Thoughts after one year Breast Aug.

[albine]

Hi All I just came back to this site after appx. one year ago. This coming month will be one year since my breast augmentation surgery and wanted to provide some thoughts about it. A lot comments I read advised not to go through with it which now makes a lot of sense, and looking back it is a toss up for me, on one hand I do enjoy them but it is a lot to deal with physically, mentally and socially I can not stress that enough!


At the time for me at least it was something I had strong feeling about, and even though I realized it would be a big change for me as to how I presented myself and how others would see me I was fully on board. I wore breast forms most of the time for 5mos prior to my consultations and surgery. I eventually found a Surgeon that 1) I trusted, and 2) would provide me with the results I wanted so I was off to the races.

After surgery and the recovery period which was painful in the beginning I took 2 weeks off. I ended up a solid C. Initially I was ecstatic! No real issues at first except the rather long recovery and basically adjusting to them (getting in the way of everything! still do) and reaction of friends / family / others I would encounter. Surprised somewhat of the new me it didn't really bother me much as I looking back still on cloud nine. Downfall was I had a panic attacks beginning in June, and would repeat itself, I would start to shake and felt like I could not breathe. Finally after a few more I become very worried and scare as I never had them previously. I also became extremely self conscious of myself especially around crowds, I didn't know why and started avoiding going out in the public unless I was with someone.

I did seek out a Therapist she has been great helping me with this but it has not been easy. When I go out to a new place or meeting someone new (which fortunately there has not been many instances) I really need to plan for it and get myself psych up. Looking back I would having gone to counseling first then decided if surgery was for me. It can be very draining both emotionally and mentally.

[Robertacd]

I don't remember you from a year ago, so I have to ask...

Are you TG and/or presenting as female full time?

[albine]

I cross-dressed and went out a lot but was not full time. Interesting but since surgery my feelings to dress has diminished significantly. I really only dress now is to go to "group" meetings and or events but with regards to being home or outside of that i really have not had much desire to dress

[sometimes_miss]

Perhaps now having female breasts, is enough to make you feel like a woman, that you don't need the female clothing for that purpose so much anymore.

[Micki_Finn]

On the one hand, it’s great how much the availability of healthcare for trans people has opened up. On the other hand, I feel like it’s created a bit of a “gold rush” mentality. I hope this is something you’ll find peace with.

[Robertacd]

Yeah see... I know I will probably get a lot of flack for it but.... This is why SRS requires "the letter" from a mental health professional.

[ronniegirl]

Breast augmentation is reversible..If after counseling this time, you and your therapist determine that maybe you were not psychologically as ready as you thought you were..then you can have the implants removed..if your panic attacks no longer occur that should tell you something..many woman are constantly changing implant sizes all the time..I think those attacks may be trying to tell you something..But regardless of what you decide eventually to do , thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience that maybe will give some pause to someone else who maybe thinking of doing the same thing you did..

[Amy Lynn3]

albine: I comment on post, but try to refrain from giving advise. However, in your situation I do want to recommend you seek medication to help you rid yourself of the panic attacks. I had those things and it is the worst feeling I have ever had. You describe them well.

Talking to a Therapist is great, but seek medication to help you recover sooner. Good luck, as I feel your pain. Enjoy the new boobs also.

[SirDonna]

Two questions: 1. presenting as male or female? 2. Has the therapist been able to identify a- the greatest fear, b- the triggers, and provided mental thoughts to deal with issues, basically mental behavior modification

[GretchenM]

I agree to a great extent with Micki's post. Fortunately, you had something done that can be reversed fairly easily although not without a lot of pain and another long recovery period. Maybe you really weren't ready for this change. If, in fact, you crossdress without the strong gender identity shift that is characteristic of the transgender then, in a sense, having permanent breast forms installed may have been inconsistent with your identity and has created a conflict.

Keep in mind that a lot of Crossdressers are males that enjoy wearing clothes intended for women but they retain a good deal of the male gender identity while crossdressing. Being a male or a female entails vastly more than just having the looks to fit that identity. Others, have clearly visible shifts in their identity from male oriented to female oriented and their crossdressing is an expression of the shift in identity or the actual psychological sense of who they are. The difference is sometimes very hard to distinguish and that makes it difficult to consciously know which is which. One is not better than the other; they are both valid, but they are different psychologically. The point is that if you do not honestly and deeply feel that you are a woman, breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery, and alteration of your genitals may not be a wise move.

