Going out

[Sometimes Steffi]

I would tell Sher before we went in to visualize walking in …..head held high with confidence.

I was told the same thing, but a little differently. Walk in, standing tall with head held high. Walk in tits first.

[Andrea Renea]

Char's advise is very good.

I'd say dress as the other people dress. Dont wear a evening gown to the grocery store. In other words dont over dress.

Its hard not be nevous the first time but 99% of the people will be respectful.

I go out several time a week. Most people know i'm a man.
Even in the supposedly mean south I'm addressed as ma'am or miss.

Ive been out with my wife to casinos and shoppings. We do this when away from home. We dont take the chance of being reconized together in our hometown

Just relax and have fun.

[Helen_Highwater]

Regulars here will know once a year I offer to chaperone those new to going out. I chose an LBGTQ friendly location well suited to a first night out and it sounds similar to the venue you've chosen. As others have said, don't over do the dressing. A skirt and blouse with modest heels, spending hours in heels in the house is nothing akin to spending hours out and about in terms of how tiring it is on the feet and legs. There will be some who go full on glam no doubt but for a first time smart chic is a better option.

A little planning works wonders. If you know the area then you'll know somewhere not too far away that you can park. Remember your first time out will be actually leaving the car and walking the streets not being in the venue. If you don't know the area then I recommned using Google street view to check it out and again find suitable parking.

Once there try not to think everyone is starting at you. It helps to get there early so you can grab a table in case it gets busy later on. If you're dresed to blend then that's what you'll do. Yes you'll have butterfies but they will quickly fly away. Also remember, the bar staff have seen it all before so don't be afraid of chatting to them if it's not too busy.

You may find yourselves sharing a table. Don't be afraid of engaging in conversation with others there. A couple of years ago Mel and I shared a table with a Transwoman and her male gay friend. We introduced ourselves and had a good chin wag for over an hour before we moved on to anothe pub.

Don't drink too much. Dutch courage is not a good thing. Stay in control of your actions. You'll have a better time and outcomes if practicing moderation.

As for eating first. Have you considered a drive through? It's a way for easing yourselves into the evening. A passing interaction, a little ice breaker before the main event.

Finally try not to get too worked up in advance wondering about the what if's. Stay calm and carry on, all will be good, trust me, I've taken many out over the years and never had an issue. Heck, a couple have even gone on to go full time so I must be doing something right, right?

[alwayshave]

Eliza*queen, My first time out was to a LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar. It was more comfortable than other venues.

[Cheryl T]

A drag show at a gay club sounds like a great first outing.
Wear dresses if you like, you will fit in perfectly. We went to one before Covid and it was incredible. Best was after the show the performers invited everyone who wished to come on stage with them for a photo.
You should have a great time.

As for the makeover, just tell them where what you want for her look. There is no one-fits-all and they should be happy to make her look her best. I've had a few and they've all been wonderful.

[kimdl93]

Regarding makeovers. I think (hope) that most makeover artists who work with CD/transgender clients will strive toward the most flattering makeup possible, but it ok to tell them what you are looking for. I made the mistake one time of NOT being clear and walked out of the session looking as though I was a cast member from a Kabuki theater. Definitely not what I was looking for!

[Genifer Teal]

Because you probably have limited opportunity to get out people tend to think to fit as much into outing as possible. A more important focus is to have a successful outing. you can always make future plans, however long that might take before you head out again. If you try to do too many different things and have too many new experiences, there's a greater chance of failure. Which could lead to setbacks and possibly decisions that going out is not for you.
Keep it simple and have a good time.

[Sallee]

I go out about every time i dress I dress to meet the occasion A drag bar over the top, the mall jeans, flats and a nice top. a restaurant a casual skirt and top. Mostly I dress to blend and look like I belong. I have been read but seldom. If it happens ignore it. Teenagers are real good at clocking something different. Still ignore it. At worst you'll get a look. He'll have fun hopefully you will too. Just remember Blend, maybe even a little boring I know that is tough for CD's but it works. Have fun

[Sometimes Steffi]

Eliza*queen, My first time out was to a LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar. It was more comfortable than other venues.

Jamie
Was that the same LGBTQ+ restaurant/bar our group usually goes to.

