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Thread: How to stop?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member
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    Hi Betty, Once you start acquiring a womens wardrobe and step out in public there is no turning back the urge to get out again only increases. Like you when I hit my fifties the urge intensified as I worked on my style, makeup and all things girly Im not sure I could stop now but my worst fear is how my wife will react someday when we talk it can be very scary. Good luck if your trying to stop not sure its possible.

  2. #27
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    As some have said, you are probably asking the wrong group. I'm sure that there are those who have quit, but I doubt very much they view any CDing forum after quitting.

  3. #28
    Stephanie Lake StephanieLake's Avatar
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    The only thing I can add to this is, DO NOT PURGE. at least not right away, you will end up regretting it if you restart. Put what you have in storage, maybe even give it all to a trusted friend to hold for you so you can't easily access the clothes. That way, if you find you need to dress again, you don't have to re-spend all that money.
    Dressing up. There's never a wrong time for it, just enjoy being you.

  4. #29
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    Thank you very much for sharing your experience. I should rather title the thread not "how to quit" but "how to live with it".
    Since analogies to addictions were used: just as an alcoholic is for life, so no doubt is the case with cross-dressing.
    I am aware of this, because the desire to crossdress has been in me "forever," however it translated into occasionally trying on my wife's things.
    A few months ago, what I have already managed to describe happened. I was struck, first of all, by the ease with which I stepped into a feminine role without raising doubts from random people I met.
    I realize that the story presented from the store looks more like a cross-dresser's fantasy than fact, but it actually happened.
    In just a month, before I threw away the clothes, I probably scored all the possible fantasies that some people on the forum only shyly mention.
    Including going to the philharmonic in an evening gown.
    Now, after throwing away dresses, blouses, shoes, skirts, bras, I can't deal with myself.
    I keep thinking about it, I keep wanting to do it again.
    It interferes with my life, it engages my head too much.
    In truth, is what you suggest, to stop things and occasionally let myself "be a woman" has a chance to help for the rest of the time to function peacefully?
    Or will it involve me more and more?
    What are your experiences?

  5. #30
    Member Debs's Avatar
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    Become a transwoman, youve nothing to stop then, you can dress 100% of the time

  6. #31
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    In my experience there was some advantage in spending as much time as my circumstances permitted from the standpoint of understanding myself a bit better and perhaps taking the edge off?satisfying that nagging need. Once accustomed to being dressed for extended periods (I think 2 weeks during that initial immersion) it was a bit easier to focus on activities rather than how I was dressed. In my case, I definitely became more involved.

    There have been some problems, most notably, the loss of a marriage?. And I still have difficulty balancing between the two sides of life that I live.

  7. #32
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I stopped for about ten years; but the desire wasn't really gone. Everything else in my life was going well, and my mind had simply repressed the crossdressing desires. Long story, the link is in my sig below which explains a lot.

    AFAIK, the desire never goes away.
    I can stop, but then the frustration from not crossdressing manifests itself into other negative problems, such as becoming irritable, short tempered, difficulty with remembering things, etc.. And the longer I don't give in the the urge, the worse it gets. So my choices are to become an angry, forgetful cranky old man, or just crossdress a bit to calm the inner girl. I chose the latter.
    I don't know how others feel it; to me, it's like the old devil on one shoulder, angel on the other, and the little devil is constantly poking me in the ribs, saying, 'Come on, you know you want to do it. Just start with the panties and bra; the rest will be easy'. and the poke in the ribs just keeps getting more frequent and harder to ignore until I can't think of anything else. Meanwhile, the angel just sits there calmly, all dressed up and looking pretty.
    And so here I sit, in my cheerleader uniform, watching one of the recorded football games.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  8. #33
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I have been riding a wave of pink fog lately. I grasp each opportunity to get pretty and run with it. I know it will have to fade soon as opportunities become weaker. To cope with it I will have to focus more on the many other things I have available. Come spring I will have so many other things to do I will seriously have to more or less pack Geena away for a while. Time will tell.

