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Thread: "Straight" guy looking to experiment.

  1. #1
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    "Straight" guy looking to experiment.

    As I'm getting older I've decided that I just want to enjoy my life. I've only dated women all my life but sometimes i've fantasized about men especially while in femme. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about earlier this year and it's been really tough for me. I've dated around a little since but haven't been able to connect with any women, I don't know why. I still find women incredibly attractive. I've been a life long closet CD. Recently I've been seeking to meet a guy (online dating) to see what happens. I've talked to a few but haven't worked up the courage to go out and actually meet up. Secretly I'm hoping to meet a guy that is ok with my Cd'ing. I haven't mentioned this to any guy i've talked to. Like I said I still haven't worked up the courage to go out and meet with anyone. I would love to hear your thoughts about my situation and see if any of you have been in a similar situation.

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    What you describe is that you have a fantasy about being with a man and sometimes its best to leave it a fantasy.
    I have to ask why did she break up with you? If you don't know why you can't connect with women maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself. What are you doing wrong perhaps?
    Are you sure you are straight? A straight man isn't going to even ponder about sex with a man.
    Why would you think being with a man is the answer to your situation?
    What you are feeling is quite common in the CD community and IMO you are just having a fantasy.

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    Hi, thanks for the reply. I haven't been able to connect with women because i've been depressed since the break up, I don't think it's any deeper than that.
    The reason she broke up with me is because she couldn't put up with my horrible anxiety anymore.
    I don't think being with a man is an answer to anything. I'm just looking to find some enjoyment in my life right now.
    So you're saying to not pursue the fantasy?

  4. #4
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    because i've been depressed since the break up
    Maybe not so obviously before any decisions, seek a professional help.
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

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    If you must pursue being with a man, get to know the man WELL in person first. Hooking up with a man you just met and don't know personally can lead to disaster. I know a few GGs who have done that and it ended... badly.

    One thing to remember is that if you opt to date a woman in the future, the fact you were with a man may be a problem. Being a crossdresser the "gay question" will come up. You will have to either lie and say you haven't, or be honest and possibly further turn her off and drive her away. Crossdressing is a dealbreaker for many women, having had a past relationship will a man will really be a bridge too far.

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    Here is a tip never mention your ex around other women its never a good idea.
    If she is gone get over it and move on. You can't force someone to stay.
    Oh and don't feel you HAVE to be in a relationship with a man or woman for that matter its OK if you are single.
    You will survive.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    At this point, I have to agree that you should seek out professional help first. It is very understandable that any breakup would hit hard, but the root cause of anxiety existed first. I would suggest addressing that first. If you can get the anxiety resolved, it would increase your odds of a better relationship with anyone, regardless of orientation. You certainly don?t want to have back to back break ups or it would hurt all the more. I hope you work through it all. Best wishes.

    Sandi

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    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Good advice from Tracii. And good advice from mbmeen as well. I agree with both, but wish to add a little bit more.

    Back in 2001 - 2004 I was in therapy for depression, really deep, serious and dangerous depression. My psychiatrist told me that I had probably been depressed all my life and really didn't know what "normal" felt like. Quite possibly a genetic depressive. I couldn't agree more. You may be in the same boat that I was. It took a long time and an incredible amount of work to conquer it. Everything was coming apart at the seams and I couldn't see that the problem was me. The hardest part was admitting there was a problem. I still battle it; it never really goes away. But the techniques I learned in therapy provided me with the tools to counter the effects when that demon raises its ugly head. I could have never done it alone - NEVER!!! The problem is that when you are depressed your brain is not functioning properly and therefore pulling yourself out of the dark pit when it is really deep is never going to happen. Your thinking is distorted and so you can't find rational solutions to the depression. With guidance climbing out is so much easier - ladders and a helping hand by a good therapist is what is needed to successfully get out of that hole.

