Now What?

[Judy-Somthing]

It's just another excuse!
Ya I'm a guy and I've talked to 1,000 of guys my age and they all say the same thing "sex basically stops after menopause, and it's all blamed on us! MEN
I'm not putting down women , I'm just stating a fact!
It stopped for me 15 years before she knew I liked to dress.
Well probably talked to only 50 guys!

[Dutchess]

Ya I'm a guy and I've talked to 1,000 of guys my age and they all say the same thing "sex basically stops after menopause, and it's all blamed on us! MEN
I'm not putting down women , I'm just stating a fact!

Since 1000's of guys have been through menopause , right ?? lol
What does this have to do with dressing or the ops problem ?
I see this alot here and it is not true . Some women may use that as an excuse but myself and the other women I know , our sex lives heated up . I am looking for a date for the Symphony now and we'd better do more than hold hands .
I went through menopause 7 years ago and I am still interested . Pregnancy fears are gone and I left my strange dresser husband who , for years , would rather look at/ hang out with / was sexually aroused by other dressers instead of me . The latter there was the real problem .

[kimdl93]

Ok...let me put this myth to rest. My ex used to work in senior housing. The majority of residents were women, as expected, because women tend to live longer. So on the rare occasion that a single male leased a unit all the female residents went on high alert. And even in their memory units, sexual liaisons between residents was common. Don?t kid yourself...if your wife uses menopause for an excuse, it may be that she has lost interest...in you.

And from personal experience...our intimate relationship ebbed and ended as my ex grew increasingly unhappy with my gender expression. I do not blame her. She was looking for sex with her husband, not her girlfriend.

[Jessie Mae]

I'm reading these recent posts as I'm going to bed. But I will respond in full tomorrow with an update.

Thanks all.
Jessie Mae.

[Michelle Crossfire]

Wait a minute. Didn't you and her just go shopping to a thrift store in your area just the otherday? You certainly made it sound as if it went well. Now she has done a complete 180 on you? Just remember when you spoke to my wife and all the viewpoints she offered you. I can't talk to your wife as we have never met, but maybe that will help you as you embark on a talk with your wife. PM if you need to.

[Jessie Mae]

No, no! The "walking out the door" thing was BEFORE the shopping day. So I think the What Now conversation was more of a one off.

We have always had a odd form of communications, going back to our teens.

My relationship with my wife is solid, and she enjoys shopping with me for dresses and blouses.
So at this point no worries!

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'd like to speak to "changes" in general, in relationships. One of the hardest aspects of being in a long term relationship is that people change, form new relationships, new interests, hobbies , tastes etc. Sometimes these changes are seen as being outside of the "norm" of previous years behavior. Many time a spouse will hey "they are not the same person I married". If the change is not harmful (drugs,alcohol,abuse, etc) then the best thing to do is to talk about why you have the new interest.

[ReineD]

You've been married for 47 years, which would place you in your late 60s?

Understand that levels of most hormones decrease with aging. Women lose estrogen and men lose testosterone. This is why you often see elderly couples who are more alike than they are different. A woman in advanced age is much less "feminine" than her 40-year-old counterpart. The same is true for an older man, who is less "macho" than he was at age 40. They both lose drive, energy, skin elasticity, muscle mass, bone density, some cognitive health (memory), their vision and hearing decreases, a woman's voice deepens, a man's voice loses vigor, etc.

Look at the sexual differences between a young boy and a young girl before their sexual development. Their differences are virtually non-existent. And then as we reach old age, physical differences lessen as well. Almost full circle.

So perhaps your wife, because you have just started to dress, is attributing your very normal aging process to somehow becoming more "feminine"? You might show her this article:

https://www.merckmanuals.com/home/ho...docrine-system

Bearing in mind that other than men and women's sexual (physical) traits, there are no big differences between the sexes to begin with, which is something that few in this forum want to believe. There were 46 meta-analyses conducted in the 1980s and 90s, that show that men and women are basically alike in terms of personality, psychological traits and abilities, verbal and nonverbal communication, leadership, self-esteem, moral reasoning, motor behaviors and cognitive ability.

https://www.apa.org/research/action/difference

Any behavioral differences your wife may detect might just be you "acting" the way you believe that women act, without realizing you're doing this - think Pink Fog, which might be exacerbated by participating in the many threads here that place "femininity" on a virtual pedestal, whether these threads are wishful thinking or not. I've seen many times in this community people who adopt mannerisms or stereotypical "female" language in an effort to convince themselves, if not others, that they are somehow more feminine than before.

You should tell your wife that you are the same person you always were, just getting older and losing testosterone. And if you are subconsciously adopting mannerisms, be aware that mimicry basically just reveals empathy, which is a trait shared by both males and females. But, it is still imitation.

https://medium.com/the-mission/the-s...s-b15831070cd9

Last, another explanation might be that if your wife saw no harm in you wanting to wear women's clothes occasionally last summer, it may now be ramping up much faster than she is able to keep up with. This is another effect of Pink Fog, and most wives find it difficult to deal with it, including myself in the beginning of my relationship with my SO.

Be aware of Pink Fog and do what you can to mitigate it.

Good luck!

[Pumped]

It's just another excuse!
Ya I'm a guy and I've talked to 1,000 of guys my age and they all say the same thing "sex basically stops after menopause, and it's all blamed on us! MEN
I'm not putting down women , I'm just stating a fact!
It stopped for me 15 years before she knew I liked to dress.
Well probably talked to only 50 guys!

Well, I am on the other side! My wife is near 60 years old and still enjoys our intimate times. The woman that blame it on the men might be partly correct as I can see how many man treat their wives. Wives like attention, like to be loved, like to be told they are beautiful and like to cuddle. Most men I see won't do any of these things and wonder why the don't get sex.

We have some intimate time once or twice a week. It works for us and our crazy schedule. We would like to "hook up" more often, but time doesn't allow it. Sometimes we get together with me partially dressed. Except me wearing boobs is a deal killer. Some days she just wants her "man" and she lets me know than the girlie stuff goes on the back burner for a day or two. I figure if she is willing to accept me in my girlie times the least I can do is bring back the "man" once in a while. I give her the time and she doesn't complain when I get dressed and strap on a pair of boobs.

I can also see if I went full on, 100% dressed our marriage probably wouldn't survive, so a little give and take works for us. After all, she didn't volunteer for this duty.

Like I have said before, how would you feel if your beautiful, sexy wife cut her hair down to a crew cut, quit wearing make up, started wearing baggy men's jeans, work shirts and some ugly work boots most of the time, just let her self go, the polar opposite of us getting dressed.

[char GG]

Back to the OP...

Thanks for the update.

Sounds like you have things sorted, Jessie Mae. I'm glad that you two communicate and seem to keep things in perspective.