So.... why DO you hide it?

[AmandaM]

For me it was simple. I want her to know me. If I hide half of my personality, she knows a facade.

Edit: I've been outed by a previous girlfriend and lost all my friends. In my current relationship, married, I was willing to sacrifice all my friends again, and willing to completely be out, move to Frisco, etc. if she rejected me. It was my do or die time for a hetero-quasi-normal relationship. I wasn't gonna try anymore. After her, it would have been gg admirers, other CDers, or maybe a man. Point being, I was sick of the hiding, guilt, and ostracism. I drew a line in the sand and said I ain't taking it anymore, either she accepts, or I'll seek my own kind.

[jayelle]

The list of reasons why you would hide being a CD is almost endless.
The reasons why you would tell someone are counted on one hand.

In a practical sense, the more you want to dress the more compelling the argument to tell your partner. Remember though, it's perfectly reasonable and acceptable for people to have interests that are private to that individual. Women don't tell their men everything, contrary to what they say here on this forum. They buy things that "he" never knows about. They won't tell you about "everything" they did with previous lovers or compromising positions they have ended up in because they (some) are serial flirts. They also keep their sexual fantasies in the closet. Should we know all of this? Do we want to know all of this? No! I can do without it thanks just the same! But if you knew some of it you may choose to be with a different partner. Secrets cut both ways!

Since women in general are unaccepting of CDng (a fact not a judgement), why would you rush to tell them? Everyone should assess their own history, confidence, behaviour, intentions, and partner on an idividual basis before telling about their CDng. The downside risks are too great to do otherwise. E.G. if you dress once every 2 months, why tell anyone this? If you dress every day/week then you should definitely tell your partner, the earlier the better!

Hugs Jazzmine

Agreed. Crossdressing is a broad church, and "hiding" it isn't necessarily a bad decision. I have crossdressed occasionally for many years, but did not tell my wife until recently. I never considered telling her. It was a private and personal pleasure.

But recently, she asked me a straight question about my interest in women's clothing (I had apparently shown a bit too much interest in women's shoes in a department store!), so I just told her the truth. And being the great woman that she is, she took it all in her stride - the same day I told her she gave me a make-up lesson and gave me some clothes that she was about to give away.

Does that mean I should have told her earlier? No. Crossdressing remains for me an occasional, private and personal pleasure. If, however, I had ever had the urge to dress 24/7, or go out dressed, the arguments would be very different.

[Nadia-Maria]

I definitely agree with you Jazzmine (and Jayelle). IMO, Jazzmine’s estimation of the clearcut appears very wise as somewhere in between once a week and once in 2 months.

Wickanne’s post was a « ripple effect of paving stones ». I believe she fights for perfect honesty and selflessness. But who can perform them ? Nobody is 100% honest (but you Wickanne ?) and nobody knows herself enough to tell all the truth about so puzzling a matter involving herself as crossdressing, I mean.

Kisses to all of you

Nadia-Maria

[Carly D.]

I think the question is deeper than that.. the question of "why do you hide it?" why do I hide every aspect of my cross dressing? why can't I talk to a family member? why do I feel that if I come out to my family I will be the "odd man out"? why do I think I would be treated as either gay or a pervert or just be left completely alone? as in alone... mostly I think that is my reason for not telling anyone that I cross dress, there is being alone and feeling that you are really alone.. and while I feel like I am alone anyway, that pales in comparison to being alone... and that would be tough to take.. that mindset of being cut out of everybody's life scares me a lot.. I don't think it would happen but there's that inkling of "what if.." that makes me think twice about telling anyone close to me...

[jayelle]

Why present yourself as half of a whole? You present a façade…your life is a lie…you’re a fraud and you know it.

Wickanne, you seem determined to paint this as black and white. I'm fairly new to these forums, so I don't want to wade in too deep just yet, but I can't help feeling that no-one benefits from the notion that "hiding is a lie and makes you a fraud".