    Please, please seek the advice of a professional. Be totally honest and be open to trying anything and everything they suggest. It may save your life if, in fact, you are diagnosed with chronic depression. But even if it is not chronic, working on the depression with a professional will very likely make your life a whole lot happier, with or without romance. The anxiety will go away; the world will look brighter and new relationships will likely form and last. Nobody wants to be around a depressed person. My wife and I passed our 50th anniversary in March and are still very much together and in love. That would have never happened without the therapy.

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    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    There are two things going on here. The first and most important is that you are suffering from depression which is normal under the circumstances but can have serious consequences. You should get some sort of counseling from a professional or at least talk in person with someone you trust. The second is your desire to experiment. There is nothing wrong with that so long as you use common sense. Dating men and being the object of their attention, affection or desire can be really exciting and fun. However, you should use caution because most guys that are into CDs can be divided into two categories. The first are men who are closeted or unrealized CDs themselves and are chasing a fantasy. The second are guys who assume that a CD is just a shortcut to quickie sex or a blowjob with no strings attached. Occasionally, you will encounter men who simply find you attractive as a human and that's great. I can tell you from personal experience that there is a 1 in 100 chance of this. Yes, they are out there and I have met a few (because I have been with hundreds of men!) but most fit into the two categories above. If you understand this and are OK with it, then you can enjoy yourself and have some fun. Just keep in mind that men who fall into those two categories above usually will treat you like an object and not like a person. If you get into that while suffering from depression, you may find your judgement clouded which could lead to more depression or putting yourself in risky situations. Be safe, honey!
    Last edited by MonicaPVD; 11-23-2019 at 10:19 AM.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Tricky situation. Gay men generally don’t want to date someone that looks like a woman any more than a straight woman does. And I’ll warn you that it’s a pretty big leap from fantasy to reality. Just be careful out there.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    While I suppose that counseling could help you come to grips with your feelings nobody else can dictate to you what your sexuality should be. As far as realizing something like this later in life, my mid 40's oldest daughter recently came out as lesbian so there is no age limit to making these kinds of discoveries about ourselves. One thing I'm not sure of is your age but you mention that you are older. Women's attitude towards intimate relations change as they get older, my wife is 67 and went into "full grannie mode" about five years ago after the "change of life" was complete. She was liberal in her views about sexuality prior to the change but today she'd just as soon not even think about it. We had another "talk" about five years ago, not the one commonly referred to on this board but "the talk" was her giving me a hall pass because she is no longer able to be intimate. That hall pass is tied together with my dadt in regards to my dressing so while on the surface it might seem restricting I am happy with the arrangement.

    Anyways, my point is that I had been curios about being bi for years without ever acting on it. After I got the hall pass I mulled it around and decided why not and found that I'm not into other guys, I only like other crossdressers, not hairy MIAD but smooth fully dressing with wig, makeup and jewelry committed crossdressers. The hall pass was issued with other women in mind but by the time women get into their mid to late 60's they generally lose interest and prefer to live out the remainder of their lives alone rather than going through the frightening thought of courting and (gasp) getting naked in front of someone new at that age. If you experiement with being bi or gay you can be very selective, know how to stay safe from a health standpoint, make your limits clear and follow all of the safety precautions meeting in public first and perhaps only meeting with the understanding that you prefer getting to know each other first. Like they say, "men are pigs" and you might find that out first hand when you start interacting with them in this way. I do not hesitate to excuse myself and leave early or show someone the door, you control your interactions and don't need permission from members of a discussion forum to determine your sexuality.

    In my case dipping my toe in to test the waters ended up being one of the most frustrating and one of the best things I have done in regards to my dressing. You know how sometimes you'll approach something expecting a specific outcome but something totally unexpected comes out of it? That has been my experience in that I have met one other crossdresser in particular who has become a good friend and lives alone so I have a home away from home where I can dress and have purchases delivered. My limits were and are very rigid as far as doing anything and when you do that you might see a revolving door of replies but there are good people out there who will respect your wishes. I am not currently seeking anymore friends as I enjoy the way my friend and I interact where it morphed into being about the dressing when we get together.

