Ask A Transsexual - Part Two

[Sarah Doepner]

It hasn't been 3 years, it's been a long, slow journey of 35 or 40 years for me because I identified as a crossdresser for many of those years. In a way that self-definition prevented me from seeing the scope of my gender identity quandary. I didn't recognize my dysphoria for what it was and found the easiest ways to stop feeling that strange, uncomfortable longing. I picked the low hanging fruit, but as the years went on there was less and less that I could reach. In the beginning it was once every few months in the closet with just a few borrowed clothing items that would do the trick. Then I wanted my own things and looked forward to more frequent and longer sessions. Then I had to get out of the closet, then meet others online, then in person, then tell someone and so on and so on. The dysphoria was being addressed but it was not being resolved.

It wasn't until I was years into hormone therapy, out to the world and following a couple of surgeries that I no longer felt my dysphoria. It was either transition or carry the weight of hiding and feeling the misery of dysphoria with me all my days. Today, I'm finally mostly comfortable with who I am, but I don't plan on stopping my transition journey. The motivation is just different than it was before.

[Maxine Smith]

Question for those that have transitioned: what made you decide that transitioning was right for you?

[Maid_Marion]

Plenty saved for retirement! Decided the workplace and neighborhood was sufficiently open minded enough for me to transition in place!
When they put in a dress code I was able to wear skorts to work and nobody said anything.
High heels were quite practical as they could hear me coming down the hallway even though they couldn't see me as there was a T intersection.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

Found it harder to not accept myself as the decades went by, then the combination of covid restrictions preventing crossdressing and creating worry of mortality plus a few 'gender swap' selfies led to the proverbial egg crack, and once I allowed the idea of actually transitioning it felt undeniable. Read the list of effects of HRT more seriously and thought I want all of those good ones.

[Sarah Doepner]

I tried everything I could think of or was told about that might help quiet my dysphoria. Some never worked and others worked for a while before they too failed to provide relief. Once I was widowed and retired in an "empty nest" I found all my reasons to not transition were little more than false fronts that hid the truth. I was startled to discover how much correcting my hormones helped me find peace of mind. It wasn't enough and I had to get some surgeries and start living full time. Finally, that longing has vanished, and I can finally experience life as someone cis gender does. That is, not worrying about my gender and being able to focus on life without running everything through the "fear of discovery" filter.

[BustyOlivia]

Oh fun, label time. I have used many of them over my life:

child/teen - weirdo, freak, social misfit
20's - sexual fetishist
30's - transvestite
early 40's - cross dresser ----- see right here, I used cross dresser, lol
mid 40's - trans woman
now - woman/female

Your journey always sounds like what happens in my head. In my culture, there are some spirits who are both male and female at the same time. So I?ve always identified as such and cross dressing has been enough to satisfy that side but dreams and repeated specific feelings when when fully one side of myself have me wondering how some of you made the decision. I imagine I would just know and that?s that, like no question at all, but is that just a fantasy? Were you girls
Just as skeptical or absolute?

[Jeri Ann]

Speaking for myself, it was absolute. If there is a choice, don?t transition. Here?s why; you may lose family, friends, home, community, wealth and possessions. Physical/medical transition is painful with long recovery and horribly expensive. Hormones and surgeries will not turn you into the young attractive female in your fantasies, only a feminized version of yourself.

You have not experienced life as Olivia, just occasional time alone, maybe an inconspicuous drive. You also seem to be in a DADT relationship. You remain in this situation because of your fears. I know because this was my life many years ago.

You will know if and when transition is necessary.

[BiancaEstrella]

Question for those that have transitioned: what made you decide that transitioning was right for you?

On the evening of December 14, 2017, I was doing laundry and pulled a bulky men's sweater out of the washing machine. I thought to myself: "This is nonsense. This sweater isn't *you*. This sweater has never been you. None of this stuff is. All of it can go today or tomorrow and I'd be more than happy without it!" I packed up almost all of my "man" attire that night and vowed to donate it. I'd been living in both worlds for a bit, but was pretty much only going to work in a manner of masculinity, all my social life for the previous year and a half was happening as Bianca. Since everyone knew her anyway, and it seemed as though people genuinely liked the version of me I'd been repressing for so long, I figured it was a good time to go full-time. I say almost because I spent another two months with work being the last place to come out, and everyone was pretty chill about it when I did - the boys' gang suddenly had a woman on the team, and what a pleasant surprise it was. The very next day, Valentine's Day 2018, I reported to work as Bianca for the first time - no problems at all.