    As far as getting consumed, for me a lot has to do with how well I am doing it. I have finally achieved a full look that satisfies me, so I'm doing things I had wanted to do for so long. I have checked off so many things lately that I'm not sure what I would do. No doubt I will think up something, but, in my circumstances, there is a lot that just isn't feasible. I set restrictions on when I could and when I can't, and let that guide me.
    www.flickr.com/people/196660660@N08/

  9. #34
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I understand that death stops it...lol.
    Not sure though as there have been no confirmed reports.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  10. #35
    Member Nyla F's Avatar
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    Hi Betty, no it doesn't go away. The worst phase of my crossdressing was when I was in denial and felt bad about myself. I went through a few purges too, what a waste. This went on for a long time until I got some counseling. When I finally accepted who I am it was a tremendous weight off of my shoulders. It is so important to be able to live with yourself and to really understand what this means to you. I still have to cope with my wife not wanting anything to do with it, but she knows.

  11. #36
    Junior Member Jade P's Avatar
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    I tried for 40 years to stop wearing pantyhose but could not stop. I now accept and love that I am gender fluid and I never want to stop. I am in the closet but it still helps to dress the way I need for my feminine side.

  12. #37
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    Thank you for allowing me to compare my experience with yours.
    I draw the following conclusions:
    1. the chances of getting rid of the desire to dress up are zero.
    2. Complete renunciation of the realization of this urge raises big emotional problems.
    3. Self-acceptance and recognition that I was created this way is necessary.

    I would like to eventually achieve self-acceptance and allow myself, without guilt or shame once in a while, to spend a few days in a woman's disguise.

    The essential question in the face of such a scenario is:
    Will it calm me down, allow me to live without persecuting fantasies, or will it, on the contrary, turn me on even more?

  13. #38
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    No promises, no guarantees, Betty!

    U plays the game and takes your chances!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #39
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    I would suggest that for purposes of mental health, I wouldn't call dressing up as a "disguise". It isn't a disguise. It's you. Recognition of that is part of the journey of self acceptance.

  15. #40
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty70 View Post
    . ?I would like to eventually achieve self-acceptance and allow myself, without guilt or shame once in a while, to spend a few days in a woman's disguise.

    The essential question in the face of such a scenario is:
    Will it calm me down, allow me to live without persecuting fantasies, or will it, on the contrary, turn me on even more?
    Are you discussing your feelings with a therapist? If not, I would strongly advise that you begin with that conversation before any other explorations. Try to identify the root of your feelings. Try to tease out separate what is exciting from what is fulfilling. Discuss the obsessive thoughts. You are likely to discover that there are a variety of needs, desires, beliefs and insecurities interacting.

    In particular, avoid reducing all your emotions to a single cause. If you are patient enough with yourself, and open to a range of possibilities

  16. #41
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I'm a crossdresser. It took me a long time to accept it. I knew I was a transvestite for a long time, but felt it was just my dirty little secret. When I finally accepted that crossdressing was a fundamental part of who I was, it was one of the happiest times of my life. I now know that crossdressing is a positive, not a negative. I'm proud of my crossdressing. I feel that I'm one of the lucky ones.

    Sometimes I dress as a male and sometimes I dress as a female. But which is crossdressing? In female clothing, I feel natural and normal. In male clothing, I feel stiff and uncomfortable. If I ever give up crossdressing, it will be getting rid of my male clothing and living as a woman full time. But that's just me. Whatever your level, remember that crossdressing is a precious gift. Embrace it and be glad.
    What do I do on days when I don't crossdress? I have no idea.

  17. #42
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I have quit smoking for 15 years, I loved it so much that or some reason I still reach in my pocket looking for them and think about them. But for some reason I could surpress this urge. When I was younger I tried over and over, and so many purges of some beautiful items. When I got married I thought this is finally it, there would be no opportunity and it will vanish into the sunset. Well that lasted 2 weeks and the first morning my wife went to work earlier then me and I seen her pantyhose on the floor, it was over. Two weeks that's all it took and that was the day I realized I was going to be a prisoner all my life. That same night I decided to tell her everything, from the first time I tried on my sisters clothes to that same morning I tried on her pantyhose. Thank God that was 30 plus years ago and we are still married but as far as stopping I believe it's in our blood.

  18. #43
    Senior Member Robin777's Avatar
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    Ask yourself why you want to stop. If you have a real deep desire to dress that satisfies something in your inner self , just dress . You aren't hurting anyone and if it makes you happy go ahead and do it. Otherwise you will probably just make yourself miserable by quitting altogether. I know when I don't dress for a while I get miserable. Just don't purge everything before you sort everything out with yourself. You will end up regretting it. I went through the asking myself when I was younger and I realized I was just letting the other part of me out instead of keeping it suppressed. I have to dress or I become miserable when I don't for a while. That's probably what you are going through. I could never quit dressing for good. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

  19. #44
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    Serious question- Why do you want to?

