Being stared at

[Niya W]

When I first started going out I would get stared at. I would be like yes I’m Trans take a picture it last longer. With in the last year things have changed a bit. When I see people staring at me I just assume because they have never seen a Trans person before. I was at a drag show and this MTF CD (yes they do exist) just kept on staring at my chest. Final I said yes they are real, and then he moved on. It felt weird because that’s the first time that’s happened to me. Then some months later I went to the Star Light Lounge and the guy that was working the door was just staring at my butt. He was not even trying to hide it. The girls I was with were laughing because he was so obvious about it. It feels weird being stared at because some guy is looking at you and thinking about one thing.

[Persephone]

You'll have to make your own decision, Niya, about whether they are staring at you because you are a Trans-person or whether they are staring at you because you are a good looking woman. I guess it depends upon how well you are able to "pass."

I think that, for many of us, one of the really scary surprises about going out those first few times is being stared at. Men stare at you, women stare at you, and you are in flight/fight panic mode.

It takes a while to realize that while as a man you pass through the world largely unobserved, as a woman, particularly a young and/or attractive woman, you are "on stage" whenever out in publlic.

My scariest incident was probably in a small desert town in California when my spouse and I were on a roadtrip. It was a hot summer day and we were both in shorts and tank tops.

We stopped at a little coffee shop. Naturally, after a long drive, we first headed to the Ladies Room. Two county sherriffs were sitting and having coffee and they started watching us the moment we walked in. I figured I was toast.

It took every ounce of my nerve to keep walking, right past them and into the Ladies Rroom. My knees were practically shaking, and I was trembling once I got inside the safety zone of the Ladies Room.

Now I was sweating how to get back out! I even looked at the window to see if I could escape by crawling out, but, of course, it was too high and too small.

My spouse is cooler, by far, in these situations than I am. As we washed up, she said that we were going to stay for our lunch.

We walked out past them, heading for a table, and, as we walked, I couldn't help feeling that their eyes were still watching me, this time from behind.

I tried my best to keep my wiggle going, and felt like they were undressing me with their eyes. That's when it hit me! All they were doing was "girl watching!" Plain and simple! Something that I myself, in "guy mode," did all the time!

Sure enough, by the time we sat down and I stole a glance, they were back to ignoring us and talking to each other.

Eventually, I quit shaking and we had a lovely lunch.

So, if you are passable, particularly if you are young and/or cute, don't be surprised when other women check you out and men stare. It comes with the territory, you're in "girl world" now!

[Karren H]

I've had a few guys creep me out bad... one kept driving around the block... mostly I don't even notice if people are staring... cause I could care less....

[MsJanessa]

Actually given where you were at dragshows and a gaybar, they were probably staring at you because the were attracted---I get that kind of thing all the time---once I went outside a local gay club to have a smoke(it's illegal to light up inside) I was wearing a black babydoll satin top, tight femme jeans tucked inside thigh high stilletto heeld boots, full make up and big hair wig---this boy about 18-19 walked by and just stared--at first I thought it was because I was TG but then he circled the block and walked by two more times before I finished My cigarette. I thought about inviting him back to My place but decided against it---way too young for Me but really cute.

[Angie G]

Isn't it nice to get looks. I don't go out dressed so I wouldn't know. If I did I'd like some looks.
Angie

[cindym5_04]

Looking at your profile pic there, I think they just stare because you're hot.

I've gotten stares at different times when I've been out...some positive, some negative. I've gotten negative comments before and I just keep walking and ignore them. At some point, it just doesn't matter anymore.

[Magickman]

It is in the nature of human beings, to focus their attention on anything unusual, attractive, or out of the ordinary. A man in a wig, skirt, and heels probably qualifies on one or more counts. So, sure, they stare.

These folks would stare at lots of things, until their curiousity is sated. It is only what we should expect.

People stare at me, too. They offer unsolicited comments, as well.

The real issue is how we handle the attention. Few men, but many women, seek to engage me. Frequently, they say nice things, complimenting my legs, clothing, shoes, and nails. I always smile and say, "Thank you."

Our responses to the attention, are the important thing. Staying confident and classy, is definitely the way to be, I am certain.

In all honesty, not everybody likes my schtick. Some even tell me that, but I am unfazed. They all get the same warm smile.

It is extremely important to remember that our attutudes, courtesy, manner, and politeness are of nearly infinite value.

People will accept different, if the presentation is impeccable.

Yes, people stare at me. I think it is because I am so cute.

[tricia_uktv]

If you go out dressed you are going to get scared at so just accept it. I get stared at in the gay world as well as the straight world. What amazes me though is how many people read you and smile, a pleasant smile not a moking one. Far more do that than make negative comments, though you do sometimes get those as well. You need to build up attitude and confidence before you go out dressed.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

When I was out driving on the Interstate, some guy started following me and if I speeded up, he speeded up and if I slowed down, he slowed down - it really scared me

JoAnne Wheeler

[Christina Horton]

I get looks but for me I think it's cuz I don't pass well. But I don't care if they stare. Do you girl think I look like a gg. Now don't lie just to be nice I want true comments. You must pass well cuz it could be a gents the law for a man dressed as a woman to use the ladys room. In some places. So if they didn't cuff you and take you down town you must look fine. LOL. Huggs

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]Damn Niya,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]No wonder people stare at you, you are a gorgeous woman. What is the problem? Did you think walking around looking like that most everyone wouldn't stare or at least look at you? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]The men are all going "how can I get to know her?" and the women are all going "Bitch!" because they are jealous. Sounds like the perfect place to be.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Think our yourself as someone who is appreciated,we certainly appreciate you.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[Niya W]

I said it feels weird , but great in a way. Form a validation. But scared that they don't know I'm trans . Especially when I walking and randoms guys on the street start hitting on me .


