Hmm it'd be nice wouldn't it.Originally Posted by Di
And yet when a man with upper back length long hair, long painted findernails and wears several womens tops as male tops and who, just a week after the first date, mentions they have occassionally crossdressed in the past, doesn't feel the need to right now but that the desire to might return in the future then that's exactly what would happen wouldn't you?
But instead there are constant whines about hair, fingernails, various things that 'look gay' or 'only gay guys do' and a constant push to masculanise let alone the suicide threats and constant arguments when crossdressing comes up.
What is wrong with that? Equal freedom or equal restriction? A preferance for the first but failing that insistance on the latter. That I think perfectly matches the notion of fairness. How could it not be?read my answer above....AND YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.......this coming from someone who wants to wear whatever they want....and you would put restrictions on your partner:rolleyes:
As for embarassment in public... that is an interesting point and one that I have pondered at legth without coming to a firm conclusion. That said I think it is more than fair for an SO to ask their partner not to change their public appearance radically in a setting that may adversely affect them socially. However if the partner is just maintaining their appearance (like my long hair and long black painted nails.. we are both goths) then it should only be particularly important occassions when this is done so (For example I cut my nails and removed the polish for her best friends wedding which I thought was fair enough, of course I was asked to do this and so was willing to go to very great lengths because it was a request. If I was told to I would not have done so.).
There seems a lot of hostility being flung around about acceptance and selfishness. Well selfishness is puting ones own desires above the needs of others.. and when ones needs or desires are considered more important than anothers needs or desires for no other reason than they are your own. At what point does the feelings of others dictate restrict or influence the choices of someone over their own body? Legally, morally and ethically (outside of communist/socialist philosophies where the states/groups rights are more important than individual civil/human rights) the answer is almost none. However it would be a callous CD who ignores a fair request based on their partners feelings and it would be a callous GG who does likewise.
Do CDs deserve acceptance? Why wouldn't they? Why would they deserve less acceptance than anyone else? Aren't accepting and tolerating diversity and differance important life skills and the duty of everyone? Don't you have to respect the differences of others if you want them to respect your differances? If a cd was not out to their partner before marriage that is a seperate issue isn't it?
The notion of protecting children from teasing.. teasing because of being different is something I have a lot of personal experience with. Because of my cheekbones and eye shape in one tiny rural town I lived in the other kids thought I was chinese so I copped a lot of racism. The next, slightly bigger town was very anti-intellectual so my habit of reading in public made me a target. It was also homophobic so my not liking footbal and motor vehicles had many assume I was gay and so I suffered from that too. Later in high school i refused to conform even further and the more I was spat on, the more my posssessions were destroyed, the more I was assaulted, the more I was almost stabbed or almost run over on my way home from school the more I realised how important it was to be myself and not give in to schoolyard terrorism. I respect anyones desire to protect their children from such violence, physical and psychological but with the huge rates of bullying in schools reducing their difference may not be enough. Also by reducing difference what lessons are being taught? That it's ok to be different? That its important to stand up for others? There are many anti-bullying programs some of which are quite successful. I don't know if protecting children from being a target because of differance is good for either the children or the rest of the community but I respect your intentions and that the decision on how best to try and go about it is yours.Dee Talbot: Example, my family. We have 5 children who don't know about Barbara. This is something she and I have discussed, and we BOTH prefer to wait to tell the children. Therefore, dressing in public is an issue for us. Barbara has, for the most part, had to stay within the confines of our bedroom.
If we told the children tomorrow, then there are other concerns. I WILL NOT subject my children to teasing. It's hard enough being a child, they don't need to deal with teasing. If Barbara dressed in public, other children WOULD tease our children. I work with children, so I say with 100% confidence that this would absolutely happen. Barbara herself waited until after a day camp she was attending with our youngest son before waxing her legs for the very same reason. (edited to add....I know there are those who do live openly, and their children are aware. I appreciate and respect their bravery and honesty. I'm simply too much of a coward to do it)
Am I completely inflexible when it comes to putting our children in the way of possible teasing, misunderstanding, violence (yep, when kids are picked on because they (or their parents) are different it can and does lead to violence)? You'd better believe it. Barbara's need to express her femininity takes a HUGE backseat the the well-being of OUR children
Take a deep breath everyone please.
