Have you been reluctant to join a face-to-face group?

[maryjanecapri]

unfortunately we have no group here. we had one but it dissolved. if we had one i would probably attend.

[Sara Jessica]

For those who wish to go out and about, support groups can be a terrific first stepping stone. I made rounds through several groups in SoCal back in the early to mid 90's and my experiences were overwhelmingly positive. It just so happens that the groups I gravitated towards were not as "secure" as Tri-Ess and in fact more inclusive to all along the gender spectrum which was important to me. And this lack of secure attendance has never been a problem. I have yet to encounter an "admirer" at a function and no other TG individuals have hit on me. But it really depends on what one is looking for. For some, the heightened security of a Tri-Ess group might be what is required for them to enter the outside world as a woman.

I went dormant as far as outings go in the late 90's and out of the blue I resumed in 2006. Only one of the three groups I had visited before was still in existence. They welcomed me back and right away I made a couple great friends who have given me a whole new perspective on the joys of going out (ie - much more enjoyable doing so with friends than alone).

And another comment on groups. I think calling them social groups is a better term. One can find as much or as little support that is needed among the friendships that can develop. In other words, you don't have to be in need of support to enjoy the experience.

[rian]

No ...I would not prefer to have face to face meetings may be because our enviroment still not accepting these kind of behaviors...Yet being a closet crossdresser make me more aware that somebody might recognize me in public ...

[sandra-leigh]

I have yet to encounter an "admirer" at a function

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened. The two I recall didn't appear to be "trannie chasers"... more like opportunists who happened to be there, by chance, for other reasons. I didn't see them as a big problem in practice, but I could imagine that some of the members might hypothetically have felt fairly uncomfortable about them in our "safe place".

[Raquel June]

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened. The two I recall didn't appear to be "trannie chasers"... more like opportunists who happened to be there, by chance, for other reasons. I didn't see them as a big problem in practice, but I could imagine that some of the members might hypothetically have felt fairly uncomfortable about them in our "safe place".

It's funny... I go to this thing in Columbus called the TParty. It's not a serious support thing, but it's not a creepy hook-up fest, either -- just a bunch of girls getting out and being friendly. It's actually a very supportive group ... I'm just saying that the TParty is intended to be social.

I was talking to a pretty hot 30yo CD named Keira there last month, and she was saying how she likes getting out, but the tranny chasers bother her. I was basically disagreeing with her, saying that I've never had too much of a problem, that usually the chasers are kinda amusing and act a little intimidated, and even the drunk ones can usually take a hint and will give up and go bark up another tree. Well, right as I'm in the middle of saying, "Tranny chasers are no big deal," this goofy guy walks up to us and just will not stop trying to pick us up. He's just going on and on about his farm and how he's from the middle of nowhere and can't find any TGs to date. I mean, he was being really sweet, which made it kinda difficult since I didn't just want to tell him to get lost. All I could say to Keira was, "OK, you win. I was wrong."

[Sara Jessica]

Just as a data point, a couple of "admirers" have shown up at the odd meeting of our club; we politely discourage them. It is by no means common at our meetings, but it has happened.

Point taken Tess. I didn't want to imply that it doesn't happen or cannot happen, just that in my travels, I haven't come across any admirers at support groups.

[Nicki B]

As you point out, it is more realistic to have just a couple of good freinds accepting it. I used to have a woman friend who would go along with it a certain dsitance, but like all friendships with women seem to go, that is over. My best male friend seems genuinely phobic about the whole thing, though he does not live in town anyway.

I was actually thinking trans-people - then there is so much you don't have to explain?

[Beth-Lock]

I have an acquaintanceship with one who has transitioned, but it will never be more than a casual, social acquaintanceship. I guess we all like to have our own lives and choose as friends, people we really want to get close to. So the whole thing can be a sensitive issue even to one who has been through it, and wants simply to move on. At least, that is what I am assuming.

[SweetCaroline]

You might want to check out the SISTERS. We have groups in both Boston and Worcester. And my lil Ol Group in Gardner. Just a boomerang throw from the Pioneer/ Plastic city. Please considerer us. We'd love for you to join us.

A little ways from where you live? Try the Blu Ultralonge in Worcester...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_worcester/

One of the most awesomest T-girl groups you'll ever meet.

Caroline Emily
SISTERS of Gardner

I'm sooooo close to being ready to take the deep breath and join a local group......But just can't quite bring myself to do it yet.......hmmmmm.....maybe the better idea would be to join a group a little ways away from where I live.......??

[Toni_Lynn]

I must admit to being really reluctant to rejoin a CD group. This is based on past experiences.

