But of a conundrum ...

[JessicaMay]

It's been a bit of a while since I started dressing, getting on 10 years now. My wife has known all along and all the slow steps we've taken to get to the point where Jessica was born has been wonderful.

Along the way I discovered I am bi, I've never done anything with a man before now, but the thought of picking someone up, turning them on and bringing them home ... well

Anyway, the issue is there aren't many places a starting out TG can go to have fun, hang out with new people and be as female as possible. With one exception, there is a local "club" of sorts that allows, infact, encourages TG/CD patrons to show.

That's where it gets a bit complicated, see this place is a no female zone. They don't allow women at all ever. The second issue is that the place is generally a hook-up spot, complete with rooms, beds, etc. From what I've read it's a dark place, glory holes and porn on tap 24/7.

I've always fantasized about going since I read the details of what goes on inside there. What they have, and how welcoming they are to people like me. I have no secrets with my wife so over the past few weeks we've been discussing this place. This past week she made it clear she feels I should go. So we discussed it on Friday & Saturday (they were having a ladies night on Saturday, where CD's and TG's get in free, free drinks, etc) and she pushed me to go.

After several hours of fighting with the butterflies and nervous scared feelings, I did my make up, but my best stuff on and after getting several re-assurances it was fine I headed out the door.

I didn't make it very far though. Less than a block before I turned around and headed straight back home. I couldn't do it to her, or to us. The chances of something happening there are too high, and the chances of us being okay in the end (for real, despite her assurances) are too low.

When I returned (hardly 10 minutes after I left, including a stop at the store for some chocolate ice-cream and soda) she seemed upset. Unusually upset in my opinion that I was unable to go through with it. So I guess my questions are ...

1. Should I take her up on the offer and go on the next ladies night? Do I just accept the assurances and hope for the best or do I keep plugging away at the assurances until I get to the root of her thoughts on the matter?

2. Is there something I'm missing here? I've never been as pushed to possibly cheat on her like this before, I'm wondering where this is coming from (any thoughts you might have will likely help shed light on the issue).

3. Am I crazy for even considering it?

Thanks, any help would most certainly be accepted