I'm not sure if that title does to justice to what I'm about to write, but here goes: I've been a member of this site for like 6 years now, and one of the reasons I keep coming back is because all the great stories shared by others in regards to coming out with to their SOs (hang tight, there's a reason I'm not posting this into the Tips to an SOs Acceptance thread...). Obviously, I'm still "in the closet," and even though I've been in therapy for about a year (for several reasons), and we've focused a lot on why I've had so much trouble talking to my wife about crossdressing, it still hasn't happened yet.
And over the years, I've attributed the fact that I haven't worked up the nerve yet to the fact that I'm worried about her "acceptance," what hit me like a bolt of lightning today was that what it really comes down to is I haven't accepted myself fully as a crossdresser yet. I'm certainly way further along the path than I was a few years ago, but I realized that all the reasons for why I avoid telling her are really just an inner dialog that I'm having with myself. With my therapist, we've talked through and basically debunked all the excuses I give for why I assume her reaction to my crossdressing would be negative. The one big one I keep getting hung up on is that she'll just be really mad that I never told her earlier, and the last thing he said at the end of my last session was basically, "You're making too big of a deal out of this. I think she'll understand how hard this is for you."
Again, all the dialog is in my head, and it's always negative because I still, when it comes down it, feel weird about it myself. So, I guess my question is this: what advice do you have for accepting yourself? I repeat all the mantras, and try to tell myself that this is totally fine, but there's still that "big brother" voice of society somewhere in there still making me feel like it's not "ok" to be a man who likes to wear women's clothes. Therapy has definitely helped me come along way, but I feel like the main thing holding me back from being totally open with my wife is that fact that, on some level, I'm still not comfortable with it myself.
All suggestions are appreciated. Thanks in advance!
