Oh, can I stumble around here too?

Let's see....where to start? This thread has kind of wheeled all over the place like a car with summer tires on a snowy slope (hey, that's the definition of my life! ), so maybe I'll just throw a couple of pennies in.

I'm going through a Questioning with a capital Q phase right now, so that means I'm putting things to my forehead and seeing what sticks.

The issue of sexual orientation is certainly one of them. I probably would have described myself earlier in life as a hetero-male who was bi-curious. But as I recognize more about my gender identity and gain a clearer idea of the real kind of person I am, I realize that what I considered to be bi-curious is more an expression of what I now see to be my 'hetero-female' side. In some ways I'd say I am actually a hetero-female who was bi-curious. I'm also pondering the concept of being 'pansexual', because in some ways that describes me better. Although I'm not sure if I would include a male-male attraction as part of my thinking, so I'm not sure if that would make me pansexual.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality

Now the fact that I can consider a romantic or sexual attraction to men, while I am still perceived by most of the world as a male, may lead the average person to label me as gay. I don't identify that way, primarily because my interest in men is strictly from my hetero-female identity. But most people won't understand that. Most people dont understand transgenderism at all, let alone bisexuality. It is a heteronormative world.

As far as the difference between FTM and MTF labelling and concern about it, I believe a lot of it comes from good old fashioned patriarchal homophobia. I think what it really boils down to on an elemental level is power.

Men who would lord power over their gender peers call 'weaker' males 'gay', 'queer', 'homo', 'girl'!...as if all those identities makes you a weak and conquered man.

FTMs are raised with an acute awareness of the power structure and learn to operate to the best of their abilities in it. I think they need to learn inner strength and self belief early, because it's pretty obvious that there is a glass ceiling EVERYWHERE. I do notice a difference in approach between the average MTF and FTM. The FTMs are generally more stoic and quietly determined. The MTFs are often more nervous and excitable. I think this all comes from our backgrounds in this patriarchal heteronormative society.

I know for myself that growing up as a 'weak' male has lead to me to be hyperaware of how much a target I appear to the power males in the society. Whether I am gay or not, am female or not, am TG or not...sometimes it doesn't matter. It's all ammunition for abusive people.

I'm not saying FTMs dont have similar fears, I think they are better at supporting each other and have learned ways to move through the world more quietly. Not that they want to remain quiet. :p


And I AM a crossdresser. I still put on guy clothes for the rest of the world. You'd think they'd label me queer for that. Fortunately I still pass as a guy ok, judging by all the sirs and misters I get :rolleyes:. But I am getting more and more WTF looks so I guess my CDing skills are getting worse. :p

Hahaha...I'm not MTF...I'm WTF!
(now that is a good description of genderqueer maybe)