    Congratuations! You may be able to increase your odds of finding a date by 50%. The decision whether to proceed and knowing what you want and setting your limits are all up to you. Maybe it's just a fantasy and it will pass but in my case the force was strong and did not leave me alone until I sought to answer that question. Kind of like the pink fog in that answers about my sexuality found me and pursued me relentlessly until I decided to take a closer look at it.

    PS, if you find that you're not actually bi or gay and you want to give women another go why shoot for a relationship right out of the box? My wife and I have both talked about what we would do if we found ourselves alone. My honest answer is that at my age knowing what I know now there are plenty of older folks who don't want to hassle with a live in relationship and are only looking for friends with benefits. I think that is the direction I would go in if I found myself alone after having walked the straight and narrow my entire adult life.
    Last edited by Star01; 11-23-2019 at 11:19 AM.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Maybe you need help or not but to answer your question.

    First it is gay sex, so you have to be ok with that.

    The person you are looking for will be BI, and likely in the closet. I have two long term boyfriend's that are.

    There are also straight guys looking to experiment. I would stir clear of these people, at least till you have more experience. Even than they are more trouble than they're worth.

    Everyone is different but basically guys are guys, they just want sex. Don't expect any deep conversations on feelings. Unless those feelings involve sex.

    Ok so they may last a few minutes before loosing interest. The exception I have found is my one boyfriend that is a fetish dresser . In the closet CD. He normally presents as a guy with me so I'm not miss gendering him, although he seams to be changing/growing/or something so the pronouns maybe changing.

    This is a long term relationship, it stared out as a sex thing. We met when I was looking for answers. It has developed into something a lot more. He was brought up marriage , but not seriously. If he ever does ask I have a white dress waiting along with the answer.

    I also lived for a year as the lady of the house with another boyfriend, so I know what I'm talking about.

    Most here are straight guys so to them this will always be fantasy.

    I don't know how to meet someone, it can happen anywhere. My other boyfriend met me at Walmart, I was dressed for a Christmas party and was picking up some last minute things. He was like a deer in the headlights when he saw me. I was oh no, till I realized he just wanted my number.

    The boyfriend I lived with a close friend of mine introduced us. He remembered the encounter I don't, I guess it was brief and I was with my friends. But he pursued me, we had this made affair and moved in together. A very long story indeed.

    I have also had a stalker, I don't know what happened to him he finally just stopped coming around, so do be careful.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle43 View Post
    Hi, thanks for the reply. I haven't been able to connect with women because i've been depressed since the break up, I don't think it's any deeper than that.
    You may be right. Nevertheless, you might want to consider addressing the depression. It is almost always easily treated, and you will almost certainly find that things are a lot clearer once it has been treated.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

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    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    A therapist may help with your depression, Michelle. But, NOT with answers about your sexual appetites!

    I went thru a period when I first began dressing out of the blue in middle age. Like many CD's, I fancied myself as a woman with men. I suddenly thot I'd turned gay!
    It took years to figure I wasn't. And, that mine was a common CD fantasy.

    I was attracted to the idea of being treated like a woman by men. But, I was never attracted to men or their parts!

    It's simple really. If u r aroused by men and their parts, you're gay/bi.

    If u really want to try out your fantasy of being treated like a woman by men? I have met a number of men attracted to trans at T events. Most r pleasant gentlemen, not pushy or aggressive. At least, from what I've seen. And, there r plenty of trans that regularly date men in our groups!

