Wife kinda accepts but doesn?t

[Natalia11]

My wife know I dress will let me dress during intamcy and occasionally will do ?stuff? this January pink dog hit heavy I may have bothered her . But I feel she doesn?t understand that I am 45percent woman or more, just won?t accept me as a girl a coupe nights a week and I punched it to far maybe idk but bad news now

[char GG]

Your wife can not control what turns her off during intimacy and maybe you pushed your 45% woman on her too far. Perhaps be the 55% man she wants in the bedroom more often. Sounds like she was trying to accommodate your needs. Make sure to reciprocate and think of what she wants also.

Since this is your first post, we do not know history details, such as when did she learn about your cross dressing? When you first met? Before marriage? After marriage? Did she always that you consider yourself 45% female or is that a recent reveal? It is hard to comment further without more information.

Also, I suggest you go to the introduction section and tell us a little more about yourself so you can be properly welcomed.

[Marianne S]

WOW, Natalia! I've got to agree with "char_GG" about this. You're pretty darn lucky if your wife is willing to accept that you present as a female during intimacy, which is the most sensitive area of all. Most wives wouldn't. Just ask yourself this question: how would YOU feel if your wife presented as a MALE during intimacy? I'd say your good lady is pretty accommodating!

If you value your loving marriage to a good woman (as most of us do), you may need to step back a little out of that "pink fog" and compromise for the sake of your marriage. Thank your lucky stars your wife is willing to accept you as far as she does. I had a nice wife too, though that's "another story," as Kipling put it. I treasured her until she died, and still do of course. The lesson is the same: Be grateful for what you have, and don't jeopardize it! Good luck to you!

[GretchenM]

I feel that it is best to keep the bedroom and bedtime traditional until there is a great deal of acceptance and a clear indication that she is OK with it. In these days of #metoo it is not a good idea to force or even seem to force anything on a woman in the bedroom scene, especially if it is sexual. Not good to do that in any circumstances. I don't know that was the case, but, in my opinion, pink fog is not a good excuse to force anything on a mate. I also feel that sometimes I am maybe 60% woman, but my wife expects a man and that is what she usually experiences. Not an open situation between us, but it is very livable and happy. Not ideal for me a lot of times, but I don't want to subject her to things she does not want to see or do. I value and respect her way too much to damage that. Might have something to do with still being married after more than 50 years.

I agree with Char. Welcome to the forum. But go to the introduction section and give us all a bio regarding yourself and where you are with this CD/TG behavior we share. You will learn a lot here and have some good conversations. Again, welcome.

[Allyssa66]

My Girlfriend is not into my fem side at all, grrrrr

[RI Chrissy]

I tried it once with her in the bedroom, i was wearing sexy bra, panties, thighhighs with garters and 4" heels , after she said she didn't like it ,so that was the end of that

[Stephanie47]

If a marriage is going to work open communication is a requirement. Also, respect for each others feelings or point of view. As Char stated, perhaps a little more information is warranted for any of us to make a comment. So far several have made comments as to how this issue pertains to their own relationships. When my wife and I were first married one night she found me wearing one of her floor length nightgowns as I was sipping water in the kitchen. She asked me what I was doing. I told her I like the feel of nylon which is a very true statement. Maybe she and I were a little naive that was the limit of my inner self. We worked lingerie into bedroom play more as a fetish than any desire to emulate a woman. We went as far as buying nighties and hosiery for me. There was never makeup or wigs involved. Perhaps she was more open minded than other young women. Everything sort of hit a wall when my interests expanded and she discovered I had bought a bra. "Why would any man want to wear a bra when he has nothing to pack into it? was her retort. Good question. When it became obvious there was some mixed component about this lingerie dressing she said "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" I was not dense. She did not want anything to do with it. Maybe my wife's mind mind it went from kinky fetish to emulating a woman when she married a man. She fell in love with me, the man, and, not a woman, full or part time. She did tell me if I wanted to join a support group that was alright with her. Unfortunately at that time there were none in my area.

The point I am making is I respect her views. I came to the realization that to push her into something she did not want was akin to mental spousal abuse. I have to chuckle a little when I read that someone wants to express a feminine side over the objections of a wife or girlfriend. To me that person still is exhibiting a male trait of trying to be dominant over a female. Yes, there may be some frustrations in a relationship and perhaps they may be worked out to the mutual satisfaction of both parties, but, unless that happens there will be a wedge in the marriage forcing the partner apart.

[RI Chrissy]

My GF know about all my girly clothes ,i have about two draws of panties and bras, she just doesn't say anything about them, which is fine with me

[NicoleRenee]

Would have to agree with what has been said so far. My wife found out that I dress the hard way. She found some pictures. After she found them as we discussed it, she was open but didn't fully understand. She still after 18 months doesn't fully understand and worries that I am more fem than male. We communicate ALOT! You are lucky that you do get to dress during intimate times, I don't even get that. Be open and communicate. But also realize her needs for you as a male, as a husband. She married a man, not a woman. My wife keeps telling me that. But over the time she has know about it, she has been more open to the point of helping. The fact that she is still with you means she is okay with it to a point and probably wanting to help you at some point.

[Pumped]

Talk to her, communicate, the only chance of survival.

