In a real pickle

[Kelly DeWinter]

My statement was an attempt at a little humor. I couldn't care is someone perceives me to be gay or anything else.

On your blog you state:" I submit that there is NO "right way" to transition because it's far too personal to be measured against someone else's life experience". How can you feel that way and at the same time be judgmental of my path?


I feel as tho I am getting a slap on the wrist because I'm doing it my way. Am I reading this wrong.

Michelle;

I would not worry about getting a backward slap for doing things your way, Some people here forget that gender is in the mind, not in the body, IF you choose to express your gender in what you wear or how you present, that is your choice and it is not a crime, yes there are bigots in this world who will make try to make your life miserable, but in reality is it any different then sexual,racial,nationality,economic or religious bigotry ? No , its the same wolf in sheep's clothing, the only difference i it's happening to you at the moment. If you want to present in public be prepared to face bigotry, take pride in knowing that you in your way are paving the way for future tg's to have a better life.

[daviolin]

To one Mich girl from another. Sorry, but when will people open there eyes, and live and let live. By the way, were in Michigan is your place? I could bring a bunch of crossdressing buddies up and we could really rock there world. Ha Ha. Daviolin

[mary something]

Michelle I can understand how some of the posters words might feel like their trying to attack you. You're already feeling under siege at this new trailor park and contemplating having to move when finances are putting you between a rock and a hard place. I know it feels really bad right now but I think there are solutions that are possible short of having to leave outright.

I think Stacy had a great idea that you should consider. Outside of the manager aren't you judging the other campers also before even meeting them based on appearances? I like her idea of bringing the beer, and bring it early enough that they aren't drinking before you show up. Why don't you go and buy enough beer for a party, or even make a bucket of hooch, whatever might be popular. Heck why not even have a little welcome to the neighborhood party at your place? While you're out buying some liquor why don't you go ahead and get some burgers and hot dogs with some sides. Make sure you have plenty of chairs and don't forget some of those outdoor bug repellants. Have some kind of activities available to keep people interacting like corn hole, horse shoes, camp fire, whatever.

Go and talk to the manager and be friendly. Let him know that you're a nice person who doesn't mean any harm to anyone and that you look forward to him stopping by your place whenever you're planning your gettogether. If he asks about the twin sister just tell him that your wife didn't mean any harm but was nervous for you and trying to prodtect you in her way. Look him straight in the eye and tell him that you are a transgendered person, but that is just one of the many things about you that make you who you are. Then tell him that you've already checked and that Michigan law covers this situation and hand him the copy of what was posted earlier so he can have the benefit of seeing it himself later. Then change the subject back to him and be comfortable with yourself.

I don't think the other posters were trying to tell you that you had lied by default to the manager to be critical of you, I think they were trying to help you understand how the manager and the rest of the community may perceive you. If you act suspicious and get caught in any type of falsehood you're gonna make everyone notice you and they will be looking for other red flags. Instead why not just be open with them and show that you have no secrets, then find things in common. Since you have already presented there as a male so much then be a male at the party. Don't make it about gender, but about what you people have in common. If asked about it or someone hints around at it just be open with a short, succinct answer such as "yes, I'm transgendered". They probably don't care nearly as much as you think, they just want to know that you don' t have bad intentions they should watch out for.

A public setting at your place while being a gracious host is the best way to introduce yourself if you want to make a good impression. And it's a heck of a lot easier and cheaper first option of how to respond than moving the trailor again immediately. You can always do that later.

Show them that you are a good and likable person that will be a good neighbor. Then after you've made the best impression you could find out if the park is a comfortable place for you to stay or if you need to leave. Either way I think that even if there are some who just don't want to accept you there will be others who won't care and will be friends if you give them some reasons to want to.

Good luck!

[linda allen]

Michelle, if the neighbors are as unpleasant and intolerant as you suggest, why do you want to live there?

That would be my question as well. Michelle may have made a mistake purchasing the property in the first place without considering her own fears about the management and the neighbors.

I am also feeling from her posts and language that she may be stereotyping these people as "bigots" without actually knowing them.

While she may be able to stay in the park by using anti discrimination laws, her life there may turn out to be unpleasant because of it. It's possible to legislate actions but it's not possible to legislate attitudes.

BTW: The fact that her wife lied to the manager is not going to help her case. "That's my husband, he's is a crossdresser." would have been the appropriate answer.

[Leona]

I'm with these ladies who are saying to just out yourself and see what happens. I got outed against my will by being arrested while dressed, and then when the charges were dropped, I found myself in downtown austin rocking that skirt. The reactions were fine, nothing dangerous, but it is Austin, not northern michigan....

The law will protect you enough to sell the place without visiting again and you've got some valuable lessons learned from this experience, but at this time you don't know that it has to come to that. Logically, you will only know if it has come to that by outing yourself.

So, run away scared or stand your ground and see if you need to make a strategic retreat? Those seem to be the options here.

[Badtranny]

BTW: The fact that her wife lied to the manager is not going to help her case. "That's my husband, he's is a crossdresser." would have been the appropriate answer.

Wow. That is about as perfect a statement as I could imagine. She could have even said Transgender instead of a cross-dresser.