There are shades of gray, as I said in my earlier post. If you have an overwhelming urge to dress 24/7, tell your partner, for goodness sake. If you dress up once a month in private for fun, then why bother? Who benefits from sharing your secret?

This does lead on to a bigger question (and this is a discussion I have had with my wife). Can you be too honest? Can there be too much truth in a relationship? Yes there can.

You go to a Christmas office party, without your partner. You have a drunken fumble with Sandra from accounts. The only time you've kissed another woman. In twenty years. No sex. Just a fumble. Do you tell your partner?

Well, if honesty is all that matters, yes you do. But if telling about your drunken snog is all about dumping your guilt on your wife and feeling good that you're so "honest", who benefits? I'm not saying there's a right or wrong answer. I'm just saying that there is such a thing as too much honesty in a relationship.

To use my own example, if my wife had a snog with a guy at her office party, I certainly wouldn't want to know...

And if you only crossdress now and again, then telling your partner may be a case of too much honesty...

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

And that is exactly the mentality that gets most of you where you are now. Get a grip! There can NEVER be too much honesty. If you don’t like her hair style then tell her. Doesn’t mean she has to do anything about it, but she knows where you stand. Some women do not want their man wearing their panties or any female garments EVER and they have as much right to dislike it and seek out another partner as you do to wear panties!

How many flippin’ times has it be typed on this site…Well, I did not know I was a crossdresser…I thought I just liked to wear panties once in awhile. (Hmmm isn’t that also a crossdresser?) Now I want to shave the hair on my arms, have sex with men (most won’t publicly out themselves), get permanent hair removal…blah, blah, blah.

So yes…it is black and white! How can someone expect honesty from anyone when they cannot even be honest with themselves. If it’s just panties, tell her when you meet her. Most don’t because either deep down they know it is more or they are too selfish to let WHAT THEY WANT get away…never minding what she wants.

I guess the bigger question would be, Why would you be at your office Christmas party without your partner? Oh, maybe she is at her office Christmas party doing the same thing …that was a rhetorical question.


Wickanne

Interesting viewpoints Wicked Thank you for sharing

[Jazzmine]

And that is exactly the mentality that gets most of you where you are now. Get a grip! There can NEVER be too much honesty. If you don’t like her hair style then tell her. Doesn’t mean she has to do anything about it, but she knows where you stand. Some women do not want their man wearing their panties or any female garments EVER and they have as much right to dislike it and seek out another partner as you do to wear panties!

How many flippin’ times has it be typed on this site…Well, I did not know I was a crossdresser…I thought I just liked to wear panties once in awhile. (Hmmm isn’t that also a crossdresser?) Now I want to shave the hair on my arms, have sex with men (most won’t publicly out themselves), get permanent hair removal…blah, blah, blah.

So yes…it is black and white! How can someone expect honesty from anyone when they cannot even be honest with themselves. If it’s just panties, tell her when you meet her. Most don’t because either deep down they know it is more or they are too selfish to let WHAT THEY WANT get away…never minding what she wants.

I guess the bigger question would be, Why would you be at your office Christmas party without your partner? Oh, maybe she is at her office Christmas party doing the same thing …that was a rhetorical question.


Wickanne

Wickanne I cannot believe you think this way. Women like to change their minds endlessly! Cannot a man have the same excuse? LOL

Seriously, many men, like me, had never even heard of the term CD before the internet got in their faces. And you brush over the naivety of our thinking with disdain. You can, because you have hindsight on your side. But that's an arrogant platform to judge from. For those men still naive and puzzled about themselves, they wouldn't dream of talking to anyone until they had "sorted themselves out" first. Men (and yes we CDs are still men) like to sort out our problems internally and alone. Once a conclusion is reached we take action (or none). A woman would seek help and talk about it immediately it came to her attention - that is your way, not ours. We will have to agree to disagree on this. But it is certainly NOT an issue of honesty. It is an issue of enlightenment.