[DianeT]

If you feel you pushed it too far and there is trouble at hand, maybe simply talk to her and ask her how she feels and what triggered her. Like others said, always a good idea to try and put yourself in her shoes (metaphorically speaking ) for a moment.

[kimdl93]

Its hard to undo...maybe almost impossible to undo harm caused by going too fast or too far for your SO. Best you can hope for now is to apologize for making her uncomfortable and back off. Then, if/when she is less stressed by what has already happened, invite her to decide if/when and how far you go.

Best of luck

[Tracii G]

Remember your relationship is not all about you and your 45% woman.
As you found out pushing to hard or too fast is a good way to start trouble.

[BTWimRobin]

Don't forget your wife did marry a man. Sometimes you need to be the man your wife married. Keep the lines of communication open and take it slowly. I hope everything works out for you.

[Devi SM]

This and old story for many here.
I read tons of threads like this.
We dream that wife will accept us but that never will happen if we don't even know what we are.
I'd told my story in several parts and lately in several threads so just quick, the day I realize what I really are things change with wife, even things got more difficult, from crossdresser I evolved to Transexual and we keep lovely together.

Someone said, and you will know the truth and it shall set you free.....Know your real truth before to let your wife know a distortion...

Devi

[suzanne]

I believe in compromises for the sake of the health of your marriage. My wife and I have made them and they mostly work for us.

Just make sure both sides are making them to an approximately equal extent. She can't get away with "Never, ever, ever, ever" or give you some kind of ultimatum. That's the position a dictator takes with his/her subjects. By the same token, you can't get away with announcing you will do whatever, whenever without regard for her feelings. The key ingredient to a workable compromise is respect, mutual respect.

It's my guess that you don't really need her to give a whole lot of ground in order to feel your needs are met, although I have no suggestions as to how you might get that to happen. You just have to talk whenever it feels like she's willing to listen, and listen when she needs to talk. You might find some deeper insights as to what her biggest concerns are. I eventually learned that my wife was fearful that I would "outgrow" her, whatever that means, then transition and leave her. My strategy became to dress whenever I felt the need and demonstrate that my personality never changed and that I wasn't going anywhere. But that's me and that's her. But I do know this. I'm not a complete human being without my feminine self as a full participant in my life. Having her barred by my wife's dictates is a non starter. I was prepared to end the marriage if my wife's position was a hard "No" or I was forced into DADT.

I hope this helps. I hope your relationship can be helped. You have a lot of people here rooting for you.

[Micki_Finn]

Just make sure both sides are making them to an approximately equal extent. She can't get away with "Never, ever, ever, ever" or give you some kind of ultimatum. That's the position a dictator takes with his/her subjects.

I could not disagree more. You forcing your straight wife to have lesbian sex is something a dictator would do. Respecting her sexual orientation is not her being a dictator. If she’s not attracted to women then she absolutely positively has every right to say “Never ever”. Part of compromise is understanding that people have hard limits and respecting those.

[Pumped]

Never ever? She has a say in it if you are married. You have a choice of trying to keep it in the closet, or tell her you will dress on your time when she is gone. If either person holds the hard line the marriage might be over. My wife went from no, DADT, to semi accepting, to accepting in a year or so. Lots of talking got us through it.
I respect her wanting her guy around. I dress often when she is around but I also stay up later in the evening and when she is calling it a night I get my girl on for a couple hours. She will pop in and see me getting dressed give me a peck on the check and head to bed.

On the other hand she likes me in stretch jeans, a guy's shirt and high heels. Once in a while I wear a gender bending outfit and she comments that it is "hot"!

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with Micki. My wife told me if she wanted to be married to a woman she would have married a woman!!! This notion of dragging this into the bedroom just boggles my mind when a wife is against it. If a wife is on board with it, then fine. Otherwise, I think the husband is playing with fire. I do not like ultimatums of "my way or the highway!" To what extent does a husband want to express his feminine side? To the extent it is a transgression to his wife whose sexual orientation and identity is that of a straight woman?

When a husband and wife sign on together at the altar, there is usually some sort of agreement as to what each other is getting. Yes, there are many hidden secrets and skeletons in the closet which may have been or will become deal breakers. Otherwise I think there is an expectation that the couple will grow together and experience bumps in the roads. After years of marriage things may not be the same as when the knot is tied. However, there are many times when this maturing of personalities diverts. Yes, perhaps there is a parting of the ways. And, that may be best if one spouse is forcing the other to go against his or her inner self, identity or whatever makes someone tick. This society is weighed against a woman when it comes to power. Forcing a woman to do something against her own identity is a continuation of a man exercising his power. To me it is the same as a battered woman taking it on the chin because she cannot escape her tormentor. So much for my Wednesday rant.

[Dutchess]

Oh no Stephanie , that was not a rant in the least that was one excellent post . I was so accepting of my ex husband until I was just forced to accept someone I no longer knew in the name of "expressing his femme side" . It just went nuts . My confidence is still shaken and and I have not seen him in some years now .
He got really rude about me just not understanding XYZ after things just got pushed farther and farther .
I really am not sure why he married me all those years ago but to be able to come to the US and live his "lifestyle" without his family and friends finding out in Europe .
I feel pretty dumb too while we are talking about this .

Did OP SAY you were 45% woman at the beginning ??