You know, I don't have anything against people who enjoy or are comfortable bouncing back and forth. One of my dearest friends will likely never be out to a certain segment of her life. I've seen her as "him" quite a bit and she's just as cool either way. If you're going to be closeted to some degree, just admit it and take advantage of the opportunities that affords. There is no shame in being part-time, just don't make excuses about it.

[lingerieLiz]

The park manager may be just doing his job. You may want to read your rental agreement. Many rental agreements state that anyone who stays beyond a certain number of days must be checked. It may be the corporation that requires it and the guy is just doing his job.

I been outed in a ultra redneck area. No one gave me a hassle about it. You could just tell him the truth.

[alwayshave]

I don't mean to practice law in Michigan without a license, but does your lease for the lot upon which the trailer sits state that you cannot have guests without providing ID? My response to the landlord would be, "I will provide the ID as soon as you provide me with a site to the section of the lease that requires me to do so?" In other words put the onus on him.

[Michelle James]

Wow. That is about as perfect a statement as I could imagine. She could have even said Transgender instead of a cross-dresser.

You know, I don't have anything against people who enjoy or are comfortable bouncing back and forth. One of my dearest friends will likely never be out to a certain segment of her life. I've seen her as "him" quite a bit and she's just as cool either way. If you're going to be closeted to some degree, just admit it and take advantage of the opportunities that affords. There is no shame in being part-time, just don't make excuses about it.

You are correct. So here it is: I am closeted to a small degree and am maybe expanding that somewhat. I have come to feel that my being trans is on a need to know basis and lately it seems that less people need to know. I admit it freely and as it turns out I do enjoy the opportunities that affords. I am not ashamed in any way of being part time and I offer no excuses.
it wasn't that long ago that I considered myself to be living full time and working toward transition. As has been pointed out by some on this forum with a lot more skin in the game than I have that my assumptions may have been erroneous.

[Michelle James]

The park manager may be just doing his job. You may want to read your rental agreement. Many rental agreements state that anyone who stays beyond a certain number of days must be checked. It may be the corporation that requires it and the guy is just doing his job.

I been outed in a ultra redneck area. No one gave me a hassle about it. You could just tell him the truth.

My rental agreement does state that "all permanent residents must submit to a background check". However it does not define "permanent". You make a good point re: the rednecks and I may be anticipating a reaction that may not occur.

[Michelle James]

I don't mean to practice law in Michigan without a license, but does your lease for the lot upon which the trailer sits state that you cannot have guests without providing ID? My response to the landlord would be, "I will provide the ID as soon as you provide me with a site to the section of the lease that requires me to do so?" In other words put the onus on him.

There is no mention of guests needing approval. it may be time to just let it hit the fan and deal with the fallout.

[linda allen]

People signing a lease and then letting other people live in the property is not an uncommon scam so the manager is probably within his rights to inquire about the "woman" he saw.

Best to come clean and figure a reasonable excuse for your wife lying in the first place.

And if you don't want an uncomfortable experience, you may want to rethink your attitude about your neighbors that you haven't even met yet. We often get back what we give. If you think of and treat these people as "rednecks", they may think of you as a "faggot".

[STACY B]

Michelle just Friggen tell um !! Let the Hair go with the Hide !! WTF Can they do ?? They can't eat ya ,, I would LOVE to be there with ya for support ,, I just LOVE the SHOCK FACTOR ,,,,,,,MMMMMMMMMM SHOCK !!!!!

Surprise ,, Man >>> Lady>>>>> Man>>>>Lady>>>> CRAZY ,,,HUH,,,,,HUH,,,,,,

Yep pretty Crazy !!!!

[Michelle James]

Michelle just Friggen tell um !! Let the Hair go with the Hide !! WTF Can they do ?? They can't eat ya ,, I would LOVE to be there with ya for support ,, I just LOVE the SHOCK FACTOR ,,,,,,,MMMMMMMMMM SHOCK !!!!!

Surprise ,, Man >>> Lady>>>>> Man>>>>Lady>>>> CRAZY ,,,HUH,,,,,HUH,,,,,,

Yep pretty Crazy !!!!

I like that! Reminds me of a visit to my favorite stylist when sh was sharing the space with a male barber who was way into his 70s. I got a wig trimmed and then removed it to have my real hair cut. After I left he went over to my stylist and said "Rene, I'm so confused. Fisrst I look over and there's a woman in you chair and then next time I look there's a man and then I look again and the woman is back". We still laugh about that.

[Michelle James]

People signing a lease and then letting other people live in the property is not an uncommon scam so the manager is probably within his rights to inquire about the "woman" he saw.

Best to come clean and figure a reasonable excuse for your wife lying in the first place.

And if you don't want an uncomfortable experience, you may want to rethink your attitude about your neighbors that you haven't even met yet. We often get back what we give. If you think of and treat these people as "rednecks", they may think of you as a "faggot".

You are right on both counts, but I am through with excuses. I am what I am and "F" em if they have a problem with it. We are going back for the 4th and will be there for 5 days so they will just have to get used to Michelle and get over it.

[MonicaTC]

Where in Northern Michigan are you Michelle? You can mail me privately the answer if you with. I'm in Traverse myself and there is a non-discrimination ordinance here . Generally across the state I believe there are protections. But saying Northern Michigan is pretty vague, attitudes vary greatly from one area to the next.

[MonicaTC]

Here is information on the broad state of affairs in our state.
http://www.equalitymi.org/issues/discrimination