    If u or anyone wants more details about these events? PM me. I'm in SoCal and go to T events there and in Vegas!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #15
    Senior Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    Sex is sex, sexuality is something different. If you want to take an at bat for the other team, go for it, be careful though.
    I have played with men, but with my wife in a 3-some, in male and female mode and have enjoyed it, but I would NEVER go out with a man. Like I said sex is sex, to me anyway.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    That's interesting because a few years back I was also contemplating what it felt like to be treated as a women. A few years back I had a Halloween experience which I wrote about here and to make a long story short I was dressed on Halloween as a hooker and a friend of a friend lift my skirt and felt my legs. He then told me how great my legs looked and that he was dying to feel them. My wife seen this and asked me how it felt, I was very honest with her and told her I was aroused by it and felt his hand on my leg for day later. My wife instead of pushing the panic button she said to me that it would probably be a great fantasy to imagine having sex dressed as a women, but she told me if I really think about it that I would not go threw with it. Her theory was getting felt up is one thing but being naked with another man is something she knows is not me. Well I believe she was right I have no interest in having sex with a man, but when dressed it is nice to fantiasize about being treated as a women. I believe you should get over that 5 year relationship and clear your mind and then see if the feelings are real or just fantasy.

  17. #17
    Member SHINY-J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle43 View Post
    As I'm getting older I've decided that I just want to enjoy my life. I've only dated women all my life but sometimes i've fantasized about men especially while in femme. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about earlier this year and it's been really tough for me. I've dated around a little since but haven't been able to connect with any women, I don't know why. I still find women incredibly attractive. I've been a life long closet CD. Recently I've been seeking to meet a guy (online dating) to see what happens. I've talked to a few but haven't worked up the courage to go out and actually meet up. Secretly I'm hoping to meet a guy that is ok with my Cd'ing. I haven't mentioned this to any guy i've talked to. Like I said I still haven't worked up the courage to go out and meet with anyone. I would love to hear your thoughts about my situation and see if any of you have been in a similar situation.

    A few questions...

    Do you truly ?dress? or just sometimes wear some panties and/or hose, ... maybe a pair of high heels?

    What online sites are you using? Are they geared as porn sites ? Are they dating sites specifically for trans, cd, etc? or just regular PG dating sites like eharmony, match, etc? And are you posting pics of yourself dressed? More specifically, are you looking to actually date men or are you looking to hookup?

    Have you been dressing significantly more since your breakup? To the point where you?re up late at night and online for hours on end?

    I only ask because after my breakup, I too went into a deep depression... it?s gotten better, but in some ways, I?m still in stuck in that depressed state. Now, I will start out by saying that my dressing has essentially been a fetish... it?s really just for sexual purposes... so i don?t really struggle with the conflicts that many on here experience ever day. Also, I identify as a straight guy. I only date women and honestly, I only truly find women sexually attractive... I will admit that I am equally attracted to crossdressers and transgenders, but I think that might be because I can somewhat identify with their desire to dress even if i don?t deal with the desire to ?be a woman?, or Struggle with gender identity, etc... in the end, IMO it?s still the female form and the female attributes I find appealing and desirable. I?m honestly not interested in dating men- holding hands with them, kissing them, having romantic dinners with them, spending holidays with them, etc... simply put, I honestly feel comfortable saying that I?m a straight man.

    However, when I dress, I do have the desire to be with a man... (I?ll tread lightly here as I know the rules of this board.) it?s a strange dichotomy and many will raise their eyebrows, but it?s really more of a situation of me adopting a more femme role and taking the dressing to another level. I?m a straight ?guys guy? in my ?normal? life but I do have this dressing secret. I now almost constantly fantasize about being fully dressed and being with a man when I dress... the attraction for me is that I?m completely dolled up, exposed, vulnerable, and I submit to a nameless, faceless man.. it?s honestly the act of me doing it that I crave.. not the man specifically... I?ll leave it at that because I don?t want to step on any toes, but it?s purely sexual for me.

