Have I failed to spend as much time with my wife as she would like?
Have I failed to respond to her requests for help in any way?
Are there financial issues with the money I've been spending?
Am I fun to be with? Do I make her life happier and more enjoyable? (Yes, I know that's a hard one if you're depressed and struggling with problems, but just the same...)
Am I positive and reassuring about life, or am I pessimistic and a "downer" for her?
Have I complimented her, expressed appreciation for what she does for me, and for her merits in general?
Have I listened to her and expressed sympathy for whatever feelings she has, about me, about life in general, or anything at all? (This is a common complaint of wives, that men just "don't empathize" the way women do.)
Have I been neglecting her sexually, or failing to meet her need to feel attractive as a woman?
Am I open to her about what's going on in my own head? This is the biggie of course, a huge problem for you; but many women (not all, but many) seem to want to know
every little thing--they
will go digging into men's heads, frequently coming up with the wrong answers and obsessing about them. This was just illustrated in a
brilliant anecdote quoted by Jacke, stereotyped of course but true enough just the same: a woman obsessed by possible catastrophic reasons for her mate's moodiness, while all that's bothering him is that the motorcycle won't start! Yet when she asks him what the problem is, he says "Nothing." Which isn't true! What he really meant was "Nothing you can fix for me, and it's not your fault." But if he doesn't tell her the truth, she's apt to go crazy trying to figure it out. Naturally this is
the problem for you, but are there still things you could have told her safely that you didn't?
Finally, as the song goes: "Have I told her lately that I love her?"