Hi. I'm among those like yourself who has and occasionally still agonize over it all. I waged a battle within myself from my teenage years through till the age of 48. I gave up, thinking I had finally accepted myself. Well, I sorta did. What I really had done was acknowledged myself, and gave up trying to change myself.

Over the last 4 years I have been, and still am in the process of acceptance. More than likely I will to some degree always be in the process.

I have come a long way. My biggest accomplishment is no longer having self hatred. I still agonize occasionally, but not with hatred. Guilt that I had kept it a secret from my wife. She knows now but struggles with it.

I think for many of us, we are striving for the balance of what we are, or who we are. Likely many of us feel more torn than need be as to how feminine we are and all. One of the reasons I feel so many of us enjoy it the way we do is that many of us don't actually dress anywhere near what our balance is. Let's say it's an exact 50-50 split. Do we spend half our entire existence dressed? Some do, but many of us don't. 8, 10, 12 hrs of work a day, then come home to our wives, kids, spend time with friends and family.

Even if our wives know, and have a general acceptance of it, we really aren't likely coming close to our actual balance. And I believe for many of us it is at least half, if not even more. As that amount is probably the biggest factor to allowing ourselves to dress or share with anyone about our gender issues. It takes a lot for most of us to go against society and deal with the rejection of society.

Basic tips.... go easy on yourself. It's ok to have bad days with all this. It's ok to not be sure who you are with it all. It's ok to wish you were more normal. Go easy on yourself with your expectations of how much you accept yourself. It's not a race. Moving fwd is simply that. Your individual circumstance makes whatever your actions are, right for you. Including not telling others, including your wife. I'm not encouraging you to lie and keep secrets, but if you are not ready to handle it, it will blow up in you. Your wife may not ever be able to handle it. Some on here know this about their wives, and they accept that too. It's not easy having gender variance, but it doesn't make us any less of a good person.