You're very disappointed with your identity, or something like that, I take it.
If we get some of our values in early childhood,
as seems obvious in my case at least, as I had the thought at an early age that I wanted to be like my Mom, not like my Dad, before I knew anything about sexual differences,
it seems you may have had a similar experience to mine.
I don't know if you like to loathe yourself, or your body, but I rather like sadness for some reason, which I suspect has to do with my inability to be more girl-like too. I enjoy longing for the little girl that I was not able to be.
We seem to share valuing the beauty of womanhood or something close to that and so we have our regrets. But I'm glad I have those values of what I consider beauty.
Your wife seems to value your values too and I'm glad about that. I hope you don't mind crying, at least in private. Crying is very healing. I like to do it when I'm sad.
By the way, have you tried any virtual reality? I'm curious about that myself.
