Why/What???

[Alice K]

Debra, very thought provoking questions in your original post and why many have joined this site...to answer those questions.
As others have said it varies from person to person, each unique in our own way.
From my perspective I believe each person, male or female have a gender identity mapped by thousands of gender markers. (Nature). Or because the feminine role models were much more appealing that the male role models. (Nurture). Or both.

Some males have many feminine aspects to their personalities as do women with masculine markers. Some male role
models may have been repulsive.

The difficulties arise because society constricts, very forcefully, male behaviors. “Step outta line and the man comes and takes you away.” As the song says.

One should be able to wear what one wants when one wants or to express themselves as they feel the need but the social strictures do not permit deviation.

When younger (50’s) it would be taking your life into your own hands to express feminine traits as a young male. With ridicule, enough beatings, or threats at the hands of other young peers and “responsible” adults for just being yourself you learn to mask it and try to fit in as much as possible, sometimes with limited success 😊. BTW I don’t believe we have come much further in people’s acceptance from the 50,s in this regard and from my observations. The hate and fear is still generally raging regardless of some of the wonderful sporadic stories of acceptance we read here.
At some point you begin to wonder how many other boys or men out there are forced to repress significant aspects of their personalities because of these strictures.
How many uncreated works of art, unwritten poems, beautiful designs were not created because of societal repression of feminine aspects of male personalities?
Your questions are good questions, needed to be asked by many and thought through to help ourselves or to help the world stop the repression. If nothing to help explain to those who may need to know (wife, therapist, priest, people on this forum&#128521

Just answering “don’t ask the questions” won’t help anyone.

Just one persons view but good questions, thanks for asking.

[Lacey New]

I hit puberty in the age of the mini skirt when dropping a pencil on the floor of the classroom was frequently rewarded by a nice view of nylon panties. Also, back then, the Playboy of the day was really the Sears or Penny's catalog showing much of the same. Also, lovely models showing off not just panties but other wonderful silky things as well. Particularly bras showing of those wonderful mysterious things called breasts. Since my opportunities to touch, feel and explore the real things were rare, the next best thing to exploring the real contents of women's lingerie was to imagine exploring by wearing either my mother's of sister's panties then bras. Like Pavlov's dog, every time I did so, I was rewarded by receiving a treat - my own gratification. So that explains why I started. However, what I can't explain is why I stayed with it long after enjoying intimacy with other young women and later my wife of now many years.

[deebra]

Lacey as I have previously said and in your case why wasn't just seeing panties and viewing Playboy enough. Most guys would use Playboy to get horney and then masterbation and that ended it. Why did you and just a few more want to go further and try on women's underwear, get turned on by it and continue wearing and adding more and some totally presenting as a woman. What/Why made you do this and the others (majority) didn't. I think we as Cders would like to know but we can continue on without knowing why. Our brains are hard wired to things in life from the time of being formed in the womb all the way up to 6 years old, I think CDing was either from a male being born with a more feminine brain than most males or his environment up to 6 years old could have set him on this course. That said we had no choice, it's our society not accepting us is the problem.

[Tracii G]

You have received a bunch of answers from members on what /why but what I take from this is none of them satisfy you.
No matter what answer one gives you will continue to ask the same question.
What results are you hoping to gain by this exercise?
What more can we do as a group to help you accept your CDing because its obvious you still have issues with it.

[Sara Jessica]

Stepping aside from the "why won't other guys just do this?" for a moment...

Nature versus nurture is what you are talking about.

Nature, one who is truly and honestly TG/TS in that female identification is inherent in their very being. Why? Who knows.

Nurture, what one does as opposed to who they are. Lacey described it well. Curiosity led some to try something that is societally taboo for a boy to wear and a "reward" was the result. DNA or hard-wiring didn't make you try on certain clothing, it is blind to such things and doesn't give a hoot about the nylon fetishes that resulted.

Why? Who cares. It all comes down to the individual and if it is that important, go back in time in your mind's eye to investigate exactly why you did what you did when you did it and how doing it made you feel and why you did it again and again.

[rhonda]

Well for what ever reason, chance or design, we're in it for good , might as well enjoy it

[Tracii G]

Sara J I think deebra keeps pressing this because she herself hasen't found peace or come to grips with the whole concept.
Like you said ask yourself what it means to you and why you continued for so long then in that line of thinking there would lie her answer.
She seems to think this is all a intelligence game or trying to prove something by pontificating possible theories.
Its different for everybody and trying to make the what /whys a "one size fits all" concept a fruitless endeavor.

[Tina_gm]

I see it somewhat similarly. That deebra is searching/hoping/pontificating about how the reason why others are not or do not is an external society issue. Not that there isn't a truth to a degree, but we who fit somewhere within the tg umbrella have to accept ourselves for our rare situation of gender variance. Most men have no desire to dress as women. It's not society that steers them away from it. There's just no desire to steer them to it.

[Tracii G]

Its like she can't accept or refuses to accept that most men have no desire to do anything remotely close to CDing.
This could be an attempt to try to justify why she does it. She does have a habit of projecting her ideas and assuming others feel exactly like she does.