[Aunt Kelly]

Looking back I would having gone to counseling first then decided if surgery was for me. It can be very draining both emotionally and mentally.

This ought to be a sticky in this section of the forum. Anything, anything that carries significant medical risk should be undertaken only after a thorough course with a qualified counselor/therapist.

[Cheryl T]

I have a question.
Had you ever had these panic attacks before the surgery? Is this something that you believe created the panic attacks?

[Maid_Marion]

Maybe the BA isn't really the issue.

The panic attacks started in June, ten months after the BA. Fifteen months after routinely presenting with forms or BA.
Maybe the issue is that with social distancing and mask wearing you can't read people. You can't tell whether they really approve or not.
This uncertainty may be triggering the attacks.

I find that working outside on my large garden of flowering shrubs is great for reducing anxiety. As well as taking a beta blocker.
Many of the heavy duty anti-anxiety meds have the side effect of reducing the libido. Which may or may not be a concern.

Marion

[albine]

[QUOTE=GretchenM;4475424]I agree to a great extent with Micki's post. Fortunately, you had something done that can be reversed fairly easily although not without a lot of pain and another long recovery period. Maybe you really weren't ready for this change. If, in fact, you crossdress without the strong gender identity shift that is characteristic of the transgender then, in a sense, having permanent breast forms installed may have been inconsistent with your identity and has created a conflict.


Thank you for your comments and thoughts all are very welcome and valid, I realized going into this it was a big step for sure I read and thought long and hard prior to moving forward. I did a lot of self reflection and spoke to others I determined awhile back I did not feel like totally transitioning but wanted breasts. I started wearing forms throughout the day more and more and did not feel any anxiety in fact felt very natural which was when I decided to move forward with consultations and eventual surgery. AS I stated I ended up a C cup balanced out my frame well but maybe a bit larger than I figured. Again first few months were a bit over whelming for me recovering and all but once I started going out after the first few times I really began to feel confident I mean there were some awkward times with some people but it did not bother me. I was just so surprised afterwards that I was having panic attacks and started loosing self confidence

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

No i never had any attacks or any symptoms of depression or such which really surprised me, I was really figuring on having any issues it would have happened in the beginning but again I was fine afterwards going out engaging with people. I had lots of explaining to do, but I had been wearing breast forms prior so it was not a total shock for people who knew me to see that alot thought my implants were a bit larger than the forms I had been wearing

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Two questions: 1. presenting as male or female? 2. Has the therapist been able to identify a- the greatest fear, b- the triggers, and provided mental thoughts to deal with issues, basically mental behavior modification

I present as male I crossdressed a lot prior however since the surgery not so much now

[Maid_Marion]

I'd suggest looking into minimizer bras. They are designed to reduce projection and make them less obvious.

Marion

[Robertacd]

Try a binder like the Transmen wear.

https://www.bustle.com/style/11-of-t...s-person-30921

[Jenny22]

Albine, to take out the implants now would be weird to those who know you and have seen your girls. That's already water under the bridge. For those new to your figure, if asked of you tell them it's a bad case of gynecomastia and meds you have to take, and that insurance will not pay to have them reduced. So you are stuck with them and can't hide them.

[SirDonna]

Just for fun, there's always the road taken by the canadian man who had breast implants but presented as a man. He used this change for fame and lots of sexual partners. Claimed it was result of lost bet, but stayed with enhancements over a year.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...s-sagging.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Zembic

[Sandi Beech]

Hi Albine,

Thanks for sharing your story. One thing I can very much relate to is the panic attacks. I have had fears when dressing, but no attacks. Mine happen in enclosed spaces. It mostly happened when I was crammed into to back car seat with 2 others, but started happening to me on plane rides when stuck in the very back window seat. It is no joke and hard to convey to someone who has never experienced one. It makes me feel like I am going to pass out, but I can not. Hopefully you can find some resolution to that problem.

I kind of have the same feeling as you about wanting breasts and sometimes I scare myself as to what I am capable of. I like using adhesive on my forms and going braless while in male mode. I have been leaning toward doing what you originally did- wearing them in public more and more. Oddly few people seem to care or take notice.

So I actually went and saw a doctor about implants and fortunately I chickened out because it would have spelled disaster for me if I had gone through with it. I probably would have gone from married to single overnight for starters. That was a year ago but I still think about it. I do not think I will ever do it now. What was I thinking. My wife would blow up.

I am not so great at advice so I will just leave one thought. Even though augmentation is technically reversible, would you have a sense of loss after the fact if they were removed ? After having them for a while I would think it would be an additional strain mentally if they were gone overnight.