    I?ve been dealing with this dressing ?desire? for almost my entire life. it started out with just some satin panties, slips, etc.. it evolved as time went on, it became more extensive outfits, heels, boots, etc... fast forward to now, and my dressing style is VERY outrageous and over-the-top. ...but before my bad breakups with women because of my dressing, it was really just the act of me dressing and nothing else that I enjoyed.. I still only found women, trans, cds attractive and I really had no thoughts of men.
    I have only shared my dressing secret with a few of the women I?ve dated and it ended quickly and badly afterwards. Since my most significant breakup with my serious ex girlfriend of many years, (who was the the first woman I told about my dressing), I began dressing more and more... I began spending more and more on femme clothing and boots/heels, wigs, makeup, wigs, etc.., multiple boxes were on my doorstep every week. I also began spending much of my free time at home alone dressing and posting pics and chatting online. I ended up open many accounts on many sites where I posted my dressing pics and chatted with people online hoping to make a connection with someone that accepted my dressing, and hoped that it would eventually lead to an actual in-person meeting that I could FINALLY have! TBH, what I want more than anything right now is just to be able to dress with an actual person! I?m so discreet and want to keep it under wraps so badly, that it?s been impossible to meet anybody that I could actually dress with in person! And obviously, it?s almost exclusively guys that I meet. Which is understandable.

    So I?ve really only had the fantasy to be with men while fully dressed over the last few years since the breakup. Prior, I had virtually no thought of men.Truthfully, I think it?s because the few girlfriends I did reveal my dressing to seriously tore me down emotionally and made me feel ashamed and guilty about my dressing. Tbh, it was shocking how hateful and unaccepting they were. I sort of expected some level of surprise and maybe even some confused anger?... but I didn?t expect the absolute and immediate level of hate and disgust they IMMEDIATELY displayed. Regardless, of how good I was to them before (and I was VERY good to them) the moment I told them, I was berated, belittled, and marginalized. Their entire concept of me as a person changed and I was less of a man in their eyes. And that was only me telling them that I had ?kinda-sorta? crossdessed before... I didn?t even tell them about the full wardrobe and the extent of my dressing. Regardless, they attacked with both barrels And it hurt me deeply ...and it?s probably the reason why my dressing has now evolved to my fantasy of being a submissive sissy dressed in trashy, wild clothing and being vulnerable, exposed and submissive to a man... and I won?t lie, it does turn me on. But, while I still have the thrill and the love of dressing, I also now have this level of shame and sadness because of how those relationships ended.

    I also find that the uptick in my dressing since my breakup years ago has made it much more difficult to date new women.., I still hide my dressing, but when I?m honestly interested in a woman, I find that I feel guilty about keeping it from her and I?m also always wondering what she would think of me if she knew my desires to be used be a man while I dressed. I guess I sort of end up feeling like I don?t deserve her? I should probably just keep those feelings and thoughts to myself but they still persist and I?m sure that it shows in some way.. maybe that I?m a little aloof, or guarded, or self-conscious, or nervous, etc... and holds me back.. on the other hand, if I?m not really making an instant connection with a girl, I quickly find that I?d rather be at home dressing and fantasizing.

    In some ways, I think I just need to finally be fully dressed with a man and get it out of my system so that I finally know what it?s like and can move on... maybe I love it and keep doing it and it helps my come to terms with my dressing, ... or maybe I feel indifferent and can do it again or not do it again but I don?t feel the urge to do it or the shame for constantly having those desires and fantasies?... or maybe I don?t like it at all and I just don?t do it again?.. regardless of the outcome, I?ll finally know and then I can proceed accordingly with a better understanding of what i actually, truly want.

    Maybe you need to just take the plunge too? Obviously, be careful, but just do it and see what happens. It?s not like there?s a dating resume? you have to put the experience on when you start dating another woman.
    Last edited by SHINY-J; 11-23-2019 at 03:01 PM.

  18. #18
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    Michelle, I know how you feel. It's not uncommon in our community.

  19. #19
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    Straight or gay?