[FrannGurl]

Not sure I understand exactly what you are trying to say, and maybe its been already been said but its just my opinion..
It varies for each person, and to me there is no clear cut reason why we do it and others don't.
If it was totally accepted by society, them maybe more men would, but I seriously doubt most men would be even mildly interested.
I gave up on the "Why?" years ago and went to therapy over it, but I never did know exactly why I did it. Only that I had feminine
feelings and desires, regardless of whether I was dressed or not. The dressing was just an extension of those feelings The only thing therapy did for me was to stop beating myself up about it, and that I wasn't a bad person for doing it. That It was ok to express myself and be ok with who I am

[ShelbyDawn]

This question does seem to come up a lot and I don't see a problem with that. Every time I see a new thread about why we dress, I gain more insight into myself so please keep asking and please keep answering. I am by nature very analytical and my dressing makes absolutely no sense to me at all. It is completely illogical. But i do it anyway because it is part of me. Just as much as my brown hair(what's left of it) and my hazel eyes. As much as I wish I could, I will never pass, I will never be as beautiful as some of the girls in the forum. But that doesn't matter to me. It never has. The way I look isn't as important as the way I feel. This just feels right. I feel content when I am dressed. That is enough.

I spent several years in therapy dealing with lots of stuff, including my dressing and have gotten to a place where it is just part of who I am and I can accept the incongruity. Others have mentioned this but during my therapy, we did several past life regression sessions. In several of those sessions, I experienced being a young girl of about 6 and a young woman in her early 20's; the same one each time on multiple occasions. The little girl was incredibly happy and the young woman was very happy, self assured and confident. These are things I did not have in my current life at those ages. Perhaps I saw a past life and the happiness subconsciously draws me back to that state and encourages me to recreate it in my current life through dressing. Could be. I really don't know. I'm not sure it matters. I am convinced that this is not environmental. It is something that I was born with.

I wish someone would do a serious scientific study on us and try to answer this question. Until then, thank you all for the additional insight and keep asking. That is how we learn.

[redtea]

Why didn't other males not feel this draw too?

Homophobia, body type, porn consumption, family upbringing, and just sheer coincidence.


As for acceptance, You just gotta go out or stay in, it's simple. Even if the world was as accepting as you wanted it to be, you would still be too afraid to go outside. The worlds acceptance of CDing doesn't change how masculinity works. Your fears are the same as most of everyone elses, We fear having our poor male pride shattered in an instant by humiliating giggles and judgment.

But male pride isn't exactly real, It's just a made up concept that we perceive as being very real and needs to be guarded at all cost.

[Lacey New]

Deebra,
I honestly don't know why CDing stuck with me. I can only guess that it was like an opium addiction. At first, I got excited just seeing panties, then I got excited wearing panties, then I wanted more - wear a bra, then panties, bra and slip, then hose, etc, etc. At each level, they was a new erotic experience. And I kept it up for my own gratification long after marriage. Now, I just do it but I can honestly say that even still, new (pretend) female experiences still excite me. But why? I'll be darned if I can explain it other that suggesting my own theory. Whether it bears any validity, who knows? However, just like you, I joined this site to find out more about myself. I don't really know why I crossdress and other men don't. But if I did, would I "cure" myself? I doubt it. So, I guess I will just accept it for what is is and keep doing it.

[Sara Jessica]

Why didn't other males not feel this draw too?

Homophobia, body type, porn consumption, family upbringing, and just sheer coincidence.

Really, you actually believe this?

How about 99.whatever% of dudes out there have no interest in putting on women't clothing because they are cool with being dudes. Trust me, there are men out there who are not homophobic in any way, have a body type I'm sure many of us would die for, view no porn, have had unimpactful family upbringings (for purposes of your premise) which leaves sheer coincidence which is not a catch-all to make your argument fly.

We live in a gender binary society, it is what it is. We don't need to recruit all men to the gray area to make ourselves feel more validated.

[Tracii G]

I think its 99% of men are fine being men and never give CDing a thought.
Homophobia maybe poses some fear but that is in the male that wants to CD, the man that doesn't think about CDing it wouldn't be a factor.
I find many CDers are homophobic.

[Sue101]

It is impossible to say how many men would dress in female clothes if society was OK with the concept as this scenario has never existed. We could look at other historical counterparts such as the Greek and Roman societies who did not differentiate between hetro- and homo-sexuality and homosexual acts were common place as they were considered normal behavior.

So in a free society would more men dress in female attire, yes! How many? Who knows. But even if they did wear dresses would men then act in a feminine manner? Crossdressing is not about the actual clothing itself (although it is obviously much more pleasing than your typical male varieties) it is about the change in our mental state as we transition from a male to female frame. The clothing allows us to inhabit the role of women so disassociating ourselves from the demands and stress of the masculine role. It is immensely pleasing and addictive on many levels and the repetitive action means it becomes ingrained into our psyche.

You can stop the physical dressing but you can never unravel the CD mentality. But this is a state of mind that most men would never enter. For example Scottish men who wear a kilt do not become CDs. It is what happens inside our heads that matters. The clothes are our portal into another state of mind.