Thanks for the suggestions about Amazon. My wife buys and sells online and does all of our Amazon orders on her account so I have never bothered to set one up. I tend to exaggerate when I say I live in a small town as a contrast to places like LA and NYC. There is a post office within walking distance, a Kohls about ten miles from here all freeway where we have returned Amazon purchases and we have a Target and Walmart about two miles. We are an outer ring suburb a half hour north of a few million people so I'm busted for taking poetic license when describing my town. I sometimes joke about our feed mill but it's actually a historical building that I believe recently changed owners and will likely house condos and a Starbucks or something along those lines.

The trouble with the cash card is that I would have to go into Target or one of the stores to purchase it which is something my wife and I have agreed to avoid due to health concerns. This is in keeping with my theme of the Covid putting a monkey wrench in our 2020 plans. And yes, the elephant in the corner of the room is my fear of communicating my needs and negotiating a better deal. I brought that up in therapy today and it's something we will be focusing on going forward.

I appreciate the solution ideas and trust me on this, I have considered them all and more. I know that by my silence I am making my circumstances more restricting yet there is that fear of possibly blowing up the relationship. Knowing both of us more than anyone reading a post could ever know I think she would take it well but looking through this board those have been famous last words as far as some of the marriages so the unknown reaction holds me back. The longer I impose those self restrictions on myself the longer I will be in this state of limbo. The plan before Covid was to work through these things but I'm seeing that even without the virus these things still take longer than I expected. It's a process that could take a couple years or more.

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She has found hints and knows but I think she feels that "putting her foot down" is holding it in check. A few months ago an eyebrow pencil ended up in my laundry basket and we're empty nesters so it had to be mine and nothing further was said. A lot of things have changed since we had that discussion was basically her saying to keep it to myself, end of discussion. Now she has learned a lot more about it and was really great about one of our daughters coming out as a lesbian. It has been pointed out that her accepting my daughter does not guarantee that she will react favorably and I get that and am hesitant because of that prospect.