Many CDs upon finding their first CD website express their absolute gratitude for the posts and encouragement they receive. What these newbies don't realise, initially anyway, is that they are number 1,000,001 who have finally been able to make sense of an inner connundrum we call CD. That done, it then raises the issue of how far they are willing to step outside their closet. Baby steps are required as he/she accepts a new enlightenment of their new being. To be landed with guilt and derision at this tentative stage is unhelpful, which is why many CDs decide to continue hiding until they feel their time to venture out has come.

I think I read you correctly when you said all CDs want to dress to attract men? Correct me if I am wrong.
I don't know where on earth you got this thinking from. It is true of some, agreed. But you've got it so wrong for the majority of CDs. There may be fantasies but the equivalent reality is gruesome for most. Anyway, I read women have more gay related dreams and fantasies than men ever do, but not many wives would own up to that one I bet!!!???

Now one last thing, if you think I am going to tell my wife she has ugly hair, even if it were true, you ain't walked a mile in a man's shoes. She may accept my CD under sufferance but that would END IT!

Hugs Jazzmine

[Nadia-Maria]

About 10 days ago, in this thread, I wrote this :

Why do you hide it ?
(...)
I am now convinced the best thing to do is to mention CD at the very beginning of any serious relation.

However, when it has not been done on time, I believe it is not always the best choice to do it after several years. It's a matter of appreciation, depending on several factors such as the intensity and frequency of CDing among others.

Having written that, after a few days of thinking about, I considered the intensity and frequency of my CDing had enough increased in the latest months, so that it was the right time to come out to my SO/GG.

So I have done it : I came out last week.... !!

Lady Zarabeth, your thread was indeed a very insightful one....

Thanks
Nadia

[Kelsy]

[SIZE="3"]I told my wife before we got married. This time around I wanted to be totally up front and honest with who I am and I believed that She deserved the choice. She accepted me as I am! That's not to say that there are not issues! There are, My wife does not like surprises. If I am going to shave something she wants to know and she prefers that I do nothing in secret. If I don't dress with her around she believes that I am hiding something. It is a fine line and she demands total honesty. Today she told me that I should have been a girl and that there are times that I really weird her out! All of this gets discussed in the open. I don't have to hide and to me that is freedom!

Kelsy[/SIZE]

[laura.lapinski]

The list of reasons why you would hide being a CD is almost endless.
The reasons why you would tell someone are counted on one hand.
...
They also keep their sexual fantasies in the closet. Should we know all of this? Do we want to know all of this? No! I can do without it thanks just the same! But if you knew some of it you may choose to be with a different partner. Secrets cut both ways!

Since women in general are unaccepting of CDng (a fact not a judgement), why would you rush to tell them? Everyone should assess their own history, confidence, behaviour, intentions, and partner on an idividual basis before telling about their CDng. The downside risks are too great to do otherwise. E.G. if you dress once every 2 months, why tell anyone this? If you dress every day/week then you should definitely tell your partner, the earlier the better!

Hugs Jazzmine

Exelllent points, I agree 100%. Also, another down side of telling is that she will probably tell a close friend or family member, and that person may tell others too. For me, its an easy decision not to tell.

:2c:Laura

[Mitch23]

i had an underwear fetish

in a new relationship its not so important - i thought i'd dealt with it

if i'd told her she would have finished with me and anyway i'd dealt with it

13 years later i was wrong and i'm more than an undie fetishist, i want to be a part time girl and shes going to divorce me if i tell

but i tell her anyway, she doesnt divorce me but ive betrayed her trust and we have to painfully work it all through

but hey, our relationship is better even though shes unsupportive generally, because she has the real me as a partner

mitch

[Denielleinheels]