I went to an LGBT restaurant/bar and met someone I first met here.

But the first time I went out was to the local Renaissance Faire. I went alone and rented a period costume - a wench. Since many people came dressed, it was pretty easy to blend in, even wearing a wench costume. I was made many times, but was generally OK. A drunk guy kind of got freaked out when he made me, but he was with a big group of friends who yanked him away from me.

[kimdl93]

I go out about every time i dress I dress to meet the occasion A drag bar over the top, the mall jeans, flats and a nice top. a restaurant a casual skirt and top. Mostly I dress to blend and look like I belong. I have been read but seldom. If it happens ignore it. Teenagers are real good at clocking something different. Still ignore it. At worst you'll get a look. He'll have fun hopefully you will too. Just remember Blend, maybe even a little boring I know that is tough for CD's but it works. Have fun

Honestly this is pretty much what you can expect. We are our own worst enemies. The rest of the world barely pays us any mind.

[TheHiddenMe]

I've been going out for about 6 1/2 years and I've never had an issue, so I suspect you won't either.

I have a GG friend who is gorgeous so when we go out I am sure I will be noticed because I'm with her and she definitely gets noticed (and she wants to be noticed). But again, never an issue, and we've been out in public a lot together (most recently to a concert and a casino).

A drag show at a gay club is a good ice breaker. Enjoy and come back and tell everyone how it went.

[CDMargret]

When my wife and I have gone out I own it. Being or trying to feel and act normal, confident even though I'm all dolled up. And we chat each other up. This helps us to settle in and relax. After just a short while everything is great and we have a good time. Most folks where we have gone are out for a good time too and we just blend right in.

[SaraLin]

I'd like to add one thing.
Since you're going to a drag show, I'd expect that the cast AND the patrons will be more on the lookout for someone dressed.
The odds are fairly good that he'll be spotted, but that's OK. It's a a drag show after all - so one more in the crowd is not a big deal.

Years ago, I went to a "drag night" at a local bar. I was naive and thought there would be a bunch of dressers in the audience.
Nope. I was the only one.
Still, everything went fine - no hostile remarks, no giggles, no stares, nothing. Well, at least till one of the "girls" on stage pointed me out and flatly asked me if I was a "boy or a girl."
Even after that, there was no problem with anyone there, and everything went back to normal.

So relax, Enjoy, and a special "bless you" for supporting him in this. You must love each very much.

[Philipa Jane]

I am quite blown away from all the lovely positive answers here.
If only you could bottle them and take them with you in a nice handbag for those moments if you feel less confident.
For all of the time I have been here (CD.com) I still find it at odds with what is portrayed about the US in being so Out There.
The perception is that anything goes. Obviously not.
Here where I live I have spoken to others who have felt less than confident about going out. I did experience it just like anyone else until I found that no one really cares.
Dress to blend in and relax. Have the best time.

[Kris Burton]

Still, everything went fine - no hostile remarks, no giggles, no stares, nothing. Well, at least till one of the "girls" on stage pointed me out and flatly asked me if I was a "boy or a girl."

Of course, the appropriate answer that question is "Yes!"

[Sometimes Steffi]

Of course I'm a girl. I have boobies.

[Freddi]

Eliza Queen.... I have no advice to offer on going since I never have and probably never will but from someone with a supportive wife....Thankyou for supporting and understanding your husband its nice to hear from the ones doing the supporting. Keep doing what you're doing I'm sure your husband really apricates it

[Eliza*queen]

