wives and because of this, they don't advertise it when they masturbate while dressed. And if the CDing leads to masturbation each time, then I understand why some CDers wouldn't even WANT to tell their wives. But I would not want to be in a relationship like that. Not at all, even though I support the CDing fully. If this makes sense.



Would you marry a woman because you love her and are into her sexually, or would it be just to have kids. If it's just to have kids, she will feel it and eventually your relationship will fall apart. But, don't discount falling in love one day and actually wanting to have sex with your wife more than alone when you are CDing. This could happen? Or, if you cannot see yourself gaining deep sexual gratification from being with a woman you love, then maybe you should stay single or get into the type of relationship that is arm's length, like a distance relationship or maybe just having sex once in a while with a GG who doesn't want to be in an intimate and connected relationship either.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and yes, I do think you should be honest with a potential SO.

I'm into a lot of the masochistic spectrum of fantasies, in that I desire "humiliation". I'm also capable of "normal" sexual things though. In my own private time though, the masochistic stuff is like a 10/10 and the vanilla stuff is probably like a 7.

Part of me desires something more than just a short term "sex buddy" though, I've just never been comfortable sharing my life with anybody because of this side of me. One thing is for sure though, if I did happen to commit myself to someone to the point of marriage, you'd best believe the relationship would involve more than just sex. I'd love to start a family someday though, with a woman that I love very much, and I'd like her to know about my private fantasies before I devoted myself to her because of all of the crazy things I've read about on here. That stuff is super scary.

I've constantly wanted to leave my fetish for awhile though and search for an actual relationship. Sometimes I fill the loneliness void I have by dressing up and imagining myself as the woman I would love to be with but feel that I'll never be able to have, due to my inadequacy as a man. I've read a lot online about voluntary "abstinence" and how your brain becomes more and more wired towards your natural kinks the more you spend time with them. I sometimes just want to quit my fetishes for awhile until I find a partner to explore them with me.

[ReineD]

I'm into a lot of the masochistic spectrum of fantasies, in that I desire "humiliation". I'm also capable of "normal" sexual things though. In my own private time though, the masochistic stuff is like a 10/10 and the vanilla stuff is probably like a 7.

Right! Nothing against you and speaking from my heart, I would not want to be a 7 to my SO. I want to be THE 10, because my SO is THE 10 to me. It's all tied into the feelings of love I have for my SO! I don't know how old you are, but my guess is that most younger GGs would want to be your 10. If you are middle aged and are looking at GGs who are into their second or third relationship, you might find one for whom being your 10 is not important, or you might find someone who doesn't prioritize sex after the first few years and for whom it won't matter where else you receive sexual gratification. But in any case, you should absolutely be honest with your SO before commitment, to give her an chance to decide whether or not this arrangement would suit her.

I sometimes just want to quit my fetishes for awhile until I find a partner to explore them with me.

Have you thought about joining a site like FetLife? I think there are some GGs who look for kink CDers there. In the vanilla world? Not so much.

[Charlotte_P]

Like most of the others have said, yes, be up front about it. If you let things go and get serious or married she could end up feeling betrayed or hurt by you not telling her earlier. The sooner in the relationship the better in my opinion as if they have issues with your dressing then things will probably weed themselves out anyway. If she is cool with it, your relationship can progress and trust me it helps your feelings towards her when she accepts every aspect of you.

Charlotte

[Isabella Ross]

Another voice here that's in the "tell before you leap" camp. Absolutely no reason not to these days. I was so far in the closet when I got married 25 years ago that I didn't even know what to tell myself, let alone my fiancee. Stupid. I've been out to her for about ten years now. She's completely accepting of my transgenderism, but ten years later still is concerned that I wasn't honest about it. What does that tell you?

[wendy]

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone's response, be honest, open, and communicate. CDing is a part of you, and trying to hide it is not fun, and worse, if she ever finds out it could be very bad.

I regret not telling my wife years ago, when I finally did the response I received was very positive and supportive.

[alwayshave]

Mikeyp, before moving in with my fiancee 8 years ago, I told her that I was a crossdresser. I knew that at 45 years of age I did not want to hide who I am any longer. So do disclose, it will make your life easier.

[Jenniferathome]

...

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

No, this is not true. Most will be SURPRISED by cross dressing, for sure. But as you can clearly read not his forum, it is the lying, hiding, and self-absorption that causes the problems.

[mikeyp]

Right! Nothing against you and speaking from my heart, I would not want to be a 7 to my SO. I want to be THE 10, because my SO is THE 10 to me. It's all tied into the feelings of love I have for my SO! I don't know how old you are, but my guess is that most younger GGs would want to be your 10. If you are middle aged and are looking at GGs who are into their second or third relationship, you might find one for whom being your 10 is not important, or you might find someone who doesn't prioritize sex after the first few years and for whom it won't matter where else you receive sexual gratification. But in any case, you should absolutely be honest with your SO before commitment, to give her an chance to decide whether or not this arrangement would suit her.



Have you thought about joining a site like FetLife? I think there are some GGs who look for kink CDers there. In the vanilla world? Not so much.

I guess I should clarify. In my private times, I don't really feel the romantic vibe between me and those girls on the screen. Nothing compares to real sexual intercourse to me. It's just that the real thing is much harder to come by so I take the easy way out and retreat into my little fantasy world.

A partner who expressed interest in me as a man, and who made me feel like an attractive person during intercourse would be a 10 to me. Nothing compares to real live sex with a woman for me. It's just much harder to come by. Also, yeah, fetlife is an interesting site, but the problem is, you don't really get to date the "dominatrixes" on there. 99% of the guys I talk to in that community are single. It's pretty sad. Having to pay someone to live out my fantasies are also a HUGE turn off for me, heh. I guess I could maybe at best find a girl who is into bdsm, that's common enough I think, and it's a pretty good middle ground for me.

So I'm pretty much to the point where I want to develop a real relationship with a woman in the real world that's okay with me having a "sissy boy" kink. It just feels so hopeless at my age.