I am not looking for sympathy or solutions, just commenting about how frustrating this summer has been. Before I continue I am doing fine enduring the inconvenience and just venting a little. Maybe it will feel good to get a little understanding and encouragement.
I started 2020 hoping to do all the right things. I started therapy around the first of the year to try and get in touch with myself. My feelings after reading many posts in all sections lead me to believe that I'm something more than a crossdresser but circumstance restrict me to the point that life is getting extremely frustrating, especially with Covid dragging on.
Shopping and lack of clothes are the problem. I get a chance to dress every now and then and underdress but in dadt it's very limited. My wife pays the bills and we are both here all day and she does online shopping and selling so she is on top of the deliveries as most are for her. My plan was to go to a store and get a prepaid card and have items delivered to a CD friend. The Covid is making store visits rare and my friend fell off the face of the earth and apparently has other interests. Setting up delivery and payment is now a daunting task within the framework of our agreement to stick around the house to be safe. I'm sure that others are dealing with similar things. I'm not desperate in the sense that I'm going to jump off a bridge or something but extremely frustrated and it does dominate my thoughts.
Earlier this year I posted about dieting and the Covid lockdown and panic eating left me six to eight pounds heavier than my weight before I started dieting. Self acceptance seems now to be the more logical option.
I'm frustrated but not the type of person who would get depressed and self harm so no worries there. Just frustrated as I had worked up the courage to shop for clothes, makeup and jewelry which is not easy in a small town setting. Anyways has anyone else found a way to deal with the frustration and feelings of isolation? My next appointment is today so I will be discussing these concerns in our session. My wife doesn't know the main reason I'm in therapy but thinks it's a good idea as I had a tough childhood and never had therapy so she thinks it's for general self improvement. Long story about our dadt so I won't get into that. Really the elephant in my room is my hesitance to revisit the talk.
Others in very restricted DADT will best understand. My closet isn't full of so many things that I have to make room, it is empty and my urges border unmanageable so it is quite the test of character to stifle my desires this past six months.
I think my year could be summer up as that even the most carefully thought out plans are not a certainty.