I'd shut down all of "his" social media at some point in early 2017, but came back to announce "his" farewell - then logged in to my account and answered people's questions in the comments. I wish I'd saved that entire post & replies, somehow. I got some of the best affirmation in those comments and questions.

At no point did I feel like the walls were caving in, or that some external pressure was going to force me to come out prematurely. I did it at my own pace with an extremely strong group of core friends who'd had my back for years prior to that point, so I was never worried about being outed or any consequence thereto. I'm grateful to have done it where I did, when I did, how I did. I got to control the narrative on anything and everything to do with myself.

Question, coming over from the CD forums for this one.

There's always that argument that Cross Dressers are just holding back on transitioning. Actually there's that joke about the difference between a CD and a TS being about 3 years. And if this whole subject is even broached, you'll get a bunch of CDs say nope, not never. They refuse to acknowledge it's a thing.

So my question to the folks transition, did you start off with some serious crossdressing as you found your way to understanding where you wanted to be?

Thanks

Crossdresser is still the label I've worn the longest - from 2007 til 2017, I called myself a crossdresser. In 2016 I added genderfluid to cleanly state my gender identity, and wanted the fact that I crossdress or blend-dress to not be seen as a hobby, but as a sincere exploration of how I understood myself. I've referred to myself as transgender since the end of 2017.

I joke that it all got real when I started wearing and even preferring women's flat shoes/sandals instead of trying to pair heels with every outfit, but everyone has their reasons for why that may be their default choice. For me it was a sort of watershed point, though.

I wouldn't say that every crossdresser wants to transition, though. I think many are fine with being perceived as men for a large percentage of the time, but then enjoy dressing and presenting as women for a shorter period of time. That may be an inverted time schedule for some people who crossdress but it's not my responsibility to determine who someone else is or wants to be - it's yours to tell me and mine to believe when you do. Duration and/or opportunity may be impacted by circumstance, so in my view nobody is "less than" because they don't crossdress "enough." Nor do they "need to" transition because they crossdress "too much." It's your world to make your decision and over here, I understand the complex life choices you may be making or at least considering.

I am thankful for the time I was a crossdresser and have no plans to turn my back on the label, or the people who do it, or the time where it was my own to wear.

[RoseReve]

The flip side to that coin is that the neural mosaic can change and evolve and thus a stability at one point may last for awhile, possibly a long while, and then it may shift in a direction that is consistent with our basic configuration that defines the outline of our gender sense of self.

Dear Gretchen,

I strongly agree with this view.

And I'm adding a question to everyone here. It's not easy to formulate, as this can be something very subtle, so I hope you'll understand what I mean.


Have you ever experienced this "neural mosaic" thing: the feeling that you just lived a slight change in your mind which, thanks to the many ways of confirming the inner feeling of your gender (clothes, seeing you pretty in the mirror, being called Madam, the effect of hormones, the result of surgery, acceptation by your family, friends, work environment...) makes you feel more like you actually are a woman, and not just feeling that it is where you will find your happiness, what you want and desire for your future? That it has suddenly become actual?

I'm asking this because nowadays I'm experiencing these kinds of moments...And I haven't found anything on the web about how a transition also creates changes in the brain, the conscience, the feeling of oneself...Call it reconfiguration, rewiring (yes I'm a lot into psychology/psychoanalysis )

Thanks if you have some reflexions to share about this.

All the best, cheers,

Rose

[RoseReve]

Hello everyone,

sorry it seems that my first question was a bit cryptic.

So I will ask a second one, maybe more able to encounter an echo in your experiences.

Do you retrospectively find that your first life under the male assignment was like narrow, shrunk, that somehow it wasn't very much possible for you to develop a satisfying existence?

And that now that you are woman, you finally reached you true dimension?

Thanks a lot, all the best, cheers,

Rose