Interesting read so far. I was married for 19 years and hid it. We talked about it after the fact because of the kids. When we talked about it she said a lot things of made sense. My S/O and I met online. AFF actually. Her headline was "Wanted, REAL MAN"... well I couldn't let that one go. So I was persistant and we sparred via email for about 3 weeks when she sent her phone number and said iether call or go away. I told her I was like no one she has ever met. We talked on the phone a few times and then met. She was married twice before so I told her "Maybe your version of a real man is just a stereotypical real man and maybe you should try something different". So we started dating on 10/1/06 and have been together ever since. In the beginning I made her promise total honesty about past even if it sucked to get into and I would do the same. I told I want to know now so there are no suprises later. I guess I decided that I would rather be alone and true to me instead of with some one who make me feel trapped. No, this because of a new relationship, but I think that not being able to be who you are is a real way to shorten ones life... the stress and depression with kill you.

[KatieC]

. . .If you had been honest, in the first place then it wouldn’t have happened that way. You only put crossdressing on hold because you wanted her, you did it to get something YOU wanted…or conversely, something YOU didn’t want.

But I believe that the point that was trying to be made was that for some, it was impossible to be "honest in the first place". Not out of a willful attempt to deceive. Rather, because of ignorance and/or self-deception, the CDer honestly did not know "in the first place", so he told the truth as he understood it. When a better understanding came, the CDer found himself stuck in a trap made up from choices made from faulty information.

Shame is such a powerful human emotion. I find it hard to believe that even the biggest proponent of total honesty/total disclosure told their prospective life partner every little detail of his or her life that s/he was ashamed of. It's far easier, and completely human, to think that the shameful activity is past, that the shameful emotions will keep one from ever doing it again, and therefore it is not something that needs to be brought up. I can't speak for how women are raised, but men are taught from a very early age that the correct way to handle things is "I can deal with it myself, there's no reason to involve anyone else." This makes a man especially prone to never admitting to shameful activities, because he believes he can fix it on his own. That he should fix it on his own.

In any event, I do not find it helpful for moving forward in a relationship to put too much stress on "you should have told me in the first place!" The fact is, it was not told in the first place, and for most it was not told because of shame. All "you should have told me" does is add yet more guilt to the CDer trying to make things right, increasing the shame that he is already dealing with. We cannot live in the past if we want to move forward. The Past needs to be acknowledged and learned from, but the Now is where we must live, and the Future is where we must strive to go.

If the CDer, with his new understanding of himself, continues to hide, then that is what needs to be addressed. Not so much the hiding of years past.

[Mitch23]

beautifully put Katie - i couldnt have put it better myself

mitch

[Jazzmine]

It’s amazes me, in this day and age, that people still associate certain behaviours as being exclusive to a certain sex. Behaviours are based on "classical conditioning" usually in relation to the environment.
“Enlightenment” a wonderful sounding word…too bad it is so often misused in conversation.

There is an issue of honesty and lies otherwise this forum wouldn’t be filled with the posts about it.

Crossdressers can continue to make excuses…justifications…rationalizations…keep following that crowd on this train but until you put the BS to one side and get honest about it the world will continue to see something wrong with crossdressing because a majority of you project it as something sinful…some dirty, nasty little secret. You don’t seem to be making the connection between what you project and what you get in return. What you expect but are not willing to give in return. It’s a two way street and just because you’re a crossdresser it doesn’t mean that your needs are put above those around you. Spare me the posts about how you put this, that, and the other thing on hold because of your relationship. It’s just the same old song and dance, repeatedly, not even the tune changes anymore. If you had been honest, in the first place then it wouldn’t have happened that way. You only put crossdressing on hold because you wanted her, you did it to get something YOU wanted…or conversely, something YOU didn’t want.



That is not what I said…go back and read it again.

This isn’t about fantasies darling; this is about the reality that you and many others, male and female, are crossdressers.



You are basing the assumption that I haven’t on what, the “GG” in my screen name? Too bad you have yet to achieve enlightenment

Speaking from experience, sometimes the truth is a harsh reality.