I was a founding sister of Transpitt in Pittsburgh PA. I don't even know if they are still around. (are they?)

I was in the group for a little over a year until, during my first public time out as girl, I was read by a teenage (18 plus) girl at the food court of a local mall. Her 'oooh sick' reaction and expression really turned my stomach and made me very self conscious. I can say that my gut reaction to her was far more intense than her gut reaction to me. I was then off crossdressing for a good 6 months.

I returned to Transpitt in 1993. Only one of the charter members was still there. Odd thing is that my intake interview occurred in the exact same food court. BTW -- my intake interview was deemed unnecessary by the person who conducted it as this was that same charter member I mentioned above. Anyway, the group had changed and it seemed to be overwhelmingly TS in nature. Meetings turned into social events at a local gay bar. After a year, I left, for I felt totally disconnected.

I returned once again in 2000. Things had moved back to crossdressing, and no one I knew was in the group. Things didn't sit quite right with me again though. There were several GGs there with their CD spouses and I found that the CD spouses tended to largely ignore their wives. In a sense it felt far too CD in focus and quite unorganised. The group just didn't feel right.

I do think about rejoining a group, and Debbie has said that she would be okay with me doing so, and would go to meetings with me .. but still I hold back.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]Joining a support group helped me tremendously. Having discovered my transgender status only three years ago, I needed to understand what was happening inside of me. I met others who went through things similar to me. I knew that I wasn't alone out there.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[SusanLaine]

I've been to a number of Tri-Ess mtgs but never joined any group. The mtgs never seemed to click for me but not because everyone wasn't friendly and supportive, I just move at my own pace. I know that there are a lot of groups now and I might consider joining one but time still eludes me.

[�sfríðr]

theres no tri ess in the uk??! i've only been searching tonight really so call me miss-informed lol, i'd love to find a group that would be as supportive as this one, honestly i'm so happy to have found yous all and its true that participating online is very easy but it'd be cool to go out in london with some other girls. although i kind of like being the only one in the group if i'm with my friends, prob stick out less too..i've thought about meeting a few of you that are kinda close to me, but you know, meeting people off the internet...that whole chestnut. hummmm lost my trail.... so anyone know of any uk groups?

x

[sandra-leigh]

theres no tri ess in the uk?? [...] so anyone know of any uk groups?

Tri-Ess is US only (not even Canada)

I found several UK groups listed in the below directory. I have no information on any of them. Some of the links are resource links that likely list other groups as well.

http://directory.google.com/Top/Soci...Crossdressing/

[Rita Knight]

Hi,
Try the Beaumont Society in the UK.

[Laura_Stephens]

I haven't joined a group mostly because I am too well known in the city where I live.

However, in reading this, it sounds like the groups reflect non crossdressing groups -- clubs, if you will. Some are good and some aren't. For those that aren't as accepting, it reminds me of the quote from Yukon Cornelious, "What do you know? Even among misfits, we're misfits!"

[Jenny J]

Robyngirl:
King of Prussia, is that too far? Check out www.ren.org and go to the Phila chapter. There is also a Lehigh Valley, and a Wilmington, DE group. Rennaissance is very accepting of the whole spectrum of cd-ts people, and you just show up. There's no pressure to act or dress a certain way. See you next month?

I attended the Delaware Renaissance Chapter meeting for the first time last night and while it is probably smaller than most groups, they seem to have a good core of people there. It’s a cross section of the GLBT community and they deal with multiple issues concerning all.

I don’t know if I am going to learn anything about make up tips there but I was able to network with a couple of CDers and picked up some helpful information on things that concern me. Things like where to shop, TG friendly merchants, deportment and other activities that go on in the area.

Being someone who is hesitant to go out, I felt like I got my big toe out of the closet and with each meeting it’ll encouraged me to get even further out into the sunlight.

Diane the Chapter President is very friendly and receptive to everyone’s needs of anonymity. She put me at ease the moment I arrived and introduced me to several of the members. The meetings last about 45 minutes to an hour pending upon if there is a guest speaker and plenty of time to socialize before and after the meetings.

They have no interview process and pretty much anyone that is interested in their group is welcome. I invite you to check out their website and read their newsletter.

I felt like I had nothing to lose and I was pleasantly surprised.

[Genifer Teal]

Not much fun to be with a buch of GMs, just sitting around in dresses and skirts all evening.

This is exactly how I felt before I went to one. The first group I went to no one dressed up for. There was no place to facilitate this at the meeting place. That group turned out to be a bunch of middle aged men talking about how miserable their marriages were because most of them did not tell their (now unsupportive) wives about it in the beginning. Going to this group set me back a few years in my development towards getting out.

