Hi Albine,
Thanks for sharing your story. One thing I can very much relate to is the panic attacks. I have had fears when dressing, but no attacks. Mine happen in enclosed spaces. It mostly happened when I was crammed into to back car seat with 2 others, but started happening to me on plane rides when stuck in the very back window seat. It is no joke and hard to convey to someone who has never experienced one. It makes me feel like I am going to pass out, but I can not. Hopefully you can find some resolution to that problem.
I kind of have the same feeling as you about wanting breasts and sometimes I scare myself as to what I am capable of. I like using adhesive on my forms and going braless while in male mode. I have been leaning toward doing what you originally did- wearing them in public more and more. Oddly few people seem to care or take notice.
So I actually went and saw a doctor about implants and fortunately I chickened out because it would have spelled disaster for me if I had gone through with it. I probably would have gone from married to single overnight for starters. That was a year ago but I still think about it. I do not think I will ever do it now. What was I thinking. My wife would blow up.
I am not so great at advice so I will just leave one thought. Even though augmentation is technically reversible, would you have a sense of loss after the fact if they were removed ? After having them for a while I would think it would be an additional strain mentally if they were gone overnight.
Anyhow, take care and thanks again for sharing your story. Very enlightening.
Sandi