  20. #45
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Betty,
    Is there any way to stop crossdressing? Probably not, and most here have said it. And like most I have tried many times and not succeeded. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you! Take care Brenda

  21. #46
    Junior Member Betty70's Avatar
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    Thank you for the opportunity to talk about my problem, the problem - because I am still a little short of self-acceptance.
    If I came across a therapist from whom I would not be afraid to discover and who has the necessary experience - I would take advantage. So far, such a one is lacking.

    I would like to stop because:

    1. thinking about dressing up involves me too much.
    Instead of reading a good book I browse women's fashion sites.

    2. for nothing in the world I would not want any of my relatives or friends to see me as a woman and practicing dressing up will lead to this sooner or later.

    3. as above, with regard to my wife: I would cause her pain and disappointment with this.

    4. I would prove too susceptible to "development" in this direction.
    In a few months I went from trying on bras to going out regularly as a woman in public places, with virtually no inhibitions.

    5. the above fact is due to the fact that I look rather convincing, for example, I happened to try on dresses in a store without arousing interest or sensation. I therefore lack the natural inhibitions that others often have.

    6. the above may lead me to the point where I want to function as a woman 7/24 and this excludes the realization of responsibilities to the people around me. And these I want to fulfill to the grave, which is otherwise closer than further away.

    7 I have noticed that many people involved in cross-dressing are very focused solely on themselves, and I don't want to be like that.

    Phew... Thank you for your question. Thanks to it, I also finally answered myself.
    I probably won't make it to the end, but maybe at least a little.
    I'll write when I have some practical experience of my own.

    In fact, I already have the first one:
    My wife left for two days to visit her daughter, so I immediately put on her things in the morning, some of which fit. I wanted to go for ordinary shopping, as a woman. However, a size-fitting jacket was missing, because it was already cold, and shoes for cold days (summer sandals would fit), because the ones I had - I threw away.
    I walked around the house for another hour or two. Then the urge to be a woman passed me by and I returned to my male identity.
    Conclusions:
    1. the impaired availability of matching things helps.
    2) The fact that I had more before, i.e. being a woman in public, made dressing up in front of the mirror no longer attractive.

  22. #47
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betty70 View Post
    Thank you for the opportunity to talk about my problem, the problem - because I am still a little short of self-acceptance.
    If I came across a therapist from whom I would not be afraid to discover and who has the necessary experience - I would take advantage.
    You said it all in these first two sentences. From what you describe in the rest of your post, you have some serious gender identity issues that you need to deal with. No, I do not mean to suggest that you should be looking to "cure" yourself. You need to come to grips with who you are and the conflict you're currently imposing upon yourself.

    Yes, it's a scary path, and the further down it you proceed, the greater the chance of hurt and rejection from those closest to you. Yes, your dedication to them is noble, but it may not be worth it if they can not find it in themselves to accept you for who you are. Again, get professional help to understand where you are and, hopefully, find a path forward that you can live with. The alternatives are often bleak.
    Last edited by Aunt Kelly; 11-21-2022 at 05:09 PM.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  23. #48
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    I think anyone can quit if they really want too , problem is no one really wants too , and those that really want to know that they can never forget and so will always be a ........

  24. #49
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Anyone who tells you that you can't stop crossdressing is an "enabler". It's giving you permission to keep dressing. It's the same thing as making excuses for an alcoholic or drug addict and it's bad advice.

    The way to stop crossdressing is to simply stop wearing women's clothes. Who dresses you in the morning, you or someone else? Is someone forcing you to put on panties and a bra? I suspect not.

    It's a matter of willpower, nothing more. You have the ability to choose the panties and bra or the tighty whities and a T shirt. It's similar to quitting smoking, alcohol or illegal drugs. Actually, quitting crossdressing is easier because there is no physical dependence like there is for tobacco, alcohol or drugs.

    I'm not saying that it is easy, but if you want or need to quit, it is entirely within your own mind. Just do it.
    Krisi

  25. #50
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    Short answer for me, "you can do anything you want to"
    I have been faced with many challenges in life, Sometimes you have to make things happen if you really want.

    If that is truly what you want or need in your life is to stop.
    then you will make it happen.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

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