Anyhow, take care and thanks again for sharing your story. Very enlightening.

Sandi

[albine]

Hi Marion
Thanks for advice I do wear Minimizer bras, mostly during the for work, they help but with implants they really not hide them that much. i wear them more so my button down shirts fit better. after i had surgery I found that most of my shirt no longer fit, after the swelling and they finally dropped with a minimizer bra I could still fit into some

[Maid_Marion]

Hi Albine,

I'd suggest getting new tops. Wearing tight tops is going to make them more obvious. Wear loose tops! And choose patterns and cuts that don't make your chest the focal point of your presentation.

I ran into this myself. I have some XS tops that barely fit. I've noticed co-workers staring at my chest when wearing dress shirts that were too tight for my 32A chest.

Marion

[albine]

Albine, to take out the implants now would be weird to those who know you and have seen your girls. That's already water under the bridge. For those new to your figure, if asked of you tell them it's a bad case of gynecomastia and meds you have to take, and that insurance will not pay to have them reduced. So you are stuck with them and can't hide them.

the easiest thing would be to have them removed I guess, I would like to keep them at in spite of other issues in the meantime , If the panic attacks keep happening i may consider if that is the direct cause, or if I keep having situations that I feel very self conscious. But by and large i do not really notice them if I am working or concentrating or distracted they don't bother me, i really only notice if I see someone staring at me or someone mentions it or say I am exercising that's when I really notice them, I wear sportbras now when I bike or exercise, i found they are not the most comfortable bras to wear, while i don't mind regular bras sportbras I usually can't wait to take off

Regarding talking with others if they ask am upfront and tell them they are implants they really are too large and rounded to pass off as moobs LOL I had interesting conversations about them especially with women.

[SophyV]

It sounds like you should get the implants removed. It might be painful physically but that will eventually go away. Your mental struggle will be there as long as your body is not what you want it to be.

[albine]

Hi Albine,

I'd suggest getting new tops. Wearing tight tops is going to make them more obvious. Wear loose tops! And choose patterns and cuts that don't make your chest the focal point of your presentation.

I ran into this myself. I have some XS tops that barely fit. I've noticed co-workers staring at my chest when wearing dress shirts that were too tight for my 32A chest.

Marion

you are correct about tops although I try to wear men's shirts I find it hard to find ones that fit well if I can find ones with two pockets one on each side they are good, I also once in a while ran across some women's button downs that aren't too feminine and I have a few of them. for the most part I dress and present as a man

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Hi Albine,

Thanks for sharing your story. One thing I can very much relate to is the panic attacks. I have had fears when dressing, but no attacks. Mine happen in enclosed spaces. It mostly happened when I was crammed into to back car seat with 2 others, but started happening to me on plane rides when stuck in the very back window seat. It is no joke and hard to convey to someone who has never experienced one. It makes me feel like I am going to pass out, but I can not. Hopefully you can find some resolution to that problem.

I kind of have the same feeling as you about wanting breasts and sometimes I scare myself as to what I am capable of. I like using adhesive on my forms and going braless while in male mode. I have been leaning toward doing what you originally did- wearing them in public more and more. Oddly few people seem to care or take notice.

So I actually went and saw a doctor about implants and fortunately I chickened out because it would have spelled disaster for me if I had gone through with it. I probably would have gone from married to single overnight for starters. That was a year ago but I still think about it. I do not think I will ever do it now. What was I thinking. My wife would blow up.

I am not so great at advice so I will just leave one thought. Even though augmentation is technically reversible, would you have a sense of loss after the fact if they were removed ? After having them for a while I would think it would be an additional strain mentally if they were gone overnight.

Anyhow, take care and thanks again for sharing your story. Very enlightening.

Sandi

Hi Sandy
I am really surprised that the attacks and yes I would not wish them on anyone the fear I feel is so real it is so hard to explain while it is happening. I am trying to work through it. My therapist has help me as I am now going out more by my self just have to think about it and plan it out.

For instance last month I went to the beach for day, I went mid week, i got there very early in the morning I wore a dark baggy shirt and sports bra under it , stay away from most people. i really had to plan this out and was anxious but I did not have an attack so that was a very positive thing

[char GG]

I understand the anguish that you are going through. It's hard, but if you are presenting mainly as a man, perhaps removing the implants will allow you more freedom of what you wear and lessen the anxiety. Yes, it will be hard to deal with the reversal at first but I would hate to see you spend the rest of your life unhappy because of the implants.