Besides in my mind I just look plain.

[Christinedreamer]

There may also have been a few closeted TGs or CDs that were saying to themselves "Damn! she looks so good. I wish I could do that". Count me as one of that group.

[Lilith Moon]

I've had a few guys creep me out bad... one kept driving around the block... mostly I don't even notice if people are staring... cause I could care less....

At least he kept driving he he.

I had a guy stop and try start a conversation. I continued walking into a nearby subway. When I emerged from the other side he was gone..phew !

[Niya W]

Oh when I told that to a GG she said welcome to my world now get the F over it. Just remember you can't deck the guy just for grabbing your ass.

[trisha59]

On my little dash and run excursions I always feel people are looking at me, and why shouldn't they I'm a guy in a dress. But lately I been thinking of what I do in guy mode. Walking around in a store and I hear the click of heels I look. Sitting at a bar and a GG walks in I look. Driving down the road and I see a GG I look. Men look at women. Women are accustomed to it ,having grown up with it. We feel that we are being looked at because we are in a dress but perhaps we are being looked at because we look like a women.

[marny]

Had a couple of noticble looks, from women. Sorry they didn't come over and say Hi!

[Jenna1561]

Niya, as some of the GG's have told you, "Welcome to the World of Womanhood." I've had a few stare/look, but that's not too bad, and as you mentioned feels great and for me validates who I am.

I never imagined the following would happen to me, but it did recently. I was going to a church where they only knew Jenna. I was in a mixed group of single people who went to dinner and some outside activities together. One of the men in the group became rather "friendly" and innocent me didn't think anything of it. So, one Sunday (early December) after church, he asked me out. I politely declined. He continued to ask me out and I told him I was not interested. I stopped going to that church, but he continued to call and email me.

Sometimes men just don't understand "NO." My gg friends also "Welcomed" me into Womanhood. Great validation, but a little scary and definitely unknown territory for me. It is definitely a totally different world!

Jen

[Christina Horton]

On my little dash and run excursions I always feel people are looking at me, and why shouldn't they I'm a guy in a dress. But lately I been thinking of what I do in guy mode. Walking around in a store and I hear the click of heels I look. Sitting at a bar and a GG walks in I look. Driving down the road and I see a GG I look. Men look at women. Women are accustomed to it ,having grown up with it. We feel that we are being looked at because we are in a dress but perhaps we are being looked at because we look like a women.

I have been told that I don't pass but some people tell me that they did not know I was a man until I said something even then some of them was not sure. I have yet (that I know of) had a man look at me like he would look at a women he was interested in . Of course I don't have eyes in the back of my head like the GG of the world do. They were born with then ya know. SO maybe some of the looks were men checking me out and I am just there the nieve little girl thinking there looking cuz I am a man in a dress. Make me feel all girly inside.

Niya, as some of the GG's have told you, "Welcome to the World of Womanhood." I've had a few stare/look, but that's not too bad, and as you mentioned feels great and for me validates who I am.

I never imagined the following would happen to me, but it did recently. I was going to a church where they only knew Jenna. I was in a mixed group of single people who went to dinner and some outside activities together. One of the men in the group became rather "friendly" and innocent me didn't think anything of it. So, one Sunday (early December) after church, he asked me out. I politely declined. He continued to ask me out and I told him I was not interested. I stopped going to that church, but he continued to call and email me.

Sometimes men just don't understand "NO." My gg friends also "Welcomed" me into Womanhood. Great validation, but a little scary and definitely unknown territory for me. It is definitely a totally different world!

Jen

Just tell him or any future man handlers that you like women and are not interested. That's what I would do if it happened to me.

[TxKimberly]

LOL I know exactly what you mean. One of my very first outtings was to Jacques in Boston. This was the same night I had my very first makeover (From Jamie Austin) and frankly I thought I looked awesome. From the time I walked in, until the time I left, this guy say there staring at me. I looked right in his eyes and he didn't even smile or nod - just stared. . .
Probably the creepiest thing I've ever had happen to me.

. . . Just remember you can't deck the guy just for grabbing your ass. . .

Gonna have to argue with her on that one! Try that stuff with my sister or my wife, I can assure you they would indeed deck the guy who grabbed their ass

[Nicki B]

Just remember you can't deck the guy just for grabbing your ass.

You can't?


Bugger.

[Niya W]

No, you call a few male friends over and they will have a proper conversation with the chap.

What she meant is the police wouldn't mind a GG decking a guy for doing that, but a trans person might have a few issues. She also said its just not lady like to hit. stun gun, pepper spray, pearl handle .45. Those are allowed .

[Nicki B]

Actually, I've always thought a good, LOUD, slap across the face, causing no permanent damage but calling everyone's attention to the fact that the offender crossed a line, is a useful weapon to have near the final option?

Embarrass them.

I've never had to use it - but when someone's tried to lift my skirt, I've certainly threatened it..