You talk how I feel and according to those in the know I have GID so you may want to consider talking to someone in the future when circumstances will allow for it because in my opinion when crossdressing is about identity it quickly takes over your life causing all kinds of havoc until you dive completely into the deep waters and swim to the other shore at least mentally if not physically.
Right now you refer to her as separate from yourself as if there is a struggle going on inside you for control between two different people, I went through that in my teens and early twenties and for me it was a scary place to be because I felt out of control as if I was suffering a form of addiction but it was the frantic search for my lost self.
Hope my words do not ruin the experience for you but I always worry for others when there are similarities between how they feel and how I did feel. I'm far from being free of those out of control feelings but I do have a certain calmness now and am less fearful about what was and is happening to me because I understand the deeper reasons and needs. You sound as scared as I was and at some point you will have to discover your natural equilibrium that will leave two people or one inside you.