    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle43 View Post
    As I'm getting older I've decided that I just want to enjoy my life. I've only dated women all my life but sometimes i've fantasized about men especially while in femme. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about earlier this year and it's been really tough for me. I've dated around a little since but haven't been able to connect with any women, I don't know why. I still find women incredibly attractive. I've been a life long closet CD. Recently I've been seeking to meet a guy (online dating) to see what happens. I've talked to a few but haven't worked up the courage to go out and actually meet up. Secretly I'm hoping to meet a guy that is ok with my Cd'ing. I haven't mentioned this to any guy i've talked to. Like I said I still haven't worked up the courage to go out and meet with anyone. I would love to hear your thoughts about my situation and see if any of you have been in a similar situation.
    You sound just like I used to be. I had one long term relationship with a woman(12years) and quite a few other shorter term relationships. I kept asking myself why did they always fail. So like you I started to think maybe I?m gay. So after a few years I plucked up the courage to meet a man off a gay dating site. He turned out to be really nice so I agreed to go to his house the next day. OMG what an experience. Like a duck to water. I couldn?t believe it. I met a few other men after that and now I?m absolutely 100% gay. I can still look at women and think they?re beautiful and sexy, but in bed I know it would be a bit of a chore. With a man it?s so different. I love it. I could spend all day in bed with a man and still want more. My big regret it?s not acting sooner.
    If you look at pictures of naked men and get aroused then maybe it?s time you give it a try!
    Gordon

  20. #20
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    For some having sex has nothing to do with love but I'm not like that at all.
    In order for me to engage in sex there has to be a bond of some sort or a form of love.
    Men are much easier to be in a relationship with they just aren't as complex. The 2 gay relationships I have been in over the years was fabulous.
    My first time with a guy was earth shattering to say the least.

  21. #21
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    It's true that gay men aren't interested in CDs. But there sure are a lot of "hetero" men that are very interested. Those are mostly men with wives that won't do anything "kinky" or their marriage has just become sexless.

    But if you really want to get back in the swing of dating women you just have to get your head in the right place.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Sabrina133's Avatar
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    I really dislike lables - gay, straight, bi, pan etc etc etc...why cant we just be Human...?

    The first thing to do is understand your depression and anxiety. Diving into a relationship or experiment without truly understanding yourself can lead to further depression and anxiety. I agree with all here who recommend seeing/talking to a professional. Figuring that out and learning to cope with it is your first step.

    As for realizing or acting on your fantasy - understand that fantasies are sometimes best left as fantasies. Especially in your case where it may be motivated by that depression.

    Having said that, if you want to try life on the wild side, go for it but, as others have said, be careful and understand that starting into a relationship with a gay man with you as the woman is frought with dangers and more disappointments. And here i speak from personal experience. I've had several intimate relationships with men. My first was with my best friend in high school. Obviously, we wre both young and inexperienced. At the time, i'd just started to dress and i brought that into our relationship. He was ok with it because, well, we were both trying to find out what it was all about. We were together for about a year (in secret of course) until he and his family moved. I'd lost track of him for a while until a few years ago. He is since married to a wonderful man. I asked him if his husband dresses? He said no. As we talked, i discsoverd that my former BF is into very masculine men. Very common in gay relationships. My second LTR with a man was after i left the army and graduated from law school. There, my BF knew that i dressed but hated seeing en femme. It is whatt led to our very ugly breakup. Are there gay men who find CDs attractive? Of course
    there are but finding them is like finding a woman who likes her husband to be feminine and dressed. It happens but its rare.

    So,bottom line - if all youare looking for is casual sex to realize a fanatasy - be careful. The pitfalls are deep and treacherous on so many levels. Just know and understand what you are getting into when and if you decide to go that route.

  23. #23
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Sabrina, Very well said.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  24. #24
    BEING YOUnique is AWESOME Princess Chantal's Avatar
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    Keep in mind, your man of your dreams may say it is 8 inches in reality it smells like a foot!

  25. #25
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Las Vegas Nevada
    Posts
    1,076
    Best advice I can give to you right now is find yourself before looking for someone else. Be that a straight CD, a Bi CD, Gay CD, or transgender what ever. I domt know much about you. Also I don't have any answers for you, that is what you need to find. Let go of the stigmas of being what have you and find yourself, what makes you happy. Once you know that then you will have a much easier time finding a friend, be it male or female.

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