As many of you know, I'm not really new to CDing but I have a hard time with it in public. I'm afraid I'm gonna love it toooo much and the fact that I'm obsessed with myself makes for a very self destructive natacsha. That's bad enough. Now, after she's been hibernating for a couple years, a couple months ago she comes blasting out of her cage and is taking over again. The problem with her is that she is very controlling and demands A LOT of attention. And being single doesn't really make things easier. I used to think that having my ex-gf's around kept things in check. To make things worse, I have a friend with whom I've been friends with for about 15 years and he is absolutely gorgeous but it's the mental part we connect most to. I actually have a crush on him...badly. and that is new to me. I have no idea where this is all coming from but I'm having a seriously hard time with this. I had messed around a couple times in the past but this isn't as much sexual as it is a feeling. His body is muscle bound everywhere and he's a lawyer and college football coach. This all started to come about when SHE got let out of her cage. I've never had any thoughts on ever being in a relationship with a man but with him I think I could....and like it. I was on this site a couple nights ago, he get's out of the theater and texts me, "doest your mother knoweth you weareth her dress?" WTF!!!!! He has no idea or so I think. Turned out to be a funny part of Avengers from the movie that night. Nevertheless, a couple weeks ago, I buy this cute little hot pink bob wig and I get home that evening to watch the game and he calls. Me: you watching the game? Him: NO!! I can't watch anything!!!! The t.v screen is PINK!!! hahaha I couldn't stop laughing. He takes me home yesterday and plays this song titles "boys in heels" and though the song sucked, I can't help but be completely flabbergasted by the events I just shared with you. sorry for the rant girls, but you all made it quite clear that I can just come and jump in and as apprehensive as I am just typing this, I am. I wanna tell him. I wanna dress outside....put a pic up here.......understand a little more whats going on in the world these days. I don't wanna go all out because I don't know where that road can lead to for me but I do know where it lead in the past and it took a long grueling painstaking period to overcome that part of my past. And therein lies the problem. I ask that you please respond with a very open mind and sensitive to what I have put out there. I am better as a man but the girl wants to play and she is really REALLY hard to deny. And you know I mean it when i say HELP ME PLEEEEEEASE!!!!