VR, Bondage, Degradation, Suppression
Have you considered Virtual Reality sex? I think it was in the 90s that VR was getting interesting, but it seems like it fizzled out, but I haven't kept up with it, so maybe there's some like that where you could have VR sex with others. VR is what I would call safe sex.
As much sexual experimenting as you and your wife have done, it sounds like you've probably tried bondage, or S/M, etc. I'm not married, and am actually a virgin, but I've fantasied along similar lines. I don't like S/M, but I've fantasied being married and putting my wife in bondage and inviting men to rape her, not painfully, but degradingly. I don't have such fantasies often, but occasionally.
So somewhere in my subconscious there seems to be a desire to make my beautiful (fantasy) wife feel degraded. I think this beautiful wife in my fantasy is me, my feminine side. From early childhood my feminine side was suppressed by may parents. "Big boys don't wear girls' clothes". In order to feel loved by my parents I want to degrade my beautiful feminine self.
Maybe your wife's masculine side was suppressed by her parents or others, so she fantasies degrading you, where you represent her masculine side. You could ask her if she remembers her parents or others telling her not to act like a boy.
- P.S., It occurs to me now that this may also explain many men's tendency to rape and even murder women. I think they were likely shamed more severely in their childhoods for expressing their feminine sides and they try to punish women for making them feel feminine. I believe society shames boys for being feminine much more than it does girls for being masculine, which could be why women are much less violent toward men than men are toward women. The same may apply to child abuse; men and sometimes women punish children for being weak. Men aren't supposed to be weak, so shamed men punish anyone who acts weak.