Wickanne

First of all Wickanne, "behaviours" are not all based on "classical conditioning". Research everyday shows more and more that our basic behaviour, and especially our personality type, is based on nature not nurture, scary as that may seem to you. It means we are mostly what we are because we were born that way. Enlightenment followed by postive conscious action is a legimate way to modify behaviour, as is classical conditioning. But neither one "cures" the instrumental cause which is our own human nature.

I accept I am generalising when I say men like to go into their caves and work things out for ourselves. And that a woman's first attempt at problem solving is to seek out someone who is better qualified for a quick solution. However, I know that is the way of most men and women I have worked with over 25 years of employing both men and women in my business and observing how they problem solve at work. Men appear to be secretive to women (don't disclose enough info) and women appear disruptive to men (when deeply focusing on problems), in my observation and experience.

Just because there has been attempts at changing what you call "classical behaviours" by social engineers, does not mean that our basic human nature has responded. It has not. The only thing that has changed is that we now know about it!

You still gloss over the basic tenant that many men have little or no idea what they are dealing with re: CD. If you accepted this I suppose you would have to get off your "honesty" hobby horse. If a person is un-enlightened about their state of affairs, they cannot be deemed to be rightly dishonest. Oh, "ignorance of the law is no excuse" I hear you say!
Is there a law that says "all men are totally centred and wise and know everything about everything?". Well, we know most men are foolish and naive don't we Wickanne! :D Which is why "enlightenment" is effective in helping us understand our individual needs.

One important issue needs to be restated. Until a man accepts himself as he is and makes sense of that self he cannot and will not disclose anything to the outside world. If he cannot sort it out himself he may seek outside help. Then again he may not, and dig himself further into the mire. God bless the internet for coming to our aid.

Just to put you in the picture about my crossdressing. I expect and have asked for nothing from anyone. It is my personal interest. I do NOT have to share it with you or anyone and not asking to. Furthermore, the act of CD impacts on not a single soul except myself. I accept every case is different.

I certainly do not see CD as sinful or dirty. Read my other posts and you will see how I think. The issue of disclosure to others comes down to how you perceive you will be treated after disclosure. Your perceptions could be right or wrong. Also, some people (SO included) can handle the information and others cannot. It is up to the individual CD to assess their circumstances.
E.G. I certainly would not ask you to jump on the back of my racing bike for a downhill thrill if I thought you would kill both of us on the dangerous 100km curve at the bottom of the hill! You would have to convince me you could handle it first. Both of our lives are at stake here.

It should be remembered until a person decides that they are a CD, then up to that point, their reality is that they are not, no matter what anyone else says. They have not accepted it nor do not know what they are dealing with.
Until that matter is cleared up, you cannot be deemed to be "dishonest".

Jazzmine

[shirley1]

i still think i'm a borderline trannie - i dont dress every day or week - its a really difficult thing to live with for most guys how the hell do you tell anyone go out publically without fear of being harrassed let alone voilence - i'm joining a tg group soon to try and meet other people and with the aim of going out i dont know how well i'd pass - i'm single and so god knows how difficult it is for married cds they have my sympathy - as a cd all you want to do or at least i do is to be able to go out just like women do in everyday life but you cant do it unless you are extremely brave - its so frustrating and annoying you think why cant i do this - but you know why because you fear being victimised in your local area - i was bullied victiimised by my neighbours not even because of this but because i was alone few friends seemingly came round to visit me at the time - there are nasty people in the world who will try and make your life a misery if they can certainly here in england a lot depends on where you live and i'm safe at the moment ie i think icould go out dressed from wher i'm livin no problem - but other places i'vr lived near on impossible youd be putting yourself right in the firing line - as for relationships i want to meet a girl on the basis of my crossdressing and do believe thats possible

[jennydl]

I too am a single,never married cd 40yrs yng and have struggled with this very question.I don't believe in misrepresenting oneself to a potential SO. My way around this for the past ten or so years has been not to date at all.sad but true.I would be interested in a FABs point of veiw on this subject.When would the best time be to spill the beens,so to speak?
jennydl

[Stephenie S]

Wickanne,

Your clear reasoning and logic are more than a breath of fresh air. They are a tzunami of enlightenment. It is sooo nice to have your opinions here on this forum. Many may disagree with you, please don't be discouraged. We can always use more clear thinking on unpopular points of view.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I agree, and just so that we keep things on an even keel here people... try not to get nasty with each other over this. Its a fairly familair question to many I am sure, but I would rather see honest dialogue here without the flames, and a continuation of the thread

*hugs*
Zara

[Nicki B]

Wickanne,

Life seems so very black and white, to you?

