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Thread: Opinions and Advice

  1. #1
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    Opinions and Advice

    I have been going to a therapist the last month and a bit.

    Would really like to go somewhere other than her office, there is a coffee shop around the corner from her in a liberal area as I have been told.

    I was thinking maybe I would show up a little early and go for a coffee and have my therapist show up and we could just sit and chat, more girl to girl than Therapist to client..

    But is this something that is done, would it be in poor judgement to ask her and put her in a spot where She didnt feel comfortable with it and declines.

    I really need to take the next step, still have so much fear.

    Over came the first trip and taxi ride and walking into her office, I think it worked because I had a reason and goal.

    I then drove in from the valley for the last one and walked from parking lot into her office.

    But a coffee shop is to much idle time to be alone..

  2. #2
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    The ONLY person that can give you the answer is your therapist.

  3. #3
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    Sounds like a big step for someone who has only been in therapy a month or so.

    Die to privacy concerns and HIPPA rules, I doubt that is an option.

    Are you not happy with the therapist? Is the office too "clinical" for you to be open and honest? Sounds like you need to talk to your therapist.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Jaylyn's Avatar
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    Only way to find out is ask your therapist.

  5. #5
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Therapists do have to be concerned about confidentiality etc. and that would be hard to manage in a coffee shop. So don't tie yourself to a specific scene, but tell your therapist about the problem and not the solution -- that is, tell her you're finding the office oppressive, that you want to be someplace less like a therapist's office and talk about the reason the office isn't optimal for you. There might be something to unpack in that response you're having. And there may be an alternate space she'd be able to suggest. Also be aware, that she has other clients and commitments and her travel time may well come out of your session time.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  6. #6
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are in need of someone to go out with and your therapist is the only one you trust at this time. I'd suggest you keep that relationship as it is and start looking around for a support group in your area. Finding others who are familiar with the area and have experience being out and about would be a great resource as you extend your comfort zone.
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  7. #7
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Pat,

    I missed the pat where she felt that the office was repressive. It sounds like what someone else said in that she just wants to get out more. I also recommend looking for a support group, or a member of this site who may live nearby to have a side kick when venturing out those very first times. By all means explain that issue (need to go out more) with your therapist. If the office is also oppressive, mention that too. She is there to help as best she can. If she can go out for coffee with you, she will tell you. However, I would not get my hopes up on that solution. Good luck and congrats on seeing a therapist and getting out dressed. Those are very big steps for most of us.

  8. #8
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllieSF View Post
    Pat,

    I missed the pat where she felt that the office was repressive.
    Yeah, that's fair. I suppose I was reading into it. I apologize if I was wrong.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  9. #9
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Asking the therapist to not work in her office is a bit rude IMO.
    After just one session you feel you have the right to tell her what to do?
    You will have to get out more eventually so all I can say is get used to it.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
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  10. #10
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I feel u r out of bounds, Sam. A therapist isn't supposed to be your buddy. They r paid to help u solve issues in your life.

    It sounds like u need to contact some T girls near u? Then, meet them and hang out!

    If your meeting space is depressing u? Tell your therapist. Let her solve that issue her way!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 01-16-2018 at 01:45 AM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  11. #11
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    Hi All,

    Thank you for responses.

    The office isnt an office, I dont want to say where but its very comfortable and appealing.

    Its like a Catch 22, I can only ask her, but if I ask her I might offend her, which I dont want to do because She is so sweet and I love talking to her.

    I feel like I am moving at glacier speed and yet some of you think other wise.

    The next appointment will be my 3rd, but I guess its not the correct thing to ask either way.

    "Sarah" and "Allie", you are right I need to meet someone ,I will look at a social group instead.

    Might still go to that coffee shop

  12. #12
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I agree you need to join a local trans group and make some friends.
    My trans group helped me more than any therapist could.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
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  13. #13
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Actually, your therapist can't be your buddy. It would violate her professional standards.

    Maybe she can refer you to a local support group.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  14. #14
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    Asking about a support group seems to be the best way to start talking about your desire to go out in public.

  15. #15
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaToday View Post
    ...I was thinking maybe I would show up a little early and go for a coffee and have my therapist show up and we could just sit and chat, more girl to girl than Therapist to client.. ...
    This is generally a no-no for therapist. They have to maintain professional boundaries.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by SamanthaToday View Post
    I can only ask her, but if I ask her I might offend her
    You won't offend her. Every female therapist has had patients want to get personal. It's a hazard of the profession.
    But if you want her to become your female friend, you're barking up the wrong tree. Her sense of professionalism will probably prevent her from doing this with you. If it doesn't, then you probably need a different therapist, and then you can see if she wants to see you socially.
    Even if she does meet you in a public place, she will still be acting as your therapist, not your girlfriend.

    If you want a 'pay for' female friend, those are easy to come by. And they'll be whatever you want them to be.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    You could ask, but the problem may be that she may not feel it is professionally appropriate. And of course, she probably has a day full of appointments, so a coffee shop consultant may disrupt her schedule.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  18. #18
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    Samantha,

    As someone has already written, tell her about the problem and your fears (what are they exactly) and then she can work out a solution with you. I don't think a counseling session in a coffee shop is appropriate. You have no privacy and I would think that the discussions would be greatly inhibited. If I were a therapist I would not do my work in a public place.

  19. #19
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Bad idea, for all the reasons others mentioned, summarized as professional boundaries. Don't even ask, but do ask about support groups.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Samantha,
    I would suggest you keep it on a professional footing and stick to her office. You could mention being early and going for a coffee and see what her reaction is but I'm not sure about joining you, not unless she suggests it. Most are usually very busy and use the time between appointments to catch up on paperwork . I enjoy my few minutes relaxing with a cup of tea before my social group meetings at the hotel .

    I must admit I don't have a perfect track record with my counsellors, I did have a soft spot for my gender counsellor and she was very kind in sending me some clothes to encourage me to get out the door .
    The real me ,no going back.

  21. #21
    MtF Transgender JeanTG's Avatar
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    I'm married to a health care professional and I can say without equivocation that any professional of this sort will want to maintain professional boundaries. I agree with others, it's a no-fly zone. I wouldn't even ask, because if you otherwise are at ease with your therapist, this could jeopardize your professional relationship. In Canada at least, it's illegal for a health professional to have an intimate relationship with a patient. You can certainly ask her about support groups, or help to find the courage to go out. You can ask her if she minds you coming to sessions dressed (mine didn't mind but I only did it once before she retired), it could be a good "safe zone" to practice going out dressed.

    But if you have a great therapist, keep it professional, and within both the physical boundaries of her work space, and the emotional boundaries of professionalism.

  22. #22
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    If your therapist has had transgender women as clients in her practice it would almost seem logical she would have knowledge of support groups in the general area. I would think this is one of the hurdles you have, i.e., going out into the public forums and mingling with others. It sounds as if you need to establish your comfort zone. You may want to ask the question of the women on this forum if any live in your immediate area and contact them.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
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    Stick ti the office. Sometimes a client imprints on the therapist like a baby duck when it hatches from an egg and attaches to the first living thing it sees. You have to walk on your own and she can not be there when you finally take the plunge. Find your girlfriends in a support group.

  24. #24
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    Lucky for you, you live in an area that just might be second only to San Francisco in CD acceptance. I live there too.
    A very good additional source of therapy and affirmation is at a dress store. (although it may not be any cheaper in the long run!) Really. You can go there, dressed or not, and feel comfortable in an unthreatening atmosphere and try on whatever you want in their fitting rooms.

    You already can get in your car and go for a drive. Now here's a new destination and reason.

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