So we did it! Overall it went well. We started the day with the makeover. The results were good, I would have liked a little more contouring but the girl who did it was wonderful. She was open and receptive of what we were looking for and kind and friendly. We did some shopping there afterwards and then headed to the hotel. I did the checking in while she waited in the car. The walking in and out of the hotel was terrifying. We had to ride in the elevator with other people several times throughout the day. There was a comment which amped up my anxiety and shut me down completely. I eventually shook it off but it was hard. We got some take out and ate it in the car. Then we took a stroll through target. I kind of blacked out and again shut down, trying not to look at anyone so if they were staring or commenting I wouldn't notice. She took it in stride and was confident and belonged, if only I could have been. After that we dolled up, both wearing a lbd and headed for the club. We looked fabulous. The show was fun . The crowd was very diverse which was nice. After the show we enjoyed the club. There were several other crossdressers there which was awesome. She did get hit on a few times and had many complaints. I was pretty uncomfortable with people hitting on her but she didn't entertain it for a minute. I was happy she was getting positive affirmations because it made her feel good. We did chat with a couple people which just made the whole outing worth it. She has been wanting this experience for who knows how long and had an amazing time! I was so happy for her . It was extremely intense for me. I did not care for being in public, was way to anxious to enjoy it at all or even function properly. I wish I could feel and do better in that way, it's just I love her so much I just can't handle other people being hateful towards her in the slightest. I did however really enjoy the club and being able to be with her in a relaxed way not having to think about anyone else.

I want to thank you all for the great advice and for giving me some mental preperation before hand. Sorry no pics, she would not approve. She did look gorgeous tho. Long black dress with a slit , beautiful makeup, and natural hair , long and a little wavy.

[char GG]

I'm so happy that you went out and it sounds like you had a lovely time. Except for the few hiccups, please try not to pay attention to people who cannot be polite. It happens but sounds like you reacted just fine.

I also hate it when people are rude and think a CDer is fair game to hit on. I won't say any more about that topic just now.

[Suzie Petersen]

That is wonderful Eliza! Sounds like it was a great success and a great first time out.
I can't tell you enough how good it is to see you being so supportive, many of us out here are quite envious (the positive kind of envious).

And a big congratulations to your sweetie for surviving her first time in the wild! It gets easier with time, I promise.

As with most things in life, if you do or say something to which there is a divided opinion among the people you are around, you can expect to get some reactions. Cross dressing and other trans related behavior is definitely one of them, and as several mentioned to you prior, it can be expected that there will be some snide comments and some looks. That is what most of us fear and try to avoid, and the whole thing about trying to completely pass as a female is all about avoiding that. Reality however, is that unless you start medical transition at a pre-puberty age, most males by far cannot completely pass, and for those of us who just do this now and then, there are just too many tells to deal with.
The trick then becomes to develop a thick skin and some selective hearing, and just let it go.
I am sorry it got to you a few times during this outing, but you handled it well and next time will be easier for a number of reasons.

There are places you can go where the acceptance will be 100% and guaranteed, like TG Support groups etc, but you can also simply toughen up a bit and just do mainstream things together.

What a wonderful story to start the day!

Hugs
Suzie

[Sandi Beech]

Sounds like a good outing. It really only gets easier. I am kind of surprised that someone made any negative comments because I have been out many times without such. Anyhow, a venue like that is always welcoming, and you do usually have a diverse crowd at a drag show.

We tend to view being hit on as negative here, but it is really no big deal if someone starts off asking to buy a drink or something. It is easy to decline. I only had one negative experience when an intoxicated individual wanted to hug me and I got mad, but that is rare and not that hard to deal with inside a club with the support of the staff.

A word of warning , it is addictive, at least for the CD. Just saying. Enjoy the future outings.

Sandi

[nancy58]

Wow! Your husband is extremely fortunate to have such a caring, understanding wife. Everyone else has already given you real good advice, so I'm only an echo. Relax. If you have a TG or other other LGBTQ+ support group available, that's a great place to start. My first few outings outside my local support group were generally to parks, where I wouldn't have to be close to other people, but I also went to a coffee shop at Barnes & Noble one time and just sat at a table sipping coffee and writing in my journal. The more I went out, the more I realized that most people don't even notice. I am certain I've been "clocked" plenty of times, and I've been "sirred" a couple of times, but I've gone so far now without a terrible experience that I'll probably react badly if/when it comes. The biggest obstacles were all based on my own judgments of crossdressing, and those are mostly silenced because of my good experiences and because of help from my therapist.

[Mary Loo]

She did get hit on a few times and had many complaints. I was pretty uncomfortable with people hitting on her but she didn't entertain it for a minute. I was happy she was getting positive affirmations because it made her feel good.

Did you mean compliments?

Thanks for sharing the story of your outing together. You deserve a gold star and accolades for doing that. Despite times of discomfort, it sounds like there were good times, too.