Can I ask, have you always told your SOs absolutely everything about yourself and your past? Is there really nothing you're not proud of that you've maybe 'forgotten', or glossed over?

[Jilmac]

The first time I wore a dress was age 7, I did it on a dare and as soon as i put the panties and dress on I loved the way the panties felt and the way the dress looked, but at the same time I was scared to tears. I didn't want anybody to see me because I didn't want to be laughed at, rideculed, and called a sissy.

For the next eight years I experimented wearing the panties and clothes of my three older sisters. I was still scared and ashamed, but I was still hooked on the feeling and look. I hid from everyone because I thought I was the only boy in the world who loved wearing girls clothes. I had terrible feelings of guilt and shame but still dressed every chance I could.

When I was 15, my second sister died of a cerebreal hemorrage incurred in a horseback riding accident. In my grief I wore her clothes so I could have her spirit as part of me. I have been dressing ever since,but still in shame. I didn't know why I loved wearing feminine clothes but I knew I didn't want to stop. It was still a deep dark secret until age 24 when I told the woman I was planning to marry.

Her reaction was disgust and when she talked about it she refered to it as "my problem" so I still hid and dressed. She never caught me dressed, but at times I would get careless and leave evidence. whenever she found evidence and confronted me it would be another guilt trip and a whole load of shame. I wondered if being up front with her had been in my best interest. I didn't want to lie but hiding was the only alternative if I were to continue dressing.

I divorced her after 10 years and when I started dating the woman who would be my second wife, I wanted to be truthful with her so again, I told her that I enjoyed dressing. Her reaction was sadness and she was convinced that dressing would turn me gay. I also felt guilt and shame with her and I kept it hidden. It seemed that every time I tried to be honest and open, I suffered the consequences.

My second wife was never mean or vindictive, she just couldn't understand how a heterosexual loving husband and father could want to "be a woman". My frustration kept me in the closet and I still had to sneak to dress and kept on living a lie. So for me, telling my so twice only caused me to be more decietful. I lost her to breast cancer in August but now I still have family that doesn't undrestand so I'm still hiding.

I now have a new so who is also a love interest and I plan to tell her that I dress. I also plan to stick with her no matter what the future holds but If I have to continue to hide and dress, so be it. I want to be truthful but I don't like the results when I am. All I wish to gain by being truthful about my dressing is the ability to dress without shame, and not be forced into hiding.

Luv AND HUGS, Jill

[Jaydee]

Okay, I'll jump in.
I started wearing my mom's discarded pantyhose around 10 or 11. This was in the dark ages of the mid-sixties. I had never heard of "Crossdressing". I thought I was the only boy in the world to feel this compulsion. The guilt and shame was overwhelming, but I couldn't stop. Eventually as a later teen, my Cding tapered off. I thought I was done with it. Some time later, in college, I started dating the woman whom I would marry, and have been married to for 31 years. Should I have told her my dirty secret then? At the time we were married, I still did not know that others did it, I thought I was the only one in the world, and besides I no longer had an interest in CDing. I thought it was something shameful in my past. I thought it must be some kind of sexual perversion.
10 years after getting married, it came back. I still was naive enough to believe that I was the only one in the world. I knew I wasn't gay, what was I? I started slowly again, only on business trips. Should I have told her then? Probably, but now I was more than 10 years into the marriage, with two kids. The best thing I thought I could do was protect the kids and the marriage, by keeping my secret. I never have had any interest in men or even going out. My CDing is private. I don't involve her or anyone else. Am I dishonest with my SO. I guess a case could be made that I am.
In a perfect world I would like to be more open about my "dirty secret", but I still haven't come to grips with it myself. Should I burden her with this secret, and possibly jeopardize our marriage? I don't know. I do know that I do not have the strength and fortitude to come out fully to her. After finding this site about a year and a half ago, I now know that I am not the only one. I am feeling better about myself, and not as ashamed of my compulsion. I am making baby steps to coming out. It is my own struggle. I guess I can't be as honest as Wickanne thinks I should be, but I try.