With trepidation I attended a new group meeting about 2 years later. What a difference. I did not dress though we could change there. I was scared and didn't even bring clothes. I shared a few photos and was immediately made to feel comfortable. Many in this group were (and always will be) in the closet. I did meet a few long term close friends who helped me find the courage to go out in NYC. The rest is history.

I have no reason to want to hang around someone's house in a dress with a bunch of men doing the same. It is a great way to meet friends to go out with unless you wish to do it alone.

Don't knock the idea until you try it. You may have to find the right fit. Not all groups are the same. Not every CDer wants to get out or what ever it is we each prefer to do. Try it. You never know what you might lear or find.

Hugs - Genifer

[SusanLaine]

I have to admit that the few meetings I've been to have left me looking for alternatives to meet people with the same interest. The meetings were okay and supportive but I really had little interest "to hang around someone's house in a dress with a bunch of men doing the same" as Genifer put it so well. This is good for a lot girls and would have been much better for me 10-15 years ago but I've grown well beyond that now.

Plus there is a weird strange feeling I get in certain CD situations with other CDs. It's hard to explain but it has to do with "mixing" masculine and feminine activities or roles. I know it's just me but that's the way I feel...I don't even like discussing my en femme self with my wife unless I'm dressed...weird huh?...

[Raquel June]

Plus there is a weird strange feeling I get in certain CD situations with other CDs. It's hard to explain but it has to do with "mixing" masculine and feminine activities or roles. I know it's just me but that's the way I feel...I don't even like discussing my en femme self with my wife unless I'm dressed...weird huh?...

I'm definitely put off by the way some CDs get overly comfortable and go into total guy mode around other CDs. I don't talk in a Minnie Mouse falsetto en femme or anything, but I have a definite natural comfort zone that -- while maybe not as femme as I could be, does not involve me cussing like a sailor, drinking bottled beer, discussing sexual escapades in depth, scratching my butt, talking loudly, debating sports, or being obnoxious in general. I'm left thinking, "Hey, if I met you as a guy, I wouldn't want to hang out with you. Seeing as you're wearing that dress, go ahead and act a little lady-like."

I guess the problem is that I like being femme, and other than the fact that I'm a computer geek and can quote a few hundred movies, the "act" for me is usually trying to be more guy-like. When I'm wearing a skirt, all that masculinity is the last thing I'm comfortable with. I wanna get a cocktail and talk about clothes and who's cute.

[SusanLaine]

Racquel...you hit the nail squarely on the head for what I was thinking and didn't articulate too well.

[Beth-Lock]

Well, maybe I will give socializing a second try. I just wish I could find an accepting church though. There is no Metropolitan Community Church where I live, and the people all seem so conservative when it comes to different or even exotic people, compared to the experiences some of the others on this board relate. Stuffy is hardly half the term for it. So, these days I have become a near complete recluse, and hardly go out the door of my apartment unit anymore. Hopefully, something will turn up.

[Amy Hepker]

I have been to a couple of Tri-Ess groups and I have to say that most of the people there are just like us here. The only thing with a Tri-Ess group is that they require a face to face meeting before they let you come to a regular monthly meeting. This is to weed out fakers or people just trying to make trouble for us. They are fun to go to, there are some groups that are snobby and will treat you badly or other badly.

[Krystyn]

After relocating in three states...and joining a local group in all three states...I can honestly say I've enjoyed each group.They are very similar in procedures and making new members at ease.I loved going to meetings(still do)although its really an event for me to go...with four kids it takes a lot of planning(like dressing and driving) and sometimes you just can't make a meeting.You learn a lot...you share a lot...you make good friends...it's a good thing.

Just bare in mind that group dynamics play a huge part in these meetings.They can and will get clichey.CD's tend to group up with other CD's and TS's with TS's.There are certain "core" members that shoulder most of the responsiblity while others sit on thier asses.These groups exhibit the same characteristics as any other group...just learn to deal with it,partisipate,laugh,cry,talk and show off(of course) and you'll have fun.
DO NOT BE AFRAID..YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND BY NO MEANS...THE FIRST ONE!
Krystyn

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"] A group is only as good as the people that are in them. I belong to a few groups here in NJ 1 meets monthly is a discussion group hosted by Dr Lisa O’Connor http://www.healthytransitions.md/ it is a great group and I have learned a lot about myself by listening to others and the problems they encounter, not that I feel I have to attend but attending I have made friends, and learned a lot from those that have been down this path.

I also run a social support group, trying to get the girls out in a safe and friendly atmosphere. We go out to dinner, TG friendly clubs, as well as different events in the NJ / NY / PA / CT area http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ladies_Out_and_About/ [/SIZE]