You sound like an honorable woman (it's in your name:D), so maybe it is time to do the honorable thing and tell him you know. Some suggestions...

  • Select a time when the two of you can spend some quality time without interruptions. If that means sending all the kids of to sleepovers at friends or relatives, then make that arrangement.
  • Set the mood. Let your partner know that your love is unconditional. Let him/her know that you value the whole person s/he is. Let her/him know that you desire to encourage and inspire them to be complete, happy and at peace.
  • If you have fears or concerns or questions, talk about them. This is new to you and it would be abnormal if you did not.
  • Be as prepared to forgive her/his indiscretion in not telling you as as you would expect her/his forgiveness in snooping and, in reality, not showing trust in them.
  • Be willing to accept that your partners desire to dress may be something that they consider a private and personal issue, one that they do not wish to share, at least at this point of their self development. If that is the case, respect that.
  • Offer to assist but don't push yourself into the situation. Pick up your cues from your partner and be willing to go at their pace. Acceptance by our loved ones is a relatively infrequent phenomenon for those of us in the trans-gender community and it sometimes takes us some time to adjust to it as well. Please be patient.
I wish you both well and I hope you partner, if they have not already joined our forum, would consider becoming a part of our family here as well.