Jaydee

[Charlotte Cross]

To answer your question, when I first got married, the desire to dress wasn't as strong. I thought I had overcome it somehow, an aberration of my brain cells firing out of order that was now somehow healed. Oh, I still thought about it and fantasized, but didn't go there until the birth of my first child, when I was alone with my wife's clothes. It started again right then, but it was too late to tell her. "Charlotte" wasn't who she married. I couldn't let her or anybody else know-ever.
I held in my feminine side for all my life. It's been painful for me and something I even tried to stop. You all know we can never do that.
I was a jock in school, joined the Marines, fought in Vietnam, got married, went into business, 3 children, 6 grandkids. I was and still am, everything a "man" is expected to be.
But Charlotte lives inside, and we all have to deal with it one way or another.

[Julogden]

Not answering your question and going off on a bit of a tangent here: several years back, there was a self-help guru/author (can't remember his name now, seem to recall an Italian surname) who did some shows for PBS, and the one thing that he said that stuck with me was (essentially, can't remember his exact words) that if you're an apple, don't live your life pretending to be an orange, as you'll only attract people who like oranges.

I think that's REALLY good advice for those who are single. There ARE women out there who would like to know us, so if we go through life totally hiding our real selves, we'll probably never meet them.

Of course, this has to be balanced to a degree, but I think it's a really good idea to at least give off a hint or two of who we really are. And I also feel VERY strongly that it's foolish, at best, to get married or to enter a serious relationship without a full disclosure of our CD status, to do otherwise is just asking for trouble and heartbreak, and it's dishonest and unfair to the other person.

I am also of the opinion that anyone who is involved in any sort of CD/TG activites has no business getting into a serious relationship until they've done some hard work to learn who they are regarding their gender issues. Work out the details of sexual and gender stuff BEFORE getting into a serious relationship, not after. It's not fair to your SO to announce that you've suddenly discovered that you're a TS and need to go on hormones or that you're attracted to men or other CD's. That's the sort of thing that you need to discover while you're single and able to explore them. I also know that sometimes we make foolish decisions and/or, through self-ignorance, end up in relationships that we shouldn't be in, but there are enough resources available to us nowadays that increasingly, there is no excuse for self-ignorance.:2c:

Carol

[KandisTX]

It's not fair to your SO to announce that you've suddenly discovered that you're a TS and need to go on hormones or that you're attracted to men or other CD's. That's the sort of thing that you need to discover while you're single and able to explore them. I also know that sometimes we make foolish decisions and/or, through self-ignorance, end up in relationships that we shouldn't be in, but there are enough resources available to us nowadays that increasingly, there is no excuse for self-ignorance.:2c:

Carol

Carol,

I knew a T-gurl in the past that was exactly like this. Had been married to a wonderful woman for a number of years and within six months went from "I'm a crossdresser". to "I'm a Trans-Sexual and want a sex change NOW". Talk about a shock to the system? I and all our gurl friends were quite shocked and in all honesty turned our back on hur and supported the wife in this matter. To us it was a slap in the face and to her it was a great big "screw you" type of situation. His wife was mortified by this decision and in all honesty, so were all of us. This was a totally and completely selfish choice that he made and did not even once consider his wifes feelings or thoughts, he just decided one day that he was going to become a woman.

Kandis